Embarrassed?

[Guest ShyPeeMan]

Does your partner know or is your pee fetish your little secret?

 

I'm too embarrassed to tell my partner as she doesn't even like me having to use the toilet while she is in the bath so I feel like I have to keep it a secret

[NotNowBob 52]

1 hour ago, ShyPeeMan said:

Does your partner know or is your pee fetish your little secret?

 

I'm too embarrassed to tell my partner as she doesn't even like me having to use the toilet while she is in the bath so I feel like I have to keep it a secret

I have never shared it with partners. There are a lot of people that do and it works for them, but I don't think that you should feel that you have to do that. I think, for some of us, this kink is something that works better for us if it's private. In my case, my turn on is accidental wetting so I don't feel there is much that would be added to my sex life if I shared it. I'd probably be moderately turned on the first time she peed herself for me, but it would eventually become something that became less and less interesting. 

I'd also worry that if the relationship went bad that she might kink shame me to people.

I'd be open to engaging in casual play with someone that shared the kink if it were to ever present itself, but I'm not interested in sharing with serious relationships.

[PullbackSoaker 253]

I wouldn't be understood, don't think I would anyway, but don't think I would take the gamble. 

For me it's my kink and my positive distraction from a heptic lifestyle. 

[Bacardi 10,134]

I keep it a secret 😬 I'm so shy and still recovering from being shamed about it by my ex. So as far as I know no one knows. 

[Kupar 13,340]

My wife knows. Has done for a few years now. Is cool with it, and goes along with it, but isn't into it herself. No-one else (apart from members of this site) knows - as far as I am aware!

[NotNowBob 52]

11 minutes ago, Bacardi said:

I keep it a secret 😬 I'm so shy and still recovering from being shamed about it by my ex. So as far as I know no one knows. 

Fear of kink shaming is a legitimate thing, especially if your kink includes wetting yourself. I'm sorry that happened to you..

I find that there is a resistance in this space to those of us that keep it secret. Those that successfully share the kink with partners are celebrated and the message is always "just be honest," and "it will make everything better." It's not that simple. This kink is not universally accepted. No one should feel that they need to be any more open than they are comfortable with.

[Guest ShyPeeMan]

23 minutes ago, Bacardi said:

I keep it a secret 😬 I'm so shy and still recovering from being shamed about it by my ex. So as far as I know no one knows. 

That's 1 reason why I don't tell her, I also don't want to be made to feel like a freak for doing it

[gldenwetgoose 21,493]

That's a very good point @NotNowBob - I do tend to think that in any group of people the exuberant, outgoing group will be heard most because they shout loudest even if they are the ones in the minority.  And a little the same here, the brash 'I tell everyone and I don't care' brigade really aren't the majority.  There's even a possibility that what they type from the safety of their keyboards maybe doesn't fully reflect reality either.

So shy, reserved people and those with a healthy spirit of self preservation - you are not alone, you are not a minority and there is nothing wrong with your caution.  But we stand together (or sit or squat) with you here.

 

To answer the question, my wife knew - or rather found out very suddenly as a consequence of my careless browsing.  We had a very rough period and eventually months later got things back on an even keel.  Back at that point we did have some discussions on the subject and a tiny bit of play.  But it clearly wasn't my wife's thing and it's something that hasn't been revisited since.  That's why I say 'knew'.  I do think that as far as she's concerned it's all in the past. She probably assumes I've forgotten about it myself. So now I have a loving relationship and I have my time here.  Nobody's lives are perfect, none of us conduct ourselves perfectly. We are who we are and we cope as best we can.

[NotNowBob 52]

12 minutes ago, gldenwetgoose said:

To answer the question, my wife knew - or rather found out very suddenly as a consequence of my careless browsing.

I had a girlfriend that found out the same way. To her credit, she didn't shame me over it when she brought it up a few days later and even offered to try and accommodate me in the bedroom. What I said -- and this is literally the only time I've ever admitted it to another person in my life -- was that "This is a private part of me that I don't fully understand and that at least partially makes me feel ashamed. Thank you for not being judgmental,  but I'd appreciate it if we dropped this now and never brought it up again."

It was clear to me at that moment that I wanted to keep it private.

Aside: I'm still friends with her and we are in the same social circle and she has never betrayed me.

[Albionis 421]

My wife knows but she’s the only one. I used to have the i don’t give a fuck attitude towards it and would tell anyone who asked. Same with being trans i was actually proud to be out, but a couple of years ago i guess the wrong ppl heard it from somewhere or someone and i got the shit beaten out of me with bats by some jesus loving freaks. Ever since then i’ve been keeping anything and everything that has anything to do with any sexual subject just between me and my wife.

