Moral dilemma

[Guest ShyPeeMan]

I know its wrong to cheat but I have this strong sexual urge that getting harder to contain. I normally just watch porn and wank to relieve myself but I'm finding that is getting less effective as I really want to have someone pee with me. Someone suggested paying for it, but that doesn't seem right as I'm married and she really doesn't like pee in that way.

What would you do?

[Guest ShyPeeMan]

You're meeting a stranger for a sexual encounter which is against marriage, doesn't matter if money is involved or not

[gldenwetgoose 21,460]

@ShyPeeMan - I can completely relate to what you're saying there and completely sympathise - it's a well know situation.

The unfortunate fact is that the 'kink' can become stronger with time.  Perhaps we become desensitised, so the online material becomes more familiar and we need something stronger.  Perhaps we become more comfortable in our minds about the normality of our kink, knowing now how widespread it is and aspects lose their thrill.  Whatever it is, you are right - the temptation to enter into something deeper is so strong.

Ultimately only you can answer the question though.  Ignore for a moment whether it would be paid for or not and try your hardest to think outside of our kink.  It's very easy to normalise things when we're together on the site.  Instead think inside the home.

How would your wife react if she found out that, for example you'd been to a lap dancing bar or that you'd met another woman in a bar and had a one-off, no-follow-up encounter.  I'm not talking full on affair, just a one off thing.  I know people who have the sort of marital relationship that is strong enough to cope. I know one friend who has a pre-agreed arrangement that such a 'slip up' will be accepted as long as it isn't part of something bigger.

Some people have partners who accept that fetishes are real and would allow a partner to satisfy a fetish elsewhere - with ground rules - on the basis it makes them happy and keeps the marriage alive.  But in the opposite case, others would feel betrayed or crushed that they couldn't satisfy their partner.

Now in all of that - it still comes down to whether you're comfortable keeping secrets - because let's face it, those examples aren't quite what we're talking about.

I'm definitely not suggesting or recommending that you lie to your wife. I'm saying without any judgement that you must be able to live with yourself as a result of any decision you take.  That includes one option of coming to terms with a fantasy being exactly just a fantasy - a scenario lived out in your own mind and nowhere else.

As my friend knows, it's an incredibly difficult choice to make.

[Kupar 13,320]

It's incredibly tough. Have you and your wife considered couples sexual relationship counselling? If you can both agree there's a problem that's not going away it might be worth considering. Specialist counsellors have seen and heard it all before. If you want to know my experience of the process, message me. It worked for me and K. But I know it isn't for everyone. Sending hugs.

[Guest ShyPeeMan]

@gldenwetgoose it does seem to be getting stronger and I'm to blame for that as I have been endulging on the wetting side and posting things on here as I've got braver. My wife doesn't know about my kink or that I'm on here. I know deep down it will only be a fantasy as I don't want to hurt my wife but it's a struggle. I have this issue where when I get something in my head, I can't get it out until I've done it which normally isn't a problem until now

[Guest ShyPeeMan]

@Kupar We're not in a good place as it is which is 1 reason why I haven't told my wife. She can be quite vindictive and I don't want kink shaming. There's a part of me that's still embarrassed/ashamed of this kink so don't want to it to be made worse. I think cos we're not having a good time at the mo is making my urges stronger. I still don't want to hurt her though.

[gldenwetgoose 21,460]

The romantics had the idea of the moral battle between following your head and your heart.

Us guys all know it's not the heart driving us down the road of fulfilling our fantasy, and it's not just that erection that's hard to get rid of. 

[Guest ShyPeeMan]

@gldenwetgoose you are so right. 

[WetNightmare 40]

I personally wouldn't stay with anyone who shamed me for any aspect of myself.

[Adyguy6970 869]

I would like to say there was an easy solution to this one but I can't - because there isn't.  Kinks wax and wane over time, and I think it's to do with the levels of hormones in our bodies at any one point of time, as well as external pressures and factors.  One of the difficulties around porn, whether it's online or in magazine form, is that by degrees things which should shock us, and probably did when we first saw them, cease to have a shock value.  You are in a difficult place right now, especially with your marriage being not at its best, however you're also in a good place in the sense that you recognise there's a problem and could see it.  As a pee lover myself, it's only with the gravest reluctance that I would encourage someone to take a break from watching pee related material or any other kind of adult material, as I believe it fulfils an important function.  However, if exposure to it is leading you into a place where the distinction between fantasy and reality is becoming blurred, or your relationship is at risk because of it, perhaps it may be time to take a break and concentrate on your marital relationship for a while.  All relationships have their stresses and strains from time to time.  This is why it's important to take some quality time out and create memories/experiences which you can share and enjoy together.  

