A rant about creeps

[WetJess 118]

When did it become acceptable to ask other members to privately send intimate images or video? 

I’ve had a few members now all asking the same question, and honestly it just makes me feel so unwelcome on this site… Like being female immediately gives me an obligation to show off my body.

If I was going to do that, it won’t be to the first random person in my DMs. 
 

would love to hear about this from a mod too. Is this allowed?

[gldenwetgoose 21,520]

I really hoped we all knew when... as in NEVER.  EVER.   NOT EVER.

But unfortunately it seems like sometimes thats not the case.

A reminder from Staff - it's never ok in the circumstances described and it's very much against site rules.

If anyone is experiencing it, please click on Report on the message and we as Staff will guarantee robust action.   We as Staff are proud of the safe and respectful place we have here.

Site rules can be found here.

[Kupar 13,351]

22 minutes ago, gldenwetgoose said:

Site rules can be found here.

 

[WetJess 118]

54 minutes ago, gldenwetgoose said:

If anyone is experiencing it, please click on Report on the message and we as Staff will guarantee robust action

What exactly is that robust action? Because every member I’ve reported still seems to be active 

[Sophie 24,423]

58 minutes ago, WetJess said:

What exactly is that robust action? Because every member I’ve reported still seems to be active 

The staff have a number of measures and we are actively discussing the issues you have reported. We can send them a message explaining how their behaviour is unacceptable (which we will be doing), we can issue warning point, we can remove their ability to send private messages and ultimately we can remove their access to the site.

The members are still active because we don't jump directly to banning them!

[MC Cumzy 1,658]

Even as a male member, I've had some dodgy feeling messages. I told a story once about a time I was in Edinburgh and almost immediately got a message from someone (who assumed I was from there) asking if I wanted to meet up which made me a little uncomfortable so I can only imagine how bad it must be for a female member.

[WetJess 118]

Yeah I’ve had requests to meet up too

[DoctorDoctor 1,406]

It must be quite a different experience for males on this site. Every unsolicited DM I have received (very few) has been very polite.

Nobody has ever requested/suggested meeting up, but that may be because I am located in the "middle of nowhere" USA.

[gldenwetgoose 21,520]

To give my (maybe unwanted) perception on that point @DoctorDoctor…

A large chunk of the adult industry is all based around giving guys the illusion that attractive women want to throw themselves and unlimited sexual favours - just ask, no matter how depraved and they will deliver. 

And that’s totally at polar odds with a community of friends where people expect to be treated with respect and dignity. Where everyone would like to be able share their pee experiences without it being an invitation to receive over personal and forward requests. 

[Carb0nBased 652]

This is not condoned by the site rules. I also mostly fail to see the point of it.

If I want to see pictures of naked women, I can see plenty of them, practically more than I can ever look through, on sites devoted to pictures like Bdsmlr (formerly Tumblr, until they got rid of that in an effort to become a "respectable" company), or porn sites if I want something more openly racy. If I want to see "everyday" women, there's Normal Nudes on Reddit. In those places, I have complete freedom to click on just those pictures I'm interested in seeing. Whereas on here, I have no idea whatsoever if any member is my "type", and of the ones who actually have posted pictures of themselves on the open forum, there's just as many I have no interest in as there are ones I can get excited about.

What I CAN'T satisfy on those sites is actually having a friend who I know well enough to wonder about on a more personal level. Therefore, the only reason I can see for anyone approaching someone here (or on any other online forum) asking for pictures would be if that member FEELS as if he or she has a personal connection to the person he or she is asking. And it seems as if for certain people, they have a tendency to feel this sort of connection when it's only one way. It's sort of along the lines of people who feel they "know" an actor or actress having seen the characters he/she plays in films.

