Anyone else hate being single?

[PissFanOmega 206]

Seriously, I hate it. I've never liked being single, yet ironically, I've been single more often than not throughout my life.

In fact, in my whole adult life (I'm 34), I've only had one meaningful relationship, out of two girlfriends (the first one cheated on me within three days). In fact, I can't recall a single moment in my life when I've actually gotten to experience actual dating life, mixed with the sex, the dinners, the meeting the parents, etc. I haven't even had a healthy sex life. I had a single one-night-stand when I was like 21 - nothing since then, nothing before. That meaningful relationship I mentioned a minute ago? Long-distance. She broke it off when we thought we would actually meet, after five years of skype, texting, and calls.

I can't even tell you the negative toll on my self-image, that my lack of experience has had on me. It's a fucking embarrassment, and worst than that is, I can't even talk to people about it, because my experiences (in all aspects of my life) are not typical ones. It doesn't help that I live in "Mayberry", in a state where people do nothing but gossip and talk shit about each other.

There are other things that contribute to my being single, but nothing of real consequence.

So, anyone else single and hating every second of it?

Anyone else had a dry spell longer than mine? (13 years and counting)

[gldenwetgoose 21,498]

Well, to touch on your last point - I'm not going to enter into a debate over who's had the worse situation.  I was lucky enough to meet my other half age 26, but I can remember what it was like before then.  I'd been the undateable all through high school, a joke and laughing stock.

I can understand how upsetting and frustrating the situation is for you.  Obviously I know very little about you - so I'm not judging here...   When someone is very lonely and meets someone, there is the danger they may seek too much too quickly, there is the danger they may come across as insecure and needy.  People in and out of relationships seem to perhaps have a more 'take me or leave me' attitude which perhaps makes them more 'marketable'.

Also there is a danger that being single we get a little stuck in our ways, less sociable that sort of thing.  Do you engage in anything social that puts you in contact with ladies - in a normal everyday context where you can develop a friendship?  Perhaps voluteering somewhere or in a sporting context - finding friendship may be the way to go, rather than seeking a relationship.

Finally, clearly there's many people on this site who proclaim how girls fall at their feet for wet fun all the time - it would be easy to draw the conclusion that everyone is getting wet action.  I'm going to call bullshit on a proportion of that (especially those that shout the loudest and in the crudest terms).  There's a lot of members here who are in relationships but aren't able to share their fetish - if you were looking for a partner to share with then you are filtering the results down unrealistically.

Hope that doesn't come over as to patronising or derogatory - I was there, I'd been there for 10-15 years when out of the blue, overnight my situation changed - don't ever give up.

[PissFanOmega 206]

33 minutes ago, gldenwetgoose said:

People in and out of relationships seem to perhaps have a more 'take me or leave me' attitude which perhaps makes them more 'marketable'.

Pretty much an attitude I had to adopt early on, because of some things I have't mentioned. Hasn't helped.

34 minutes ago, gldenwetgoose said:

Do you engage in anything social that puts you in contact with ladies - in a normal everyday context where you can develop a friendship?

Unfortunately, where I'm at, there isn't anywhere I could do that. I have neurological issues that prevent me from working (which doesn't help), and there are no local stops where I could safely encounter people.

46 minutes ago, gldenwetgoose said:

There's a lot of members here who are in relationships but aren't able to share their fetish - if you were looking for a partner to share with then you are filtering the results down unrealistically.

I haven't been picky for literally years. I can't afford to be picky if I want to find somebody, but the problem is, the more time passes, the harder it is going to be for me to actually find someone.

[likesToLick 10,216]

On 12/28/2019 at 8:44 AM, PissFanOmega said:

Anyone else had a dry spell longer than mine? (13 years and counting)

Yes, me.  For various reasons I had absolutely no sex at all for 17 years between the ages of 22 and 40.

For most of my life I was looking for relationships and finding none.  The relationships I did find all turned out badly.  It took twenty-six years of rejection, betrayal and heartbreak to finally convince myself I was better off alone.  I was 48 when I made the decision to remain permanently single.

At age 61 I am still single and loving it.  I think that now, if I actually had to share my home with a woman (or anyone really) I would go insane from the restrictions on my freedom.

I can sleep and wake when I choose,  eat whatever meals I like at whatever time I like,  play music of my choice whenever I want, as loud as I want to.  I will never again need to waste a single moment thinking about fashion or hairstyles. I never need to buy new curtains,  new bathrooms or new kitchens. Instead I can go on holidays and have sex with dozens of beautiful women,  often thirty years younger than I am.

