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Ok guys, the time has come.

 

I came upon the decision to leave this marvellous forum. I'm not saying I will never, ever, like  a blood-oath, never come to this place again.

Nobody knows the future that way.

What I know is that something changed in the last days. I felt that something very important had been obtained, and that I gave something equal in return.

Talking with you helped me a lot rediscover a playfulness that had been a bit lost in my sexual life, and found here marvellous friends. Really good-soulled individuals, which confirmed the decision I undertook years ago, when really chosing to undergo Adepthood: Mankind is worthy of being saved. You guys are wonderful, you are friends, more than friends.

Yet, I felt I gave all that really makes me special. I know that people would like to see other pics of me or hear about more adventues (I talked about 15% of them) but that is not what I was up to. I was here to share something limitlessly more important than arousing: we ALL felt rejected by a world that consider us freaks. Who says elsewhere is a lucky or a liar, either. I wanted to assure you all that piss-orgies had Always been the only way to greet the only Beings that really could judge us. Piss-fetishists are the real "Flock of God".

THAT was what I was really up to. And I obtained it.

 

I notice, too, that in the last days, the main focus of the forum shifted from my threads to those of other people, who offer a complete different "atmosphere" than me, exactly during the same days in which I started feel this sensation and also lost the push to post as aggressively as before. It is some kind of cosmic timing. The attentions I got on my last important thread, "Post 666", and certain PMs I got from very particular members (not gonna reveal who) really helped me feel that something important had been built, and that now is the time of passing the olimpic torch to someone else.

I'll not edit my post, not even the most intimate ones. Beside the fact that I KNOW the become un-editable after a certain amount of time, I didn't even tried to see if they still were: they are a gift, for people I loved more sincerely than you could ever understand. And THAT is the exact reason why I'm leaving. I had been a "very active lurker" in this forum since its Birth years ago, I joined to talk with people I had been knowing from posts and profiles for YEARS while lurking. I loved you. I still love you. I wasn't here to "partecipate in a forum". I was here to make love to people I loved. 

From my side, I came. 

Now it is time to re-dress and leave the room, leaving my lover with the memory of something sincere and potentially life-changing.

 

 

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GOLD members get unlimited conversations, 5 additional themes, access to The Lounge and MUCH more...

Click HERE to become a gold member today!

Good luck in the future I hope you find what you are looking for, I enjoyed reading your posts, they made me smile,best wishes, not only from me, but from the rest of us "freaks" on here. We're only freaks to those who don't understand.lol 

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Sorry to see you leave. Like a comet streaking through the cosmos you have appeared and now leave. The interaction of our gravities have changed us, and you. I hope to see you return some day, if only to read the further chapters of of my stories when they get written :smile:. Be well and I hope our orbits cross again some day.

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This so sad, it's like saying goodbye to a loved one. Maigh told me you were leaving, I didn't want to believe it at first, but somehow she knew. You made such a difference to more than a few people here, and bought some freshness to the site. You were like sunshine on a cold winters day, we will miss you dreadfully.

So sorry you made this decision, all the best for your future, and we hope to see you here again.

Scot_Lover, Maigh and Mary

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What the heck girly? Variety is the spice to life, thr perfect course to a buffet, the more their is and more flavours, it’s what makes this forum great , pls do come back 

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Sorry to see you go.

You had a depth to your soul that was far deeper than just being here to get off.

You were interesting.

And had a good heart and an insight into the true nature of things that is rare.

I wish I'd found the time to converse with you more.

I sincerely hope that this is not a permanent goodbye, and that you feel like posting again. Never say never.

Perhaps just take an indefinite break? With a willingness to return when and if you feel like you want to contribute something?

By all means PM me if there is anything you'd wish to discuss about this forum or anything to do with the place.

Would hate to lose you.

But if this is farewell, I wish you all the best.

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Aww! :(

I go out of town a few days and come back only to find you gone. Since you've been here, I've seen the site become a more active and interesting place, so hope your absence is only temporary. I'm sure I'll not be the only one who'll miss your contributions. 

