Expressing your thoughts

[Gotah 2,381]

One thing that has stood between me and an easier life is the fact that I really struggle to organize my head and express my thoughts properly. I generally don't have much to say and am a rather quiet person, but ocasionally the time comes where I get to share an opinion about a certain topic and all that comes out of my mouth sometimes is uncomprehensible gibberish or just a few sentences that only scratch the surface of what I am trying to say. It's frustrating and causes many misunderstandings sometimes. 

Do you have any tips on how to articulate yourself better when explaining or when arguing with someone?

[Kupar 13,339]

I think there is a huge range of articulacy among people, just as there is a huge range in ability to draw (!). You are certainly clear in your writing, so I guess it's simply the quicker cut-and-thrush of spoken conversation that is the issue. And many people find this hard. And many people aren't self aware enough to realise it!

I am not sure what techniques might help, but probably talking often with friends who you know well and would be non judgemental might help. Practice makes perfect, as they say. I also think that if it's possible to not overthink things that might help, though I know that's very difficult for some people. 

Everyone is different and acceptance is a good thing perhaps. Being 'that quiet one who writes beautifully and draws like a dream' maybe isn't so bad. But I wish you well in increasing your confidence in conversations and arguments. 

x

[Bacardi 10,131]

I am the same way but in general with everything I say. It's like when I open my mouth to talk my brain goes blank lol. Some call it undiagnosed ADD (I grew up in a community that didn't believe in mental illnesses), but I really don't know because I don't have any other issues with concentrating; just when I'm talking. That's why for serious issues I prefer to speak in writing. It's what works best  for me and my family. If we're having a discussion about money it's very helpful if we can be doing at least some of the discussion through a messaging app so I can have something to reference.

As far as arguing, I avoid that because just like you I am shy and quiet and I avoid confrontation as much as possible. Too much verbal and emotional abuse experienced as a child to be able to handle being yelled at. So I'll go back and forth with people but once they get aggressive I just walk away, even if that makes me the loser. I don't really care. My life is peaceful and that's all that matters.

[WantonLee 861]

I know that struggle, Gotah.

I can not give you any specific advice, other then trying to break down the point of view of yourself (and your interlocutors point of view, if that helps).
Do not just spurt out your thoughts; try to figure out the core of what you want to say.
What is the driving force behind /beyond your trail of thoughts?


It might also help to meditate regularly; if only for 5 minutes.
The core of meditation is to realize that you are not your thoughts, but your thoughts are a part of you.
They come up, just like the grumbling of your guts while they digest something. Kinda. ^^

Trying to keep a "blank mind" for as long as possible is the goal of meditation; because then things can come up from your subconsciousness, that usually are to quiet in comparison to the blabbering of your thoughts.

Do not worry, you can not stop thinking. That is what your mind is FOR.
But you want to get your brain back for at least a little while, so you can observe what is going on more clearly right in front of you (without the constant and automatic judgment of your mind).


That being said, do as Bacardi suggested:
do some online tests for ADHD (and maybe Autism, too).

Not only one, but at least 3 different ones.
If all of them agree that you MIGHT have ADHD, get an appointment at a professional.

And it might help to browse YouTube for people with ADHD, and what they have to say.
You might recognize some patterns... . 😉

(Note that no two people with ADHD are the same; they have similar experiences and problems, but the range of what ADHD entails is very wide. I speak of personal experience, being diagnosed with ADHD one and a half years ago... in my late 40's.)


Good Luck! 😄

[on the porch 710]

Ruth here , I'm so new to all this I some times wander off topic .Its not that I want to do this but rather its hard to express my self the correct way

I have been told to " stay on topic " . I believed I was on topic . just explaining my feelings and thoughts . Wayne said , don't give a second thought ,this is how the internet works  

 

[gldenwetgoose 21,486]

 

On 3/29/2024 at 6:08 AM, Gotah said:

One thing that has stood between me and an easier life is the fact that I really struggle to organize my head and express my thoughts properly. I generally don't have much to say and am a rather quiet person, but ocasionally the time comes where I get to share an opinion about a certain topic and all that comes out of my mouth sometimes is uncomprehensible gibberish or just a few sentences that only scratch the surface of what I am trying to say. It's frustrating and causes many misunderstandings sometimes. 

Do you have any tips on how to articulate yourself better when explaining or when arguing with someone?

I know exactly what you mean, and it's incredibly difficult 'on the fly' in the sense of a real time discussion - hearing the issues, thinking about them, forming an answer and then explaining it in a straightforward way.