[The99Club 351]

I think @gldenwetgoose gave a superb answer to this. I will try and put it a slightly different way.

There are plenty of things in relationships that one person wants and the other does not care for. Could be a kink, but it also could be golf, shopping, skiing, or any number of other things. In each case, both sides have to make a decision if they can live either without their interest...or with what the other's interest does to the relationship. It may seem silly to think golf can ruin a marriage but it takes time and money. Not all marriages can survive it. So decisions need to be made.

Obviously a sexual kink is much more complicated than golf and other activities, but it is just as real and just as important to decide what is most important to you. Ultimately, this is an individual decision -- for each person and for each couple.

I wish you (and anyone in this spot) the best of luck. It is not easy.

[gldenwetgoose 21,460]

On 1/16/2022 at 8:31 AM, mrfox said:

But didn't you just say absolutely nothing?

The way I read it was that @The99Club has, as other people have done, offered their understanding and empathy for the situation.  I know that in the forefront of my thoughts when I personally answered was my view that it's difficult to express everything about the actual situation in a few words, so it's difficult for us to know the whole picture.  In my mind a marriage is a huge undertaking in every sense and my personal belief is that @ShyPeeMan alone can make any decisions on that.  We offered our positions, we emphasised our care and empathy to them without 'leading the witness' in a particular course of action.

[WetNightmare 40]

I'm seeing that we have a whole society of people who for the sake of tradition or 'family values'  will live a miserable life with their needs unmet just to make others happy. I wish people would be more honest and leave a situation to be alone or find a better one in hopes of being more fulfilled.

[Guest ShyPeeMan]

@WetNightmare I do agree with you but it's not always that easy to just up and go. It might just be a rough patch and is it worth throwing everything away for that. If it continues, then yes maybe it's time to leave

[The99Club 351]

8 hours ago, ShyPeeMan said:

@WetNightmare I do agree with you but it's not always that easy to just up and go. It might just be a rough patch and is it worth throwing everything away for that. If it continues, then yes maybe it's time to leave

Plus there is a ton more to any relationship than gets discussed here. It probably seems to skew that way because a peeing fetish is the common bond on this board. But frustration over it doesn't necessarily (though it can) mean that an entire marriage is bad or worth leaving because of it.

[Guest ShyPeeMan]

2 hours ago, The99Club said:

Plus there is a ton more to any relationship than gets discussed here. It probably seems to skew that way because a peeing fetish is the common bond on this board. But frustration over it doesn't necessarily (though it can) mean that an entire marriage is bad or worth leaving because of it.

Yes there is more going wrong but that's private. If it was just my kink, I will get over it in time now doubt

[Burnzie 148]

Cheating is wrong no doubt. I can say from my own personal experience being in relationships, having this desire known and ignored.. That after experiencing it with people who enjoy like you do... Well not sure I could be in that basic of a relationship again. Inevitably it would lead to problems or an ultimate loss of attraction.

[Alfresco 11,610]

@ShyPeeMan, I sympathise with you and your dilemma.   It is a difficult one without doubt.   On one hand, you want to be true to your wife but on the other hand, you have sexual desires which she doesn't want to satisfy.   Only you can make the final decision on what is right and acceptable for you, but I can tell you what I've found in my own situation.

Firstly, I let my wife know quite some time ago that I was turned on by seeing women pee - particularly outdoors or in places away from the toilet.   She didn't understand why I could be turned on by this, other than the possibility of seeing semi naked girls in public.   I said that it was more than that and it was the action of peeing itself, not just the nudity.    I think I first let her know this when she had to pee outside once and was embarrassed about doing it, but I encouraged her and told her it was absolutely fine by me, then afterwards I told her that it excited me.   I was lucky that even though she couldn't see the attraction herself, she didn't absolutely hate me for it.

