Sorry for everything, here is the truth.

[Riley 13,064]

I feel bad for being gone and I'm really sorry about that. The first thing is that I've been dealing with testing. I'm currently a college student and just finished taking my finals. I'm sorry I'm not going to disclose what college I attend because I don't really want to give away my location. I've also been going through cycles of depression and just self hate. 

I've always been kind of emotionally unstable towards myself. I've always been quick to blame myself for everything and that mixed with anxiety can get really out of hand sometimes. Recently some issues in real life caused me to go down that spiral and just made me start hating myself more and more as I felt like I was failing at everything, not good enough. 

Being completely honest that's part of the start of the reason I left at first. If you noticed I started posting a lot more content right before I left and at first it was because I really enjoyed it but it became almost a chore by the end as I tried to not seem like I was slacking and eventually I just pushed it aside because it wasn't fun for me. I think I'll always feel that pressure here on the forum because in reality there are a lot of members here that post way better content than me that I can't compete with and sometimes it hurts. Like recently a lot of members here have been posting more and more revealing pics and I can't bring myself to take those pictures and it makes me feel like my posts aren't worth anything, like I'm just clogging the forum. 

Ever since I joined peefans I've tried to be loved and tried to be there for people and tried to be as nice as I could but also tried to share my stories and experiences because it was fun and exciting but now I feel like they aren't new anymore. I feel like a lot of my stories are very tame in comparison to others and just aren't worth me posting. I just didn't want to ever get a negative response from a post and was worried that if I posted content that people didn't enjoy then people would judge me extensively for it. This has also caused a great deal of damage to the friendships I've made here because I'm almost scared to talk to people in fear of hurting them accidentally or making some mistake.

After I took a break from peefans things started to get worse in my.personal life too and I felt myself starting to lose it. I lost support from people here when I stopped logging on and stopped getting support from people in real life and that lack of communication and contact made me feel alone. Then some other things happened and I kind of lost it. I hid in my bed crying for longer than I care to admit and almost killed myself. That was too days ago. I'm feeling s little better now as things have resolved a little and that's what prompted me to make this post. To kind of say I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry I can't post pictures of myself in the way that others do, I'm sorry I can't write very well and suck at story writing, I'm sorry that I'm a mess of a human being that is trying to just fit in, and I'm sorry that I let everyone here down by leaving. Thank you for reading this unedited mess of a story.

Sincerely,

Raven (my real name)

 

[F.W 5,734]

Oh dear,it seems modern life is getting to everyone.

I hope this statement has helped you to get it off your chest.

[gldenwetgoose 21,500]

Raven - Not sure whether you'd call it luck, fate, whatever that I happened to log on nine minutes after your post and the 'recent posts' happened to be the first thing I saw.  Whatever, there's a few things I can't leave unsaid.

Firstly a big thank you and a hug for your honesty. There's a large number of people on this forum who care about you far more than is logical for someone we've never met, far more than you realise and probably far more than any popular social channel.  We don't just care because of what you post, we (on the whole) don't have expectations or criticisms of what you post - we're just happy that you're here and that you do contribute (both in posting and in responding to others' posts).

It's not really relevant to compare others' content with your own - we all know you're not going to post selfies or body parts. That's a given and accepted. Neither do I, nor most others. Some do and we appreciate them, many don't and we appreciate them just as much.  Most of what you post is incredible - personally your 'slits' and 'sexy nudes' threads are one of the first places I look, eagerly hoping for new content.

So Raven, what I'm rambling on trying to say is there is no mould that you have to fit in here - we love you for who you are, whether you're quietly sitting online observing and reacting to posts, whether you're sharing your experiences (which are by no means lame) or whether you're sharing internet finds with us. You are valued.  Any hobby or pastime can easily turn from a thing of love to being a chore. There's definitely no harm in taking time out now and then for as long as you need. 

 

As far as the rest of life goes, it sounds like it's been a peak of stress with college, finals, thoughts for the future and all that going on. There's nothing wrong with having a meltdown every now and then, the body and mind can only take so much. People around you possibly won't know how to deal with it, or possibly will think it's just 'for attention' - which anyone who's dealt with depression knows couldn't be further from the truth. When it seems like everyone takes a step back, it's not because they don't care - it's that they don't realise how much you need the care. That and we are crap at flitting from one thing to the next without multitasking ourselves to given Raven a call and check she's ok.

