Need to get something off my shoulders here

[avatar 371]

Sorry if this a bit too emotional but I've been dealing with a bit of a inner turmoil in the past days that I just feel like I need to confide with someone.

So basically, over the past few months I've been dealing with some fleeting doubts about my sexuality (I've gone by straight for the majority of my 25 years long life). Those instances happened from time to time but I've always just brushed it off like innocent curiosity etc. But over time they added up until eventually a week or two ago (and I'll spare you the details to make this tactful) I've had some homoerotic interactions that... took those doubts from 0 to 100 real fast. So anyway, the last week or two I've been on basically a frantic journey of introspection and self-exploration.

I've tried talking to some people who might relate but the deal of living in a rural town in shitty homophobic area of a shitty homophobic country the options were pretty much limited to trying random lgbt subreddits on Reddit, people on certain discord servers and a certain amazing person from her who I'm super grateful to. So I did with what I had and a lot of frantic introspection I think I've come to a realization that I wanted to share with some people. And taking this back to the shitty homophobic country part, I don't really feel confident/safe enough to talk to anyone irl really, with the risk being becoming the town pariah. So I thought of places online I could talk to and thought of this forum and said why not, we already share much more unusual aspects of our sexualities on here lmao.

So yeah, after deconstructing a lot of the unconscious biases that were suppressing that aspect of me my whole life, I've decided that I'll be changing my bio on here from 'straight' to 'bisexual man'. And I know it might not be a big deal in the grand scope of things with how many fellow bi members there are here but it is a big deal for me and it also still makes me super nervous writing it out like this but I just needed to get it off my shoulders somewhere...

So yeah, hopefully that didn't come off too soppy.

 

Edited October 8, 2023 by avatar

[Kupar 12,421]

Not soppy at all. Welcome to the club 😊. And huge kudos to you for writing about it here. You know you're among friends. Isn't PeeFans wonderful?

[steve25805 121,275]

I used to be totally in the closet about the pee fetish itself and can remember the intense nervousness of starting to share for the first time on another forum before this one, so can relate to you on the nervousness front from there. 

You might live in a shitty homophobic town - the bible belt by any chance? - but there is a big wide world out there and a certain part of it comes here to this forum.

I get that you have probably internalised feelings of shame about any homoerotic thoughts due to the environment around you, and this could possibly be the main source of nervousness in sharing. You are naturally afraid of an adverse reaction. But sharing is the first step to overcoming such thinking. And I think there will be no adverse reaction to you here. We are all a pretty live and let live bunch. And we will be supportive of you if you ever need it.

I live in a pretty unremarkable city in the UK, and whilst you do get the odd phobe here and there, most of us know gay or lesbians in our daily lives. I have a relative who is a bisexual male, a best friend who is a bisexual female, and a number of work colleagues who are openly gay or lesbian. And one who is trans, born male but identifying as female and in the process of transitioning.

So talk freely to me or anyone else around here. I was far more accepting of homosexuality as a thing that is part of life for some people than I ever was about my own fetish for a long time. The latter filled me with shame for a long time, but gay people, bi people, lesbian people never bothered me.

I myself have always identified as straight. And yet I can see the eroticism of a dick pissing everywhere and have in the past wondered if I am only 99% straight, not that is bothers me in the slightest. I suspect more people harbour at least a little of swinging the other way than any of us will ever know. And it is a fact that some of the worst homophobes are closet gays themselves, lol

But two things are certain. Firstly, no need to be nervous about talking freely around here about who you really are. And secondly, there is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. Most of us on this forum, whichever way we swing, have come to see that it is the phobes and judgementalists who are the ones with the problem. Not us. Not gay people. Not lesbians. Not bisexuals. It is the ones who have no ability to live and let live who have the problem, who have the small minds, who see reason to hate instead of love, to condemn instead of letting people be who they are.

But yeah, if you are surrounded by such moral retards who think they are better than everyone else when the opposite is true, I can get that being open with them is not an option, because you still have to live your life alongside them.

