Blackinksoul30

@BronzeMantis I was on Omorashi.org a few years ago. I was even on their discord server... Well... It was mostly men.and i kept telling them why didn't they try to bring more women in. Why didn't they promote on their website about the discord server more than just 1 single post. They really didn't seem to care to bring more women in. I tried to tell them if it's just men in here, some women might feel like it's a 'meat fest' and just leave... i took it upon myself to try to promote the discord server on their site...they hated the idea and their mod team pretty much bashed me after that. I think they want omorashi.org to be all men. 

Each of these stories are completed except for 'The Cuddler' 

Alice - 62 pages- 25,400 words
Alice 2- 68 pages-25,000 words
Alice 3- 61 pages- 25,384 words
Alice 4- 63 pages- 24,997 words
Alice 5- 70 pages- 29,015 words
Magicians helper- 58 - 29,056 words
3rd class lovers 71 pages- 31,645 words
peter pan story- 51 pages- 22,648 words
park of silence - 55 pages- 29,096 words
Puppy love- 112 pages- 57,677 words
flower children - 81 pages-37,073 words
Broken Dancer- 127 pages-60,444 words
Hatter baby- 129 pages- 60,607 words
Recipe for Love- 132 pages- 64,500
Princess and Pirates- 87 pages- 42,720
robot story 73 pages- 36,606
Bad boy- 116 pages- 59,274
Magic guitar- 182 pages- 82,213 words
little love bite- 94 pages- 47,461 words
Paper Drawn Heart- 109 pages- 57,050 words
The sexpert- 127 pages- 65,915 words- On old hard drive
Hearts of Flame- 102 pages- 49,506 words- on old hard drive
Cupid's assistant- 109 pages- 51,341 words- on old hard drive
Sex paradise- 160 pages- 79,832 words- on old hard drive
Teacher Lust- 181 pages- 86,583 words
Babies times three- 184 pages- 91,357 words- on old hard drive
The perfect baby- 213 pages- 107,300 words
Photo of the past-225 pages- 109,200 words
Teddy that i love- 226 pages- 113,000 words
Addicted to the Escape 232 pages - 122,096 words
The cuddler 197 pages- 95,000 words 

I've only used tampons maybe 3 or 4 times during my life... i think once or twice during the 'swimming' week of gym class... then once or twice when i was on vacation with my husband and i wanted to go to the pool. I don't really use tampons. 

Social media, was... i had hoped, would play a big role on my social life. Living with a chronic illness it's hard to get out and meet people. Plus being chronically ill some people i think view me as a burden..that they just 'dont want to be my friend' due to my illness. In high school i really struggled to make 'friends' i didn't really have plans on the weekend. In college i still struggled to make friends. I was really hoping social media would help in this aspect. I don't drive. I work from home. My husband works 40 hours plus is in college class (on a campus). So i don't see him much. It's incredibly hard to be stuck at home most of my life. I crave social interaction.... instead well.. i talk to my dog... to my parents for  a bit every day (They live hours away), and i work on my stories... Plus being sick..it's hard to be sick and alone... it's easier to deal with illness when someone is there to 'talk' to you. hearing someones voice is comfort to me. Spending time with a 'friend' would be comforting to me. I don't have friends to hang out with besides my spouse. 

29 minutes ago, UnabashedUser said:

If the men pooled their money, put it up as a money bounty and advertised for like minded females you might generate enough interest for a meetup of some kind. It's probably illegal though.

It's a nice thought though. If it could work out.

I ask this because i've had the internet since 97. Originally it was this new breakthrough invention that could help you feel more 'connected' and 'social'. If anything it feels like the opposite. 

From Aol chat rooms, icq chat, myspace, twitter, tumblr, instagram, facebook, discord and more... i tried different social media outlets but end up feeling like i'm either being ignored, bullied, forgotten, pushed aside or just..feeling invisible. Any close connections i've formed on those social media outlets have sadly disingrated to nothing and i've lost a lot of best friends. I feel like i'm in 'limbo'. Still searching for a best friend. Someone i can talk to. Someone i can 'Hear'. Someone i could feel close to. Someone i could hang out with. So i wouldn't have to rely on my husband every damn day to be both a husband and a girlfriend to me. 

I've never met someone actually into watersports... I'd feel so shy/nervous. I wish there were more people in the midwest that was into watersports.

I've never actually met someone in person that was into watersports... like to the level that i am interested in it.  i'd feel so nervous.

I tried discussing it with my husband. he pretty much said, 'it won't happen. let's not talk about that. you worry too much.' 

Your own thoughts were great!! There was comfort. there was acceptance. arousal. snuggling. It was very sweet!! 

AWWWWW!!!!!!!! I love it!!!!! So very much!!!!

