Homophobia

[Scot_Lover 1,877]

Does anyone know what the underlying cause of homophobia is? Several dictionaries just state that it's a culturally inherited dislike of anyone who is identified as LGBT.

This is what bought this up:

Maigh and I were at dinner during the week, some yuppie establishment, my Nissan was the odd car in the parking lot of Ferrari's, Maserati's, Porsche's and Mercedes cars. One couple, 2 ladies of indeterminate age were openly lesbian, cuddling, feeling each other, full on kissing, putting on quite a show, Maigh was gobsmacked. I hadn't paid much attention, I only noticed when Maigh pointed them out.

One of the waitresses picked up on this and started going off, practically yelling that it was wrong, disgusting and that she was not going to wait on their table. This caused considerable unrest in the place, and people who didn't realise started looking around at them too.

A few of the clients rightly highlighted the fact that this was discrimination, and in the general rabble that rumbled through the place, the waitress was basically frog marched out. We never saw her again during the night, she was either sacked on the spot, or spent the night washing dishes.

The two ladies were in a bit of a state too, being the centre of so much attention. They clearly wanted to just get up and leave. Management smoothed things over, told them to enjoy the night on the house. The entire restaraunt applauded this with a standing ovation, and the rest of the night passed peacefully.

Thoughts anyone?

 

[F.W 5,734]

im with the waitress..sorry,but i dislike to see anyone feeling each other up in public,let alone "gay" people.I say "get a room".Each to their own of course,but i dislike having it shoved in my face if you pardon the expression.Im obviously a "peefan",but i dont go around pissing on peoples shoes,or wouldnt really be thrilled to see anyone peeing in my soup really no matter who it was.(Mariah Carey,or Shakira,youre an exception...😊)

I also dont like how the word "gay" has been stolen from our language to mean something other than bright or happy."Queer" was a better word.Until pretty recently,only "gay" people called themselves "gay",everyone else said"Queer".Not an insult really,just a title.

Its symptomatic of modern times,in which that which one time would be considered bizarre or illegal even,or concerning minorities only,is nowadays considered to be righteous and of great virtue.To be honoured and feted as almost heroic.The fact as you say the two girls were applauded,as if they had saved someones life.Why?What about the opinion of the waitress?What about the opinions of any other people there that might be offended by the sight of 2 women,or a normal M/F couple slurping over each other?Dont their opinions count?Surely its also right to NOT have to watch people fumbling each other regardless of sex?

To be a straight,white,christian person is to viewed as somehow wicked almost.Ive nothing against homosexuals per se,but folks,"get a room"eh?

[Scot_Lover 1,877]

Management was applauded for giving the girls a free dinner.

They were subtle about it, sitting back in the corner, I really didn't notice them until Maigh pointed them out, and I don't think anyone else cared until the crap hit the fan.

The waitress made her feelings known, but thats beside the point, if you're working in a public place, you don't discriminate. She could have quietly asked another waiter to attend the table.

Just felt bad at the way they were treated.

[2prnot2p 1,066]

I'm not anti-gay, but I am against extreme displays of sexuality in public.  It is inappropriate, whether it's a gay or straight couple.  There's a time and place for everything.  That old saying is absolutely true.  I recall seeing a couple kissing passionately in a bar long ago.  They went very far, with the guy groping her breasts through tank top and her rubbing his crotch.  I thought the same thing then.  This is not the place for that.  Get a motel room or go home and do that. 

As for homosexuality, it's simply a mutation.  Knowing this, people should not fear it, but they do.  It's not contagious!  LOL!  Evolution would never favor a behavior that is catastrophic to the species.  So, not to worry, gays will always be a very small minority.  I hope this makes homophobic people feel better.

🙂

Edited April 28, 2019 by 2prnot2p

[spywareonya 37,961]

6 hours ago, 2prnot2p said:

As for homosexuality, it's simply a mutation.  Knowing this, people should not fear it, but they do.  It's not contagious!  LOL!  Evolution would never favor a behavior that is catastrophic to the species

For my scientifical knowledge, I make it even simpler: homosexuality on an hormonal stance Always existed, we were just LESS humans, so less chance to meet an homosexual!!!