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This is so sad. I've just seen this. Why is it when something great seems to happen, it quickly and unexpectedly stops ? Your presence in this forum was great, and it was great to have you there, to discuss about so many things ! Hell, we even didn't have time to sort out how to see videos you did just for some of us... All of it suddenly lost, it feels wrong in a way, even if I respect your decision of course.

Hope to hear about you again someday, that was nice, and fun !

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I'm sorry that you're leaving us because there's nothing I love more than to see people here making worthwhile contributions.  However I fully respect your reasons whatever they may be.  Best wishes for the future!  

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I am...devastated, heartbroken...I feel a profound sadness and loss!  Spywareonya, I just now, had my first "conversations" with you ("Diuretics" thread) and now you are leaving?  I'm just going to say it:  PLEASE DON'T GO!!! 

I find your openness and honesty and willingness to share your personal feelings, thoughts and experiences so refreshing and rare.  I was looking forward to reading so much more from you but most of all I was looking forward to a warm and lasting friendship.  A thing very rare not only within this realm but in life in general.  I am just crushed!  Again, I implore you:   PLEASE DON'T GO!!.  Knowing you has just begun for me!  Please don't be so cruel!

I apologize if this comes off so needy but as I said, friendship like this is so precious and rare!

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Farewells not Always are forever, but you have to understand one thing.

Whenever I become part of a new place, I Always have in mind TWO very precise aims:

#1 change that place. Being a Witch is little about the occult, is more than anything else about discovering which scientifical/behavioural/"spiritual" truths we are living DETACHED FROM, to our own great self-damagin, out of ignorance or moralistic censorship. I do not push people to transgress in a plain way: I push people to discover some previously ignored, riddle-solving mind sets. And this is something I managed to do, indeed.

#2 share something (and here comes the pain)  WORTHY

 

When I have nothing really new or fascinating to share, I prefer to write nothing at all. And sincerely, I feel displeased when somebody that doesn't share my same honour-code obtains likes and appreciation, something which I have to say I noticed that had happened. What I mean is that there is a lot of differencies between "personal tastes" and "capability to recognize Worth, or lack of it". When I'm up to point #1 I never leave regardless of how many problems I encounter about point #2, but as soon as I finish about point #1, if problems about point #2 continue to happen, I quit. It's like having accomplished my mission, but don't feeling invited to the aftermath celebrations.

 

During the last days, many very personal posts of mine obtained little to no appreciation/following while people offering nothing special (not bad, but nothing special) was cheered like a king. That is something which really displeased me, NOT the fact that others got more likes/replies than me, but that I got too few. I felt left behind, and that coincided with me first person feeling that I #1 accomplished my task, which was my 80%, and #2 I was running out of something world-rocking to share. When I first started writing on this forum, nobody cared about me at all. There is even a story I posted which I consider hot as hell that got ZERO likes/replies. But I kept going. Why? Because I hadn't yet accomplished my mission. And because, meanwhile, I started to be appreciated. And I would return if such appreciation would show up again. But I like action. Feeling rocked. Tens of likes and replies per day. And I like honour. It's an honour to be surpassed in the "win the day" competition by titanic contributors like Zzyzx, Steve or Ozabot, or others of those heritage, I proudly kneel to their massive and daily-refreshing contributions. But I bow to nobody else. Competition is everything to me, and this goes in pair with the fact that having to answer to nothing more than a couple of likes/replies per day BORES me to death. 

I accomplished my task. VERY LITTLE would keep me here from now on. Only the satisfation of being rocked and crowned by a lot of likes/replies to answer, not only a lot, but actually more than less-deserving (careful, less-deserving, NOT un-deserving, nobody around here is undeserving) people. It's not about ego, not at all: it's about visceral passion, and the glory of swift answering/posting, the cheerfulness of celebration and triumph, like the drunk noise when your favourite sport-team wins.

It's NOT about defeating another competitor, though it cannot happen WITHOUT: can you understand this?

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You can't help the Christmas / New Year period, every forum will take a hit when everyone is on holiday. I have been down lately, due to the loss of a friend, and haven't been in here much. Does all these posts imploring you to return mean anything?  You are truly missed here, you made such an impression, is it a wonder that people want that feeling to continue?

