Community.

[steve25805 126,015]

I have been struggling with certain doubts lately and I know this will sound stupid to most people and @Admin will be almost incredulous at this. But I have been struggling slightly lately to feel a full part of this community and feelings I had when I was a lot younger about being a bit of a creep because of my fetish have been resurfacing. I also lack social confidence when it comes to flirtatious or sexually orientated chat and constantly choose not to engage in it through anxiety about how I might be coming across. I am aware that all I do here now most of the time is post pics. I am not the person I used to be around here. I feel a bit like an outsider looking in, who doesn't fully belong. I know how stupid that sounds even as I type it so no doubt it is all in my own head. 

I know Admin and others can and possibly will supply all the stats regarding my post count and popularity. I know all that already. But I cannot help feeling a bit semi-detached and lacking in confidence. If I can I will try and dismiss it and post contributory posts but I find it more of a struggle than I used to. 

Apologies to all concerned for being less active than I used to be but I do find life much more of a struggle lately on many fronts, but then I guess that is true for many of us in these difficult times.

[gldenwetgoose 21,486]

Bless you @steve25805 - There's an incredible number of people who can relate to exactly what you're saying. Myself included at certain times in my life.

You're absolutely correct in that the stats of your posts and content generated are phenomenal.   In what I'm about to say, I say it with friendship and love. With care for you as a friend.  But there is a chance it may come across as wrong - and if it does please message me and we'll try and discuss more in a private chat:

 

My thought is perhaps to try a little experiment.  You may already feel you're doing this, you may want to kick me in the balls. That's your prerogative.  My suggestion is for perhaps one week, maybe two - to not post a single photo.  Not add to any posts of pee pictures.  But instead though use the same time on the site that you'd devote to those posts to instead read and enjoy posts across the site. Although you may not want to, try to engage in commenting and interacting with posts.  Tell people how much you enjoyed reading their post, or just give a reaction.   Maybe post some more of your own past experiences?

I have a fear that people are not appreciating the number of images you post, so they're not providing any feedback and, let's face it we all have the need to feel appreciated.

As I say, feel free to tell me to butt out - but it may be worth a try.

 

Irrespective though - we do care for you and value you here @steve25805

[steve25805 126,015]

34 minutes ago, gldenwetgoose said:

Bless you @steve25805 - There's an incredible number of people who can relate to exactly what you're saying. Myself included at certain times in my life.

You're absolutely correct in that the stats of your posts and content generated are phenomenal.   In what I'm about to say, I say it with friendship and love. With care for you as a friend.  But there is a chance it may come across as wrong - and if it does please message me and we'll try and discuss more in a private chat:

 

My thought is perhaps to try a little experiment.  You may already feel you're doing this, you may want to kick me in the balls. That's your prerogative.  My suggestion is for perhaps one week, maybe two - to not post a single photo.  Not add to any posts of pee pictures.  But instead though use the same time on the site that you'd devote to those posts to instead read and enjoy posts across the site. Although you may not want to, try to engage in commenting and interacting with posts.  Tell people how much you enjoyed reading their post, or just give a reaction.   Maybe post some more of your own past experiences?

I have a fear that people are not appreciating the number of images you post, so they're not providing any feedback and, let's face it we all have the need to feel appreciated.

As I say, feel free to tell me to butt out - but it may be worth a try.

 

Irrespective though - we do care for you and value you here @steve25805

Thanks, I have considered taking a break from the site for a week or so but I tend to feel in different ways on different days so not sure a full on break is a goer.

I do take on board your suggestion that I not post any pics for a week and just try interacting instead. But I don't actually spend that much time posting pics, believe it or not. Apart from the one or two every day or two in my calendar thread, the ones I posted today are the first I have posted for a week. Most of my time is spent finding and collecting them which I mostly do off site away from here. The posting pics here part is a small part of the overall effort which I do for pleasure. Most of the effort does not involve this forum at all.

So the lack of interaction here from me is not really down to me spending all my time here on pics, but more to a lack of social confidence and decline in general interest which the pics have little bearing on.. I rarely want to chat anymore and don't feel hugely comfortable interacting socially, certainly not in any kind of flirtatious way. I also work long hours with typically just one day off a week. If I didn't bother with the pics I'd probably not post at all here for days on end.

But my down cycles do come and go so I do not always feel this way.

