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I know that I've always been interested in watching girls pee. There was one occasion at school when one of my classmates waited too long, lost control and wet herself standing next to me in the playground. I just stared, fascinated to watch the pee running down her legs and splattering into the growing puddle. On holiday in my teens I saw a girl squat in the shallow water at the seaside. Suddenly I realised that I was watching her piss through her swimming costume. That was a trigger point. After that I started to watch out for girls peeing at the beach. As there were no toilets a

She's a 10, but she never pees in the portaloos at outdoor music festivals.

As well as the power of invisibility, I have a machine called an active teleurinometer. I can use it to measure, from a distance, how full another person is. I can also use it to change her own perception about how badly she needs to pee. Its last trick is that I can use it to speed up her kidneys, to quickly get her to bursting point This means that I can control a girl out in public so she finds herself suddenly becoming desperate to pee, perhaps uncontrollably desperate.

And, would you prefer to be in this photo, or the photographer? Would your answer be different if she were bursting for a wee?

I know, technically, it's not a an upskirt. There is no skirt in this shot. But the principle is the same. And I bet you'd like to see her start peeing, sitting in front of you like this?

Were you there?

For some reason, four out of five of these are redheads. I think the woman in the white knickers is about to start peeing through them.

Pre-loading is popular. Get some drinks in from the supermarket, and start the evening with those and your mates (much less expensive than going to a pub). Then arrive in town when the pubs are closing, to go straight to a late-night bar or club. And as a result, they're often bursting to pee, with inhibitions lowered through alcohol, as soon as they get off the bus.

The last one might be peeing in the shower.

I remember the picture, but I didn't previously hear the story behind it.

If we're going retro - and why not - Marie Helvin (by her then husband, David Bailey):