Are Moms More Open-minded Than Their Sons Today?

[beachmom 1,815]

As many of you may know, I'm a 57 year old mom of 3 grown adult boys. I've always been very open-minded about allowing, even encouraging my boys, their friends and our male guests to feel free to pee outdoors, whether it be in the yard, the driveway, poolside, alley, ect. Through the years we've been involved in Scouting, camping, hiking, soccer and numerous outdoor activities with other boys and their parents as well as many bonfire type parties at their homes. Through the years I'd frequently here another moms comment positively when they'd notice one of my boys take it upon himself to pee outdoors without any discussion. They'd then often voice criticism of their own sons for either bothering them with it, being timid about peeing outdoors or even refusing to do so. While my boys are long grown, over the last year with everything being closed, I'm again overhearing moms responding their sons requests to find them a restroom and hearing them pleading with their sons to please just go outdoors somewhere. Last night we were at a bonfire in one of my husbands friends backyard. There was some food and of course lots of drink in the garage, but no one was going into the house, as his wife isn't terribly welcoming. It was long after dark and the men were just stepping into the shadows to pee as needed. My good friend and I were talking when her teenage son walked up and interrupted us. The two spoke quietly for a minute and then his mom was becoming noticeably irritated. Finally, she commented to me, "I'm sorry, but I guess I've got to go, my son refuses to pee outside and I'd be embarrassed to ask our hostess to let a boy use her bathroom. Even on this site, I've spoken to a couple dozen boys and young men on this very subject and find that many are terrified to reveal to their moms that they pee outdoors or are too timid to even do so. Those who've listened to my experiences and taken my advice to finally do so have all promptly reported back to me that not only were their moms not upset they did so, but rather were positive, encouraging and relieved to see their sons taking advantage of their ability to do so easily. While I never really experienced a mom being upset with her son for peeing outdoors, I am frequently seeing moms being frustrated and even upset with their sons for being timid about peeing outdoors and especially when they've refused to do so when asked to. I think that there's a major disconnect these days between moms who've become much more bold and open-minded and young men who are becoming much more fearful of doing something men have always done.    

Edited March 1, 2021 by beachmom
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[luv2watch 110]

It is ridiculous, to search or drive to a bathroom when peeing outside is so easy. It could be, however, that the boys are more concerned about wanting a place to wash their hands, instead of being timid.

,Therefore it is good to have water and soap available to eliminate this possiblilty.

What about the moms?  Do they pee outside? Do you mind if your sons see you pee?

Edited March 1, 2021 by luv2watch
grammar

[Pee tea. 63]

You're a great mom. I wish my mom had been like you. Hugs from me. 😘😘🤗💦💦💦💥

[Bacardi 10,134]

I have children and at least one of them is a boy. I've never been presented with an opportunity to let him or any of my other children have a pee outside. I think they're all far too young to do that without supervision, but I think if it did come up I wouldn't mind allowing him too pee outside. I mean, what's the harm as long as he's not peeing somewhere scared (ie someone's garden). When he's an adult that'll be even better as he'll have a better understanding of where he can and cannot pee!

Edited March 2, 2021 by Bacardi

[Ms. Tito 2,396]

22 hours ago, luv2watch said:

It is ridiculous, to search or drive to a bathroom when peeing outside is so easy. It could be, however, that the boys are more concerned about wanting a place to wash their hands, instead of being timid.

,Therefore it is good to have water and soap available to eliminate this possiblilty.

What about the moms?  Do they pee outside? Do you mind if your sons see you pee?

As a girl I 100% agree. I ain't fuckin holding it in for 3 hours, when I need to pee, I need to pee. 

Also, if I pee in the woods I always bring some hand sanitizer to clean my hands with. But I remember when I used to be too timid to pee outside, ironically back when I thought I was a boy.

Edited March 2, 2021 by Ms. Tito

[beachmom 1,815]

On 3/1/2021 at 12:44 AM, luv2watch said:

It is ridiculous, to search or drive to a bathroom when peeing outside is so easy. It could be, however, that the boys are more concerned about wanting a place to wash their hands, instead of being timid.

,Therefore it is good to have water and soap available to eliminate this possiblilty.

What about the moms?  Do they pee outside? Do you mind if your sons see you pee?