Plus, during some ages they also were more hiding due to discrimination, so by now we are just seeing them more

 

Yet, I would be an hypocrite to hide that fact that, in my personal experiences, some of the homosexuals I met where hormonally serene in their natural drive, and some were just bisexuals that ended up refusing the other sex due to unsolved unconscious issues, which upon resolving, got back to their full and serene bisexuality

Because of this I never stand nor for, nor against, just advice self-exploration and self-knowledge

 

 

For the public display, I perfectly understand yours and @F.W puzzled feelings, yet I have to admit one thing, though you guys both know the respect I have for your inner sensitivity (and for the times it got offended by people lack of good manners)

 

I long for a world where sexuality is considered playful and not boastful, thus I differentiate from the subtle unpoliteness of people putting up a show, and the (rarer, indeed) situations where people are just being kinky

There is a difference, a non-verbal difference between reclaim freedom with headlong, lousy and ethically clumsy actions, and just being a bit naughty

I have sex with Alex everywhere I go, never been at a restaurant without giving him a handjob under the table cloth (in a couple of chances I actually bent down to swallow and got seen by people, who laughed and NOT nervously, they actually liked it), but I can feel when it is somehow fitting, and when there is something… "violent"... in the display of our sexuality… like you felt as probably present in the situation described by @Scot_Lover

 

There can be a non-verbal politeness in everything… and there can be non-verbal UNpoliteness in everything… thank you both for debuking the blanket under which this truth is being hidden… yet, I long to build situations where transgression is happy and fitting, not a bossy and emotionally-clumsy imposing of one self upon other preferencies…

 

 

[Peefreak99 3,722]

It dosen't matter if it's boy/boy /girl/girl boy/girl they shouldn't act like that in public but the waitress ocverreacted a litle a warning would have been enough i mean if youre eating i don't think you want people touching eatchotter at another table in that case it dosen't matter if it's a gay or a straight couple

[spywareonya 37,961]

31 minutes ago, Peefreak99 said:

f youre eating i don't think you want people touching eatchotter at another table

Utmost sincerity to a friend?

It helps me eat better

To me sex is a medicine

If I watch a movie and in the next seat somebody's is sucking her boyfriend's cock I enjoy the movie more

If I am sad and somebody is all-touchy next to me on the bus stop, I got happier

If I am eating and somebody is all kiss-kiss and touch-touch, my appetite increases

 

This is sex to me

But I perfectly understand it is not necessarily like this to everybody

[Peefreak99 3,722]

1 hour ago, spywareonya said:

Utmost sincerity to a friend?

It helps me eat better

To me sex is a medicine

If I watch a movie and in the next seat somebody's is sucking her boyfriend's cock I enjoy the movie more

If I am sad and somebody is all-touchy next to me on the bus stop, I got happier

If I am eating and somebody is all kiss-kiss and touch-touch, my appetite increases

 

This is sex to me

But I perfectly understand it is not necessarily like this to everybody

I love sex too sex is one of the best things in this world i just meant that it can be annoying if someone is doing it next to you depending on the situation ofc if im at a party i don't give a fuck but if im out eating it would be annoying

[steve25805 126,023]

17 hours ago, Scot_Lover said:

Does anyone know what the underlying cause of homophobia is? Several dictionaries just state that it's a culturally inherited dislike of anyone who is identified as LGBT.

This is what bought this up:

Maigh and I were at dinner during the week, some yuppie establishment, my Nissan was the odd car in the parking lot of Ferrari's, Maserati's, Porsche's and Mercedes cars. One couple, 2 ladies of indeterminate age were openly lesbian, cuddling, feeling each other, full on kissing, putting on quite a show, Maigh was gobsmacked. I hadn't paid much attention, I only noticed when Maigh pointed them out.

One of the waitresses picked up on this and started going off, practically yelling that it was wrong, disgusting and that she was not going to wait on their table. This caused considerable unrest in the place, and people who didn't realise started looking around at them too.

