What do you do when you feel lonely?

[Blackinksoul30 1,246]

A bit of a back story about myself... i'm in my mid 30's. Happily married. My husband works a full time job and is in college part time. I am chronically disabled and don't drive. nor do i work. I don't have family that lives near by. I don't really even have friends that live near by that want to hang out with me. I spend most of my days alone and on social media. A lot of the time it's... realizing that people drifted away from me. then i end up feeling like a bother. then i end up talking to my dog or stuffed animals. I've very much gotten used to 'friends' abandoning me, forgetting about me or flat out saying i was annoying. It's very difficult to make friends when you're disabled. When you're pretty much housebound. And then when you try to use social media..it's sometimes like.. talking in a empty room... and hearing your own echo. there may be times during the day where you're happy about something...but.. have no one really to tell. 

[spywareonya 37,961]

12 hours ago, Blackinksoul30 said:

chronically disabled

tell us

12 hours ago, Blackinksoul30 said:

then i end up feeling like a bother

relax and don't "flood" people, we all got our own battles

12 hours ago, Blackinksoul30 said:

talking in a empty room

this forum is special

 

 

could you give us a (even fictionalized) name to address you that is bit more intimate than "black ink soul" ?

I'm Nancy, 28

 

12 hours ago, Blackinksoul30 said:

flat out saying i was annoying

you are not annoying, but you do not make a mystery of your pain, and pain requires TWO things to be faced

first of all, friends that listen, and this forum is different from, and better than, any other, here people are good hearted

second, self-esteem

sometime from your posts seems to emanate lack of it

 

your straightforwardness smells like anguished hurry to exorcise your demons with the help of bystanders, but we all got our own demons to face

self-esteem makes us feel comfortable with ourselves even when we are alone or facing embarassing problems

I am not saying you are blind to your own Worth, nothing at all

what I am saying is more subtle...

I am saying you cannot craft that perception of your own Worth in a tool to feel better with yourself

many of your posts sounds like a call for help, but I feel an enormous power within you, some kind of firmness that though NOT making you immune to pain, make you immune to defeat in final stance, and that means a lot

talk to us

respectful of your pain, and of that of Others, regardless that they show it or not

a kiss...

Edited May 10, 2018 by spywareonya

[glad1 2,832]

I think at times we all feel lonely. Even when family and friends are around, it often feels as if no one is paying us the attention we need. It's all too easy to fall into the trap of self pity. I've been there myself.

Most of the time I work out of the house. I can go for several days without ever making face to face contact with a person. But, once a month or so, I get to travel and get to talk with real live people. It must be hard for you not having that opportunity.

That's why the internet must be a godsend. It is for me. Sure, at times you feel like you're talking to a wall, but it has to feel great when you finally make a connection with someone who shares an interest. I've found this site to be a great place to talk with other people, not only about our favorite subject but on many topics.

You've only been here a few days, but you've already made a great splash. 😉 (Don't worry, someone else can clean it up.) As a writer, I might suggest you post more stories, maybe try creating some fictional ones, perhaps of things you'd love to do, but can't in your situation.

For my part, I'll try to stop by when I'm able and interact with you. Isn't it nice when there's a two-way conversation?

[WantonLee 861]

Interesting question, Blackinsoul30.

I have to admit that I am not quite in the same boat as you are. I am single for the best part of my life now, with very rare exceptions, and I don't really mind it. In a way I actually prefer it over a relationship, as odd as it might sound.

There is not a deep connection with my family either, haven't seen some of them for years. I feel there is not enough in common (other then the shared genes) that justifies regular contact.... because it mostly ends up in desperatly trying to keep up a conversation that actually died half an hour ago... would one be willing to admit it. None of them live close enough for regular visits, anyway.

I was never really good at making friends, and as a result I don't have any real ones by now (having to move to a different city for a job years ago did not help this matter, either). Only acquaintances, most of which are also colleagues at my current job. However, this does not bother me much, as I prefer to live in a different world, anyway. Actually, many different worlds:

When I was young I was mostly living in books (their stories rather), and when I got my first PC my interest shifted towards computer games. I haven't played that many (considering that I am a gamer for about 25 yers now), and I can really get stuck in a single game for years (provided there is enough content). I couple of those games were/are multiplayer games, but so far I only made (what I would call) friends in two of them, leading to even some RealLife meetings. But to be honest, the really connecting element was the game and it's world, and once that was gone, the friendships went with it. This does not mean I regret the meetings, rather the opposite. But there was just.. not enough for lasting friendships. At least for me.

Other then that, I've got a couple of forum's with varying topics I occasionally attend to - one of which of cause is this one! 😄

So I rarely feel lonely, as there is a lot to do to keep my busy.

 

The only time I am really feeling lonely is the time between slipping into bed and falling asleep. And while I miss kissing and cuddling very much in this moments, I feel this is the only time I actually miss another being to share a life with. And I think it would be rather egoistic and self-centered to look for a partner just for those few lonely hours in bed, and nothing else. I am just not desperate enough to be this selfish right now. Maybe I will some day, but not now.

Yes, I know, a relationship is not only about sharing a bed, it is about sharing a life. But there is not much to be shared.