I'm glad to hear you are feeling a little better - it will be a long road, but there are lots of people WHO DO CARE and want to be there.  Feel free to DM me if you want to chat, whether it is random crap or something particular.  As you know I'm online usually at least once most days, so it won't be an instant response, but if it helps....

 

Talking of help - I know you love The Beatles...   go and get some Beatles playing, force yourself to sing along.  It is a long and winding road, but you will get by with a little help from your friends.

xxx. Stu

[mickymoist 3,515]

Sorry to here you've been going through a rough time,  I think @gldenwetgoose has put it perfectly above,  there's no obligations on what you post, you do things your way...the way you enjoy and are comfortable with and that's how it should be. I'm sure there are many people who like to read a nice descriptive story just as much as seeing close up pics,  I love to read and use my imagination so I flit between written stories a lot.

Its a problem with the digital life we lead these days, we dip in and out in between all the other things in our lives and often have no clue what's going on in the lives of online friends,   I hope you feel better soon and keep coming here to chat, but don't ever feel you're letting anyone down...you're not.

Take care

Mike

[Peefreak99 3,722]

Riley you have been here as long as i can remember you have always been liked there is NO NEED to try to push things if you don't feel like posting then don't if you feel like it then do it your life is more important then the site and my tip is to take a break and come back when you WANT TO not when you feel like you have to and if you have depression problems mabe you should get a dog? They are great friends and always make you happy but this is a close community so i know me and the other members will be there for you even tho i don't know you at all take care raven 

[speedy3471 10,655]

Very sound angle great advice from everyone so far. I can understand the stress from finals and stress from life in general. Life is way more stressful and complicated than it used to be. Take time for yourself and hangout with friends, take a walk, enjoy nature anything you enjoy doing

As far as your posts go, I was really nervous about posting my first pic of me on here. It was a scary step lol. Don't let anyone pressure you into doing anything you don't want to do. If you never post pics here that's fine. All your posts are great, your stories, pics of slits, etc.

Take care of yourself first, if you need a break from here take it, just be sure to come back hahaha

[Blackinksoul30 1,246]

Riley! Hugs! You and I are kinda similar in our 'tameness' and struggle with low self esteem and depression. You've always been so kind to me and everyone here. I rarely do 'pee' stuff. Haven't done that much in the last 10 years and i'm okay with that. There are plenty that are far more adventurous than us on here and I'm happy for them but i do understand how it could make you feel out of place. I don't pee in public and honestly feel a bit uneasy at the thought of that. But there is a variety of people here. I am not sure if you've seen my blog post that i posted in another thread but I've struggled with depression/bullying for many, many years. I take things to heart. Judgments especially negative ones really seem to shatter me. I struggle to feel motivated to take care of myself. https://starwhisper30.wixsite.com/alicesworld/blog  here is my blog if you want to check it out Riley. I think you'll be able to relate to some of the posts I made. 

[oliver2 4,422]

Riley,

You are being much harder on yourself than anyone else here would be or should be. Please try to be kinder to yourself - you don’t deserve the maltreatment that the critic inside your head is giving you. Really, you don’t.

[Admin 14,791]

Hi Riley, very sorry to hear you're going through this and feeling that way. The posters above have all summed up my thoughts perfectly already, but I just wanted to stress that nobody should ever feel their contributions here aren't worthy or valued, no matter how tame/small etc. I assure you, nobody is responding negatively to them, in fact the evidence shows people are responding extremely positively. Let me know if there's ever anything I can do to help. 🙂 

[Scot_Lover 1,878]

Riley (Raven, such a pretty name) as the other people have said, don't worry about what you post, we are all here on a common purpose, to be on this site, to interact with like minded people. There is another reason we are all here, and that's to help each other, and we are here to help you in anyway you need. 

I've not posted a lot of pics either, Maigh definately not, I can't have a camera in the same room as her (this is due to a rather frightful stalker situation that happened quite awhile ago), and while it doesn't stop us from having fun, it just means that she is not posting pics online.

Don't worry about not posting pics, just be here, just be you.