When I was available as a caring and loving life partner,  women chose instead to brush me aside onto the scrap heap for twenty-six years.  I thank them all for the lesson. When I see a friend getting robbed of half a million dollars in a divorce settlement,  I thank them all again.

On 12/28/2019 at 10:11 AM, PissFanOmega said:

I have neurological issues that prevent me from working (which doesn't help),

I'm very sorry to hear that.  Life can be really tough without money.  I wish you success with your writing. Perhaps there is a best selling novel in your future.  Success and recognition is another way to win back your self esteem.

I had the good fortune to always find well paid jobs,  and that was in itself a compensation for having no-one to spend the money on.  My experience may not be relevant to you at all,  except that I can truthfully tell you it really is possible to live a satisfying life without relationships. 

You have love to give, but meet nothing but rejection.  Please know,  that is not your fault.  It is a product of the shallow and spiteful world that others have built.  Don't let it fill you with bitterness.  You can still be caring and kind to the people around you.  Even if they don't appreciate you,  you will know within yourself that you are a worthwhile person.

 

 

[Peefreak99 3,722]

Being single is not good for anyone. You need someone to love and care for and someone that loves and cares for you. It's just natural that we need that special someone. 

[likesToLick 10,216]

3 minutes ago, Peefreak99 said:

Being single is not good for anyone. You need someone to love and care for and someone that loves and cares for you. It's just natural that we need that special someone. 

Very true,  but it's only a lucky few who achieve such a happy state.  The rest of us must learn to survive in whatever way we can.

[T-Virus 132]

On 12/27/2019 at 5:14 PM, PissFanOmega said:

Seriously, I hate it. I've never liked being single, yet ironically, I've been single more often than not throughout my life.

In fact, in my whole adult life (I'm 34), I've only had one meaningful relationship, out of two girlfriends (the first one cheated on me within three days). In fact, I can't recall a single moment in my life when I've actually gotten to experience actual dating life, mixed with the sex, the dinners, the meeting the parents, etc. I haven't even had a healthy sex life. I had a single one-night-stand when I was like 21 - nothing since then, nothing before. That meaningful relationship I mentioned a minute ago? Long-distance. She broke it off when we thought we would actually meet, after five years of skype, texting, and calls.

I can't even tell you the negative toll on my self-image, that my lack of experience has had on me. It's a fucking embarrassment, and worst than that is, I can't even talk to people about it, because my experiences (in all aspects of my life) are not typical ones. It doesn't help that I live in "Mayberry", in a state where people do nothing but gossip and talk shit about each other.

There are other things that contribute to my being single, but nothing of real consequence.

So, anyone else single and hating every second of it?

Anyone else had a dry spell longer than mine? (13 years and counting)

I figured I'd contribute as well. Here goes:

Relationship wise, I've been lonely my entire life, and there isn't a day that goes by without me hating it. I'm twenty three and a half years old, and the closest I got to having a significant other were two different occasions. The first one feigned caring, acting like we were boyfriend and girlfriend, and then promising we'd get married. Sadly, not long after she said that, I get the news that she married another individual. Needless to say, I felt betrayed. I even spent money on this woman in the form of getting her a pair of earrings. Some might say buying the gift was a trivial thing, but to me at the time? It was a sign of trust, of caring, of pure love. And it felt like my gift meant nothing, which didn't help the feeling of heartbreak and betrayal that had struck me.

In the second case, I met this other individual as a friend, but things slowly took a whole different route. I soon fell in love with this person, and the need to confess was a burden that I had to get out of my head. Unfortunately, before I confessed my feelings, I stumbled upon some photos of said individual on the net, and they weren't the normal kind. It was also here that I discovered the friend was transgender, but I didn't mind that. Heck, I didn't even mind that they uploaded explicit pictures of themselves. So, without further ado, I told them my feelings. Well, it went seriously wrong. Those pictures? They were primarily meant for another person on the other side of the World who only wanted just that: explicit images of them and nothing more. Sadly, she cared more for a lecherous stranger than a person who truly cared and treated her with respect. She literally called him her friend, despite the fact that we had told each other various secrets that we wouldn't broadcast publicly. I couldn't have made this up if I tried. Well, a serious wedge was driven between us and we lost our patience and tempers. We haven't spoken in six years and it will be seven in November. 

