Being a hobby writer

[Blackinksoul30 1,246]

I started writing stories when I was 12 years old to cope with bullying at home and at school. Boys in school bullied me. My father worked a lot. My older brother verbally and physically abused me. I felt alone and unloved. So i wrote love stories to 'fill that gap' and give myself the comfort and joy that I as a preteen needed/wanted. Fast forward a few years and students in school found out about my writing and bullied me about it. My best friend at the time loved my writing though. We'd actually write for each other. 

Fast forward to my mid teens.... I kept writing... I went from short stories at 12....to 60 to 70 page stories. My best friend still read my stories but not as much. I really didn't share my writing with anyone else.

In my early 20's... i wrote even longer stories.. I rarely heard from my best friend at that point.   

In my mid 20's i started posting my stories online. Which at the time was incredibly scary. I just wrote for my own enjoyment/my own escape. To just 'cheer myself up'. I started sharing the link with some of my online friends and what ended up happening was pretty awesome. I ended up forming a group of 'fans' of my stories. They constantly would beg me to write more. They'd tell me they put off doing homework cause they couldn't put my book down. They stayed up late reading my stories and would tell me that i had to keep writing and send them more.

Sadly a few years later they stopped contacting me and i actually haven't heard from any of them since.  once they stopped contacting me i started joining online writing forums/online writing groups and even in person writing groups. Which resulted in a lot of negative feedback about my writing. People claiming it had to be 'Perfect' if i was posting it online. That i had to 'fix this' 'change this' 'this is horrible'  blah blah blah. They didn't understand that i wrote to self soothe and escape reality. I wasn't writing to be perfect. I wrote whatever made me happy. This frequent negative feedback started to make me feel horrible as a writer. This went on for a year or two. So i felt less and less willing to share my writing. I took my writing down from my website.

Then as i approached my late 20's... I would ask 'Friends' if they wanted to read my work...most said no... a few said yes. 'ill read it this weekend i promise!!'...so i'd be super excited..i'd send it..and then later find out months/years later they never read it. OR i'd be on a social media site.. like... reddit or tumblr or something and i'd mention that i write..and it was usually men that would say 'Well you have to send it. i need to read it. you can't just say you write and not send it. how selfish of you not to share your writing.' this ended up happening A LOT...the guilt trips... the thing is though... i kind of got to the point where my writing became so personal..such a cathartic release that i felt embarrassed to send my writing to anyone unless they were a super close friend.... now i had strange men demanding i send them my writing...and of course.... as soon as i would send it..they would stop all communication.... this happened so many times in my late 20's i lost count. Each time i felt more and more 'used' and 'taken advantage of'. 

In my early 30's i had more close friends saying that they would definitely read it... so i'd send it... and they'd read maybe... a page or two..then not read the rest... and barely give me any feedback. 

Now i'm in my mid 30's...   30+ completed novels later.... And i feel so alone in this hobby. I don't really have any 'writer' friends i talk to regularly. I've become so secretive about my writing because i don't want to be taken advantage of again. I don't want to be lied to. Actually two weeks ago i asked a friend if they'd like to read a story of mine.... this was the first time i've asked..in years... she said Yes...it's been  2 1/2 weeks now..i've asked her a few times if she's read it...and she still says no. 

 

If you're still reading my post at this point..thank you. I just wanted to get this off my chest. It's been bugging me for an extremely long time. I'm not posting this in hopes that people will ask to read my writing because i'm still far too afraid to share. Actually sending any of my writing to anyone anymore makes me feel incredibly anxious to the point of having a anxiety/panic attack. Thank you for letting me vent. This means a lot to me. 

Edited November 1, 2018 by Blackinksoul30

[Mark J 243]

That sucks, that is sad, but please do not stop writing. If it helps you in anyway whether shared or not, please continue. Hugs

[bpb 788]

I feel so badly for you that you have had to endure these pains with your writings.

I don't think that I would ask you for any of your writings without knowing what they are about.
If I did I would feel obligated to read and comment on your writing.