See... I had actual night time accidents up until i was 14. It was really embarrising since i ended up having an accident not only during sixth grade camp but at a friends sleep over... both extremely mortifying humiliating experiences. The night time accidents stopped completely right before i turned 15. I've been married for 11 years now and i haven't had an accident since age 14 but i still have this fear in the back of my mind that... 'what if i wet the bed again.'   and how mad my husband might be... i know i'd cry...and i'd keep apologizing.. i'd feel so ashamed... i had tried everything i could growing up to stop the night time accidents...drinking less..drinking nothing, peeing before bed..the bed mat alarms, sticker reward chart, even medication...nothing could stop it...every night i'd soak the bed around 3am or 4am. 

The story you wrote means the world to me. Thank you so much with all of my heart!!! 

Hi there. I'm asking this question because my two best friends i used to talk to pretty much every day, drifted away and haven't spoken to me in months. I really have no one else to talk to besides my husband. I am chronically disabled and rarely leave my apartment. I could really use a friend to talk to. I'm not looking to get 'personal' or discuss 'watersports' all the time. I'm looking for a friend that understands boundaries and that won't 'pressure' me to do stuff or send stuff. Just a casual friend. But someone that i could actually speak with. I do have skype. I'm really looking for someone i can laugh with and just enjoy talking to.  Also understand that skype is what i use for my job so i wouldn't be able to talk all the time. During my work hours i wouldn't be able to respond. 

A short story about a girl that has a accident at night and the guy (her boyfriend that she slept with) says it's alright and comforts her so  she doesn't feel embarrassed. You can name the girl 'Alice'. Mid 30's. If you have more questions you can private message me. Thank you! 

Good job!!!! 😄

I finally received my comfort therapy toddler doll. I adore her. She's so precious!!! 🙂

I posted it in hopes that someone would enjoy it. I posted it so..if someone was having a rough day.. maybe my story could make them smile. maybe they could get 'lost' in another world like the writing made me feel. also... in hopes that.. maybe they'd find a character they could relate to.

basically they are love stories... it's always... lead female has a difficult life... and the lead male saves her in some way. and makes everything perfect for her. 

That's all i feel comfortable saying.

25 minutes ago, WantonLee said:

Hmm, to a little extend I can understand where you're comming from, blackinsoul, as a couple of years ago - when I was still actively playing an fantasy based online roleplay game - I was some kind of a reporter and wrote articles about our guilds activities

It was always a struggle, and while I tried to release my stories once a week, it was later once every two week, then every three weeks and then every month. One reason was that I always tried to not just bluntly report what we did in game, but also to wrap it up in some form. For instance, at one evening we were raiding some evil ice giants for some loot, and I told the story of it as if it was a football-match, with us playing against the giants.

Another story was written as if our raid was investigated afterwards by a detective (yes, I named him Sherlock Gnomes, sorry for the pun), deducing from the clues and coprses left behind what happened.

Apart from struggeling it was always fun to write, but I eventually stopped writing, since we did more and more events per week and I could not keep up writing (unless I wanted to lower the standards to just mere reports, which I simply do not wanted). As a sidenote, the guild I was in broke up shortly afterwards I stopped writing.

Two or three years ago I found some of my old stories and was amazed about how many spelling errors were in there, despite me double and tripple checking everything.

But no one complained.

If I remember correctly, the number of readers seldom exceeded 15-20 individuals, anyway.

Probably they were getting to long. Some pictures I always added contributed to the lenght of cause. I used Word to write them, and each individual story could grow to 3 or 4 pages in length, shorter reports about new or departing members of cause were much much shorter.

 

Hmm... 60-70 pages you say you wrote?

Thats a scary number, I have to admit. Do not bother sending them to me, I promise I will not read them! 😉

As a matter of fact, I haven't read any books recently simply because I never found the time or rather the leisure to read, even though there are a number of books from Terry Pratchett I still haven't read.

I overcame this weakness of mine by accessing some of them in the form of audio-books which I could listen to while at work sometimes (provided I was tasked with dull enough tasks).

 

Out of interest though: do you just fear rejection for they way you wrote, or are the stories really that intimate that you fear rejection for what they are about?

What ever ou write: if it is intimate, rejection hurts twice as much, according to my heart... .

I fear rejection because of why i write and what i write. meaning...  because i write to cope with stuff... if someone says 'Your writing sucks, it's horrible'   but lets say.. i wrote the story because i was depressed and sad about stuff and the writing helped me cope... then i'll feel lousy about how much it helped me. i'll feel 'regret' for writing it... 

And yes also because it's really that intimate that i fear rejection for what they are about... but the reader wouldn't really know unless i explain it to them... but i would know...even if i didn't tell them... 