A few of the clients rightly highlighted the fact that this was discrimination, and in the general rabble that rumbled through the place, the waitress was basically frog marched out. We never saw her again during the night, she was either sacked on the spot, or spent the night washing dishes.

The two ladies were in a bit of a state too, being the centre of so much attention. They clearly wanted to just get up and leave. Management smoothed things over, told them to enjoy the night on the house. The entire restaraunt applauded this with a standing ovation, and the rest of the night passed peacefully.

Thoughts anyone?

 

I think the waitress behaved appallingly, venting her own bigotry, judgementalism and narrow-mindedness in public whilst doing a job of service in which her victims were customers. It seems that, although in a public place, they were not flaunting themselves centre stage and nobody else minded.

People going around imposing their own preferences, morality, likes and dislikes on everybody else just because THEY don't like it, is unacceptable. In fact this forum has a rule against anyone doing that here. If any member here were to behave towards another member as that waitress did, they'd definitely be reprimanded for a rule break.

That everyone else was cool about it all and cheered the establishment's positive reaction speaks volumes. Would not be surprised if the waitress was sacked. No establishment can allow it's own employees to vent their own judgementalism on paying customers just because THEY disapprove of something. The job description of a waitress does not usually include acting as the morality police!

Not normally one for hiring and firing but if I were that waitress's employer and she acted that way towards paying customers, attacking them publicly for narrow-minded judgemental reasons, and putting that above doing her job, I'd have sacked her on the spot.

[steve25805 126,023]

18 hours ago, Scot_Lover said:

Does anyone know what the underlying cause of homophobia is? Several dictionaries just state that it's a culturally inherited dislike of anyone who is identified as LGBT.

It is a well known fact that many of the worst homophobes are actually closet homosexuals in denial themselves!

Deep down they themselves have homosexual and homoerotic desires but have been raised to utterly reject such things as disgusting and wrong. They thus repress their own urges and deny to themselves that they exist but subconsciously they fear them coming out. This fear of their own hidden homosexuality is often what generates intense hatred for homosexuality, which they then project outward onto others, overreacting to any manifestation of homosexuality in others.

This is a well known process amongst pyschologists and essentially involves two psychological defence mechanisms being used to protect the Ego from accepting unacceptable facts about itself. Those defence mechanisms are repression and projection - repressing one's own unacceptable urges and projecting fear and hatred for them outward onto others.

Wouldn't be at all surprised if that waitress were a closet lesbian, lol.

[spywareonya 37,961]

2 hours ago, Peefreak99 said:

depending on the situation

I ABSOLUTELY agree

I was just telling you a secret since I had been astonished by your politeness in the last weeks and adore to talk to you

What I wrote works onto ME but it doesn't have to be considered a standard people should struggle to meet

 

When sex sneaks under my skin in situations where I would prefer NOT to see it, paradoxically it helps me even more

But this comes since the fact I am a bit morbid, indeed when something forces me, if it is a voluntary action by somebody thinking he is authorized to force me, I DESTROY the motherfucker since he does NOT possess such right and must taught about hierarchy

But what I hate is his convincement that he can overthrown my plans for my life, not the forcing in itself, NOBODY is worthy of forcing me but the forcing in itself… pushes me to deploy the facet of me that can endure difficulties one-on-one... the strongest side of me... and I secretely got very wet at that...

That's why in sex I can get pretty nasty… because to me... what people usually do not like… is somehow arousing...

[spywareonya 37,961]

19 minutes ago, steve25805 said:

It is a well known fact that many of the worst homophobes are actually closet homosexuals in denial themselves!

Deep down they themselves have homosexual and homoerotic desires but have been raised to utterly reject such things as disgusting and wrong. They thus repress their own urges and deny to themselves that they exist but subconsciously they fear them coming out. This fear of their own hidden homosexuality is often what generates intense hatred for homosexuality, which they then project outward onto others, overreacting to any manifestation of homosexuality in others.