I occasionally will read some other member here talking about her intimate life and have some sort of curiosity about what she looks like, nude or not. However the type of women I tend to feel this kind of "connection" to are usually quite shy, quiet girls who I assume are least likely to actually show themselves publicly to strangers. As I said above, I'm also not sure if seeing who they actually are could ruin the fantasy, by them being nothing like my imagination, to where I'd wish I'd kept the whole thing in my head. Finally, I am not the exhibitionist type myself. And I wonder if there's a difference between the average man and woman as to how "private" they feel a site like this is. I would never show my genitals to a random person on the street of either sex who asked, yet I would at least consider doing so on a forum like this (even though it still would feel at least somewhat weird) because it feels more anonymous.

I looked through your posts, and you recently mentioned about listening to other women peeing in the bathroom and sniffing your own panties, and I have to wonder whether the combination of these things were what prompted you receiving so many of these posts lately. Not that it SHOULD prompt such posts, but I could see how it might make some people feel like they have some sort of special connection to you from that. It's a sort of irony of a board like this where we feel OK opening up about taboo things about ourselves, that while it's a great place to let this more hidden side out to play, it also can conjure up a feeling of OVERfamiliarity sometimes. I personally am OK saying "I'm curious what this person looks like when she pees, or how she is in bed or whatever, but I know I don't actually know her, so it would be weird to ask in a way that isn't super polite". And I find that many people here are willing to share quite a bit when asked nicely.

Yes, much porn is made to create the illusion of intimacy with actual strangers, but if that were the cause of this kind of behavior, the people involved would be asking porn stars for pics, not people here. The fact is that things here ARE "real" in a way that they totally aren't with porn, yet we're still not friends at a sleepover together playing truth or dare or something. Hopefully most of us grasp that, but apparently some don't.

[WetJess 118]

On 8/27/2024 at 7:33 AM, Carb0nBased said:

I looked through your posts, and you recently mentioned about listening to other women peeing in the bathroom and sniffing your own panties, and I have to wonder whether the combination of these things were what prompted you receiving so many of these posts lately

The equivalent of “she was dressed like a slut she was asking for it”

[Kupar 13,351]

34 minutes ago, WetJess said:

The equivalent of “she was dressed like a slut she was asking for it”

Quite 🙁

[gldenwetgoose 21,520]

On 8/27/2024 at 7:33 AM, Carb0nBased said:

What I CAN'T satisfy on those sites is actually having a friend who I know well enough to wonder about on a more personal level. Therefore, the only reason I can see for anyone approaching someone here (or on any other online forum) asking for pictures would be if that member FEELS as if he or she has a personal connection to the person he or she is asking.

 

 

The point I'm alluding to is tied in with exactly the words you've used there "...having a friend who I know well enough..."

And there's a world of difference between spending time politely and innocently getting to know someone (firstly on the actual forum before ever messaging) and then offering an initial message to the person to see if they would like to message.  Then spending time getting to chat with them on any number of subjects just like you would do in real life, before even considering some sort of intimacy  -   in comparison with the sorts of messages which some people think are in some way acceptable.

The following are two examples of actual messages - not part of a conversation, but the very first contact that two Peefans members received from total strangers:

"Hello, could you record a video of you peeing on a potted plant please? For privacy reasons, your face should not be visible on the video"

"Hey, how’s it going? Would you be interested in sharing pee videos with each other?" (and they did confirm that yes, they meant of each other.  Not just internet finds).

How is anyone supposed to feel safe or welcome - would a young lady feel safe if a random man in the street asked to see her bits ???  Of course not, and why is it happening here on Peefans.   (The two examples here are real, they have been dealt with by staff).

[jmatthews1995 3,656]

This is a shame to hear. 😞 I have often seen comments on here that I would probably class as creepy. I hope I never come across as such when I comment. If I do I'd definitely like to be told so, that way I can make sure it doesn't happen again.

I get the feeling that a lot of Females that join this site do end up wanting to leave because of the high amount of creepy comments / contact.