I explained to her that I had seen other girls pee outside e.g. in nightlife situations when I was at university and that it continued to interest me.  She said to me that if that's what floated my boat.....   So, she occasionally would pee outside out of desperation and I continued to tell her I liked it and so she sometimes did it for my benefit - but still a rarity. We have also experimented a few times with her peeing on me say in a hotel bathroom.

I used to take advantage (still do) if I was away for work and would go and see what I could see outside nightclubs etc. late at night, but I wouldn't tell my wife about this.  I also didn't tell her about being a member here or what I looked at on the internet or some of the naughty places that I've peed.    

One time we were driving and saw a woman get out of a parked car and nip through a gap in the bushes.   I made a comment that she was probably going to pee.  My wife said "I bet you would like to see that" and I admitted that I would.  We then had a conversation about it and also about nightlife peeing and she concluded that she didn't mind me watching as long as I didn't tell her about it and as long as it was only looking and not touching.   So, that made me feel a lot better about looking out for peeing on a night out.   The downside is that I still can't just decide to go out looking unless I'm away on my own because otherwise she would want to know where I was going and then I would have to tell her, which would fail the test about not telling her.

Then, one day we were at a beach and I saw five girls go down a path and stand in a line behind a wall.  I said to my wife that I bet they were going for a pee.   She said that they wouldn't do that and I said I bet they do.  Then they dropped down behind the wall and I said I wanted to go down the path to see what I could see.  She got quite upset about that and didn't want to talk to me for an hour or so.  I tried explaining, but she didn't want to know.   However, it obviously played on her mind and a day or two later she gave me the most amazing wet sex that we've ever had in the garden in a gazebo.   She told me later that it was because she was jealous of me wanting to see the other girls peeing.   I explained that I would only have looked at them and that is all I ever do and she seemed ok with that again.  Unfortunately we haven't had a repeat of the gazebo experience since, but I live in hope.

So, our situation has some similarities with yours, but I'm lucky that my wife has been willing to indulge me to at least some extent - but not very often and not as adventurous as I would like.   I personally would never do anything that I thought would harm our relationship if she found out.  I could not live with myself keeping the secret apart from anything else and I certainly wouldn't want to cause any hurt to her.   I think in your position, I would just be as frank as possible in testing her response to your interest and if she doesn't want to play, then I think I would just have to accept that.   

You could possibly ask her what she thinks about whether you could do something with anyone else to satisfy the urges that are not in her interest, but that is very dangerous and it would be a very special and rare lady that would support you in that.   If she doesn't like the idea then it could ruin what you have got.  Maybe it would depend significantly on what you mean by "pee with me".   If you just want to have a lady pee and let you watch, your wife might be ok with that.  If you want her to pee on you or you pee on her, then that might be a step too far for her to accept.   Maybe if you could sell it to your wife as something that would get you turned on and then you come back to give her great sex, then that might be possible, but on the other hand, if she is anything like my wife, I think she would hate the idea of you having sex with her whilst thinking about someone else.   I'm rambling here and probably not making a lot of sense so I'll stop, but at the end of the day, anything outside of the marriage would need to either be top secret (in which case you may feel guilty long term) or would need to be with her agreement, which might be hard to get and might impact your current relationship.

I am very lucky that I can talk to my wife about my feelings (at least to some level) and that she accepts me and all my shortcomings.   I'm lucky that she will indulge me once in a while and I'm lucky that she is of the view that looking is OK.  She also has told me about when she has seen a woman peeing outside or if she knows about one of her friends having a pee situation because she knows that I'll appreciate it.  Again, I'm lucky - many other women may not be so understanding.

As with any of these things, you also have to consider that if you do it once, then you'll want it again and if you start with watching, maybe you'll be tempted to touch and if you touch, then you may be tempted into sex and then before you know it, you could be having an affair, so just be very careful about what you decide.  If the most important thing to you is your wife, then she has to be number one priority.

 

[Peewee123 1,124]

I was going to suggest you have an open and honest conversation about it and see what maybe you could do together to satisfy your need without her having to feel uncomfortable. Maybe he watching you pe, or you watching her, or her holding you while you pee, or peeing in the shower etc could all be little pieces she could agree to give you so you feel satisfied enough. However seeing your comment about things not being good generally and you feeling you could be shamed looks like maybe you need to work in the getting in a better place first. Maybe this need will then go as other things will be good, or maybe you could then have the conversation I suggested. I really hope you can work something out, one way or another ☺️

[glad1 2,831]

ShyPeeMan, this can be a very slippery slope you're treading on. 

