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The Piss Empire - Part I


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Great work, Nopjans. :thumbsup: Not only was this a great naughty peeing story in it's own right, but it was also an awesomely good display of imagination in action. I really do hope you write more stories about these characters, especially Liliana and Debora.

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  • 1 year later...

nopjans, did you post this story to PS as well? I was going to start reading part 3, but wanted to read parts one and two again before doing so. I remember reading it, and was sure that I had commented on it, but I found that I hadn't left a comment or rating for you on this site. I hope that I read and commented on it on PS. If is a fantastic concept, well executed, and deserves all of the kudos it has received and more. Oh, and I'm very jealous of William.

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  • 6 months later...

All right, so I finally went back and read the first installment. After reading part four, I had a lot of stuff that I didn't say in my comment, but it still applies now, so here we go.

First of all, @nopjans: You're a good fantasy writer. I know I called you a good writer before (I'm enjoying your characters!), but you have good solid world-building going on, and you seem to really understand how a society (particularly a medieval or otherwise distantly-historical one) realistically works. Even if this weren't a sexually oriented piece of writing, I'd still want to read it, just because it's so entertaining on that basis.

That ties right in to my next point: You've done a masterful job of working a fetish into your story. I can't stress this enough. I don't know if I've ever seen a fictional setting where a fixation on peeing was so gracefully worked into the fabric of the world (pun somewhat intended). What really does it, I think, is that most people in the setting don't necessarily care that much about pee stuff, but the symbolic value of a supreme authority figure (and possibly her closest friends) peeing is treated so thoughtfully that it actually kinda works. You have to get past the fact that important people are exposing themselves in public and engaging in sexually interesting acts (even if it is just releasing waste), but you convey the feeling that at least for this purpose, people are willing to make an exception to the rules in the name of tradition. Which is totally plausible. It happens all the time.

Thirdly, and possibly the most attractive thing of all: You tie the nuances of power play (in a sexual way) into the nuances of the setting, and it actually works. The example that comes to mind is Liliana and Debora's conversation about the Empress not showing desperation. A lot of creative works involving peeing will have anyone, no matter their usual attitude, visibly falter and lose control when the time comes. But no, not here. Here, the Empress always has to maintain self-control, and it's up to her what mood the peeing has. Is she anointing something out of kindness? Is she defacing something out of anger? It's her pick. So in the same stroke, you have something that's sexy and that advances the ideas of the story. That's masterful.

(As an edit: A lot of that comes through as well in Liliana's desire to revive the spirit of the practice of peeing. The architecture is there in the setting, but she's putting the arousal back into it, and that's fun to watch.)

Oh, and on a personal note, I adore this angle on naughty peeing. It's like you've read my mind and you already know what I want to read. All the above stuff is true, but I probably wouldn't have written it down if I didn't find this sexy enough to be worth my time.

So, congrats to you. I could still provide far more detailed feedback than I have here, but this is the gist of my reaction so far. It's amazing work, and I hope you continue writing for the series. Even besides it being utterly mind-blowingly hot -- I actually kinda want to see where this story goes.

Edited by Spectacle
  • Like 1
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Wow, @Spectacle thank you so much for the incredibly detailed and thoughtful feedback. It is really encouraging and appreciated. I do wish I could write these faster because I have a lot of ideas for this series. I wonder how much people care about the politics and story as opposed to just the peeing, but it sounds like both are working for you. Thank you! Part 5 is already brewing.

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1 hour ago, nopjans said:

Wow, @Spectacle thank you so much for the incredibly detailed and thoughtful feedback. It is really encouraging and appreciated. I do wish I could write these faster because I have a lot of ideas for this series. I wonder how much people care about the politics and story as opposed to just the peeing, but it sounds like both are working for you. Thank you! Part 5 is already brewing.

Well, I hope you can release it soon. The more you keep showering us with this luscious hot narrative, the more we can keep gorging you on fresh cool feedback. :15_yum:

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