A piece of my life story aside, I know how you feel. It's been one of my childhood dreams since I was young to have a family of my own, but sadly I've had two cases of bad luck, and it's made me extremely cautious and nervous about getting my heart broken a third time. And to top it off, my biological clock is going haywire, (If you can call it that in a guy) and I fear that one day I may be too late to even help conceive a child.

[gldenwetgoose 21,498]

On 12/27/2019 at 11:41 PM, PissFanOmega said:

Pretty much an attitude I had to adopt early on, because of some things I have't mentioned. Hasn't helped.

Unfortunately, where I'm at, there isn't anywhere I could do that. I have neurological issues that prevent me from working (which doesn't help), and there are no local stops where I could safely encounter people.

I haven't been picky for literally years. I can't afford to be picky if I want to find somebody, but the problem is, the more time passes, the harder it is going to be for me to actually find someone.

Just a quick follow-up on a couple of points you replied to....

- When I mentioned the take or leave attitude, I'm conscious that I was very much the opposite in my youth - actually coming across as very insecure and needy.  I now realise that a care free attitude is probably far less of a barrier. What I mean is that the guys who are self confident without being cocky seem to be more attractive to girls - rather than guys who come across as needy.

- Sorry to hear of your medical issues. I'm not wanting to pry at all - and forgive me here, I'm not being judgemental or pointing any fingers. After all I don't know you...   There are those who basically as soon as you meet them will tell you their woes and why life is so bad, what their illness is and so on - and most normal people run a mile.  I just wondered in my original post whether there was anywhere which would let you get a different circle of social contact.  For a moment ignore the meeting a girlfriend issue, but lets just think about where you live - you've touched on the work issue - are there any adult education groups, voluntary groups, thrift shops, that sort of thing where you could just spend an hour or two a week.  A local coffee shop you can pop into to read the newspapers, a library...?   Just to meet new people - male and female. Build your confidence in social groups, that sort of thing.

You mention there being nowhere locally where you can safely socialise - is there any possibility of moving location, different town, new start - that sort of thing?

- I know people who fit that pattern of being long term single and so set in their habits and ways - also though I know loads of people who in later life have met their perfect partner. I've photographed loads of their weddings too.

I guess what I'm saying is that the first rule of fight club is that we don't talk about fight club and in the same way, the first rule of being lonely is not to appear lonely.  If you can portray an air of someone positive and happy with themselves then you maximise the chance of other people wanting to share your happiness.

[PissFanOmega 206]

13 hours ago, gldenwetgoose said:

You mention there being nowhere locally where you can safely socialise - is there any possibility of moving location, different town, new start - that sort of thing?

No.

My only support system is in/near the town I'm in, and without that support system, I couldn't even go anywhere to pay rent, or buy groceries. I'm stuck where I'm at.

13 hours ago, gldenwetgoose said:

I guess what I'm saying is that the first rule of fight club is that we don't talk about fight club and in the same way, the first rule of being lonely is not to appear lonely.  If you can portray an air of someone positive and happy with themselves then you maximise the chance of other people wanting to share your happiness.

Sure. And I've had to wear that mask for most of my life. It's no better than lying about who I am, or what I do. Eventually, everyone finds out the truth, and 99% of them have something to say about it. Most people assume I can do things just fine, because the few times I do socialize, I look normal.

I may be able to look happy to other people, but eventually, when I can't maintain the charade anymore, they all see the truth.

[Adyguy6970 878]

Athough I have been in relationships in the past, I'm currently single.  There are aspects of being single which are incredibly positive, including a large measure of freedom of thought and action, not having to negotiate things etc.  At the same time there are aspects that suck such as not having someone to tell when you've had a bad day and having to look after yourself when you're ill.  Fortunately I don't suffer from loneliness but, for people who do, it can be very difficult. Most of us are by nature and inclination designed to be social creatures, although the habits and routines of even people we're very fond of can be tiresome if they don't sit well with our own.  I hope you do find someone special eventually with whom you can find happiness.   

[DurtyMunky 1]

Not really. I've been on my own for more than 5 years now, but am ok with it. It would be nice to have someone to cook for, but at least I can have quiet when I need it. Plus I can spend as long as I want in the bath.

I used to date pretty much anyone, just to feel wanted. Huge mistake. Having my happiness at least partially dependent on another person's mood or behaviour didn't work out well .

 

[PissFanOmega 206]

3 hours ago, DurtyMunky said:

I've been on my own for more than 5 years now, but am ok with it. It would be nice to have someone to cook for, but at least I can have quiet when I need it

I used to feel that way too, but then five years turned into seven, seven to ten. I became severely depressed, stressed out, and ultimately I was unneeded by anyone. I would turn to personal projects just to pass the time, none of which went anywhere, and offered no satisfaction at all.

