My pee fetish burden

[Gotah 2,236]

Guys I need answers, and I hope some of you can help me out here. In order for you to understand my situation however, I need to tell you what happened yesterday evening first:

We've had an important meeting at work where me and my other three coworkers (2 of them are girls) met up with a couple of people to talk about business stuff. The meeting was long and by the end of it one of my female colleagues needed to pee quite a bit. I know that because she told me afterwards. The meeting was in a big room inside the building we all work in and after leaving it I walked upstairs with her to our office and while doing so she told me openly how much she needed a piss. I even saw her doing a little pee dance while I was opening up the door.

Now, since she's very pretty I've (obviously) been fantasizing about her needing to pee at every opportune moment, and all I've done since I first met her (we've been working together for over a month now) was to hope that one day a situation like this would happen. Unfortunately though, and this is not the first time something similar has happened to me, this whole desperate situation of hers made me feel incredibly uncofortable. It wasn't enjoyable in the slightest. I was feeling unease the whole time and even afterwards I couldn't stop thinking about it, but not in a good way. That moment of her jumping around desperate infront of the office door and her sentence "I've been needing to pee for over half an hour now" burnt itself into my brain and was plaguing me for the rest of the evening. It was so bad that I couldn't rest once I went to bed, ending up in the worst, most uncomfortable night of sleep I've had in a very long time. All because those images were constantly waking me up at night.

It's early in the morning as I'm writing this btw - very early. I gave up on my final hours of sleep half an hour ago and all I want to know now is WHY?

Why did this happen and also how can this happen?

I've been hoping, fantasizing, dreaming about seeing women I know needing to pee for most of my life, and everytime it happens, I just can't enjoy it in the slightest (most of the time, there have been exceptions). It's always a sight that keeps torturing me day and night for a couple of days and I just can't figure out why. And I repeat, this is not the first time it happens, but the whole situation yesterday for some reason was so intense that I decided to finally ask for your thoughts.

So, what do you think? Can some of you relate to this? Is there some scientific explanation behind this phenomenon that I don't know about?

Help😅

[gldenwetgoose 20,270]

In my opinion @Gotah - I would say that the phenomenon you experienced is actually a very positive one.

I'm no professional psychologist, and have no basis other than personal opinion to make any suggestion.  And I'm quite open to my idea being wrong too.

But my immediate thought on reading that is that you are first and foremost a respectful gentleman.   Yes, you share the pee kink at the thought of a lady's pee desperation and of all the various outcomes that could follow.  But when it comes to real world friendship and professional business relationships you're clearly a man of integrity and honour.

Clearly you have a much deeper respect for your colleague and friend than you've been able to easily explain here.  I'm reading in that you wouldn't want her suffering discomfort of humiliation. If she hadn't made it to the bathroom the chances are (for the majority of people) she'd be absolutely mortified and if it happened in front of you that could cause an ongoing awkwardness in the future.

I'm also guessing two things on your part - the first a mental battle at the time to keep a poker-face and professional, hoping your eyes didn't light up too brightly at her pee dance and confession. Trying to make out that, just like everyone else, it's just a thing us humans do every day and not to be celebrated.  That and definitely trying to hide arousal - on that level and on the fact this is a close colleague.  Secondly perhaps during the night the feelings of trying to work out why we are afflicted with that arousal over pee actions - why are we hypnotised in that way.  Why does it have a stronger power than our own mental willpower?

Being positive @Gotah - your colleague made it through to relief safely.  After the event she was freely talking about it, and clearly not embarrassed - either at her bodily function or at you knowing about it.

So - my answer to your question, is that you are a man of honour and integrity, who is able to value friendship and professional integrity above lust and self pleasure.  I would encourage you to try and look at it as a positive, it's certainly a set of admirable traits.  And maybe in time your friendship with your colleague will grow closer too on those merits. 

[Bacardi 9,181]

You will have to forgive me, because I am no psychologist and I don't know your history with pee and individuals you know, but what I can do is give you my own personal experience with something similar. 

I reacted like this when I was a child when I had deep, deep crushes on people. I would be up all night stressing about how much I loved them, and it was especially hurtful because most of the time they were women and that didn't make any sense to me since I hadn't accepted the fact that I was bisexual yet. Obviously you already knew that you were fond of her and you knew that you are into pissing. Maybe you are simply just overwhelmed with having one of your actual fantasies coming true and your body reacted with anxiety instead of pleasure? 

I'm sorry this happened to you 😔 it sounds frustrating. I certainly hope you feel better soon.  