[Kupar 13,339]

Steve - your contributions to the site speak for themselves, but I do hear you. In fact, I have been going through a few weeks of worry about my engagement too (and having the 'outsider looking in' feeling) - though perhaps coming from a different starting place. I think there's a big element of waxing and waning of interest for me - and maybe for you too. I know exactly what you mean about the anxiety you feel when commenting on posts in what could be considered a flirtatious way: it's not easy, especially perhaps for us men of a certain age with the experience and background we have. It can sometimes feel as though I have so little in common with some of the younger people posting on the site - and add in the international aspect and the impossibility of picking up on body language cues, and it's difficult to be sure you're doing the right thing.

But the community is real and as Goose says - there are many, many people here who care for you.

[steve25805 126,015]

2 hours ago, Kupar said:

I know exactly what you mean about the anxiety you feel when commenting on posts in what could be considered a flirtatious way: it's not easy, especially perhaps for us men of a certain age with the experience and background we have......and add in the international aspect and the impossibility of picking up on body language cues, and it's difficult to be sure you're doing the right thing.

I know. I have a lot of angst about how I am coming across if I ever express approval of anything sexual. Without any kind of response I have no idea if I am being perceived as a bit of a creep or if my response is enjoyed or appreciated or liked. If I ever make a comment that gets no reaction I tend to assume the worse and get paranoid.

But just having a bad day, that's all. In spite of which I have been trying to get involved in commenting on posts and suchlike.

 

Edited August 31, 2022 by steve25805

[gldenwetgoose 21,486]

If the first rule of fight club is don't talk about fight club,  then I think the first way to be non-creepy is exactly as you've done here Steve - and reflected on how your comments come across.

Maybe the recipients of the comments are too busy dealing with all the REALLY creepy comments they're getting from people far less of a gentleman than you.

[Kupar 13,339]

15 minutes ago, gldenwetgoose said:

If the first rule of fight club is don't talk about fight club,  then I think the first way to be non-creepy is exactly as you've done here Steve - and reflected on how your comments come across.

Maybe the recipients of the comments are too busy dealing with all the REALLY creepy comments they're getting from people far less of a gentleman than you.

Spot on Goose. Steve, you're a great guy with the right instincts. Your humanity shines through.

[MidoriLemonade85 2,366]

On 9/1/2022 at 4:51 AM, gldenwetgoose said:

If the first rule of fight club is don't talk about fight club,  then I think the first way to be non-creepy is exactly as you've done here Steve - and reflected on how your comments come across.

Maybe the recipients of the comments are too busy dealing with all the REALLY creepy comments they're getting from people far less of a gentleman than you.

Goose, you always know exactly what to say. Unfortunately, there are people who are genuinely creepy, who make the world a tougher place to be in for legitimate gentlemen. Luckily, I haven’t experienced too much of that here. I feel safer here than on Facebook or Instagram. I feel very looked after here. 💚

[MidoriLemonade85 2,366]

On 9/1/2022 at 1:32 AM, Kupar said:

Steve - your contributions to the site speak for themselves, but I do hear you. In fact, I have been going through a few weeks of worry about my engagement too (and having the 'outsider looking in' feeling) - though perhaps coming from a different starting place. I think there's a big element of waxing and waning of interest for me - and maybe for you too. I know exactly what you mean about the anxiety you feel when commenting on posts in what could be considered a flirtatious way: it's not easy, especially perhaps for us men of a certain age with the experience and background we have. It can sometimes feel as though I have so little in common with some of the younger people posting on the site - and add in the international aspect and the impossibility of picking up on body language cues, and it's difficult to be sure you're doing the right thing.

But the community is real and as Goose says - there are many, many people here who care for you.

I think the key is that everyone has something different to contribute, and it is all valued. Some people may dislike what you do, some people may absolutely love it. You can’t please everyone, but if you focus on what it is that you uniquely do, and get good at it and confident with it, you will attract more appreciation naturally, I reckon. You, Kupar, focus on being your genuine, authentic self, and you are lucky to be in a beautiful part of the world, you have an amazing body, and a gorgeous cock, and you have built up your skills to make really lovely videos. You bring your calm, positive, gentlemanly conversation to this forum, and we collectively love you for what you give us.  It can be difficult to converse, and there may be occasional misunderstandings with age differences, or cultural or terminology differences. But I think the rule should be if a conversation is not going well, just politely move on to something that you know will work better. Being in my 40s, I prefer the company of older people for their maturity, wisdom, knowledge and good taste in music! I think PeeFans is one of the most caring places I have experienced on the internet, and I am so glad to be surrounded by lovely, thoughtful, intelligent gentlemen here. As I mentioned to Goose, I feel very looked after and safe here, and I am sure the others do too. I think if people get offended here, they are likely to get offended everywhere they go. So it is more to do with them, then you. 💚

[MidoriLemonade85 2,366]

On 9/1/2022 at 3:43 AM, steve25805 said:

I know. I have a lot of angst about how I am coming across if I ever express approval of anything sexual. Without any kind of response I have no idea if I am being perceived as a bit of a creep or if my response is enjoyed or appreciated or liked. If I ever make a comment that gets no reaction I tend to assume the worse and get paranoid.