You were so good here, the posts you made, the willingness to jump in to any conversation, your presence alone was a breath of fresh air. I know you need more than that, but that was the impression you made to everyone.

I miss you, I miss you being here, I miss the spirited conversations, know that much at least, ok?

 

Take care girl.

 

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spywareonya.  Thanks for sharing your reasons for leaving.  As someone who's been involved in a number of forums over the years I'm a seasoned veteran when it comes to wondering about the lack of feedback - or even some sort of response - to what I believed were well written posts.  Unfortunately people are what they are and one can't make them give reputation or respond to posts if they don't want to.  Were it possible to do so it would only be by interferring with their free will, something I would have big moral and ethical problems with.  An instinct for competition is healthy so far as it goes but we can't all win all of the time.  I found that one out a long time ago.  For what it's worth I would say that the essence of belonging to a forum was contributing and, if people want to show their appreciation by giving reputation or feedback, accept it with a good grace, but try not to attach a greater importance to that side of things than it merits.  

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Spywareonya, I'm sorry, I suppose I am guilty of not "supporting" you with the "like" button.  I am, by nature just the opposite of you.  I am almost totally non-competitive with other humans.  I do compete with animals as I have a passion for hunting and fishing, politically incorrect as that is now.  Frankly, I have never really thought much about the "like" button and have barely noted the points I or others have received or not.  This may be a character flaw, if so I apologize.  I find much more value in the conversations themselves.  The back and forth of communications between people.  The atmosphere of a group of like minded friends getting together to just talk and share fellowship, and yes, love!  For me, it's not about popularity but something much deeper.  That something is being allowed to share and to take what is shared by others in a spirit of total selflessness.  It's what friends do...no artificial reward necessary at the end.  I find the sharing and friendship reward enough in and of itself.  I still will miss you and still wish you would stay.  I promise to learn to use the button and vote for you (though you should understand that even though I have never voted for you, I love you as a friend just the same!!) 

Edited by ndr1968pz
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I noticed, as most here did, that you posted often and in many different threads with unwavering energy. As you said, you like action and passion. Unfortunately, this forum is not densely populated with equally passionate or competitive people that could scratch that itch for you. I suspected that you would tire of the lack of feedback eventually. I do understand your frustration because I have felt it as well here from time to time, seeing my own posts go ignored while others are showered with reactions and responses. I make an effort to go through threads sometimes and see who posted a topic that no one has answered and respond to it, just so that person can be sure that someone bothered. I think of a variety of topics I would like to start threads about and often decide against it, thinking what's the point, no one will answer. 

As time has gone on though, I moved past that and reexamined why I like this forum and ultimately I realized that it's the acceptance from like-minded folks who understand being shoved into a corner of internet anonymity by society because of our harmless fetish. That's number one for me. I adjusted my outlook to not need validation, or in your case, an active exchange. I like to write fiction and will continue to for this forum, for the satisfaction of sharing it with even the smallest handful of members that may like it, but I won't wait around for responses anymore. 

I think for you, your personality is so unique and energetic that you'll struggle to find the engaging community that you want, wherever you go. Even YouTube comment numbers are like 5 percent of views when you do the math. It's just the nature of the internet, I'm afraid.

But I hope you won't disappear from the forum, and that you continue to participate, at least sporadically.  

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Seriously considering coming back, after all of this

 

Just a little more growing up in my unconscious before

 

Love you all

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I made up my mind, and I'll be back soon

 

But before all of that, I have to tell you all something

 

When I got here, I almost "played" about being a Witch, I was dead serious but I never really took things as they were, because deep in my soul, I never really accepted I was one.

You have to understand, I am a woman (but when I started about Witchcraft I was nothing more than a girl) which unbearably powerful sexual desire, during my childhood I had my first orgasms clutching my six years old little legs tight together watching at a marvellous collector-edition doll with  a supremely. heart touching blue dress, on display in a shop but much over my parents budget. At the age when girls played knights and princesses, I played queen and hand-maiden and kissed actually (and I came up with thinking that the girl at a certain point talked with her mother, maybe thinking there were nothing wrong, because she was suddenly removed from visiting our house again and with no explainations).