Moms, most women in general are a bit more aware of where they are, what they're drinking and where the nearest facilities are, whereas boys typically don't think about it until they have to go. With that said, when moms are caught short, myself included, we do improvise, but when in a very public place we'll find someplace out of not just view, but where no one knows we were going. Around just my boys I could care less, but people tend to judge moms or middle age women for being as obvious as men and boys can be.

[beachmom 1,815]

On 3/1/2021 at 7:45 PM, Bacardi said:

I have children and at least one of them is a boy. I've never been presented with an opportunity to let him or any of my other children have a pee outside. I think they're all far too young to do that without supervision, but I think if it did come up I wouldn't mind allowing him too pee outside. I mean, what's the harm as long as he's not peeing somewhere scared (ie someone's garden). When he's an adult that'll be even better as he'll have a better understanding of where he can and cannot pee!

I think that the main reason more moms don't teach boys to pee outside from the beginning is because they don't trust that they won't do it someplace really inappropriate while others will see them doing so. The problem with never introducing them to the idea is that as they become teenagers they'll believe that you're opposed to them doing so and you'll be forced to look for restrooms all the time as they'll be embarrassed to just do it outside.

[moremichael 119]

moms are quite open with their children usually is my experience. more than men, because it would be seen as weird probably if you take children into a bathroom stall and take a pee there with your children, whereas with a woman no one would care I think. at least, this is what I see.

On the other hand, for most here, pee is a sexual fantasy / item also. And i think most moms are just very practical in terms of peeing themselves or when children need to pee, and this makes it very clinical/non-sexual. Which when it comes to children I fully agree on....that shouldn't be sexual. I just hope that moms are open enough to make peeing a sexual thing on other moments, preferably with me :).

[Chris1908 18]

I don't really remember anything from my perspective, but I am very reserved about letting others know I have to go, whether that is on car trips or otherwise, especially around my family and other guys. However. When it's around girls I know, its not a big deal.

[Ms. Tito 2,396]

On 3/3/2021 at 11:53 AM, Chris1908 said:

I don't really remember anything from my perspective, but I am very reserved about letting others know I have to go, whether that is on car trips or otherwise, especially around my family and other guys. However. When it's around girls I know, its not a big deal.

I am kinda reserved about letting people I need to go unless I literally cannot hold it anymore.

[smteen- 5]

hey beachmom, I’m trying to get in touch with you but your messages aren’t working! would you mind sending me one?

[Ms. Tito 2,396]

Side note, peeing at the side of a busy highway is impossible. I literally can't get myself to go because of anxiety. When I'm in the woods or my own backyard I'm fine, but highways are just nerve wracking to pee near. It doesn't help that access deeper into the woods is impeded by those damned chain link fences!

[shinycactus 9]

Hey @beachmom, I’ve been trying to reach you but I keep getting an error. Could you shoot me a message?

[beachmom 1,815]

I don't know if this has to do with the covid lock downs and the lack of public restrooms and restaurants being drive through only, but I've had a so many moms both in person and through various sites, (including this one) come to me asking advice on how to encourage boys to pee in public places, such as behind dumpsters, in alleys, parking lots and garages, to name just a few. I've been noticing that while boys seem to have become more hesitant to pee in public these days, their moms are growing increasingly frustrated that the boys don't. A recent posting and poll on a mainstream mothering site revealed just how frustrated moms have become with finding boys a restroom these days. Some 89% of moms said they wouldn't have a problem with their boys peeing in some type of public setting, however only 40% of moms said their sons have done so. Shockingly, some 78% of moms admitted they've encouraged their sons to do so and more than half of them have refused to pee where they've asked them to. At the same time I've had numerous young men on this site ask me advice on how to get their moms to allow them to pee outdoors on occasion. I almost have to laugh, because moms are literally begging their boys to do so these days.

[Ms. Tito 2,396]

I went behind a shed when I had to pee while I was in the pool a few weeks ago. One of my aunts suggested it to me.

Edited July 25, 2021 by Ms. Tito

[beachmom 1,815]

1 hour ago, Ms. Tito said:

I went behind a shed when I had to pee while I was in the pool a few weeks ago. One of my aunts suggested it to me.

I just find it so odd that it's moms, aunts, family friends and neighbors encouraging peeing outside as opposed to being the one's being critical of guys doing so.