I started writing stories when I was 12 years old to cope with bullying at home and at school. Boys in school bullied me. My father worked a lot. My older brother verbally and physically abused me. I felt alone and unloved. So i wrote love stories to 'fill that gap' and give myself the comfort and joy that I as a preteen needed/wanted. Fast forward a few years and students in school found out about my writing and bullied me about it. My best friend at the time loved my writing though. We'd actually write for each other. 

Fast forward to my mid teens.... I kept writing... I went from short stories at 12....to 60 to 70 page stories. My best friend still read my stories but not as much. I really didn't share my writing with anyone else.

In my early 20's... i wrote even longer stories.. I rarely heard from my best friend at that point.   

In my mid 20's i started posting my stories online. Which at the time was incredibly scary. I just wrote for my own enjoyment/my own escape. To just 'cheer myself up'. I started sharing the link with some of my online friends and what ended up happening was pretty awesome. I ended up forming a group of 'fans' of my stories. They constantly would beg me to write more. They'd tell me they put off doing homework cause they couldn't put my book down. They stayed up late reading my stories and would tell me that i had to keep writing and send them more.

Sadly a few years later they stopped contacting me and i actually haven't heard from any of them since.  once they stopped contacting me i started joining online writing forums/online writing groups and even in person writing groups. Which resulted in a lot of negative feedback about my writing. People claiming it had to be 'Perfect' if i was posting it online. That i had to 'fix this' 'change this' 'this is horrible'  blah blah blah. They didn't understand that i wrote to self soothe and escape reality. I wasn't writing to be perfect. I wrote whatever made me happy. This frequent negative feedback started to make me feel horrible as a writer. This went on for a year or two. So i felt less and less willing to share my writing. I took my writing down from my website.

Then as i approached my late 20's... I would ask 'Friends' if they wanted to read my work...most said no... a few said yes. 'ill read it this weekend i promise!!'...so i'd be super excited..i'd send it..and then later find out months/years later they never read it. OR i'd be on a social media site.. like... reddit or tumblr or something and i'd mention that i write..and it was usually men that would say 'Well you have to send it. i need to read it. you can't just say you write and not send it. how selfish of you not to share your writing.' this ended up happening A LOT...the guilt trips... the thing is though... i kind of got to the point where my writing became so personal..such a cathartic release that i felt embarrassed to send my writing to anyone unless they were a super close friend.... now i had strange men demanding i send them my writing...and of course.... as soon as i would send it..they would stop all communication.... this happened so many times in my late 20's i lost count. Each time i felt more and more 'used' and 'taken advantage of'. 

In my early 30's i had more close friends saying that they would definitely read it... so i'd send it... and they'd read maybe... a page or two..then not read the rest... and barely give me any feedback. 

Now i'm in my mid 30's...   30+ completed novels later.... And i feel so alone in this hobby. I don't really have any 'writer' friends i talk to regularly. I've become so secretive about my writing because i don't want to be taken advantage of again. I don't want to be lied to. Actually two weeks ago i asked a friend if they'd like to read a story of mine.... this was the first time i've asked..in years... she said Yes...it's been  2 1/2 weeks now..i've asked her a few times if she's read it...and she still says no. 

If you're still reading my post at this point..thank you. I just wanted to get this off my chest. It's been bugging me for an extremely long time. I'm not posting this in hopes that people will ask to read my writing because i'm still far too afraid to share. Actually sending any of my writing to anyone anymore makes me feel incredibly anxious to the point of having a anxiety/panic attack. Thank you for letting me vent. This means a lot to me. 

sounding orgasms are nice! 

14 hours ago, greedyneedygirl said:

I didn’t look at my cunt until I was 14, and when I did, it was purely because my friend and I had planned to lose our virginities to each other. I remember calling up another of my best friends at the time and telling her what was about to happen. The guy in question was well on his way over, and my friend advised me to shave everything, immediately.

This would have been the first time I had seen my cunt in all her glory. As we were about to have sex, I remember him commenting on me having something “hanging down” there. I don’t think he meant it as an insult, but I suppose what he had seen was the neat, perfect vulvas that we are exposed to through online pornography. I’m well aware that this was the source of sex education for all my male friends at the time.
I can’t say I thought much about it in that instant; I had bigger things to deal with – such as the fact that I had no idea what I was doing. After what I can only describe as an anticlimactic encounter, I recall repeatedly replaying in my mind the comment he had made about my cunt. I looked online, wanting to see what most women’s cunts looked like, but I certainly didn’t want to ask anyone about it.

The internet, as we know, can be a scary space, filled with opportunities for self-diagnosis, and the cunts I saw there all emulated what I knew were referred to as “designer vaginas”. These were cunts that were perfectly symmetrical, but this wasn’t me. But I stumbled upon Chaturbate one day and realised that women were often chosen for their ‘meaty’ labia, or were incredibly hirsute, or their clitorises were larger and more prominent.