My Aunt wrote a book about her family's life.  She did NOT use the real peoples names, but substituted other names.
I have the book, but I just can not bring myself to rewrite it and put in the real names.
I don't know that the family would bother to read the modified book if I did, because I haven't brought myself to read it.

[gldenwetgoose 21,487]

The internet has an incredible amount to answer for - but also is an incredible tool. It's amazing the way it's shrunken the world.  I can only imagine the pain you've been through, but please be encouraged by the amount of kindred spirits (literally right around the world) who empathise with your experiences and offer you the greatest of encouragement.  From little old me in northern England, please keep with the writing - if it helps you. If just chatting and participating here helps then do that too.  All the best to you.... 😉

 

[WantonLee 861]

Hmm, to a little extend I can understand where you're comming from, blackinsoul, as a couple of years ago - when I was still actively playing an fantasy based online roleplay game - I was some kind of a reporter and wrote articles about our guilds activities

It was always a struggle, and while I tried to release my stories once a week, it was later once every two week, then every three weeks and then every month. One reason was that I always tried to not just bluntly report what we did in game, but also to wrap it up in some form. For instance, at one evening we were raiding some evil ice giants for some loot, and I told the story of it as if it was a football-match, with us playing against the giants.

Another story was written as if our raid was investigated afterwards by a detective (yes, I named him Sherlock Gnomes, sorry for the pun), deducing from the clues and coprses left behind what happened.

Apart from struggeling it was always fun to write, but I eventually stopped writing, since we did more and more events per week and I could not keep up writing (unless I wanted to lower the standards to just mere reports, which I simply do not wanted). As a sidenote, the guild I was in broke up shortly afterwards I stopped writing.

Two or three years ago I found some of my old stories and was amazed about how many spelling errors were in there, despite me double and tripple checking everything.

But no one complained.

If I remember correctly, the number of readers seldom exceeded 15-20 individuals, anyway.

Probably they were getting to long. Some pictures I always added contributed to the lenght of cause. I used Word to write them, and each individual story could grow to 3 or 4 pages in length, shorter reports about new or departing members of cause were much much shorter.

 

Hmm... 60-70 pages you say you wrote?

Thats a scary number, I have to admit. Do not bother sending them to me, I promise I will not read them! 😉

As a matter of fact, I haven't read any books recently simply because I never found the time or rather the leisure to read, even though there are a number of books from Terry Pratchett I still haven't read.

I overcame this weakness of mine by accessing some of them in the form of audio-books which I could listen to while at work sometimes (provided I was tasked with dull enough tasks).

 

Out of interest though: do you just fear rejection for they way you wrote, or are the stories really that intimate that you fear rejection for what they are about?

What ever ou write: if it is intimate, rejection hurts twice as much, according to my heart... .

[Blackinksoul30 1,246]

25 minutes ago, WantonLee said:

Hmm, to a little extend I can understand where you're comming from, blackinsoul, as a couple of years ago - when I was still actively playing an fantasy based online roleplay game - I was some kind of a reporter and wrote articles about our guilds activities

It was always a struggle, and while I tried to release my stories once a week, it was later once every two week, then every three weeks and then every month. One reason was that I always tried to not just bluntly report what we did in game, but also to wrap it up in some form. For instance, at one evening we were raiding some evil ice giants for some loot, and I told the story of it as if it was a football-match, with us playing against the giants.

Another story was written as if our raid was investigated afterwards by a detective (yes, I named him Sherlock Gnomes, sorry for the pun), deducing from the clues and coprses left behind what happened.

Apart from struggeling it was always fun to write, but I eventually stopped writing, since we did more and more events per week and I could not keep up writing (unless I wanted to lower the standards to just mere reports, which I simply do not wanted). As a sidenote, the guild I was in broke up shortly afterwards I stopped writing.

Two or three years ago I found some of my old stories and was amazed about how many spelling errors were in there, despite me double and tripple checking everything.

But no one complained.

If I remember correctly, the number of readers seldom exceeded 15-20 individuals, anyway.