[DXR 834]

Riley,

Thank you, thank you, thank you for all your contributions here.  You are one of my favorites (no "u" where I live).  One of the nice things about this site is that there are no expectations or obligations to live up do - everything you do is appreciated, just as you are appreciated as someone special to this forum.  Please don't feel that you're in some kind of contest.  No need to live up to any kind of standards or requirements.  There is nothing to be sorry about, and everything you do here is a gift to us.  I really, really hope you can be happy here sharing whatever you feel like sharing with us for a very long time to come.   Just having you here makes this a better place for all of us.

 

[2prnot2p 1,066]

I strongly advise that you get some professional help as soon as possible.  If you considered suicide, this is serious!  Please, talk to someone soon.  Best wishes to you, Raven.

[Riley 13,064]

4 hours ago, 2prnot2p said:

I strongly advise that you get some professional help as soon as possible.  If you considered suicide, this is serious!  Please, talk to someone soon.  Best wishes to you, Raven.

 

7 hours ago, DXR said:

Riley,

Thank you, thank you, thank you for all your contributions here.  You are one of my favorites (no "u" where I live).  One of the nice things about this site is that there are no expectations or obligations to live up do - everything you do is appreciated, just as you are appreciated as someone special to this forum.  Please don't feel that you're in some kind of contest.  No need to live up to any kind of standards or requirements.  There is nothing to be sorry about, and everything you do here is a gift to us.  I really, really hope you can be happy here sharing whatever you feel like sharing with us for a very long time to come.   Just having you here makes this a better place for all of us.

 

 

14 hours ago, Scot_Lover said:

Riley (Raven, such a pretty name) as the other people have said, don't worry about what you post, we are all here on a common purpose, to be on this site, to interact with like minded people. There is another reason we are all here, and that's to help each other, and we are here to help you in anyway you need. 

I've not posted a lot of pics either, Maigh definately not, I can't have a camera in the same room as her (this is due to a rather frightful stalker situation that happened quite awhile ago), and while it doesn't stop us from having fun, it just means that she is not posting pics online.

Don't worry about not posting pics, just be here, just be you.

 

15 hours ago, Admin said:

Hi Riley, very sorry to hear you're going through this and feeling that way. The posters above have all summed up my thoughts perfectly already, but I just wanted to stress that nobody should ever feel their contributions here aren't worthy or valued, no matter how tame/small etc. I assure you, nobody is responding negatively to them, in fact the evidence shows people are responding extremely positively. Let me know if there's ever anything I can do to help. 🙂 

 

15 hours ago, bartinho said:

Riley, I can understand how you feel. I‘ve been in a similiar situation aswell. 

But don‘t be so strict to yourself. You are a very beautiful and exciting person.

This community is not a competition and every contribution is a win for us all. If you feel to share your feelings or personal stories with us, then do it without any doubts.

This board is more than just a porn site. It‘s a meeting place for beautiful people how share the same passion. No one expects high resolution pictures from you or spectecular stories or whatever. Just be yourself and enjoy your time here.  

All the different personalities are the reason why this community is more than just a simple place for porn. 

 

18 hours ago, oliver2 said:

Riley,

You are being much harder on yourself than anyone else here would be or should be. Please try to be kinder to yourself - you don’t deserve the maltreatment that the critic inside your head is giving you. Really, you don’t.

 

21 hours ago, Blackinksoul30 said:

Riley! Hugs! You and I are kinda similar in our 'tameness' and struggle with low self esteem and depression. You've always been so kind to me and everyone here. I rarely do 'pee' stuff. Haven't done that much in the last 10 years and i'm okay with that. There are plenty that are far more adventurous than us on here and I'm happy for them but i do understand how it could make you feel out of place. I don't pee in public and honestly feel a bit uneasy at the thought of that. But there is a variety of people here. I am not sure if you've seen my blog post that i posted in another thread but I've struggled with depression/bullying for many, many years. I take things to heart. Judgments especially negative ones really seem to shatter me. I struggle to feel motivated to take care of myself. https://starwhisper30.wixsite.com/alicesworld/blog  here is my blog if you want to check it out Riley. I think you'll be able to relate to some of the posts I made. 

 

21 hours ago, speedy3471 said:

Very sound angle great advice from everyone so far. I can understand the stress from finals and stress from life in general. Life is way more stressful and complicated than it used to be. Take time for yourself and hangout with friends, take a walk, enjoy nature anything you enjoy doing

As far as your posts go, I was really nervous about posting my first pic of me on here. It was a scary step lol. Don't let anyone pressure you into doing anything you don't want to do. If you never post pics here that's fine. All your posts are great, your stories, pics of slits, etc.