[oliver2 3,899]

I’d guess along similar lines to @Bacardi (disclaimers: I’m not a psychologist, I don’t claim to be hugely emotionally intelligent, etc) - that this is one of those cases where you sit on an emotion you can’t express directly (because you can’t go lusting overtly at coworkers, at least unless you or they are @JacquiPee) and then the emotion pops out elsewhere in a different but related form

Edited October 12, 2022 by oliver2

[Kupar 12,487]

This is really tough @Gotah. I sympathise with you. And it's a great phrase: "kink burden". I think that sums it up perfectly. I fear that it's something that most of us have to bear, though in different ways and with different aspects of this kink - or other kinks - simply because there seems to be no immediate explanation for it, or any reasonable way of confessing it, particularly in the professional situation you were in. (I know it's not directly related to your situation, but maybe this general article (one that's not overly focused on BDSM for a change!) might help: https://everydayfeminism.com/2017/03/people-ashamed-of-their-kink/) 

So, given that we must live with the burden, I am thinking of it in terms of a condition where the symptoms are treated, rather than the cause. And that means finding ways to lessen the impact of the guilt you feel. The first thing is to acknowledge what you're feeling, to yourself, and then to share that with others who understand (us). You've done that and I hope it has helped a little, in itself.

Second would perhaps be to try, as Goose suggested, rationalising what happened to your colleague: there was no embarrassment or disaster, and while your kink swung into action big-time, you remained gentlemanly and professional throughout. That's a massive plus.

Third, perhaps, would be to try and find another outlet for what happened. Might you draw, or write, about it? Allow yourself to legitimately enjoy what happened, such that the event itself doesn't get forever stuck with the association of the guilty sleepless night?

Finally, I don't know the scientific reasons why this happens. But if it's really causing you distress, there is always the option of professional counselling. Sending you hugs, my friend.

[Gotah 2,236]

Wow, I didn't expect your answers to be this wholesome lol

Thanks everybody for your thoughts and kind words!

7 hours ago, Bacardi said:

Maybe you are simply just overwhelmed with having one of your actual fantasies coming true and your body reacted with anxiety instead of pleasure? 

I think this is definetly something that makes sense. It was for sure an overwhelming experience even if it all happened rather quickly, maybe that's why I wasn't able to process it properly.

Also, I've had some time to think about this mess today and I feel like the fact that I wasn't alone with her yesterday  (even though tecnically it was just the two of us in that particular moment, but I was still aware that the others were around) was probably a reason why there was a certain emotional distance towards what happened. I have this (maybe selfish) habit that whenever a special moment happens, whether it's pee related or not, I want to have it all for myself, so that I can fully, emotionally immerse myself into whatever is happening. Knowing that people are around ruins the magic for me, thus creating a distraction and therefore a barrier between my emotions and "the fun". And maybe this goes hand in hand with the anxiety of then not knowing how to properly react to the situation.

Does that make sense?

Nevertheless, I know my colleague already well enough to safely say that this won't be the last time something like this will happen (which is awesome!). All I need to do now is to patiently wait for her next full bladder and then see how things will go down.

Wish me luck! Lol

Edited October 12, 2022 by Gotah

[Ms. Tito 2,043]

The kink guilt for me is made worse by my trans imposter syndrome making me feel like a creep for peeing with other girls and secretly wanting to see. 

[Alpian 483]

Hi @Gotah,

I'm not repeating what @gldenwetgoose said, he says it better than I ever could.

In my case, the difference between the joy of fantasy and the commiseration of reality lies often in the realization (or rather: assumption) that the real person most likely does not enjoy the situation: How many ladies are out there who share our kink? And then the knowledge of my kink makes me overcompensate and be extra distant and avoiding any and all hints whatsoever. Trying not to make her feel unconfortable and not wanting to give myself away. A bit like a gay catholic priest who preaches the sin to cover his own divergence from the perceived norm.

My stories are full of situation where I try to get a grasp on my underlying lust for deviant behavior and my prevailing empathy and babbittry. And I admit that after writing a story - which can quickly degenerate into a multihour overnight session - I often struggle for a few days to find back into real life...

Maybe writing down your fantasies and struggles can help you untangle your emotions and channel them more clearly?

For real life, maybe it's about time you proposed an afterwork outing? (to be clear: I don't recommend breaching the subject of your kink just yet - but then I never would in real life...)

