Accidents causing friction at home

[Jayne78 1,378]

Recently my husband has been less conforting and more intolerant to my mishaps.

You would assume that I'm the one who should be annoyed being spyed on in the bathroom and even more annoying spyed on whilst on holiday. He is happy to watch me use the toilet and even happier when I fail to use the toilet when it has no effect on his social life or activities.

i will admit to having a larger number of leaks than average over the last few months (I am due to see a urologist next month) and would have therefore hoped for some support, support which only comes on his terms.

This came to a head at the weekend we went to a friends bbq my hubby was socialising unfortunately I misjudged my toilet visit and had a wet patch in my jeans I managed to cover it up by wrapping a jumper around my waist but we had to leave and he was furious.

He is also unhappy I lied about the number of accidents I had had on holiday the fact he knew I was lying because he spyed on me seems to be overlooked.

Finally my husband had promised our youngest ten pounds if he stayed dry on holiday something the little man achieved. My husband paid up saying what a big boy he was and that it was a shame that mummy was not being a big girl. I was livid.

Sorry for the rant but feel better for putting it out there.

[chubbybirb999 1,560]

I’m sorry you’re having to go through this. It’s hardly like on this occasion you’re doing it on purpose and it strikes me as unpleasant and petty behaviour. I hope he wises up!

[Peefreak99 3,722]

The thing that bothers me the most is that he said to your son " mommys not a big girl" a thing like that could ruin the balance between you and your son. That's weird that he is getting mad now but not before has something else happened that he might be channeling trough this?

[clay6 319]

3 hours ago, Jayne78 said:

Recently my husband has been less conforting and more intolerant to my mishaps.

You would assume that I'm the one who should be annoyed being spyed on in the bathroom and even more annoying spyed on whilst on holiday. He is happy to watch me use the toilet and even happier when I fail to use the toilet when it has no effect on his social life or activities.

i will admit to having a larger number of leaks than average over the last few months (I am due to see a urologist next month) and would have therefore hoped for some support, support which only comes on his terms.

This came to a head at the weekend we went to a friends bbq my hubby was socialising unfortunately I misjudged my toilet visit and had a wet patch in my jeans I managed to cover it up by wrapping a jumper around my waist but we had to leave and he was furious.

He is also unhappy I lied about the number of accidents I had had on holiday the fact he knew I was lying because he spyed on me seems to be overlooked.

Finally my husband had promised our youngest ten pounds if he stayed dry on holiday something the little man achieved. My husband paid up saying what a big boy he was and that it was a shame that mummy was not being a big girl. I was livid.

Sorry for the rant but feel better for putting it out there.

I’m sorry you’re going through that. He has to learn to accept that aspect of you. I know my wife feels bad sometimes when we have to make emergency stops in the car when we’re already running behind but it’s just the way it is. Not to mention she’s had to even use a cup in the car several times which always makes a bit of a mess but it is what it is. 

[BlindListener 152]

Jayne,
Instead of thinking of your post as a rant, hopefully sharing it hear was like talking to a friend about your situation.  Sorry to hear about how your husband is handling this.  Good luck with your urologist appointment.  I understand why you felt livid regarding your husband’s comment to your son, it did seem unfair.

[gldenwetgoose 21,486]

I'm going to be a little bit blunt here @Jayne78, but from everything you've told us since you joined, I believe your husband is behaving like an arse.

I'm sorry to say it, but first of all your husband has invaded your privacy by secretly filming you - and now when you need support most, is degrading you and putting you down in front of your children. The man (not sure he fits that title) clearly has no respect for you or consideration of your feelings.

I'm sorry again to be so blunt, especially when you need some comfort and reassurance.  Is it possible that the increased weakness you're experiencing could be down to the stress he's causing?

Big online hugs at you....   Sorry if I've highlighted the issue rather than offering any solution.  Hoping the appointment goes well and offers some light.

[Jayne78 1,378]

Wow thanks for the replies you have all proved once again what lovely people you are and the reason I post.

I feel much better for putting it out there and reading your replies.

I don't think my husbands attitude has changed that much he does show support and sympathy as long as he is not effected and this is the issue.

Yes his comment to my little man was underhand and hopefully a one off.

THANK YOU XX

[Alfresco 11,629]

@Jayne78  I agree with the others who have posted here.   I am sorry that you are experiencing a problem which is outside of your control.   It is one thing to deliberately enjoy peeing in many ways, but it is quite another matter when things are not in your control and you are having medical issues.  Hopefully the urologist can help you.    It sounds like your husband may give you some support, but he is out of order saying negative things about you in front of your son.  The attachments between children and their parents are incredibly important to their development and continued negativity can cause lasting effects, so I sincerely hope that you are right that it was a one off.  He may not even realise that it upset you or could be negative for your son, but even so, it is not nice for you.