But just having a bad day, that's all. In spite of which I have been trying to get involved in commenting on posts and suchlike.

 

Steve, you have been here way longer than I have. But I want to say that people here do appreciate what you do. Refer to what I said to Goose and Kupar in this thread too. As a female, my experience here has been positive. Other sites have way more creeps. You guys here put thought, humour and soul into what you do. It is appreciated. Goose looks after the place and keeps it friendly.

I get anxious if I don’t get responses or reactions too. Naturally you think the worst. But balance it by focussing on the positive reactions you have received elsewhere. This site can get quiet and people can get busy. 

I think taking a break can do wonders too. It sounds like you might just need a little time to recharge and fill your cup and then come check in with us when you feel the time is right. Like many of us, you give such a lot. Focus on giving back to yourself. We will be ok. And we will be here when you get back. 💞 Setting boundaries is important to avoid overwhelm. 

[steve25805 126,015]

An update. I have so much shit going down in life, on the work front, on the home front, on the psychological front, on the financial front, and on the medical front, most of which I choose not to discuss.

But I have felt the need to withdraw into myself and focus upon the friendships and relationships that really matter, the people close to me in real life. What I am about to say has far more to do with my own psyche and the state I find myself in than it does with anything or anyone here. But although I recognise  that there are many good people here and have enjoyed my time on this forum, I dont feel close to anyone here anymore. I don't feel like I have any true friends here anymore, nor that anyone cares overly much beyond the natural compassion most here as good people would naturally feel for anyone in distress. I dont feel any emotional connections here anymore either to individuals or the forum itself. I come here contributing pics and sometimes stories mostly for my own pleasure. If others enjoy any of it, thats great but also incidental. In fits and starts I occasionally try to contribute commentary on threads other than stories and pics but rarely feel motivated to want to, largely because of my own emotional disconnect. I rarely go into chat anymore, my former confidence gone, and when I do I don't feel comfortable there and soon make my excuses and leave.

I am going to have to cut the hours I work for various reasons, so will have more free time and might get some of my mojo back. I am on the waiting list for counselling. Money is exceptionally tight now and I no longer can afford to contribute financially to this site. My payments ceased being acknowledged anyway. So at some point I expect my access to the video gallery will be withdrawn which is fair enough.

The days when this forum was new and I was the heart and soul of the community and central to it, and a moderator, seem like a different me now.

As the natural loner at heart that I have always been, I have withdrawn emotionally from everyone except those very closest to me. Because friendships made with people of flesh and blood whom you can hang out with in real life and share all your concerns with are in the final analysis far more real and dependable than any that exist only as pixels on a screen. Am sorry I feel this way. But too many life crises on too many fronts going on, I havent the emotional space in my head for any deep emotional investment in this site anymore.

So if I post too many pics or too many reposts, my stories get too repetitive or boring, or any attempt by me to respond positively to someone else is not considered worthy of comment, please dont have a go at me about it. Unless I am breaking forum rules or am upsetting someone in some way I am best left alone to do my own thing, and if I need to be spoken to, tact rather than obvious exasperation would have a far more positive impact. 

But essentially my own struggles, and not anything or anyone here, is at the root cause of my disconnect. I feel safer not really being part of this community and just being an outsider looking in, posting for my own pleasure. Without emotional investment in this place it would be very easy for me to walk away for good with no regrets, and it is that very knowledge that makes me feel comfortable enough not to have to do so.

So I guess I am a bit of a basket case now really. So apologies for not being able to be the person I once was around here.

[WantonLee 861]

Don't worry, Steve.

Set priorities, get your shit together.

If you are able to reconnect, do so.
If not, it's fine, too.

No one has a right to judge how someone else lives their life.

I have gone through similar struggles.
And I did not even had the decency to explain myself - I just... disappeared.
So... you are already way ahead of people like me. 😉

Here is an old German Song text I'd like to quote (and I am not going to translate because 1. google will do it better then I and 2. I know you know a little German. ;()
"Und sehen wir uns nicht in dieser Welt, dann sehen wir uns in Bielefeld."

 

o7