[Kupar 13,340]

49 minutes ago, Albionis said:

i got the shit beaten out of me with bats by some jesus loving freaks

OMG! I'm so sorry to hear this. I'm not surprised you keep things to yourself. Take care x

[Albionis 421]

1 hour ago, Kupar said:

OMG! I'm so sorry to hear this. I'm not surprised you keep things to yourself. Take care x

Thank you. This is one of the main reasons i love this community so much, everyone is free to be themselves and we get to talk about our kink in a non judgemental enviroment. Even if some people despise us for what we like or how we identify in the real world, in here everyones equal and it makes for a perfect escape even on the shittiest of days. Also we get to read a lot of very very interesting (and super hot!) stories from other members. 😊💖

Edited October 4, 2021 by Albionis
Fixed some typos ’cause apparently i can’t spell today 😂

[gldenwetgoose 21,493]

@Albionis - I’ll completely echo what @Kupar said. As you’ve said, here we are free to be ourseleves. For me this weekend’s theme for me seems to have been not only that, but even though there are clearly lots of different su-categories and preferences to our kink, yet we have complete respect even when those don’t directly align with our own choices.  

I’m not going to open a religious or political ticking bomb (so we’ll park my comment here), but it’s so ironic that you received that treatment at the hands of supposed religious people - followers of the man who apparently told people to love one another, advocated that those free from sin should throw the first stone and the man who dined with harlots and tax collectors.

[Albionis 421]

17 minutes ago, gldenwetgoose said:

but even though there are clearly lots of different su-categories and preferences to our kink, yet we have complete respect even when those don’t directly align with our own choices.

Exactly! And i don’t know if its like this for anyone else but i’ve found new things i like that i only got interested in after reading a story from our fellow members.

[Peewee123 1,124]

I have had an interest in pee for a long time but didn’t understand it and just thought I was odd. I kept it a secret and eventually grew out of it as decided to stop it. I was then with my partner for a long a time and he was into a lot sexually and asked me to pee during sexual play. I was pretty turned on at the time and decided to go with it and enjoyed it, although I didn’t tell him that. Over the space of about a year we experimented with pee as and how he requested, I still never told him about my enjoyment but did it for him, while secretly enjoying it. For some reason it faded out and we just went back to normal sex and again I forgot about it. We’ve separated now and I’ve only just remembered about my interest and after finding this site have realised it’s a fetish. This is the first I’ve ever talked about it to anyone and started to explore more (alone). I doubt I’d ever tell another partner unless they brought it up though. 

[Albionis 421]

24 minutes ago, gldenwetgoose said:

I’m not going to open a religious or political ticking bomb (so we’ll park my comment here), but it’s so ironic that you received that treatment at the hands of supposed religious people - followers of the man who apparently told people to love one another, advocated that those free from sin should throw the first stone and the man who dined with harlots and tax collectors.

 

Agreed, but small town breeds small minded people more often than not... unfortunately 

Edited October 4, 2021 by Albionis

[Guest ShyPeeMan]

Sorry to hear about the bad experiencs people have had, such a shame people cannot be themselves. 

[W1ll_B 102]

I have told my wife and she "knows" it, but she doesn't really seem to "understand" or "realize" what I'm meaning with it.
For me it feels very awkward to talk about that whole thing, so I have mentioned it a couple of times and she knows it, but I don't usually talk about it too much.

This is quite a weird situation and I don't know how to explain it.

 

I have told her that seeing a desperate woman or a woman peeing is a erotic thing to me.

If I would ask her:
"Do you know that I have this (pee) fetish?" 

she would answer:
"Yes I know, you have told me".

 

But it does not show up in everyday life that she knows it, she acts as she would not know it.

 

Few examples:

 

She doesn’t go to bars often, but a few times a year she goes with her friends (without me).

Usually when she comes back home from the bar and she gets the front door open, the first thing I hear before she even properly comes inside is often something like :

"Excuse me, but I have to get to the toilet very first"
and my heart starts beating hard.
When she then sees me, she asks something like:
"Is everything ok? Has something (bad) happened? You look weird."

She doesn’t seem to think that there could be any connection between her desperation and my weird appearance.

 

Also several times it's happened that she has been somewhere with her friends and when she comes back to home later, she tells me what she has done during the day and how much fun she has had etc. And she might mention at the same time how "Friend X had to go behind the tree to pee because she couldn't wait to get to the toilet" and she says it as if it was a funny thing to her.

 

Or when she have been a long time away from home, she might call me to keep me up to date on where they’re going at the moment, and mentions casually :

"We’re in Place Y now and Friend X is yet going to go quickly pee in the bush and after that we start coming back home".