But rest assured you can be open with us without fear of condemnation, and if anyone attempts to be less than friendly - a very rare thing on this site - the mods will be all over them like a ton of bricks.

 

[avatar 371]

19 minutes ago, Kupar said:

Not soppy at all. Welcome to the club 😊. And huge kudos to you for writing about it here. You know you're among friends. Isn't PeeFans wonderful?

Aw thank you! Yeah it's really a uniquely wonderful place in here 🙂

[avatar 371]

1 hour ago, steve25805 said:

I used to be totally in the closet about the pee fetish itself and can remember the intense nervousness of starting to share for the first time on another forum before this one, so can relate to you on the nervousness front from there. 

You might live in a shitty homophobic town - the bible belt by any chance? - but there is a big wide world out there and a certain part of it comes here to this forum.

I get that you have probably internalised feelings of shame about any homoerotic thoughts due to the environment around you, and this could possibly be the main source of nervousness in sharing. You are naturally afraid of an adverse reaction. But sharing is the first step to overcoming such thinking. And I think there will be no adverse reaction to you here. We are all a pretty live and let live bunch. And we will be supportive of you if you ever need it.

I live in a pretty unremarkable city in the UK, and whilst you do get the odd phobe here and there, most of us know gay or lesbians in our daily lives. I have a relative who is a bisexual male, a best friend who is a bisexual female, and a number of work colleagues who are openly gay or lesbian. And one who is trans, born male but identifying as female and in the process of transitioning.

So talk freely to me or anyone else around here. I was far more accepting of homosexuality as a thing that is part of life for some people than I ever was about my own fetish for a long time. The latter filled me with shame for a long time, but gay people, bi people, lesbian people never bothered me.

I myself have always identified as straight. And yet I can see the eroticism of a dick pissing everywhere and have in the past wondered if I am only 99% straight, not that is bothers me in the slightest. I suspect more people harbour at least a little of swinging the other way than any of us will ever know. And it is a fact that some of the worst homophobes are closet gays themselves, lol

But two things are certain. Firstly, no need to be nervous about talking freely around here about who you really are. And secondly, there is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. Most of us on this forum, whichever way we swing, have come to see that it is the phobes and judgementalists who are the ones with the problem. Not us. Not gay people. Not lesbians. Not bisexuals. It is the ones who have no ability to live and let live who have the problem, who have the small minds, who see reason to hate instead of love, to condemn instead of letting people be who they are.

But yeah, if you are surrounded by such moral retards who think they are better than everyone else when the opposite is true, I can get that being open with them is not an option, because you still have to live your life alongside them.

But rest assured you can be open with us without fear of condemnation, and if anyone attempts to be less than friendly - a very rare thing on this site - the mods will be all over them like a ton of bricks.

 

While you have not guessed the country (nor the continent lol) the idea is basically the same. A backwards, largely rural country where with the exception of the youngest generations (and even with those there's only really a partial acceptance) the 'average persons' thinks of anyone who is not straight either as a deviant, sick or the basic 'yeah I don't have any issues with you but shut up and don't remind anyone of your existence... and don't even try bringing up civil unions!'. This goes all the way through from the common folk to being really the common stance of all the major politicians (with the exception of the two rare liberal parties but they don't hold any executive power).

So, it took me I think 20+ years to even get to talk to someone who is openly lgbt and even that was just people online from more urban settings. The only queer person I know of from my town is a former HS classmate that apparently came out after graduation and moving away to the capital city as a nonbinary androphile. Obviously I'm all for them but I cannot imagine how they'd get treated if presenting like that in our home town. So you can probably see that growing up and only hearing about lgbt people from second hand like that, I was unconsciously scared of becoming one. Like I didn't want to turn gay (in my ignorant biphobic eyes back then) so killed off any homoerotic thoughts I ever had. It only took me after graduating college and becoming a staunch progressive on many issues (including lgbt rights) to be able to even consider the option of me being one of them.