At that time, it was before I found my now ex-girlfriend, but when she finally came into my life, everything was just better. It was strictly long-distance, which was hard to deal with, but it lasted five years (ended last year).

Now I'm back to being alone all the time, and it just doesn't provide any satisfaction like it seems to in other people. Having lived with the option to do what I want most of the time, it doesn't hold the appeal for me that it does in others. It's really overrated, actually.

Some people are perfectly fine sitting at home, alone, with nothing but their thoughts, but then most people can hold a job, and the majority of their time is taken up. Me, sadly I'm disabled (neurological), so all my time is spent at home, with only my thoughts, with the knowledge that the only interaction I can get is online (can't do anything locally, and I can't travel).

Don't get me wrong, it's not bad 24/7, I have good days, and bad days like anyone. But sometimes, the reality is inescapable: I'm here alone, and It'll likely stay that way for quite some time, assuming it will ever change.

Unlike other people, I've never been able to take value in doing things strictly out of selfish desire. If what I'm doing isn't serving some kind of larger purpose, it just feels pointless to me. I have hobbies like most people, but when I finish something, I don't feel accomplished, I don't feel the sense of satisfaction that most people do, unless what I've done has somehow helped someone else, or enriched their lives. Most people can't understand that, and assume that it has to do with my needing other people, but it's not about that, it's about what I get out of spending time out of my life to do such things. It's like building a machine that serves no real purpose; sure, it was an interesting exercise, but what did it really accomplish?

I have a terrible feeling that this is how Leonardo da Vinci felt in his life. He once said "the noblest pleasure is the joy of understanding", but damned if I understand what my life is supposed to be about. Maybe that's why I'm generally unhappy.

[cumonerybody 1]

I used to hate it, the constant loneliness, and inability to find love, but after years of being rejected and ignored by girls, I started finding bliss in my isolation. I guess you can call me an incel, but I don't hate women, you can't force someone to love you back. And no, I don't think i'm one of those "nice guys" i can be a real jack ass sometimes. It's me, it's all me. I'm not the best looking, and I got no game;  it is what it is. If I spend the rest of my life alone and single, I think I will be ok, as long as I have some peace and quiet. 

[PissFanOmega 206]

In my case, I love women, it's just that most of them won't even give me the time of day.

It's discouraging, depressing, and it's made me ultimately rethink my choice to look for a relationship.

It would be one thing if I were single by choice, and be able to get a date whenever I wanted one (or at least some of the time), but being largely ignored, there's little point in that.

[P_lovinguy 1,318]

To join in on this topic, I do also despise being single. I've always hated it in between girlfriends and now wives. 

It's been six years since my second divorce, sadly. I miss having my best friend, my partner, my lover, my companion; to be with her.  But it's said all things happen for a reason.

I'm believing a new woman to come into my life and I into hers; to be my newest & best (female) friend with new love abounding. Hopefully she'll even enjoy pee fun as I do. If she doesn't but loves me anyway then that's all I can ask for.

Edited February 10, 2020 by P_lovinguy

[PissFanOmega 206]

2 hours ago, P_lovinguy said:

But it's said all things happen for a reason.

I used to believe that, but I can't for any reason, see why people should be made to live lonely lives, miserable and tired of life.

It's just a waste.

I used to believe that God had a plan for me, that all my suffering would be worth it. But I'm sitting at thirty-four, which very well could be the very center of my entire life, if not further along, and I've lost my patience for believing in such nonsense. God hasn't done shit for me in my life, I've had to suffer every day at the hands of society, and as a result of my neurological issues, and I've nothing to show for it.

Needless to say, I don't have much use for blind faith anymore. That includes the idea that there's a purpose behind everything. In my experience, there is no real purpose, it's just random crap. People tell themselves there's a purpose behind even the worst parts of their lives, because it makes them feel like it's worth going through.

Whatever helps them sleep at night, they can think whatever they want. Me? I'm tired of the self-delusions.

2 hours ago, P_lovinguy said:

I'm believing a new woman to come into my life and I into hers; to be my newest & best (female) friend with new love abounding. Hopefully she'll even enjoy pee fun as I do. If she doesn't but loves me anyway then that's all I can ask for.

I hope you find what you're looking for.

Thanks for commenting.