 

And she is quite jealous person so I don't think she wants on purpose to tell "erotic" things about her friends to me. It just feels like she doesn't remember what I have told her.

 

Once I heard a negative comment from her.

First she said "I need to pee badly" and 0.5 seconds later she added  kind of shocked: "Yuck, if you are thinking something pervert". This time she seemed to remember it.

 

But other than that, if I straightly ask her opinion about that I have this fetish, she says "it's ok" but she doesn't have interest in it.

She seems to accept it, but also at the same time it seems that she doesn't think about it much.

As I said, this topic feels awkward to talk about so usually I try to avoid bringing it up too often and clearly so she wouldn’t be disgusted with it.

[PissOnMyParade 447]

I've kept it from all my partners in the past because I was scared about their immediate reaction and also the fact further down the line admitting my biggest fetish could come back to haunt me if things went south. Nowadays I've embraced my pee fetish but I'm not really looking for a partner anymore as I really can't be bothered by the drama that comes with being with a modern woman.

 

It would be lovely to find a woman who is trustworthy, respectful, honest, communicative and shares my love of pee, but I feel like that demographic is wafer thin, and as I'm getting older my dating market value appears to be dwindling...

[Kupar 13,340]

13 minutes ago, W1ll_B said:

I have told my wife and she "knows" it, but she doesn't really seem to "understand" or "realize" what I'm meaning with it.
For me it feels very awkward to talk about that whole thing, so I have mentioned it a couple of times and she knows it, but I don't usually talk about it too much.

This is quite a weird situation and I don't know how to explain it.

 

I have told her that seeing a desperate woman or a woman peeing is a erotic thing to me.

If I would ask her:
"Do you know that I have this (pee) fetish?" 

she would answer:
"Yes I know, you have told me".

 

But it does not show up in everyday life that she knows it, she acts as she would not know it.

 

Few examples:

 

She doesn’t go to bars often, but a few times a year she goes with her friends (without me).

Usually when she comes back home from the bar and she gets the front door open, the first thing I hear before she even properly comes inside is often something like :

"Excuse me, but I have to get to the toilet very first"
and my heart starts beating hard.
When she then sees me, she asks something like:
"Is everything ok? Has something (bad) happened? You look weird."

She doesn’t seem to think that there could be any connection between her desperation and my weird appearance.

 

Also several times it's happened that she has been somewhere with her friends and when she comes back to home later, she tells me what she has done during the day and how much fun she has had etc. And she might mention at the same time how "Friend X had to go behind the tree to pee because she couldn't wait to get to the toilet" and she says it as if it was a funny thing to her.

 

Or when she have been a long time away from home, she might call me to keep me up to date on where they’re going at the moment, and mentions casually :

"We’re in Place Y now and Friend X is yet going to go quickly pee in the bush and after that we start coming back home".

 

And she is quite jealous person so I don't think she wants on purpose to tell "erotic" things about her friends to me. It just feels like she doesn't remember what I have told her.

 

Once I heard a negative comment from her.

First she said "I need to pee badly" and 0.5 seconds later she added  kind of shocked: "Yuck, if you are thinking something pervert". This time she seemed to remember it.

 

But other than that, if I straightly ask her opinion about that I have this fetish, she says "it's ok" but she doesn't have interest in it.

She seems to accept it, but also at the same time it seems that she doesn't think about it much.

As I said, this topic feels awkward to talk about so usually I try to avoid bringing it up too often and clearly so she wouldn’t be disgusted with it.

I can understand this completely - you describe the situation very clearly 🙂 I think what might be happening here is that she simply doesn't share your interest, and this means that she rarely thinks about it - that's why she 'acts as she would not know it'. She is tolerant of the kink but doesn't really want it to affect her. Perhaps that is a difficult thing to realise. It might be simplest to simply enjoy the opportunities that you get to hear about her friends peeing etc without commenting.

[laughingbeast 414]

Well, my pee fetish means I like to look at pictures or videos of girls peeing and prefer candid scenes.  I'm not into things like watersport and wetting and have no desire to try any pee play in real life.

And I have no desire to sneak around and spy on  peeing girls in real life. When the pictures are here, me seeing them doesn't mean any further harm to the girl.
But I wouldn't try to invade a girl's privacy personally.  So I guess my fetish isn't too extreme.

Still, my wife doesn't know, I think. I don't try to hide from my wife that I sometimes watch porn, I'm pretty open about it, but I don't mention what porn I watch.

By the way, pee porn is not the only kind of porn I watch. I watch a variety of porn that doesn't always contain pee scenes, and I like mostly normal porn that contains some sort of pee scene, like BTS, as a bonus, rather than videos focused solely on peeing.