[niceguy1 42]

On 7/24/2021 at 7:40 PM, beachmom said:

I don't know if this has to do with the covid lock downs and the lack of public restrooms and restaurants being drive through only, but I've had a so many moms both in person and through various sites, (including this one) come to me asking advice on how to encourage boys to pee in public places, such as behind dumpsters, in alleys, parking lots and garages, to name just a few. I've been noticing that while boys seem to have become more hesitant to pee in public these days, their moms are growing increasingly frustrated that the boys don't. A recent posting and poll on a mainstream mothering site revealed just how frustrated moms have become with finding boys a restroom these days. Some 89% of moms said they wouldn't have a problem with their boys peeing in some type of public setting, however only 40% of moms said their sons have done so. Shockingly, some 78% of moms admitted they've encouraged their sons to do so and more than half of them have refused to pee where they've asked them to. At the same time I've had numerous young men on this site ask me advice on how to get their moms to allow them to pee outdoors on occasion. I almost have to laugh, because moms are literally begging their boys to do so these days.

I'm curious what advice you give to the moms to help convince their sons to pee outside.  And if their son is not one of the ones who wants to do it and is just waiting for the OK from mom, but her son is very reluctant to do it even when his mom is openly telling him to do so, how can the mom get her son to warm up to the idea?

[beachmom 1,815]

43 minutes ago, niceguy1 said:

I'm curious what advice you give to the moms to help convince their sons to pee outside.  And if their son is not one of the ones who wants to do it and is just waiting for the OK from mom, but her son is very reluctant to do it even when his mom is openly telling him to do so, how can the mom get her son to warm up to the idea?

Yeah, that's really rather tough to convince boys who just refuse to do so. I've spoken to dozens of guys on this site privately, who have wanted to be able to pee more openly at home and in public, but were terrified about how their moms would react. This is a rather easy problem to solve as it only requires asking the boys to recall some situations they've observed over the years and getting them to realize that their moms have been dropping subtle hints to them for years and most boys are just don't pick up on them. That annoyed look moms give when boys and their friends track into the house to pee, when mom's really annoyed and keeps putting off finding a restroom for boys. Those comments like, "well there's no restroom around here," or "I don't know what to tell you." Once the guys start to think back over the years and realize their moms have been subtly trying to encourage them the problems solved.

As for boys who just don't want to, have been convinced by society that it's wrong or are so very shy about being seen, it's quite difficult for moms to convince them to do so. If anything, in their teens, boys tend to do the opposite of what mom wants or expects them to do. Mostly my advice to the moms is that the only way their boys will be convinced to do so is if their friends are doing so. By mentioning to their friends, "of course you can use our bathroom, but you're welcome to go in the yard too if you don't mind," it's likely that one of them does so at home and will be happy to do so or that a boy who's been wanting to but waiting for a sign from his mom will take you up on the offer. Once one of the boys is doing so, the others and eventually the moms boys will likely follow suite. Otherwise it's tough for moms to force the issue as boys often tend to think parents are "weird" or "out of touch" recommending something that "just isn't done today."

[niceguy1 42]

11 hours ago, beachmom said:

Yeah, that's really rather tough to convince boys who just refuse to do so. I've spoken to dozens of guys on this site privately, who have wanted to be able to pee more openly at home and in public, but were terrified about how their moms would react. This is a rather easy problem to solve as it only requires asking the boys to recall some situations they've observed over the years and getting them to realize that their moms have been dropping subtle hints to them for years and most boys are just don't pick up on them. That annoyed look moms give when boys and their friends track into the house to pee, when mom's really annoyed and keeps putting off finding a restroom for boys. Those comments like, "well there's no restroom around here," or "I don't know what to tell you." Once the guys start to think back over the years and realize their moms have been subtly trying to encourage them the problems solved.

As for boys who just don't want to, have been convinced by society that it's wrong or are so very shy about being seen, it's quite difficult for moms to convince them to do so. If anything, in their teens, boys tend to do the opposite of what mom wants or expects them to do. Mostly my advice to the moms is that the only way their boys will be convinced to do so is if their friends are doing so. By mentioning to their friends, "of course you can use our bathroom, but you're welcome to go in the yard too if you don't mind," it's likely that one of them does so at home and will be happy to do so or that a boy who's been wanting to but waiting for a sign from his mom will take you up on the offer. Once one of the boys is doing so, the others and eventually the moms boys will likely follow suite. Otherwise it's tough for moms to force the issue as boys often tend to think parents are "weird" or "out of touch" recommending something that "just isn't done today."