 

I Always felt religion was about something real and looked for love in those roundabouts, but as my mediumship abilities started to develop, I came up with the conclusion that yes, Jesus had existed, as magician, and as a man, but that all of the Christian mythology was a hoax. Then, I started to tak to the nameless things that visited me during my first, self-build (almost randomly) rituals. When in the end I met Alex, at first I was scared by him, thankful for his love but scared by his anger and the darkest corners of his Knowledge. The terrible secrets about unfathomably-rich secret societies around the world, aliens, Govs, and Neanderthal Age visit (of which some traces remains) from something so vast and terrible that in comparison both aliens and Earth Gods are little embers in the vast cold void of infinity. I learned about the power that comes from supremacy, and the predatorial (and NOT the parental) stance of superior, Multiversal entities, the "peace" They established (read my post 666 thread) more about "responsibility" than "goodness", though I had been taught about the fact that goodness is mandatory to be responsible, elsewhere you are just hypocrite.

 

But when I started, I didn't want to learn about all of that. I just wanted inner peace. But as Caesar said, "Si vis pacem, para bellum", "If you want peace prepare for war". During my first tranche here, I tried to be both naughty and silly, shifting from trying to be both somehow scary (as an immature form of realism toward the seriousness of these subjects) and friendly (because I am!) as a form of balance from the abovementioned behaviour.

 

I have Always loved the Gods but deep in my soul, I must now admit I would have preferred to discover a much more simple and human-centered Truth about the ways Life and Good-vs-Bad worked. What I found won my respect but not immediately my happiness. And THAT is the reason why I didn't really explained why I left: because to me it was quite obvious that a person enburdened by my overall dark feeling would have never been loved as much as plain and silly people was, and in fact it was starting to go that way: very personal posts  obtained nothing in return and other people obtained something of the like of half a thousand likes in a week.

 

But while I was away, I underwent a completely different level of initiation, which turned my world upside down. I started to understand the end of the circle, leading me back where I started but not going round, spiraling, getting where I began but on a higher level. I understood how it all entwine about life and Death, tenderness and violence, evolution and despair. I also started to understand how deep and real my love is for both Alex and the Gods.

 

Now I'm more focused. More happy, less silly. More gentle, less merciful. Both lighter and darker, at the same time.

I'm no more afraid of what I am and what I know and I'm no more ashamed of what make me myself. I'm less looking for being appreciated-at-all-cost.

 

I'll be back soon, meanwhile, reflect about this, because I'm no more afraid of rocking things in people's life: how much do we take things for granted in our lives, hiding behind the fact that we asked nothing from them and then we owe them nothing, theoretically speaking?

Forums can be blighted with that unvoluntary attitude.

I never partake in something unless I want it to evolve. To really be back, I want to set a next level to evolution in this forum.

I had experiences while I was away, I mean sex related, so mind-crushingly arousing that could make your cocks backfire and blow your heads. I will share gold-worth things.

But show the proper appreciation. Not in a silly, like-asmuch-as-you-can, but in mature, and CONSCIOUS way. Nothing is granted, everything must be earned, first through valor, or AFTER receiving it as a gift, through appreciating it. My posts are not to be there until somebody in four years from now stumble upon them and answer/like without even know that maybe I quit forever because what I know I have been taked by aliens the following year. They are gifts for YOU. 

And THAT is the only kind of relationship that I want between you and me. Contributions will be obviously part of my being back here around, but more than else (mark my words) I will be back about FRIENDSHIP.

 

Elsewhere I'll be gone FOREVER soon. It is not a threat, is a subtler concept: it's about making people understand how things work, so that they will have control. It's about YOU, it's up to YOU if I'll stay or not. YOU will have the power. Just like in both Science and Magick: energy will do your biddings, but first you must learn why it works the way it works, and why it should never work in a different way, and why it is right that in order to have it bow to you, first it must be YOU who bow to it.

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I am not sure that I comprehend all that you said above, but I tried.