Probably they were getting to long. Some pictures I always added contributed to the lenght of cause. I used Word to write them, and each individual story could grow to 3 or 4 pages in length, shorter reports about new or departing members of cause were much much shorter.

 

Hmm... 60-70 pages you say you wrote?

Thats a scary number, I have to admit. Do not bother sending them to me, I promise I will not read them! 😉

As a matter of fact, I haven't read any books recently simply because I never found the time or rather the leisure to read, even though there are a number of books from Terry Pratchett I still haven't read.

I overcame this weakness of mine by accessing some of them in the form of audio-books which I could listen to while at work sometimes (provided I was tasked with dull enough tasks).

 

Out of interest though: do you just fear rejection for they way you wrote, or are the stories really that intimate that you fear rejection for what they are about?

What ever ou write: if it is intimate, rejection hurts twice as much, according to my heart... .

I fear rejection because of why i write and what i write. meaning...  because i write to cope with stuff... if someone says 'Your writing sucks, it's horrible'   but lets say.. i wrote the story because i was depressed and sad about stuff and the writing helped me cope... then i'll feel lousy about how much it helped me. i'll feel 'regret' for writing it... 

And yes also because it's really that intimate that i fear rejection for what they are about... but the reader wouldn't really know unless i explain it to them... but i would know...even if i didn't tell them... 

[WantonLee 861]

5 minutes ago, Blackinksoul30 said:

I fear rejection because of why i write and what i write. meaning...  because i write to cope with stuff... if someone says 'Your writing sucks, it's horrible'   but lets say.. i wrote the story because i was depressed and sad about stuff and the writing helped me cope... then i'll feel lousy about how much it helped me. i'll feel 'regret' for writing it... 

And yes also because it's really that intimate that i fear rejection for what they are about... but the reader wouldn't really know unless i explain it to them... but i would know...even if i didn't tell them... 

*WantonLee emanates sounds of thinking, mostly in the form of Hmmmm's *

Retorical question: when you posted one of your stories - was it because you wanted to be appreciated as an artist, or was it more in the hopes of being understood? Or both?

Is it possible to break on of your stories down to a few sentences so we'd get an idea what they are about, or are the stories more about how they are written then the story itself?

(This last question came into my mind because this is a feeling I get when reading (or listening to) one of Terry Pratchett's Discworld stories - yes, you can break them down, but a lot of enjoyment of his stories come from HOW they were written. It would be like breaking down a night of lovemaking to the words "they practiced sexual intercourse"  - totally missing the point that way.)

 

P.S.: I am going to bed now, not sure when I'm back to read you answer, so take you time.

G'night! 🙂

[Blackinksoul30 1,246]

I posted it in hopes that someone would enjoy it. I posted it so..if someone was having a rough day.. maybe my story could make them smile. maybe they could get 'lost' in another world like the writing made me feel. also... in hopes that.. maybe they'd find a character they could relate to.

basically they are love stories... it's always... lead female has a difficult life... and the lead male saves her in some way. and makes everything perfect for her. 

That's all i feel comfortable saying.

[likesToLick 10,216]

10 hours ago, Blackinksoul30 said:

I fear rejection because of why i write and what i write. meaning...  because i write to cope with stuff... if someone says 'Your writing sucks, it's horrible'   but lets say.. i wrote the story because i was depressed and sad about stuff and the writing helped me cope... then i'll feel lousy about how much it helped me.

Always remember,  there are more than three thousand million people in the world who have below average intelligence.  There will always be someone who does not appreciate you. 

Even among the above average people,  there are many with bad manners, and many who get pleasure from whining, criticising or being cruel.

It is best not to care what other people think.  To thine own self be true.  Be glad of those who like you,  and ignore the rest if you can.