The lad who I lost my virginity to had been the first, but he wasn’t the last, to offer his unsolicited opinion as to what my cunt looked like. I can recall two other instances: one was very public (through a Blackberry messenger broadcast that a friend decoded for me) from a boy who I’m pretty sure would have married himself given half the chance; the other was a lighthearted comment made by an ex-partner. The second comment, which came several years after the first, was enough to tip me over the edge. I became increasingly paranoid about my body. I would insist on having sex with the lights off, and if anybody attempted to perform cunnilingus on me, I would freeze. This affected my ability to develop healthy sexual relationships and I began to form an unhealthy obsession with what I ought to look like. Aged 14, 15, 16, 17 and even 18, I was yet to find intersectional feminism and body positivity, and during those formative years I spent time obsessing on internet forums, googling labiaplasty, staring at my vulva and imagining what she would look like in a perfect world. There were constant reminders for me that my body did not live up to expectations and therefore I harboured a severe amount of shame about what I looked like. The reminders that, as a woman, I was supposed to transform into a superhuman, pornographically pruned version of myself were never-ending: there were comments from boys; girls talking about cunt lips that protruded, referring to them as “hanging ham”; and a Channel 4 TV documentary about a woman going through surgery to get a “designer vagina”, her relative squealing when they saw what her original vulva looked like. This shame was something that I carried with me well into my early 20s.

Then I recall finding an art piece during my research called The Great Wall of Vagina by Jamie McCartney, which altered my thinking. I was beginning to witness a real celebration of the multitude of forms that cunts could take. It wasn’t as though my attitude immediately changed. I did, however, begin to feel as though my increasing knowledge of feminism was somehow at odds with the discomfort I felt about my own body. How could I encourage other women to flip the discourse around “imperfections” when I was still battling with my own insecurities?

The anxiety I had developed around my vulva was heightened by the fact that I had not yet figured out who I was attracted to. I had gone through periods of feeling as though I was asexual and, after having multiple negative experiences with men resulting in marriage, children and finally divorce, I remained as confused as before. Aside from being convinced that I had found other women attractive and messing around a little bit, I was yet to be entirely intimate with another woman. I think I had psyched myself up so much because the teenage boys I had been with and ultimately my husband had seemed oblivious to my controlling tendencies to turn off lights, but I had gathered from the limited experiences that I had had, and conversations with friends, that intimacy with a woman would be very different.

It wasn’t until I was 32 that I spoke to one of my friends about my insecurities, and this was because she broached the topic first. She told me how she had always been insecure about the fact that her cunt wasn’t “perfect”. I was taken aback to hear her speak so honestly and, very reservedly, I told her that I had experienced similar feelings. This friend had always seemed to me to be entirely confident when it came to sex, but I suppose people may have thought that of me, too. I had become pretty strategic when it came to hiding my insecurities. She told me it had taken a sexual experience with another woman to make her realise that how she looked was completely normal. She told me that during her first time sleeping with another woman she had felt comfortable enough to relay her insecurity, and the woman did more than enough to reassure her otherwise, and that was a turning point for me, too.

It was a combination of things that changed my perception and ability to acknowledge that I was, and still am, beautiful as is. I’m fortunate enough now to be surrounded by women who choose their words more wisely than 14-year-olds. The internet has brought with it an understanding that women are powerful and, while pornography is still damaging in promoting stereotypes, there is a colossal, positive community burgeoning alongside it. I have not had a woman look at me and degrade me for what I look like. In fact, I’m pleased to say that the feedback has been overwhelmingly positive. What I have learned is that language is extremely important, and I hope that we can socialise boys and girls into understanding that women’s bodies come in lots of different shapes and sizes. This includes people who identify with a multitude of different gender identities. If the young men in my life had been educated in understanding the implications of flippant comments and were exposed to a broader spectrum of images, that would have made my journey easier. Each and every one of us has a different relationship to our bodies and that is OK – the judgment I placed on my cunt was not a signifier of a lack of feminist credentials. If there is one thing I know today, it is that my cunt is phenomenal and I wouldn’t want her any other way.

 

You are a brave strong woman for writing this!! *HUGS* I am sorry that, that guy said that to you. Each persons body is special and unique. If each woman had the exact same 'flower', we'd all still be beautiful but i think differences makes us more ourselves. 🙂 

I last pleasured myself... hmmm sometime last week..and it was to a photo. 🙂

Me and my husband haven't made love together since February. Any advice? We've tried to rekindle the romance but we both end up giving up. It's for us to stick with a 'program' 

They said we might get 'a few snow flakes' but nothing much at all. no accumulation. I'm so bundling up for the pumpkin festival tomorrow. gonna wear my winter coat and my scarf/gloves/hat. with my portable oxygen machine. 

i'm going to a halloween party tomorrow with my hubby. then to a pumpkin festival on Sunday 😄