I had almost a two year conversation with a young Lady who was a Wiccan, and therefore would claim to be a witch. We had some discussion on religion and she mused that here we were on a porn site discussing religion.  Over time learned quite a bit about the  Wiccan ways.  As she had had contact with the Christian religion and and played organ for their services, and I claim to be a Progressive Christian, we had a bit of religious content to our conversation.

Our conversation went all over the map.  Maybe a quarter of it had sexual content of various kinds.  Some on music as she was an organist and just general life situations.

I try to mark the places that I go on this forum.  Picture that I see I certainly mark, but rarely have anything to say.  I am not great on reading material, but if I bother to read I try to mark it.

Gee when you come back I would be delighted to hold a conversation with you.

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Isn't this what the forum is about? A group of friends sharing a common interest? Everyone has something else that they do outside of the forum, I build servers, plan networks and have a few clients on an Azhure platform, some people see this as sorcery too, lol. We also lose ourselves in games on the PS4, so bad that we have 2 of the things. While this is a big part of my life, I still make time to come here to hang out because of our shared interest. 

So glad to hear that you may return, looking forward to more discussions with you.

Thank You.

 

 

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Spywareonya:

So happy to see you writing again!  I am a simple man, so most of what you have discussed is way over my head.  Sorry.  However, I will quote a couple of comments you made and respond.

"I'm less looking for being appreciated-at-all-cost."  This  alone will save you so much grief and possibly help you better see to the core of some of the content here. 

and

"Contributions will be obviously part of my being back here around, but more than else (mark my words) I will be back about FRIENDSHIP"  Here lies the road to happiness (Confucius...or somebody ;)) and honey, believe me, you deserve happiness!!

Love ya!

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@spywareonya, I think you've made a very interesting contribution to the forums and it would be sad to lose you.   Like @ndr1968pz, I tend to agree that a lot of what you have discussed is way over my head, but it does give food for thought.  As for getting "likes" and feedback, it is an unfortunate fact of forums like these and any other come to that - there will always be lurkers who read without commenting.  There will be many who read and don't like/love or otherwise rate a post.  It doesn't mean the post isn't appreciated.   I have written stories that have had many hundreds of views, but only a handful of likes and next to no comments.  But I don't write to get likes.  I write because I want to write and because I want others to enjoy reading.   I agree that it is often disappointing that people don't like or post comments, but it is down to individuals.   I agree with you that if people commented more and showed feedback more then it would definitely encourage more writers.

The other thing to say is that I probably haven't commented/liked on a lot of your material because I don't spend much time in the areas of the forums in which you have posted - I didn't even realise that you had posted most of your accounts in the "Pee Talk" section until today.  However, I'll be sure to look them up.

If you decide to stay with us then that is great, but if you move on to other things then I wish you well and hope you may drop by again in the future.  

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From an admin perspective I completely agree that people showing their appreciation for people willing to share stuff here should be very much encouraged, and I of course don't want to see such popular contributors leaving. That said, just because a post isn't literally liked using the button, doesn't mean a lot of people aren't liking it! I find your 'underappreciated' comments a little surprising - you literally won an award for your posts last year, and do have a very high amount of reputation points.

It seems clear people would like you to stay, but we also don't want to turn this into a begging thread. If you are only coming back if there is sufficient demand and likes then I would say that's for the wrong reasons. I am fairly certain that is not the case though, and if you would like to continue being part of this community and sharing with us, then that would be brilliant news. Hopefully we'll see you back soon? :)

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On 2/19/2018 at 6:50 AM, spywareonya said:

During the last days, many very personal posts of mine obtained little to no appreciation/following while people offering nothing special (not bad, but nothing special) was cheered like a king. That is something which really displeased me, NOT the fact that others got more likes/replies than me, but that I got too few.

I was hesitant about doing this but I've been reading over your posts in this thread to better clarify, as others have mentioned, your writing style is difficult to understand, but some quotes of yours raise questions. When you say other people were offering nothing special, what criteria do you use to come to that decision? Special is very subjective to the individual and what may seem non-special to you may in fact be otherwise to others that happened across it. 