It's a bit easier if it's maybe preplanned - like if you are hosting a meeting or teaching a subject to people.  The suggestion I'd give there (and there are professional educators much more experienced than me) is to tell the people what you're about to cover, then tell them what you're telling them.  And finally to recap what you've told them.

The first part gives them a scope - they know what to expect and what's inside / outside of the scope.  It may make them less likely to go off at tangents or into the weeds. And then talk through the points.  For that, I know if I tried to write it all in advance I'd immediately get panicked and forget to follow it - so instead I'll make myself the simplest bullet point list of the points I want to get across.  Just a framework to remind me of the key points and perhaps the correct order for them.   Also it has to be aligned with the audience - so for example if I was delivering a complex topic to an uninvolved audience I'd try to use examples they can follow and see in their everyday.   Then finally a quick summary and questions.

 

In cases which are less preplanned, and I guess real time arguments are a good example, I'm sure we all come away from such discussions thinking 'if only I'd thought of that point at the time...'.   I guess one opportunity may be if you can say 'I understand your concerns, I hear you.  Will you just allow me to explain from my perspective' and then don't allow them to interrupt and sideline you.   Ideally you'll be able to express to them that you want to reply - as a courtesy to address their concerns.  And they should allow you to do so.

It depends of course on how heated things are, and whether their rationale is clouded by other factors - alcohol most usually.

 

3 hours ago, on the porch said:

Ruth here , I'm so new to all this I some times wander off topic .Its not that I want to do this but rather its hard to express my self the correct way

I have been told to " stay on topic " . I believed I was on topic . just explaining my feelings and thoughts . Wayne said , don't give a second thought ,this is how the internet works  

 

If you're referring to the site,  we as staff do occasionally 'tidy up' a little.  Most often that could be if a picture post thread has turned into a big discussion. We'll sometimes hide some of the off-topic posts or ask people to keep on track.   Or similarly if a question or a person's experience gets hijacked.
But we know it happens so easily so it's not like a rebuke at all - just us keeping the site tidy and organised, so nothing to worry about.

 

[on the porch 710]

7 hours ago, gldenwetgoose said:

 

I know exactly what you mean, and it's incredibly difficult 'on the fly' in the sense of a real time discussion - hearing the issues, thinking about them, forming an answer and then explaining it in a straightforward way.

It's a bit easier if it's maybe preplanned - like if you are hosting a meeting or teaching a subject to people.  The suggestion I'd give there (and there are professional educators much more experienced than me) is to tell the people what you're about to cover, then tell them what you're telling them.  And finally to recap what you've told them.

The first part gives them a scope - they know what to expect and what's inside / outside of the scope.  It may make them less likely to go off at tangents or into the weeds. And then talk through the points.  For that, I know if I tried to write it all in advance I'd immediately get panicked and forget to follow it - so instead I'll make myself the simplest bullet point list of the points I want to get across.  Just a framework to remind me of the key points and perhaps the correct order for them.   Also it has to be aligned with the audience - so for example if I was delivering a complex topic to an uninvolved audience I'd try to use examples they can follow and see in their everyday.   Then finally a quick summary and questions.

 

In cases which are less preplanned, and I guess real time arguments are a good example, I'm sure we all come away from such discussions thinking 'if only I'd thought of that point at the time...'.   I guess one opportunity may be if you can say 'I understand your concerns, I hear you.  Will you just allow me to explain from my perspective' and then don't allow them to interrupt and sideline you.   Ideally you'll be able to express to them that you want to reply - as a courtesy to address their concerns.  And they should allow you to do so.

It depends of course on how heated things are, and whether their rationale is clouded by other factors - alcohol most usually.

 

If you're referring to the site,  we as staff do occasionally 'tidy up' a little.  Most often that could be if a picture post thread has turned into a big discussion. We'll sometimes hide some of the off-topic posts or ask people to keep on track.   Or similarly if a question or a person's experience gets hijacked.
But we know it happens so easily so it's not like a rebuke at all - just us keeping the site tidy and organised, so nothing to worry about.

 

Ruth , thank you

Edited June 18 by on the porch

[steve25805 126,015]

I have often had similar problems....it is so much easier to say what you mean when you type and can give yourself as much time as you need to think before clicking send. Real time conversations are much harder. It is too easy to say things in the wrong way, to omit vital bits of information, or just not to articulate yourself very well and to get side tracked down off topic directions.

Real time conversation tends to be something I cannot do and tend to avoid. You need to be relaxed in whatever company you are in to have any hope of being able to have a sensible conversation that is neither monosyllabic or complete gibberish

Edited June 27 by steve25805