As for being supportive except when it affects him - part of a loving relationship is putting the other person first when they need it most.   I am 100% sure that you didn't set out to cause an issue to him and it was probably a last resort to leave the BBQ, but it was something you needed to do and he should have been supporting you in your time of need and embarrassment rather than worrying about his socialising.   Obviously I know very little about your relationship or your husband, so apologies if I'm off the mark, but it does sound like he needs to adjust his priorities.

 

[Chicklover99 566]

Sorry to hear of what you are going through and hope your appointment will help. It’s good to share your situation with friends on hear and I’m sure your husband will wise up.

[WantonLee 861]

On 7/10/2019 at 12:23 AM, Jayne78 said:

Recently my husband has been less conforting and more intolerant to my mishaps.

You would assume that I'm the one who should be annoyed being spyed on in the bathroom and even more annoying spyed on whilst on holiday. He is happy to watch me use the toilet and even happier when I fail to use the toilet when it has no effect on his social life or activities.

i will admit to having a larger number of leaks than average over the last few months (I am due to see a urologist next month) and would have therefore hoped for some support, support which only comes on his terms.

This came to a head at the weekend we went to a friends bbq my hubby was socialising unfortunately I misjudged my toilet visit and had a wet patch in my jeans I managed to cover it up by wrapping a jumper around my waist but we had to leave and he was furious.

He is also unhappy I lied about the number of accidents I had had on holiday the fact he knew I was lying because he spyed on me seems to be overlooked.

Finally my husband had promised our youngest ten pounds if he stayed dry on holiday something the little man achieved. My husband paid up saying what a big boy he was and that it was a shame that mummy was not being a big girl.

(...)

I don't think my husbands attitude has changed that much he does show support and sympathy as long as he is not effected and this is the issue.

I know you just want to vent some steam, so I apologize in advance to be male, and as all males go we tend to treat something presented to us that is problem-shaped as a problem and do what we are good at: giving bad advice.

So, here we go:

- he spies on you

- he admits syping on you by the means of accusing you of lying

- he does not support you when it does not suit him

- he sets your own child against you

Well, are we talking about your husband? The one person that shoud be a partner in your life?

...

Do yourself a favor and confront him in a .... non-confrontal way about what bothers you.

That you feel a lack of support from his side and that the thing with your youngest really hurt you.

Is he really thinking that you have mishaps on purpose... to bother him?

Watch his reaction carefully, and plan you next step equally carefully.

 

I have a distinct feeling what would be the outcome of such a confrontation, and I am pretty certain what you should do - although that would probably not be ideal for your kids, and for you if you are financially depending on you husband.

I can only say what I would do, and I personally would never ever again share the same life - let alone bed - with someone that has so obviously become an enemy of mine.

[Jayne78 1,378]

Thank you for al your responses I am deeply touched that you show such concern and I will take on board all that has been said.

One further update I was home today and had a mini accident in my denim shorts not large but enough to show so I had to change.

When my husband came home he spotted them in the utility room by the washer.

He seemed genuinely concerned when he asked if I had had an accident and gave me a cuddle.

OK it didnt effect his day in any way but maybe things will be better.

I was going to talk to him but on the basis of his actions today I decided to say nothing for now.

[Guest UnabashedUser]

Whatever you do don't take any off-the-butt drugstore advice from people in a forum that you don't know.

It's not their marriage and have no insight into your life whatsoever.

There is, however, a superabundance of advice givers and bullshit artists who are more than eager to inflict phony advice and who will then laugh at you if you take it. 

[Jayne78 1,378]

3 hours ago, UnabashedUser said:

Whatever you do don't take any off-the-butt drugstore advice from people in a forum that you don't know.

It's not their marriage and have no insight into your life whatsoever.

There is, however, a superabundance of advice givers and bullshit artists who are more than eager to inflict phony advice and who will then laugh at you if you take it. 

I am not about to confront my husband if I choose to do so in a way that will cause damage to our relationship. 

We may have differing views on the handling of my leaks but we have so much together two boys for starters

[Lilipee 673]

Just curious, have you tried wearing panty liners?  I have issues with bladder leakage at times, so I wear Poise Pads every day.  They are very thin (I can wear it with leggings) but can absorb a lot of liquid.  

Obviously, you should still see the urologist and work on fixing the problem.  But using the liners can help in the meantime.  

[Jayne78 1,378]

Thanks for the suggestion x

I do wear panty liners "Always" though not around the house or if Iknow where a toilet is.

But will wear a liner at work (most of time)  or if exercising