Take care of yourself first, if you need a break from here take it, just be sure to come back hahaha

 

21 hours ago, Peefreak99 said:

Riley you have been here as long as i can remember you have always been liked there is NO NEED to try to push things if you don't feel like posting then don't if you feel like it then do it your life is more important then the site and my tip is to take a break and come back when you WANT TO not when you feel like you have to and if you have depression problems mabe you should get a dog? They are great friends and always make you happy but this is a close community so i know me and the other members will be there for you even tho i don't know you at all take care raven 

 

On 5/21/2019 at 11:59 PM, mickymoist said:

Sorry to here you've been going through a rough time,  I think @gldenwetgoose has put it perfectly above,  there's no obligations on what you post, you do things your way...the way you enjoy and are comfortable with and that's how it should be. I'm sure there are many people who like to read a nice descriptive story just as much as seeing close up pics,  I love to read and use my imagination so I flit between written stories a lot.

Its a problem with the digital life we lead these days, we dip in and out in between all the other things in our lives and often have no clue what's going on in the lives of online friends,   I hope you feel better soon and keep coming here to chat, but don't ever feel you're letting anyone down...you're not.

Take care

Mike

 

On 5/21/2019 at 10:51 PM, gldenwetgoose said:

Raven - Not sure whether you'd call it luck, fate, whatever that I happened to log on nine minutes after your post and the 'recent posts' happened to be the first thing I saw.  Whatever, there's a few things I can't leave unsaid.

Firstly a big thank you and a hug for your honesty. There's a large number of people on this forum who care about you far more than is logical for someone we've never met, far more than you realise and probably far more than any popular social channel.  We don't just care because of what you post, we (on the whole) don't have expectations or criticisms of what you post - we're just happy that you're here and that you do contribute (both in posting and in responding to others' posts).

It's not really relevant to compare others' content with your own - we all know you're not going to post selfies or body parts. That's a given and accepted. Neither do I, nor most others. Some do and we appreciate them, many don't and we appreciate them just as much.  Most of what you post is incredible - personally your 'slits' and 'sexy nudes' threads are one of the first places I look, eagerly hoping for new content.

So Raven, what I'm rambling on trying to say is there is no mould that you have to fit in here - we love you for who you are, whether you're quietly sitting online observing and reacting to posts, whether you're sharing your experiences (which are by no means lame) or whether you're sharing internet finds with us. You are valued.  Any hobby or pastime can easily turn from a thing of love to being a chore. There's definitely no harm in taking time out now and then for as long as you need. 

 

As far as the rest of life goes, it sounds like it's been a peak of stress with college, finals, thoughts for the future and all that going on. There's nothing wrong with having a meltdown every now and then, the body and mind can only take so much. People around you possibly won't know how to deal with it, or possibly will think it's just 'for attention' - which anyone who's dealt with depression knows couldn't be further from the truth. When it seems like everyone takes a step back, it's not because they don't care - it's that they don't realise how much you need the care. That and we are crap at flitting from one thing to the next without multitasking ourselves to given Raven a call and check she's ok.

I'm glad to hear you are feeling a little better - it will be a long road, but there are lots of people WHO DO CARE and want to be there.  Feel free to DM me if you want to chat, whether it is random crap or something particular.  As you know I'm online usually at least once most days, so it won't be an instant response, but if it helps....

 

Talking of help - I know you love The Beatles...   go and get some Beatles playing, force yourself to sing along.  It is a long and winding road, but you will get by with a little help from your friends.

xxx. Stu

 

On 5/21/2019 at 10:50 PM, F.W said:

Oh dear,it seems modern life is getting to everyone.

I hope this statement has helped you to get it off your chest.

I'm sorry for the late response but like I don't even know what to say right now. Thank you so much for all the kind words people have said and just being there for me. It really means a lot to me and I wish I could express that more but I don't know how. Just thank you so much. As I was reading through people's responses it just gave me that happy feeling inside that idk, I think I was missing and nothing I say can express my gratitude for that. Everyone on this forum is just so nice and supportive and caring. It's really a unique place here and I'm so glad I logged in again. Thank you so so much🙂

 

Love,

Raven

[gldenwetgoose 21,500]

❤️