 

[gldenwetgoose 21,520]

11 minutes ago, jmatthews1995 said:

This is a shame to hear. 😞 I have often seen comments on here that I would probably class as creepy. I hope I never come across as such when I comment. If I do I'd definitely like to be told so, that way I can make sure it doesn't happen again.

I get the feeling that a lot of Females that join this site do end up wanting to leave because of the high amount of creepy comments / contact.

 

One of the staff things we do is try to remove any ‘expressions of desire’ comments made against members’ posts.

So for example consider a member who’s into carpet peeing and they share a photo of them doing just that.   They could be sharing for our enjoyment, for their own naughty thrill of being exhibitionist and so on.   It doesn’t mean they want comments about random strangers licking  them clean or carrying out other sexual acts.

Not helpful, creepy and for a fact does result in ladies (and guys) leaving or just ceasing to share. 

[WetJess 118]

Is there a way I could put something on my profile that explains what is ok and what will get you blocked?

[WateryMoose 364]

Just now, WetJess said:

Is there a way I could put something on my profile that explains what is ok and what will get you blocked?

My suggestion would be to just list what is ok and what isn't in your "about me" section, I have an irl female friend who's also on peefans and this is what she's considering doing as well

[WetJess 118]

Good shout 

[WateryMoose 364]

1 hour ago, WetJess said:

Good shout 

If somebody comes bothering you again like this, don't hesitate to notify the staff  so that they can make things clear with them 😠

Edited August 31 by gldenwetgoose
Reporting to staff is the correct course of action and those involved will be dealt with.

[gldenwetgoose 21,520]

1 hour ago, WetJess said:

Is there a way I could put something on my profile that explains what is ok and what will get you blocked?

A suggestion would be a statement within your bio / profile.    For example if you don't want anyone to message you, that's absolutely your right to declare that.   Or if you're happy to have general chat - but nothing sexual and no requests then you can make that very clear too.   Perhaps only accept messages from people you've interacted with on the open forums ?

Sometimes I feel it can be helpful to explain your motivations - for example if you get a personal thrill out of solo pee and describing your exploits but that's all then say so.   You're making it clear it's a solo / partner thing and not an invitation for strangers to be weird.

Finally feel free to include a statement along the lines "Unsolicited sexual content in the form of text or images, or any requests to send obscene content will be reported to staff as a breach of site rules."  

[WetJess 118]

Yeah I’ve put a note in my bio. And the report button has been tested a few times 

[Hightower 608]

There's an epidemic of horny idiots who get zero pussy, and unfortunately a fetish forum is going to get the brunt of it

As people have said, probably best to just report and block/ignore if they get weird. I can imagine it's really fucking annoying if you see them still around though

[Schmitty20 313]

wetJess I am sorry to hear about being creeped out. Personally I think it is disrespectful to ask someone for intimate images I just don’t think it’s right. I have always had friendly and respectful contact on this site. I would hope that people would treat people great on this site and not have any members want to leave. Hopefully everything gets resolved.

[steve25805 126,393]

Such conduct is unacceptable, but there will always be a minority of jerks trying to conduct themselves in that way until jumped upon.

Is it possible for a member to block all private messages by default - except from mods - and only allow chats from members they choose to allow? I cannot recall if this is so from my time as a mod. 

If not, might it not be an idea to introduce such a facility?

[steve25805 126,393]

On 9/2/2024 at 4:44 PM, Schmitty20 said:

wetJess I am sorry to hear about being creeped out. Personally I think it is disrespectful to ask someone for intimate images I just don’t think it’s right. I have always had friendly and respectful contact on this site. I would hope that people would treat people great on this site and not have any members want to leave. Hopefully everything gets resolved.

Indeed. I have been on forums like this for over 14 years now, and I have never asked a female I barely knew for explicit imagery. There was one on another site who befriended me for a while and offered me video imagery of herself peeing on a carpet, but the offer came from her and only after we had been friends for a while.

Actually there was also another on this site but again the offer came from her and only after we had been friends for a while.

Edited September 5 by steve25805