And yeah, that's exactly why I appreciate this place so much. Just a bunch of lovely openminded people that can share any aspects of their sexualities (as long as they are consentual and enjoyable obviously) with one another so freely. And that's why I thought if writing this in here first, because I know that even if it's not a lgbt centric forum people would probably react positively. So yeah, thank you so much for the kind words, they are appreciated more than you realize 🥰

EDIT: just wanted to add a little bit here about the thing you said about some bigots being queers in denial. Yeah you are 100% right on that I think... and I'm so so so SO ashamed of now but when I was a lot younger and in kind of bad place in life, I fell into some really bad spaces online that led to me being quiet a bigot. Again please believe me that's not me anymore and I wouldn't look the person I was back then in the eye now... But yeah, here I am 8 years later fantasising about cock 🤷🤣

Edited October 1, 2023 by avatar

[Simmie 47]

Just dropping by to say I could have written this word for word. It took until last year for me to realize that I am a lesbian. My family is homophobic as they are from a culture that demonizes it, and a part of a strict religion. 

Wanted to say I am proud of you for being able to explore yourself and find out what you liked. It's exciting and it feels like a new chapter in life. I hope one day I can have a similar experience.

 

My DMs are open if you ever want to vent (more of a shoulder to cry on, I clearly have no advice myself lol)

[avatar 371]

3 hours ago, Simmie said:

Just dropping by to say I could have written this word for word. It took until last year for me to realize that I am a lesbian. My family is homophobic as they are from a culture that demonizes it, and a part of a strict religion. 

Wanted to say I am proud of you for being able to explore yourself and find out what you liked. It's exciting and it feels like a new chapter in life. I hope one day I can have a similar experience.

 

My DMs are open if you ever want to vent (more of a shoulder to cry on, I clearly have no advice myself lol)

Thank you for the kind words 🙂 I'll just say, to not paint a bad picture about them, is that my family is actually extremely liberal and tolerant by the standards of our culture, yet the culture itself still left such a strong imprint on me that it took this long to get rid of.

So yeah I definitely relate in that sense. Also I'm all the more happy for you and your realization 🙂

[Daniel_defo 335]

10 hours ago, avatar said:

Sorry if this a bit too emotional but I've been dealing with a bit of a inner turmoil in the past days that I just feel like I need to confide with someone.

So basically, over the past few months I've been dealing with some fleeting doubts about my sexuality (I've gone by straight for the majority of my 25 years long life). Those instances happened from time to time but I've always just brushed it off like innocent curiosity etc. But over time they added up until eventually a week or two ago (and I'll spare you the details to make this tactful) I've had some homoerotic interactions that... took those doubts from 0 to 100 real fast. So anyway, the last week or two I've been on basically a frantic journey of introspection and self-exploration.

I've tried talking to some people who might relate but the deal of living in a rural town in shitty homophobic area of a shitty homophobic country the options were pretty much limited to trying random lgbt subreddits on Reddit, people on certain discord servers and a certain amazing person from her who I'm super grateful to. So I did with what I had and a lot of frantic introspection I think I've come to a realization that I wanted to share with some people. And taking this back to the shitty homophobic country part, I don't really feel confident/safe enough to talk to anyone irl really, with the risk being becoming the town pariah. So I thought of places online I could talk to and thought of this forum and said why not, we already share much more unusual aspects of our sexualities on here lmao.

So yeah, after deconstructing a lot of the unconscious biases that were suppressing that aspect of me my whole life, I've decided that I'll be changing my bio on here from 'straight' to 'heteroromantic bisexual man'. And I know it might not be a big deal in the grand scope of things with how many fellow bi members there are here but it is a big deal for me and it also still makes me super nervous writing it out like this but I just needed to get it off my shoulders somewhere...

So yeah, hopefully that didn't come off too soppy.

 

Never deny yourself, if your inner self tells you what you like: accept it. You`ll be able to meet new people who`d support you for sure. Be not afraid, you`re not alone.

[gldenwetgoose 20,252]

Hi @avatar - we're all standing shoulder to shoulder with you.   At the first moment any of us clicked on this website link in our browsers, we all joined a club, the community or family of those into something 'odd'.   We all understand that we've got something within us that others don't understand, wouldn't try to understand and may make lives difficult for us.