My wife, although she has no problems with nudity, is quite pee-shy, so even when we are alone in the woods, she usually tries to hide at least a little from my view when she pees. Sometimes I tease her by looking in her direction when she pees partially hidden behind a bush somewhere, but I don't press it too hard.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Alfresco 11,633]

On 10/3/2021 at 1:59 PM, NotNowBob said:

Fear of kink shaming is a legitimate thing, especially if your kink includes wetting yourself. I'm sorry that happened to you..

I find that there is a resistance in this space to those of us that keep it secret. Those that successfully share the kink with partners are celebrated and the message is always "just be honest," and "it will make everything better." It's not that simple. This kink is not universally accepted. No one should feel that they need to be any more open than they are comfortable with.

Definitely there is a concern about kink shaming and/or being rejected by people who find out.   I certainly don't think that anyone here should feel that there is any obligation to tell anyone and they shouldn't feel any inferior if they choose to keep it to themselves.

For myself, I kept it quiet for a long time, but I couldn't help tell my wife how hot it was when I had to stop in a layby because she was absolutely bursting and she jumped out of the car and flooded the tarmac.   It could have gone badly because she could have had a go at me for taking advantage of her misfortune as she really doesn't like peeing outside, but she was right next to the passenger door and there was no way that I wasn't looking.   She saw the look on my face and apologised profusely so I had to say that she didn't need to apologise and that it was totally hot.    She has never really understood it, but indulges me once in a while.   I still haven't told her everything; she doesn't know that I'm a member here and she doesn't know about the extent of my enjoyment of sightings of girls peeing outside.  I don't tell her what I look at on the internet although I'm sure she is savvy enough to know that I'd look at some things, she chooses not to ask me outright so I don't tell her.    She does know that I like seeing girls peeing and she has told me she doesn't mind, but she doesn't want to know about it, so I haven't gone into any details and I don't tell her when I do go out late at night looking for pee sightings.   It means I don't get to do it unless I'm on my own, but that's how it is.

The fact is, it is a niche that some people truly love and others find abhorrent plus every shade in between, so it has to be a personal choice as to how much people want to share.  Those who chose to keep it totally private should be respected as much as those who are lucky enough to have an understanding partner who shares or at least tolerates the interest.

[NortheastPeeFan 361]

It's tough.  I'm single now, but every time I enter a relationship I always ask myself "should I tell him about my pee fetish or not?"  Some guys already knew because we met in a kink-positive community where I already divulged my fetish to the group and other guys didn't know because I didn't tell them and we weren't in a kink-positive community.  I have never found a guy who shared my fetish though and none of my relationships have lasted for long.  Outside of kink-positive communities, I would never tell a guy I was dating about my fetish unless he revealed his first and even then I would still be nervous.

I experienced kink-shaming in the past, but it was from a family member who caught me looking at pee websites when I was young, not by a significant other.  That experience made me hate myself and caused me to repress my pee fetish for years until I finally learned to accept my fetish.

I often doubt I'll ever find a guy who is into my fetish, but I at least want tolerance.  I already have to hide this fetish from everybody else, so I kind of don't want to be with someone who I have to hide this stuff from.  But at the same time, I want to have a boyfriend again, I don't want to be single forever.  It's like what would I rather, have a boyfriend/husband, but have to keep my pee fetish secret from him or be alone for the rest of my life, but not have to deal with the pain of being kink shamed by someone I love again.

[Kupar 13,340]

5 minutes ago, NortheastPeeFan said:

It's tough.  I'm single now, but every time I enter a relationship I always ask myself "should I tell him about my pee fetish or not?"  Some guys already knew because we met in a kink-positive community where I already divulged my fetish to the group and other guys didn't know because I didn't tell them and we weren't in a kink-positive community.  I have never found a guy who shared my fetish though and none of my relationships have lasted for long.  Outside of kink-positive communities, I would never tell a guy I was dating about my fetish unless he revealed his first and even then I would still be nervous.

I experienced kink-shaming in the past, but it was from a family member who caught me looking at pee websites when I was young, not by a significant other.  That experience made me hate myself and caused me to repress my pee fetish for years until I finally learned to accept my fetish.

I often doubt I'll ever find a guy who is into my fetish, but I at least want tolerance.  I already have to hide this fetish from everybody else, so I kind of don't want to be with someone who I have to hide this stuff from.  But at the same time, I want to have a boyfriend again, I don't want to be single forever.  It's like what would I rather, have a boyfriend/husband, but have to keep my pee fetish secret from him or be alone for the rest of my life, but not have to deal with the pain of being kink shamed by someone I love again.

That is tough. Compromises are everywhere, but that doesn't mean they are easy to make or live with - and when you have a choice to make without having a clue about the consequences, it is *really* difficult. I feel for you.