Soft, Gentle Sex

[Bacardi 10,132]

Morning friends.

I saw this on fb this morning:

I realize it's meant to be funny but it sorta resonated in my soul. I am certainly one for being spanked, slapped, and thrown around during sex, but I also like this soft, caring stuff too lol. 

It brought me back to when I lost my virginity to my ain't shit ex. I am rather small and tight between my legs (I've been told this by my gyno, who has to use teen/child sized speculums on me when I go see him), and I remember being so scared when we decided to lay down and have sex for the first time. It was missionary and I was shaking, really afraid it was going to hurt. This was early 2010 when everyone still believed in "popping cherries/" ripping hymans/bloody messes when you had sex for the first time (which, for the record, never happened to me lol) so i was literally in tears afraid for what would happen to me. 

But for as much shit as I give my ex, I really commend the way he handled me the first time we had sex. He just kept gently cooing "relax" at me, breathing in deeply and then exhaling against my face to coach me into breathing. I was able to relax after that and it wasn't so bad. He would whisper to me that I was a good girl and move my hair from my face, and it was enjoyable after that. Did I cum? No lol. Penetrative intercourse wasn't and still isn't my favorite thing, but what I can say was from then on I definitely developed a soft praise kink to balance out my more submissive, punching bag side. 

Anyone else have thoughts on this? I'd love to know where other people stand on the praise vs punishment spectrum.

[Kupar 13,339]

Interesting. My experience with K has very rarely featured any rough stuff (only in occasional role play), and we are often extremely polite to each other. We *always* thank each other afterwards (it seems ridiculous, but it's sort of built into being English maybe). During sex there's often praise, but it's not necessarily intended that way - it's just how it comes out: "Ooh! That feels really good - your're doing great things to me!" or "To the left a bit, now harder ... oh yes, you are soooo good at this!"  And it all feels natural and makes it loving.

Does that make sense?

Oh - and I love that meme!

[A_AShes 538]

If person does not react to soft subtle gentle touch... well it is kind of difference in sensetivity... or body deathness... It is self protection for both sides to talk on the same touch language...

Unfortunately some interpret softness as weakness... and roughness as power dominance...  I would think it is a fear to be soft and gentle in those loud creatures.., not understanding the real power of attention...

[Euro 346]

Wow what an emotive subject !

Sex is so wildly impossible to define, Coz what you need at the time is...???? If that sort of makes sense

 

[muffinhuntr 1,213]

I am not a violent person, mostly. I have never hit or forced a woman to do anything. In a mutual love relationship anything that feels good and both agree to is ok. I, personally, like it when a woman cums. If a woman gets off on hitting,etc I have to bow out. I feel that any man who hits a woman is a coward. Even in fun. A little spanking, however, is ok!

[likesToLick 10,216]

11 hours ago, Bacardi said:

Anyone else have thoughts on this? I'd love to know where other people stand on the praise vs punishment spectrum.

I confess to not being very versatile on this.  with me it is always the soft, gentle way. The aggressive slapping and forceful stuff is just totally not arousing to me,  quite the opposite in fact.

I have only once been with a woman for her first time.  We were both 22 years old.  I was as gentle as I knew how,  but her hymen did tear and there was some blood.   I asked her to stay in the bed, and went to fetch a dish of warm water with a little dettol in it.   She stopped bleeding almost at once,  and I very gently washed away the blood with a soft cloth while she lay there in bed.  We had no more penetrative sex that day but stayed in bed and cuddled for a long time.

She did tell me later that the way I had cared for her that day meant a lot to her.

[MidoriLemonade85 2,366]

19 hours ago, Bacardi said:

Morning friends.

I saw this on fb this morning:

I realize it's meant to be funny but it sorta resonated in my soul. I am certainly one for being spanked, slapped, and thrown around during sex, but I also like this soft, caring stuff too lol. 

It brought me back to when I lost my virginity to my ain't shit ex. I am rather small and tight between my legs (I've been told this by my gyno, who has to use teen/child sized speculums on me when I go see him), and I remember being so scared when we decided to lay down and have sex for the first time. It was missionary and I was shaking, really afraid it was going to hurt. This was early 2010 when everyone still believed in "popping cherries/" ripping hymans/bloody messes when you had sex for the first time (which, for the record, never happened to me lol) so i was literally in tears afraid for what would happen to me. 

But for as much shit as I give my ex, I really commend the way he handled me the first time we had sex. He just kept gently cooing "relax" at me, breathing in deeply and then exhaling against my face to coach me into breathing. I was able to relax after that and it wasn't so bad. He would whisper to me that I was a good girl and move my hair from my face, and it was enjoyable after that. Did I cum? No lol. Penetrative intercourse wasn't and still isn't my favorite thing, but what I can say was from then on I definitely developed a soft praise kink to balance out my more submissive, punching bag side. 

Anyone else have thoughts on this? I'd love to know where other people stand on the praise vs punishment spectrum.

Wow, we talk about such an interesting variety of topics here, don’t we? Isn’t it lucky that it’s anonymous, except for those of us who know each other very well! 😉

I do love your meme, and hey, I think it’s romantic and I love BJs and flowers! 

I think it perhaps depends on how many partners you have had, how many different types of sex you have had, perhaps what kind of porn has influenced you, maybe how old you are, and maybe even health issues too, and perhaps your attitude towards sex, which can be influenced by everything from family attitudes to movies or music. 