 

On 2/19/2018 at 6:50 AM, spywareonya said:

It's an honour to be surpassed in the "win the day" competition by titanic contributors like Zzyzx, Steve or Ozabot, or others of those heritage, I proudly kneel to their massive and daily-refreshing contributions. But I bow to nobody else.

Saying that you bow to nobody else comes across as "fuck you if you don't generate x amount of responses, regardless of what the reason may be"

 

On 2/19/2018 at 6:50 AM, spywareonya said:

Only the satisfation of being rocked and crowned by a lot of likes/replies to answer, not only a lot, but actually more than less-deserving (careful, less-deserving, NOT un-deserving, nobody around here is undeserving) people.

Okay, so how do you determine that someone else is less deserving? Maybe those less deserving individuals also shared something that they feel is deeply personal and special and deserving of replies, as you felt.

 

On 2/19/2018 at 6:50 AM, spywareonya said:

And sincerely, I feel displeased when somebody that doesn't share my same honour-code obtains likes and appreciation,

Why is that? What does this honour code consist of? And why must somebody share your specific code to be deserving of likes and appreciation?

 

On 2/26/2018 at 4:12 AM, spywareonya said:

It's about YOU, it's up to YOU if I'll stay or not. YOU will have the power

That is completely up to you. We all make our own decisions.

Now look, I made this post not to cause you anger or make you feel unwanted, but because I feel that your choice of words in certain instances, made you come across as arrogant, as if you are the best thing on this forum and we all need to shower you with attention. You said that you love all of us, but did you mention wanting everyone to reply to everyone more often, or rather, you want more replies for yourself? I may have missed that if you did. Then you said "competition is everything" to you. As @Admin said, this shouldn't turn into a begging forum. Again, I don't want you to be upset, and I hope you stick around here but I feel that highlighting some quotes will help you understand how your reactions also make people feel.

I apologize if this was out of line to any members, mods or admin. 

 

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Ok Brutus, 

I knew this would have came sooner or later.

 

And probably that was the real reason I left: to be as mature as possible waiting for all of this.

It's time to say things clearly.

 

 

Being a Witch means that you believe in the fact that Quantum Physics is much more extended than actual science knows about, basing on particularly stoning connections between uncomprehensible secrets from occultism thousands of years old, and modern (even kept-hidden-from-common-people. Freemasons are great at that) scientifical knowledge. All of this is explored both scientifically and in a occult way, developing (it may takes years to actually understand how) rituals that pushes humans latent psychich powers to manifest. During these rituals, it is possible (though usually people do exactly what I'm gonna tell you that it should NOT happen) to contact actual entities made of energy, which have been around Earth since the dawn of History, and are NOT construct of the human minds. Usually people are indeed talking to personified hallucinations from their own unconscious, but if you really got the right features, you may rise the interest of something REAL. To tell the difference, you need  support from other human beings, rich and capable to put their hands on still-secret technology like the one about secret experiments on psychihc powers in old URSS and the like, to study your brain and assist you in the ritual.

 

Ys, I'm actually talking about secret societies.

Elsewhere, you need help from somebody who's been trained by them and can tell the difference in a second, even without technology. 

 

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After years spent in talking with these entities, you start to understand a great and terrible truth.

Good and Bad actually exist. Man is not free to do whatever he wants and just think he's ok, he must stick to a code, elsewhere be labeled as uncaring to Balance or even nefarious to it. The funny thing is that Balance and the Good that stems from it is quite exactly the opposite of the concept of christian goodness we've been taught about, and this created the misunderstanding about Witchcraft being rebellious or even satanic. We live as animals, we care for human technological evolution, the study of psychology and genetic, and the erasing of moral censorship.

Yet erasing moral censorship should not create an overly violent world: we would never evolve in a world where anybody could kill you without a reason. That's where LOVE comes up, to make people feel that being loved and respect each other is not simply mandatorily because somebody said so, but because it is actually good for us, and so sweet to be not only heart-touching, but soul touching.

Still, sometimes you need to be naughty to make your hormons run:')

 

Balance!

 

Obviously it is nothing that simple

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