Dear Prudence

[toseepee 773]

A bit of a silly story about a woman who is shocked to learn her future in laws have very free bathroom habits, so she writes to an advice column for help.

Story contains male and female public peeing, and families with a relaxed attitude towards peeing, but no explicit sexual content.

 

Dear Prudence,
I (female 26) am married to my lovely husband (male 31) now for about a month. Our relationship is going great... but (isn't there always a "but"?) His family is just... well bizarre! And ever since we married his behavior has been shocking!

We had been dating for 5 years before we got engaged, and I was always a bit surprised that I had never met his family. I come from a big, conservative Southern Baptist family, so family is important to me!

My husband had told me they were wealthy, and free spirits, but not much more.

It came time to make plans for the wedding and I had still never met his family. I respected his privacy, knowing that not everyone has been blessed to have a good family relationship.

Well before the rehearsal, he sits me down and tells me that the reason he's never let me see them is because they are very "different."
I tell him I can handle different, as God tells us all to love one another despite differences.

And he tells me that (it's almost too vulgar to say!) they all are quite... candid. Especially about their bathroom activities. He warns me that the reason he never introduced me to his relatives is that, not only do they rarely wear clothes except out in public, they're also barely toilet trained!

He told me that when he was a child, it was all innocent, but he and all his family would walk around naked, and when one of them had to go, they'd walk outside and "spray down" the side of the house or "water the flowers", or even worse, they might be too lazy, and just go in the house! But not into a toilet! Not even into the sink, or shower, which is disgusting but at least not that uncommon. No, he described his sister spreading her legs and relieving herself right off the couch! Making a puddle on the floor that never even got cleaned up! Can you imagine the vulgar smell of all that urine collecting the carpet?

He said that when he was home from college, he and his brother used to have conests to see who could shoot their urine the farthest across the dining room, and far from being in trouble with their parents for this, their mother, the twisted harlot she must have been, helped judge!

Hearing this, or course made me terrified. How had I not known this was the man I wanted to marry? I knew he had always been quick to duck into an alley when caught short in public, and that he would prefer to just pull to the side of the road rather than stop on car trips, but this was outrageous.

And what's more I could not have those dusgusting freaks at my wedding!
I told my fears to him, and he assured me that he didn't do that kind of thing anymore, that he wasn't going to start peeing around the house or anything when we got married.

I was worried -sometimes I think it would be easier to do as people do nowadays and live in sin with a partner before marriage. It would make it so much easier to know about a potential partner's quirks.

He said he had talked to his family and asked them to be respectful and act toilet-trained at the wedding, but he couldn't promise me they would be. It was just a natural, innocent thing for them to relieve themselves wherever they felt like. They didn't see why someone might object. Especially as the ceremony and reception were outside, why not as he said "just piss where you stand"

I should have called it off right then!
I finally met his brother at the wedding rehearsal, and it was mostly uneventful. I thought I saw his brother duck behind a tree during the rehearsal, but I could just be imagining it.

The rehearsal dinner was mostly fine too, but I noticed the wine flowed freely and not one of his family members got up to visit the powder room, while I and many of my family members did. I thought I was just being paranoid, but now I think they must have been relieving themselves right there under the table!

The wedding ceremony arrived, and went smoothly. It was only at the reception that things went downhill. The open bar was being visited heavily, and there was a line for the bathrooms (the venue only had two stalls for the ladies. I don't know what the men's situation was).

Apparently it got to be too much for my impatient new in laws, because I saw a woman in her early twenties step out of line and squat right up against the wall of the building! More people joined her, and soon there was an older teenaged boy releasing himself against the brick wall! An older woman hiked up her dress and tended to her needs right there in line! The man I recognized as my husband's brother even held himself in his hand and waved his thing all about! As if to be as lewd as possible and cover as much of the wall as he could in his urine.

Once the taboo had been lifted, there was no going back. We sat down for lunch and I saw many people, even my own family members, hike up their dresses and spread their legs, or pull their members out of their pants to empty their bladders.

My own father stood up to give his speech, and as he was halfway through, took himself out of his trousers, stepped back from the table, and urinated right there while he was talking.

He said, with urine flowing in a thick stream, how he felt joining our families was fortunate, how this might help us all be a bit more relaxed and open. He shook himself off and finished his speech, but I cannot unsee that image.
I don't know how this happened. I feel like everything I thought I knew about the world was a lie. My own family seems to be converted to my in-law's disgusting ways.

And to make it even worse, my husband, who said he wasn't like that, has been urinating on the floor ever since our honeymoon. He'll wake up in our marital bed and just aim his member off the bed. I'll wake up in the morning to the loud patter of his yellow morning urine hitting the floor.

I'm in such a state of distress. I don't know what to do! The rest of our relationship is lovely, but my husband's tendency to relieve himself wherever he pleases is difficult to adjust to.