By that I mean, if you have had multiple partners you have been able to experiment with the very different ways that different personalities make love or express lust and sensuality. If you have only had one or two partners, you might look towards porn and want to replicate what you see. If you are younger perhaps you crave a more energetic, passionate love-making that may include rough sex, and if you are older, or have health issues (bad back, asthma, etc) then gentle sex might work best. 
 

I found I was influenced by music and movies…the passion shown in them, as well as pee porn for this particular kink. Those things expanded my mind with things I longed to try out with the right person. 
 

I would say in my current real married life now, I have maybe 90% gentle, loving, caring sex. The other 10% is rough, but it is few and far between. We have kids, so not much privacy or energy or time. By rough I mean arse slapping, cock biting, hair pulling, hands around neck, scratching, pushing onto bed. Blindfolds would be nice to try at some stage too, or being tied up. 
 

I have had male and female partners. I like the natural roughness and power than men have without even trying. And I love the softness and safety of females and how they know their way around my body. I had some partners with large cocks, including the one who took my virginity, and I just accepted the fact that sex would always hurt. Then later I had partners with reasonable sized cocks, so it was nice to feel the difference. Most of my male partners have focussed more on pleasing themselves. It was all about sex for the purpose of my man cumming, and that was it. Only recently, since I have been on PF have I considered that it was important for me to feel pleasure too. My husband only had one partner before me, so I can’t expect him to know everything too.

Praise is weird, isn’t it. I like what @Kupar wrote, but that kind of communication only happens with mature, emotionally intelligent couples who respect each other. A lot of the time, not much is said during sex at all. It is just plain awkward to fuck and communicate rationally at the same time, because sex is such an opposite activity to daily life. Of course communication is crucial if you want to get to know how to properly pleasure your partner and yourself. And praise is very nice, and increases connection and bond. 
 

Some relationships, however, are not as stable and caring as married relationships, but are based on lust and desire and though unhealthy, are always memorable. I had one more than 20 years ago with my “bad boy” who taught me about rough sex. A lot of my kinks originated from the few months I spent with him. He treated me badly, but I learned to love it. I learned my submissive side from him, though unfortunately, he was not into pee. But, without him, I might not be here on PF. 
 

Does that help at all,B? Humans are complex creatures, constantly changing. Relationships are too. 💚
 

 

[Sophie 24,410]

Wow... how can I post this short message after that beauty by Midori?!

I MUCH prefer soft, gentle sex. Sure sometimes I like it a little rougher, or a little more raw and in the moment, for the most part I enjoy it slower and more gentle.

I want to feel special, I want to feel loved and beautiful. I want to feel worshiped. I love sex in missionary, holding my husband close in my arms and kissing him while we make love, both of us in a tight embrace. Or I love being on top, slowly rocking my hips as I lean forward and kiss him, whispering in each others ears and looking deep in our eyes. Really taking my time and enjoying the journey, not the destination.

[gldenwetgoose 21,487]

Having read the last few posts here, I have to say  - absolutely lovely.   A huge difference between making love and just having sex.

 

(And actually, makes me think that maybe there's a chance I'm actually a half decent lover.  Go Goose!  😉)

[MidoriLemonade85 2,366]

On 4/2/2023 at 11:14 PM, Bacardi said:

Morning friends.

I saw this on fb this morning:

I realize it's meant to be funny but it sorta resonated in my soul. I am certainly one for being spanked, slapped, and thrown around during sex, but I also like this soft, caring stuff too lol. 

It brought me back to when I lost my virginity to my ain't shit ex. I am rather small and tight between my legs (I've been told this by my gyno, who has to use teen/child sized speculums on me when I go see him), and I remember being so scared when we decided to lay down and have sex for the first time. It was missionary and I was shaking, really afraid it was going to hurt. This was early 2010 when everyone still believed in "popping cherries/" ripping hymans/bloody messes when you had sex for the first time (which, for the record, never happened to me lol) so i was literally in tears afraid for what would happen to me. 

But for as much shit as I give my ex, I really commend the way he handled me the first time we had sex. He just kept gently cooing "relax" at me, breathing in deeply and then exhaling against my face to coach me into breathing. I was able to relax after that and it wasn't so bad. He would whisper to me that I was a good girl and move my hair from my face, and it was enjoyable after that. Did I cum? No lol. Penetrative intercourse wasn't and still isn't my favorite thing, but what I can say was from then on I definitely developed a soft praise kink to balance out my more submissive, punching bag side. 

Anyone else have thoughts on this? I'd love to know where other people stand on the praise vs punishment spectrum.

How about this one, @Bacardi? 

[Bacardi 10,132]

1 hour ago, MidoriLemonade85 said:

How about this one, @Bacardi? 

Nah. Cause you know i love my decks bushy 😏

[Guest Wetling]

On 4/2/2023 at 3:44 PM, Bacardi said:

I am certainly one for being spanked, slapped, and thrown around during sex

Not my kind of thing, because I think there are other ways to express manliness. But if I were into such things, I think there is a huge difference between doing it out of affection or out of crudity, and I believe you could feel that difference. I find that post heartwarming as well, because it shows how he's still seeing her as a lovable person, not just a sex object. As such it is somehow the converse to guys standing in victory pose above a girl, as if she disgraced herself by sucking his dick. Putting this in a pic or vid sends a message. I wouldn't say you need to be in love with a sex partner, but you should respect her or him.

Edited April 4, 2023 by Wetling

[MidoriLemonade85 2,366]

6 hours ago, Bacardi said:

Nah. Cause you know i love my decks bushy 😏

😆