8 hours ago, Alfresco said:

Maybe it would depend significantly on what you mean by "pee with me".   If you just want to have a lady pee and let you watch, your wife might be ok with that.  If you want her to pee on you or you pee on her, then that might be a step too far for her to accept.   

I may have a little different take than most, as I've seen this from another side.

I've hiked with several women who had boyfriends, husbands or partners. Many times, we'd pee in front of one another, often because it was actually less awkward than running into the woods to hide, but usually because we found it fun. It was always more of a playful act than anything else. In fact, it often was a great release for any sexual tension there may have been between us. But, at some point, I knew there was a line I couldn't cross, no matter how much I may have been aroused.

Looking back, I think most of the women got at least as much out of the experience as I did. Some hinted around that these hikes seemed to put a little extra spice into their relationship. I had one later tell me she'd had the best sex ever one evening after she'd returned from a long day on the trail. 

[glad1 2,831]

10 minutes ago, mrfox said:

Haha, I have to assume you met these women on a forum like this right?

Not at all!

These women have been either friends or those I ran across in hiking/outdoor clubs. Given that their chosen activities would take them away from toilet facilities, most all had no problem with peeing outside. The more time we spent on the trail, the more comfortable we became with one another. I found that most women I hiked with were at least pee-curious. A good number seemed to find pleasure in the act of urination, sometimes their own, but usually those of the male gender. After a few hikes, I learned which ones liked to watch, those who enjoyed a tease by showing off and the ones who always had to pee when I did.

[glad1 2,831]

I find it is pretty common among outdoor people, whether hikers, runners, cyclists or boaters. (I'm not as familiar with others.)

At some point, they all have to pee outside. If they want to enjoy their favorite activity, they need to accept the fact that sometimes it may be in an open setting. Even though most may never find it pleasurable, they'll at least be comfortable enough to not make a big deal. If you don't make a big deal about it either, a great many will drop their inhibitions around you.

Going back to ShyPeeMan's original question, if he finds enough release in the voyeur and exhibitionist aspects of our fetish, and it goes no further than enjoying the occasional pee together, I'm okay with it. Hikers have a saying, "What happens on the trail, stays on the trail." In this case, what doesn't soak into the ground finds its way downstream.

This is certainly not going to happen with every trail partner, and it's probably not going to happen with most, but occasionally there are some great sights out in nature to behold. 

[Guest ShyPeeMan]

My marriage isn't going well both mentally and physically, I can't remember the last time we had sex, think that's why my urge has grown recently. I've had urges before but not as wanting as this, I've finally found my thing. This site has allowed me to embrace it and not think I'm dirty for enjoying it. Experimenting on my own is helping my urge which should then help elsewhere as I don't feel like I need to push (not sure if that's the right word) this on my wife who I know will not like it. 

Edited January 20, 2022 by ShyPeeMan

[Guest ShyPeeMan]

3 hours ago, glad1 said:

I find it is pretty common among outdoor people, whether hikers, runners, cyclists or boaters. (I'm not as familiar with others.)

At some point, they all have to pee outside. If they want to enjoy their favorite activity, they need to accept the fact that sometimes it may be in an open setting. Even though most may never find it pleasurable, they'll at least be comfortable enough to not make a big deal. If you don't make a big deal about it either, a great many will drop their inhibitions around you.

Going back to ShyPeeMan's original question, if he finds enough release in the voyeur and exhibitionist aspects of our fetish, and it goes no further than enjoying the occasional pee together, I'm okay with it. Hikers have a saying, "What happens on the trail, stays on the trail." In this case, what doesn't soak into the ground finds its way downstream.

This is certainly not going to happen with every trail partner, and it's probably not going to happen with most, but occasionally there are some great sights out in nature to behold. 

At the moment chatting to people on here and embracing my kink on my own is helping. Thank you for your help, and it does sound like hiking can be fun

[glad1 2,831]

3 minutes ago, ShyPeeMan said:

At the moment chatting to people on here and embracing my kink on my own is helping. Thank you for your help, and it does sound like hiking can be fun

Just be careful with whom you let embrace your kink. 🤣