Thank you for your very detailed reply.  I've been lurking here on this site for a few months and have read through a lot of your past posts.  I really like your attitude about encouraging the guys around you to feel comfortable about peeing outside.  It's interesting to hear a mom's perspective on the subject.  I was raised in kind of a conservative family and my mother was "prim and proper" about children's behavior.  Since I'm about the same age as you, it's a little hard to think back and remember if she might have been giving me any subtle hints to let me know it was OK to pee openly outside.  Unfortunately, I was pretty uptight about that as a child but I began to regret it as I got older.  I remember I was playing outside once in the yard with my friends in view of the kitchen window when one of my friends just unzipped and started peeing.  I didn't say anything to him but I wondered to myself if my mother happened to be looking out the window at that moment if I, or my friend, would get in trouble for it.  It seems like the disconnect that you notice between mothers' true views as opposed to what their sons think their mother would think about it is due to the roles that we think society has assigned to us.  Moms don't want to be judged as a "bad mom" for encouraging something that others might not approve of, and sons don't want to do something that they will get scolded for.  We're making assumptions and not communicating directly with the other person.  I also agree with your comment in one of your posts about the "war on men" in the 90s making a lot of men more cautious than they were in past decades.  But I think you've got just the right approach, when it's a group that's in a private setting like a friend's house, or hiking or camping out in nature, to put just the right amount of social pressure on the guys to move them in a direction that will be beneficial for their self-confidence, but also be willing to back off if they are uncomfortable and don't want to do it.  Maybe it will plant a seed that it's really OK to do so, and in a similar situation in the future they will be ready to try it.

For me, I had a pretty strong bladder as a child so most of the time I held it and wasn't really bothering my mother to find a toilet for me all the time, so there probably weren't too many opportunities to get any "hints" from her.  I agree with you that boys are more likely to do it if they see their friends doing it too.  I had a few experiences growing up where I did it. Once on a camping trip with my dad, my cousin and his dad where I saw all three of them peeing together as we started out on the trail.  I did  so myself later on when I couldn't hold it anymore (although I did go off away from the group a little bit).  And also another few times at summer camp when I was away from the others in the woods.  But I really didn't start getting more comfortable with it until college and I started drinking beer with the guys on weekends.  There's one other thing I'm not sure if you're aware of, but since the late 1980s or so in the US there's been a trend in mens rooms to put dividers/partitions between urinals, which was never the case in past decades.  So the younger generation is getting used to a greater degree of privacy than in the past.  I've also noticed a significant minority of guys use the toilet stalls to pee instead of the urinals.  This might also contribute to why some young guys feel uncomfortable peeing outside if they're not even used to peeing openly with just other men.

I was wondering, have you ever noticed a situation where one of the boys seems reluctant at first but after being encouraged by his mother or the woman who is hosting the party, he decides to go ahead and do it?  But when he unzips and gets into position, either nothing comes out, or it's a slow, halting trickle due to his nervousness, and he gets embarrassed about it?  Anyway, this post has gotten kind of long but thanks again for responding, and good for you for helping to build up the confidence of the boys and young men that you have influence over when there are a lot of factors in society pushing them in the other direction.  I'm sure they'll thank you for it when they're older.

[JesseP 1,277]

My family are quite prudish. I remember peeing outside on the driveway, my dad spotted me and went ballistic. Probably ended up encouraging my interest to be honest.

[beachmom 1,815]

On 7/28/2021 at 1:56 PM, JesseP said:

My family are quite prudish. I remember peeing outside on the driveway, my dad spotted me and went ballistic. Probably ended up encouraging my interest to be honest.

oddly enough, as I've noticed, dads are generally much more critical of their sons in many respects than moms are. Dads might think they're trying to avoid upsetting their wives by stopping boys from peeing outside, but actually most moms believe that it's fine, even helpful when boys don't track in to pee.

[Sexismygod 1,782]

I think my family is very much like @beachmoms family.  We've always been outdoors ... scouting, rock climbing, backpacking, swimming, etc.  As a result, peeing outside has been an automatic part of my life from the beginning, even when my mum had to "supervise" because I was too young to wander off on my own.  I've never really understood the reluctance to pee outdoors that I see in some, both male & female, though the female need to disrobe is an obvious disadvantage (I've never seen a woman backpacker in a skirt 😉). 