[Blackinksoul30 1,246]

Each of these stories are completed except for 'The Cuddler' 

Alice - 62 pages- 25,400 words
Alice 2- 68 pages-25,000 words
Alice 3- 61 pages- 25,384 words
Alice 4- 63 pages- 24,997 words
Alice 5- 70 pages- 29,015 words
Magicians helper- 58 - 29,056 words
3rd class lovers 71 pages- 31,645 words
peter pan story- 51 pages- 22,648 words
park of silence - 55 pages- 29,096 words
Puppy love- 112 pages- 57,677 words
flower children - 81 pages-37,073 words
Broken Dancer- 127 pages-60,444 words
Hatter baby- 129 pages- 60,607 words
Recipe for Love- 132 pages- 64,500
Princess and Pirates- 87 pages- 42,720
robot story 73 pages- 36,606
Bad boy- 116 pages- 59,274
Magic guitar- 182 pages- 82,213 words
little love bite- 94 pages- 47,461 words
Paper Drawn Heart- 109 pages- 57,050 words
The sexpert- 127 pages- 65,915 words- On old hard drive
Hearts of Flame- 102 pages- 49,506 words- on old hard drive
Cupid's assistant- 109 pages- 51,341 words- on old hard drive
Sex paradise- 160 pages- 79,832 words- on old hard drive
Teacher Lust- 181 pages- 86,583 words
Babies times three- 184 pages- 91,357 words- on old hard drive
The perfect baby- 213 pages- 107,300 words
Photo of the past-225 pages- 109,200 words
Teddy that i love- 226 pages- 113,000 words
Addicted to the Escape 232 pages - 122,096 words
The cuddler 197 pages- 95,000 words 

[Zovad 27]

That's a lot of writing and very impressive! I've posted a few short stories here and write science fiction elsewhere.

[speedy3471 10,655]

14 hours ago, Blackinksoul30 said:

Each of these stories are completed except for 'The Cuddler' 

Alice - 62 pages- 25,400 words
Alice 2- 68 pages-25,000 words
Alice 3- 61 pages- 25,384 words
Alice 4- 63 pages- 24,997 words
Alice 5- 70 pages- 29,015 words
Magicians helper- 58 - 29,056 words
3rd class lovers 71 pages- 31,645 words
peter pan story- 51 pages- 22,648 words
park of silence - 55 pages- 29,096 words
Puppy love- 112 pages- 57,677 words
flower children - 81 pages-37,073 words
Broken Dancer- 127 pages-60,444 words
Hatter baby- 129 pages- 60,607 words
Recipe for Love- 132 pages- 64,500
Princess and Pirates- 87 pages- 42,720
robot story 73 pages- 36,606
Bad boy- 116 pages- 59,274
Magic guitar- 182 pages- 82,213 words
little love bite- 94 pages- 47,461 words
Paper Drawn Heart- 109 pages- 57,050 words
The sexpert- 127 pages- 65,915 words- On old hard drive
Hearts of Flame- 102 pages- 49,506 words- on old hard drive
Cupid's assistant- 109 pages- 51,341 words- on old hard drive
Sex paradise- 160 pages- 79,832 words- on old hard drive
Teacher Lust- 181 pages- 86,583 words
Babies times three- 184 pages- 91,357 words- on old hard drive
The perfect baby- 213 pages- 107,300 words
Photo of the past-225 pages- 109,200 words
Teddy that i love- 226 pages- 113,000 words
Addicted to the Escape 232 pages - 122,096 words
The cuddler 197 pages- 95,000 words 

Wow you have wrote quite a number of stories. Good for you. Have you thought of trying to publish any? I would bet that people would like to read them. 

There is something relaxing about escaping into the world of the book or short story that iam reading. I just love it. Keep up the food work

[Blackinksoul30 1,246]

I don't really want to publish.. i just write for myself to self soothe and cope with life. If i 'were' to publish..i'd need to make them perfect... 'fix' things..change things..etc..but since i write only what makes me happy..what cheers me up... i don't care to make them 'perfect'

[bpb 788]

7 hours ago, Blackinksoul30 said:

I don't really want to publish.. i just write for myself to self soothe and cope with life. If i 'were' to publish..i'd need to make them perfect... 'fix' things..change things..etc..but since i write only what makes me happy..what cheers me up... i don't care to make them 'perfect'

I understand that there are many things in life worth doing for enjoyment as long as one doesn't have to do it for perfection.
Gold would be one.  Perhaps Music would be another.