Edited February 10, 2020 by PissFanOmega

[likesToLick 10,216]

21 hours ago, PissFanOmega said:

Needless to say, I don't have much use for blind faith anymore. That includes the idea that there's a purpose behind everything. In my experience, there is no real purpose, it's just random crap. People tell themselves there's a purpose behind even the worst parts of their lives, because it makes them feel like it's worth going through.

I have to say I agree with you on this.  There is no God,  there is no "vast eternal plan."  Everything that happens is purely random chance.

Life has,  by chance, dealt you a really lousy hand.   This is not your fault,  you are not being "punished" for anything,  there is no reason behind it.  It's nothing more than the blind luck of the draw.

The only option you have is to think of ways to play the cards you were dealt,  in the best way you can.

In the long run, nobody wins the game of life.  Not even the richest corpse in the cemetery.  We can only try to find some small but good thing in each day that passes.

[FatYoda 323]

I'm fine being single. I've been rejected and I've rejected people but mostly the latter. I have some previous trauma that makes intimacy difficult (for example even if a partner just touches my rear I start hyperventilating) and I'm really hesitant to get with anyone. However, I still carry a very happy and healthy life with a few good friends, occasionally hooking up with someone but mostly keeping these feelings to myself.

Being single only gets to you if you let it. Don't let the stigma reduce your worth and don't let anyone judge you. The one thing I dislike most about Western society is all the judgement people get for not having sex.

Edited February 11, 2020 by FatYoda

[Sunshine108 174]

Honnestly, I'm single since about 5 years. And I like that! Don't rush to find love, begin by loving yourself. It may take time, but it's worth it trust me!

[PissFanOmega 206]

8 hours ago, Sunshine108 said:

Honnestly, I'm single since about 5 years. And I like that! Don't rush to find love, begin by loving yourself. It may take time, but it's worth it trust me!

It's not about self-love, it's about being tired of constant rejection, of constantly not having companionship in your life. It's about waking up every single day to an otherwise empty bed. It's about the constant reminder that you have failed to attain something that other people take for granted. It's about not having someone else to connect with on any meaningful level whatsoever.

And you know, if you can live life where those things do not bother you, that's fine, some people are like that, but not everyone can be happy about the fact that they're waking up alone, without someone meaningful in their lives, especially on days like Valentine's Day.

You want to know why everyone says "love yourself" the second this topic pops up?

Because it's a convenient way to shovel aside the real problem, while insinuating that our lack of enjoying being single, has something to do with our self-image, when it doesn't. It's a scapegoat.

8 hours ago, Sunshine108 said:

Don't rush to find love

I've had one serious relationship in my whole adult life, out of only two girlfriends (the first one cheated on me not even three days after we got together).

I'm 34 now.

If you honestly think I'm "rushing to find love" (or ever have) after that bit of trivia, then there's nothing I can say that will convince you otherwise. In fact, I recently decided I was done. I took myself off the market completely. And guess what? ...I still hate being single.

And honestly, I'm tired of giving a shit about relationships. I've wasted half of my life looking, and being patient, and hoping for the best, when ultimately, it isn't up to me. Whether or not someone else wants to spend time with me, isn't up to me. Nothing I do is ever going to change that.

People just don't give a shit about relationships anymore, and I don't see why I should either. But, that doesn't mean I suddenly like being single, it just means I have no choice other than to be single.

[P_lovinguy 1,318]

In a bit of irony, for us blokes who are single...

[1badboy 581]

I'm not single.  I'm married and I have a couple of kids but I can relate to the posts here.  I got into this whole thing back when I was single, lonely, and frustrated.

I'm not qualified to give advice, and I am definitely going to offend a lot of people, but having said that, there are things that I wish I knew back when I was single.

I started writing too much so I am going to cut to the chase.  I didn't find the right woman until I broke out of the rut I had gotten myself in and realized that this a fucking big world.  

If you get more adventurous you can check out women of other religions, other cultures, and even other parts of the world -- like Asia.  I'm not suggesting that you go on a sex vacation.  Hell you could go and get a "Full Service" message at an 'Asian Message' -- which is still a big fucking waste of time.

Be careful about the Phillipines, keep in mind that the Chinese might be super ambitious, and remember that Vietnam is still basically a 'conservative' family based culture under the surface.

[PissFanOmega 206]

2 hours ago, 1badboy said:

If you get more adventurous you can check out women of other religions, other cultures, and even other parts of the world -- like Asia.

That might work for those in the right areas, can travel, and/or have money.

Doesn't apply to me, personally, but I recognize the fact that some people can do that.