It's sad that people won't try to understand, but find it far easier to close their minds and judge. And that leads to a pack mentality of course where it's easier to stand silently with the mob than it is to question their lack of tolerance.  But we all understand.  We have families who we know don't understand (at best) or worse will oppose us.  We all fear being found out, because we know we'd be mocked and misunderstood.

But of course here, you are at home, you can be yourself and explore amongst friends.  To us it's not important where your interests are - and we do tend to treat everyone as being totally hones with themselves and with us.  So you can be yourself.  You are amongst people who care.

 

One thing I'll add, and I'm sure you know already but it may be of interest to anyone else reading this:   Apart from all the pee action presented here, the images, the wild and free experiences, there is a core of 'normal' people with everyday lives.  Pop into Livechat and sometimes it may be quiet, but other times you'll find friends chatting.  Not just about pee, but work and home lives, problems, solutions, friendship.  Everyone is a member of this community, and there's always friends to chat with - even on non-kink subjects.

[avatar 371]

17 minutes ago, gldenwetgoose said:

Hi @avatar - we're all standing shoulder to shoulder with you.   At the first moment any of us clicked on this website link in our browsers, we all joined a club, the community or family of those into something 'odd'.   We all understand that we've got something within us that others don't understand, wouldn't try to understand and may make lives difficult for us.

It's sad that people won't try to understand, but find it far easier to close their minds and judge. And that leads to a pack mentality of course where it's easier to stand silently with the mob than it is to question their lack of tolerance.  But we all understand.  We have families who we know don't understand (at best) or worse will oppose us.  We all fear being found out, because we know we'd be mocked and misunderstood.

But of course here, you are at home, you can be yourself and explore amongst friends.  To us it's not important where your interests are - and we do tend to treat everyone as being totally hones with themselves and with us.  So you can be yourself.  You are amongst people who care.

 

One thing I'll add, and I'm sure you know already but it may be of interest to anyone else reading this:   Apart from all the pee action presented here, the images, the wild and free experiences, there is a core of 'normal' people with everyday lives.  Pop into Livechat and sometimes it may be quiet, but other times you'll find friends chatting.  Not just about pee, but work and home lives, problems, solutions, friendship.  Everyone is a member of this community, and there's always friends to chat with - even on non-kink subjects.

Thanks a lot goose, really appreciate the words! As well this community in general, like you've just described 🙂

[Remi 949]

All i can say to that, due to lack of any better advice, is that i really hope you find your path in life and everything works out for you in some way or another. Sorry to hear that opening up in real life seems to be so difficult.  After all, just being your pure self is nothing one should be worried about, but sadly it's not always that easy due to many factors.

The first step is done, stay strong and eventually life will unexpectedly guide you to the right place or state of mind to deal with this if you follow your intuition.

[avatar 371]

35 minutes ago, Remi said:

All i can say to that, due to lack of any better advice, is that i really hope you find your path in life and everything works out for you in some way or another. Sorry to hear that opening up in real life seems to be so difficult.  After all, just being your pure self is nothing one should be worried about, but sadly it's not always that easy due to many factors.

The first step is done, stay strong and eventually life will unexpectedly guide you to the right place or state of mind to deal with this if you follow your intuition.

Thank you so much for the encouraging words ❤️ About the right place and a state of mind... I feel like I'm making a lot of improvement on the state of mind field. On the right place, that will probably not be so easy but hopefully it will work out too.

[on the porch 326]

If you can take anything away from all this ,,, remember when some one points a finger at you , there are 3 pointing back at them .

Please be your self , chase after your likes and discard your dislikes ... Having a woman piss in my mouth and face while I'm going down on her is NOT a fetish , it's a joy , even. A TGurl , it's an absolute joy and delight. And just who defines what is normal or not ???? What is normal any way ???  The ones that wrote the so called morality laws are the ones that brake them the most .... Just my 2 cents