Sometime I look at what I wrote from the keyboard and wonder if the connection between my brain and my fingers ever existed.
My finger mix up my English, they substitute words for what I wanted.
And my proof reading is defective.

I guess that the internet has taught us to read thru all kinds of scrambles.

[Guest UnabashedUser]

Written hundreds of pages of technical manuals as that's my job. Also some erotic stuff that's in the memory bank.  In the past two years with wife's approval I've written some rather hot true tales of our wet sex life  (bonnie and jim).  They've been published on this site and should show u p in a search 

https://peefans.com/search/?&q=bonnie&search_and_or=or&sortby=relevancy

or you can go to my reddit for all of them  http://reddit.com/r/truewetsex

Working on more.

 

 

 

[Bacardi 10,133]

I write on two of the three biggest writing platforms, and so far I just write Star Wars fanfiction. Ive got a sizable following and made a really good friend through my work, now Im working on a novel of my own with them. Maybe publish some of your work on a writing platform, Ive made some really good friends with people on twitter and facebook. I know you won't make any money, but you'll find other likeminded individuals!

[Blackinksoul30 1,246]

i'm up to 100,000 words in my story!! Woo hoo!!! 

[Adyguy6970 877]

Thanks for sharing your experience.  Reading about it was certainly very humbling, for me at any rate.  I write for enjoyment although it tends to be 'as and when' because life has a habit of getting in the way.  I'm also a fairly determined current affairs blogger.  Some of my stories, or at least the beginnings of some which are 'works in progress' can be found on this board.  Don't be discouraged by your harsher critics.  Some of my stories, placed on a well known adult story board, have been rubbished by people who've not published stories of their own and, I've wasted no time in pointing that small detail out to them!   It's a great temptation to second guess what people want and write to the market, or at least what you think the market is.  Don't.  Write from the heart and let it be an outpouring of what's in you.  Some people will like your work and some won't.  That is, I'm afraid, life - not just for amateur writers like us but for published novelists too.  In terms of tips, it helps to have a clear idea about the identities of your characters and be able to empathise with them.  There is always a danger that once given life, their personalities will dictate the direction of the storyline.  Try to avoid allowing that to happen if you possibly can.        

Edited November 9, 2018 by Adyguy6970

[Scot_Lover 1,876]

Thanks for sharing this @Blackinksoul30, looks likes it's amazing work that really has your heart and soul in it.

Not to put you off though, but I published one thing I wrote years ago, only to have it stolen, turned into an ebook that someone has claimed as their own work, even getting paid for it. I will never try to 'self publish' again, learnt the hard way.

[Blackinksoul30 1,246]

I'm sorry that that happened to you @Scot_Lover

[Blackinksoul30 1,246]

update..you know that 'Friend' that promised she'd read my story a month ago... i emailed the story to her 3 more times and NOW she says she cant read it because she'd have to download it to her computer....

Hence why i don't trust peoples promises when they claim that they'll read it 'For sure!'

[Bacardi 10,133]

On 11/21/2018 at 9:59 AM, Blackinksoul30 said:

update..you know that 'Friend' that promised she'd read my story a month ago... i emailed the story to her 3 more times and NOW she says she cant read it because she'd have to download it to her computer....

Hence why i don't trust peoples promises when they claim that they'll read it 'For sure!'

Look into Beta groups and hire someone to beta read for you. A lot of people are willing to do it for free but don't expect a whole lot. It takes time to go over every word and make suggestions and edits, I only know because I'm a beta reader myself and don't have a lot of time to do so when I have my own life, family, and writing to look out for. 

[Blackinksoul30 1,246]

I really don't want a beta reader..i just wanted this friend to read it.... like she promised to read it. I don't want to pay someone..to try to fix it. i don't want to change the story. I wrote only to self soothe and cope with depression and chronic illness. it's just... personal fantasies and day dreams written in story form..pure mush that helps comfort me. whatever can make me smile.