This is a well known process amongst pyschologists and essentially involves two psychological defence mechanisms being used to protect the Ego from accepting unacceptable facts about itself. Those defence mechanisms are repression and projection - repressing one's own unacceptable urges and projecting fear and hatred for them outward onto others.

Wouldn't be at all surprised if that waitress were a closet lesbian, lol.

I agree with every single thing word you said!!!

Indeed, though I do not endorse too much some facets of them, they do not unleash any embarass in me

 

I do not endorse the superficial widespread of the gay community since in my opinion the very concept of community is awful ahahhahah almost sinister!!!

Every homosexual is a single human with personal motivations!!! And in second stance, every homosexual (just like EVERY HETEROSEXUAL) should question himself if his/her polarity is a sincere hormonal drive or there are unconscious issues in it...

These two reasons push me to be a bit cautious when people start talking about the fact that being gay is to be lived head-first diving...

NOTHING is wise to be lived that headlong!!!

 

So, I am not immediately on the spot pro-gay, I am very rarely pro or anti something… yet, they never embarassed me not even the slightest!!!

Same for Alex… some weekend ago a gay bodybuilder tried to hook up with him so he, to not hurt his feelings, told him that he "already got a girlfriend"

That was so cute!!!

[Scot_Lover 1,877]

I don't mind public affection, as long as it's not in your face. Maigh and Mary used to do it just to get a reaction, at a supermarket, in a department store or checking into a hotel, but that was just a fun thing. The 2 ladies in question were fairly subtle, it was dark, they were down the back, and, like I said, I didn't notice until Maigh's eagle eye picked them out. The design and layout of the place kind of begs this behaviour, very small, seats maybe 30 all up. Very dark and cosy.

The reaction of the waitress bought everything to a boil, she could have said nothing, got someone else to do it, and everything would have been fine, I wonder how her dishpan hands are holding up, lol.

When we lived in the state capital we used to see same sex couples all the time, it was commonplace, you never even thought about it. Maigh even had a giggle, saying that her and Mary used to the only ones in our town.

I don't mind people showing affection, after all, everyone needs love and to be loved, but getting attacked for it openly in public is not at all welcome.

[likesToLick 10,216]

On 4/27/2019 at 12:21 PM, Scot_Lover said:

Does anyone know what the underlying cause of homophobia is? Several dictionaries just state that it's a culturally inherited dislike of anyone who is identified as LGBT.

I may be able to shed some light on this as I was somewhat homophobic when I was a child.  I was attracted to girls from about the age of seven,  and strongly attracted to them by the time I started high school at age 12.  At that time there was a gay boy in my class who took a shine to me for some reason and began making public displays of affection, putting his arm around me and so on.

I found the whole experience rather frightening for several reasons.

1. I felt no attraction to males at all,  and the idea of having intimate contact with anyone who was not a girl felt really "icky."

2. In my working class school peer pressure to conform was massive,  any member of any sort of "out" group would suffer merciless bullying.  I was afraid that his activities would get me labeled as a "poof"  ("gay" was not invented at that time), and get me subjected to regular bashings.

3. I was very shy about sexual matters altogether and felt unable to even raise the subject with him, or ask him to stop.  Instead I just avoided him as much as possible.

4. In those days, homosexuality was considered to be "sick",  or some kind of mental illness, and I am sure I had absorbed some of this societal attitude.

It took many years for me to develop a more reasonable attitude.  I'm not sure when it happened.  I remember when I started university at age 17 I was uneasy with the idea that the campus had a gay club,  but I had developed more of a "live and let live" attitude by then.

I think it took at least another five years to reach the idea that gay and bi people were simply born with different preferences from me and that we are all people just the same, and should all have the same rights.  Now I'm kind of amazed that it ever bothered me at all.

In Australia we had a referendum recently to allow gay and lesbian couples to have the same marriage rights as everyone else.  Of course I voted "yes".  When the results came in I was horrified to see more than a third of the population had voted for homophobia and bigotry to continue,  but I guess that if I had still been that fearful little boy that I was in the 1970s,  I might have been easily persuaded to vote "no".