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Goodbye


Riley

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Trigger warning I guess

 

My life has always been a complicated web of just honestly shit with myself and a lot of the world. I've found communities such as this one to pretend to be happy in and just try and forget everything else but it all eventually comes back. 

I come to realize how lonely I am, how much I hate myself, and how much the world around me hates me. And it's to much. I don't think I can do it anymore. 

I can't find a reason why living another moment would be better than the relief of death. The world sucks and whatever comes after it will be better, no matter what it is.

I walk through my life every day hating everything about myself. My height, my voice, my well a lot of things. Things that plague me every time I move, look in the mirror, and see other people. Emotionally I'm more of a mess than anything I can think of. I say stupid things and I just feel like everything about me is wrong. It's hard to put into words.

Sometimes I wonder if we all have a destiny and a life purpose and I wonder if mine was to lead me here. Sitting on my floor with a knife next to me, writing this post. 

So I guess this is goodbye. I'm sorry I plagued this website with my presence and I hope everyone loves happier lives without me. I hope you all go and do great things in your future. Things that I couldn't have ever done. 

Idk if I'll stay to see if anyone responds but if not. Goodbye everyone

Sincerely,

Raven

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Oh wow. 

Re-read (or properly read) the OP and only now have realized Raven wasn’t  just thinking of leaving the forum. Please find someone to talk to IRL - but here is good too

My 20s were a mess - and now I’ve never been happier. Things can change. Here if you need to talk. 

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23 hours ago, Riley said:

(...)

I walk through my life every day hating everything about myself. My height, my voice, my well a lot of things. Things that plague me every time I move, look in the mirror, and see other people. Emotionally I'm more of a mess than anything I can think of. I say stupid things and I just feel like everything about me is wrong. It's hard to put into words. 

(...)

What wrong with your height?

To tall? Not tall enough?

How does this matter?

I am of no help here, because this questions smells a lot like the question "Darling, do you think I've gotten to fat?" to me.

 A question I tend to answer with "To fat for what?" - because I tend to hear this question as "Darling, do you still love me although I took on some wight?"

(I think this is one of the many reasons why I am single atm... :P)

 

Whats wrong with your voice?

I do not know a single person that likes his/her own voice, including me.

 

You say stupid things. According to whom?

Well, I say a lot of stupid things... according to me.

I just googled "how to stop saying stupid things", because I wanted to know what other people say about that, and it is worth pointing out that there are about 140 million hits for this phrase.

Looks like we are not the only ones with this problem... . 😛

Besides, if you realize you are saying stupid things, you are already ahead of the people that say stupid things WITHOUT thinking it was stupid.

 

I do not know whats your place in this world, if there is one; I mean one other then the place we choose.

I do not know my own place in this world, if it's any comfort to you.

But what I _DO_ know is that you should not listen to what other people think you should or shouldn't do (this includes, for the sake of argument, wheter you should end your life or not).

Other people might give you insights into a problem, or allow you to see a problem from a different angle.

But they can't tell you what to do. You have to figure that out for yourself.

When confronted with a problem I tend to gather as much information about it as possible, then sleep over it and listen to my gut feelings.

Provided that I - to start with -  gave them enough information to "digest", they are usually of great assistance to me when I have to make a decision.

 

Oh, and about suicide in general:

I have postponed my own suicde years ago for the simple reason that I did not run out of things I want to do;things that I enjoy.

I helps ro remember that all the other humans in the world are not you friends (with veeeeeeery few exceptions), and you do not owe them anything.

You do not even need to listen to them (including me), especially if they say something to you that is not helpful to you.

Just do not give a $hit about other people... and you will be fine! 😄

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