Edited October 14, 2022 by Alpian
Just saw you already write stories - going to have a look :-)

[MidoriLemonade85 1,938]

On 10/12/2022 at 4:14 PM, Gotah said:

Guys I need answers, and I hope some of you can help me out here. In order for you to understand my situation however, I need to tell you what happened yesterday evening first:

We've had an important meeting at work where me and my other three coworkers (2 of them are girls) met up with a couple of people to talk about business stuff. The meeting was long and by the end of it one of my female colleagues needed to pee quite a bit. I know that because she told me afterwards. The meeting was in a big room inside the building we all work in and after leaving it I walked upstairs with her to our office and while doing so she told me openly how much she needed a piss. I even saw her doing a little pee dance while I was opening up the door.

Now, since she's very pretty I've (obviously) been fantasizing about her needing to pee at every opportune moment, and all I've done since I first met her (we've been working together for over a month now) was to hope that one day a situation like this would happen. Unfortunately though, and this is not the first time something similar has happened to me, this whole desperate situation of hers made me feel incredibly uncofortable. It wasn't enjoyable in the slightest. I was feeling unease the whole time and even afterwards I couldn't stop thinking about it, but not in a good way. That moment of her jumping around desperate infront of the office door and her sentence "I've been needing to pee for over half an hour now" burnt itself into my brain and was plaguing me for the rest of the evening. It was so bad that I couldn't rest once I went to bed, ending up in the worst, most uncomfortable night of sleep I've had in a very long time. All because those images were constantly waking me up at night.

It's early in the morning as I'm writing this btw - very early. I gave up on my final hours of sleep half an hour ago and all I want to know now is WHY?

Why did this happen and also how can this happen?

I've been hoping, fantasizing, dreaming about seeing women I know needing to pee for most of my life, and everytime it happens, I just can't enjoy it in the slightest (most of the time, there have been exceptions). It's always a sight that keeps torturing me day and night for a couple of days and I just can't figure out why. And I repeat, this is not the first time it happens, but the whole situation yesterday for some reason was so intense that I decided to finally ask for your thoughts.

So, what do you think? Can some of you relate to this? Is there some scientific explanation behind this phenomenon that I don't know about?

Help😅

For me, the word that came to my mind was “compassion.” That feeling overtook any desire you thought you should be feeling. You care about her and don’t want her to suffer. I think about people I care about here on PF, and while it is lovely to think about them being desperate and wetting, another side of me would really hate to see them suffer or be in any pain or any embarrassment. That is what I think it is. You are only human and you have a heart. 💚

[Gotah 2,236]

On 10/15/2022 at 1:19 AM, Alpian said:

Maybe writing down your fantasies and struggles can help you untangle your emotions and channel them more clearly?

For real life, maybe it's about time you proposed an afterwork outing? (to be clear: I don't recommend breaching the subject of your kink just yet - but then I never would in real life...)

Writing is always a fun way to let some steam out, perhaps I should try and write more "personal" pee stories, maybe I could find an answer then - who knows.

As for the outing, I don't think it's a good idea. I feel like it's much more fun to keep it a secret since I'm convinced that once people, in this case my colleague, finds out about my perversions she won't feel comfortable enough anymore to be desperate in front of me again. I'm sure the knowledge of me being into such things can make her feel uncomfortable once it's happening again.

Better to leave all as it is and enjoy everything in secret once it happens again.

[Hidengo 205]

I’ve been through something similar a few times, where I’ve been around visibly desperate people and felt little to no arousal. It actually isn’t that hard to explain: the lack of consent makes you uncomfortable.

Which is good, in the “this is how a decent human being should think” sort of way.

[Starks2010 2,121]

I can relate. I have had attractive female coworkers, two of which I know for a fact hold their pee because they don’t feel like walking to the ladies room. One of them I had made it know that I think she’s attractive though she is married. We had that kind of relationship. 
 

I remember one time she was telling the other female coworkers her wax experience that I overheard. After the wax she used a public restroom and her stream went all over the floor because the hair wasn’t there to direct her stream. I immediately took a trip to the mens room. 
 

Does it turn you on to the point where you feel it in your stomach? What is the bathroom situation like at work? Is it a coed bathroom? That would be ideal because you can accidentally on purpose lock it when you come out to leave your female coworker to resort to alternative means.
 

I wake up at night with those thoughts. You have to handle your business which most of the time puts you back to sleep. 
 

Here’s an idea. Invite her out for drinks after work, then take her for a walk where bathrooms aren’t readily available. I’ve done that.  Hope you can get a takeaway from this.