I know I need to confront him about using the floor as his urinal, but how do I begin to talk to his family. And what do I do about my family? What if the relaxed attitude they displayed at my wedding is a permanent thing?
Any advice is sincerely appreciated.
Yours,
Embarrassed in Illinois

[Ms. Tito 2,396]

Oh no. We missed one. Time to use my Communist sorcery to convert her away from the path of God and towards depravity!! 

 

Or so many conservatives believe.

[toseepee 773]

2 hours ago, Pissalot said:

I love this. Especially how quickly the family converts to peeing wherever 

In my experience it's always the most normal seeming folks who are secretly the most wild

[toseepee 773]

27 minutes ago, Ms. Tito said:

Oh no. We missed one. Time to use my Communist sorcery to convert her away from the path of God and towards depravity!! 

 

Or so many conservatives believe.

That's what my relatives think I say

[PissVox 12]

Great story! Would love to hear more.

As for advice: join your husband 🙂

Edited November 29, 2021 by PissVox

[thisguy20 937]

Love the story / concept; surprised there aren't other "ask prudence / dear abby" pee stories.

[Cyan493 122]

Not like I'd ever be the writer of a column named "Prudence", but my response would be along the lines of "your father was right, this is a good chance to loosen up, specifically, loosening your bladder muscles, and also perhaps to get that stick out of your ass"

great story, hope there's a sequel/another chapter! I'd like to see either Prudence responding in a not so prudish manner, or perhaps continuing from the sender's POV showing her eventual acceptance of that lifestyle.

[1badboy 581]

I loved it.  It seems like a brilliant way to start a story.  Maybe follow up with a small cocktail party at her inlaws place?!

[Paulypeeps 5,287]

Dear Embarrassed

It looks like you have let yourself in for quite a shock. There is no need to worry though, this lifestyle is quite normal and in a very short time you will become perfectly accustomed to it.

You just need to take it one step at a time, and you will soon wonder what all the fuss was about. I must say that your new husband was a little bit too shy in telling you all this, if he had told you a bit earlier your courting time might have been a bit more interesting.

Firstly you need to start using the toilet a bit less. This way you will get to understand your husband's feelings on the matter. Perhaps just simply doing a wee in bed in the morning before you get up might help.

Secondly you should not feel the need to clean up. Just leave the pee where it is to dry, and it will soon be gone.

Thirdly you need to let your husband know that you understand that it is O.K. to pee where he likes. As a religious woman you must understand that you love and obey, and that he is always right whatever he does.

I hope that helps.

Prudence.

[Kupar 13,339]

On 11/29/2021 at 9:25 PM, thisguy20 said:

Love the story / concept; surprised there aren't other "ask prudence / dear abby" pee stories.

The Wet Carpet Magazine thread has some of these, or at least letters in a similar vein 🙂 See for example, the series that starts here:

https://peefans.com/topic/2779-wet-carpet-magazine/?do=findComment&comment=247148

Amy asks for advice, and receives it, and acts on it 🙂

[thisguy20 937]

5 hours ago, Kupar said:

The Wet Carpet Magazine thread has some of these, or at least letters in a similar vein 🙂 See for example, the series that starts here:

https://peefans.com/topic/2779-wet-carpet-magazine/?do=findComment&comment=247148

Amy asks for advice, and receives it, and acts on it 🙂

Must have missed them...will have to re-read.  Thanks for the info

[toseepee 773]

On 12/1/2021 at 2:51 PM, Paulypeeps said:

Dear Embarrassed

It looks like you have let yourself in for quite a shock. There is no need to worry though, this lifestyle is quite normal and in a very short time you will become perfectly accustomed to it.

You just need to take it one step at a time, and you will soon wonder what all the fuss was about. I must say that your new husband was a little bit too shy in telling you all this, if he had told you a bit earlier your courting time might have been a bit more interesting.

Firstly you need to start using the toilet a bit less. This way you will get to understand your husband's feelings on the matter. Perhaps just simply doing a wee in bed in the morning before you get up might help.

Secondly you should not feel the need to clean up. Just leave the pee where it is to dry, and it will soon be gone.

Thirdly you need to let your husband know that you understand that it is O.K. to pee where he likes. As a religious woman you must understand that you love and obey, and that he is always right whatever he does.

I hope that helps.

Prudence.

Omg i love this.

[Ms. Tito 2,396]

On 11/29/2021 at 12:27 AM, toseepee said:

In my experience it's always the most normal seeming folks who are secretly the most wild

I've heard from someone once that "Nerds were the kinkiest people ever." 

[fourluvclover 190]

On 3/12/2022 at 9:38 AM, Ms. Tito said:

I've heard from someone once that "Nerds were the kinkiest people ever." 

Can confirm, my partner and I are both nerdy as fuck and also a couple of kinky piss lovers.