The point about handwashing is valid, but I'm also used to having dirty hands.  All the activities I mentioned above result in dirty hands.  No worries, just wash them before you eat.  Washing my hands every time I get dirt on them, or touch my penis, is a waste of time since they'll be dirty again in 20 minutes.  I think people have gotten a bit squeamish about dirt, which is a real problem.  Dirt intake is a primary vector for immune system development.  If the body is never exposed to dirt, it will have no defenses against the little bugs that live there.  The answer isn't to wash your hands every time ... it's to be a bit practical and roll with the situation.

Go forth and pee ... you can wash your hands when it's more convenient.  That's my advice.

[Alfresco 11,639]

I don't know whether mums have become more open minded.  My mum was very open minded about it when I was a kid (>40 years ago).   She wouldn't encourage me to pee outside in town, but if we went out walking in the countryside, by a river or to the sea, she would have no hesitation to encourage myself and my sister to pee when needed.  She would also not hesitate to pee behind a bush herself if the need arose.   I remember camping in the garden with a few friends one night and Mum told us not to come traipsing in the house waking everyone up if we needed to pee, but to just pee in the hedge.   Also, I used to go out with mates for hours on end during the school holidays and it was obvious that we were not going home to pee - not an issue.  As far as I know, all the other kids' mums were also fine with it because we all used to pee outside when we needed to (girls as well as boys) and nobody was hesitant about it - it was just normal.  Again, I would suspect that the attitude when in town was different - I'm sure most parents took their children to the public toilets if needed rather than peeing in an alley or car park.   I don't honestly remember much about that.   We lived in a fairly small town with central public toilets, so it was probably just as easy to go to the toilet if needed.    It may have been different if we were in a bigger town.

[beachmom 1,815]

3 hours ago, Alfresco said:

I don't know whether mums have become more open minded.  My mum was very open minded about it when I was a kid (>40 years ago).   She wouldn't encourage me to pee outside in town, but if we went out walking in the countryside, by a river or to the sea, she would have no hesitation to encourage myself and my sister to pee when needed.  She would also not hesitate to pee behind a bush herself if the need arose.   I remember camping in the garden with a few friends one night and Mum told us not to come traipsing in the house waking everyone up if we needed to pee, but to just pee in the hedge.   Also, I used to go out with mates for hours on end during the school holidays and it was obvious that we were not going home to pee - not an issue.  As far as I know, all the other kids' mums were also fine with it because we all used to pee outside when we needed to (girls as well as boys) and nobody was hesitant about it - it was just normal.  Again, I would suspect that the attitude when in town was different - I'm sure most parents took their children to the public toilets if needed rather than peeing in an alley or car park.   I don't honestly remember much about that.   We lived in a fairly small town with central public toilets, so it was probably just as easy to go to the toilet if needed.    It may have been different if we were in a bigger town.

It's not that I believe that mothers have really evolved that much, although women seem to be a bit less timid to say things openly these days, but more that the young men today seem to believe that their mothers couldn't possibly be alright with guys peeing outside. I've heard so many moms criticize their sons for not just going outside somewhere when they need to and so many boys who wouldn't think of doing so.

[gldenwetgoose 21,498]

Both good points @Alfresco and @beachmom - I've been thinking recently around my formative years and I'm absolutely sure I can't remember at all any instances of my parents either encouraging or discouraging me.  But I'm guessing one or the other must probably have happened.

One thing that we (of a certain age) will probably agree on is that the way we spent our childhoods is probably different from kids today.  At least it feels that way from what I remember, compared to how my son and his peers choose to spend their time.  I remember the long school holidays when kids played out all day and in the evenings until bedtime too.  You went home when you were hungry or when it was dark, but there was always that knowledge that if you walked in the house that may be it...   It's too close to lunch / dinner / bathtime, you can stay at home now.  So instead we stayed out, and when the need was there we peed outdoors.  In that sense it maybe wasn't about parents' influence - we did what all our mates did.  We copied them and learned from them.

Now, with the advent of technology and with the different way risks and parenting are approached, how many children get to roam free like we did?  How many times do youngsters spend so much time with that freedom - being out in the park or countryside, being allowed to roam unsupervised in places without bathrooms? How often is it that kids are allowed out for long enough to need the bathroom?  To quite an extent kids can socialise in social media and online gaming from the own home.  Being out of the house often means carefully structure play - at organised facilities or holiday clubs, being taken to places like McDonalds, all of which have ample public facilities.