I am not interested in having children, and so there is no reason I SHOULD be in a relationship (from a mere biological point of view).

 I also have no other higher goals in life by now. What ever talent I may have that I could exploit for "the benefit of mankind", if there is one, I am not aware of it. So I would not need a supporting partner in this part of my life, either. (And I do not know of any woman in such a position that would need someone like me for support.)

In any way, I don't want to be reduced to..... a function... nor do I want to reduce another person to a function. As I said: I do not want to have a partner just because I need someone to cuddle with. (While we are at it: same goes for my special interest that brought me to this forum.)

 

Before someone thinks I am complaining or salty or what ever: I am just reflecting on my life, I am not bitter. I am way past bitter and in the realms of acceptance and I am comfortable with it. There is no one to be blamed. If, then it would be me. And I don't see why I should.

 

Anyway, thanks again for your quesiton Blackinsoul30. By the way, considering your disability: aren't there any forums revolving around this topic that are worth a visit, or do you just don't feel like you want to exchange yourself with others about it?

No I am not suggesting you should... switch forums or such. But there is a problem of mine I that I don't want to talk about here, and I do occasionally visit a related forum to exchange myself with other persons with the same issue, and it did help me quite a lot.

Just saying.

[Flapnjack 77]

21 hours ago, Blackinksoul30 said:

 I don't really even have friends that live near by that want to hang out with me. I spend most of my days alone and on social media. A lot of the time it's... realizing that people drifted away from me. then i end up feeling like a bother. then i end up talking to my dog or stuffed animals. I've very much gotten used to 'friends' abandoning me, forgetting about me or flat out saying i was annoying. It's very difficult to make friends when you're disabled. When you're pretty much housebound. And then when you try to use social media..it's sometimes like.. talking in a empty room... and hearing your own echo. there may be times during the day where you're happy about something...but.. have no one really to tell. 

If you feel like this is affecting your mental health you should see psychiatrist. Please understand you don't necessarily have a problem to visit one -- and its this stigma that people often do go.

You can message me if you need someone to talk to. 

 

[Blackinksoul30 1,246]

Hi everyone that has responded. Thank you for the love and support. I really do like this site a lot. I was feeling sad from the other social media i use.. plus feeling stress from an apartment issue me and my husband has been having. I am in counseling though which is good. 🙂

If you'd like you could call me 'Alice' 

A bit about my lung disease. it's called bronchopulmonary dysplasia. Basically was born almost 2 months premature. My lungs weren't fully developed. The pressure from the oxygen machine destroyed my lower lung tissue. I also had a heart defect which i ended up having surgery as a baby to fix it. I also had congestive heart failure as a toddler. I had Wolff-Parkinson white syndrome as a child. I had respiratory distress syndrome. Bronchitis and pneumonia. I spent 5 months in the NICU. Then had a physical therapist visit my house once a week to help me exercise since i had barely any muscle from being in a hospital bed for so long. I wore corrective shoes. When i was 18 and 24 i went to pulmonary rehab. I currently have 24% lung function. I also get rib cage arthritis once every few weeks due to coughing. 

[spywareonya 37,961]

13 hours ago, Blackinksoul30 said:

Hi everyone that has responded. Thank you for the love and support. I really do like this site a lot. I was feeling sad from the other social media i use.. plus feeling stress from an apartment issue me and my husband has been having. I am in counseling though which is good. 🙂

If you'd like you could call me 'Alice' 

A bit about my lung disease. it's called bronchopulmonary dysplasia. Basically was born almost 2 months premature. My lungs weren't fully developed. The pressure from the oxygen machine destroyed my lower lung tissue. I also had a heart defect which i ended up having surgery as a baby to fix it. I also had congestive heart failure as a toddler. I had Wolff-Parkinson white syndrome as a child. I had respiratory distress syndrome. Bronchitis and pneumonia. I spent 5 months in the NICU. Then had a physical therapist visit my house once a week to help me exercise since i had barely any muscle from being in a hospital bed for so long. I wore corrective shoes. When i was 18 and 24 i went to pulmonary rehab. I currently have 24% lung function. I also get rib cage arthritis once every few weeks due to coughing. 

summing up, you can't outrun yourself with overwhelming strive, am I correct?

 

Well, Alice, friends around here are just a click far from you. Though I sincerely think you shoul catch every chance for socializing in real life (though I understand you can't go out that easy), still here we are, to chat with you about ANYTHING that you have inside your heart!!!

Edited May 11, 2018 by spywareonya

[spywareonya 37,961]

7 minutes ago, owlman76 said:

when someone starts winding me up I let out a low growling sound under my breath, at this point he knows I'm going to snap and tries to remove me from the situation.

my man had similar problems because his body produces much more hormones than normal, so you have all our respect

7 minutes ago, owlman76 said:

Nobody is worthless

said from somebody who faced/overcame what you faced/overcame, it worths ten thousands times said by anybody else

 

8 minutes ago, owlman76 said:

there's always light at the end of the tunnel, it's just sometimes the bend stops you seeing it.

make the Whole world believe this, and 95% of world problems will go away

you are great Owlman, can I something which is intentionally (as part of the game!) rude on the gramatical stance?

Fuck your self esteem problems: you are a fucking HERO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!