Ode to a pish! (A Burns Night Poem)

[Chrissy89 1,208]

In Scotland it’s January 25th - Burns night, where we pay tribute to Robert Burns our most loved and treasured Poet. 

as a little tribute to this, I’ve (badly) had a go at my own little poem, pee themed of course in the style of burns!

I do apologise for those who don’t speak or understand Scot’s… I can translate if you wish 

 

Tae a Pish! (by Chrissy)

A puddle eh pish apun the flair, a dirty white seat aw covered in hair. It isn’y fair for a lass like me, who disn’y like squatting o’er her chair.  

I needed tae pish s’bad ye see, so I ta’en a deep breath an’ thought o’ the sea.  I pu’ed doon ma troosers just past the knee and spread ma legs wide until I felt free. 

I hunkered doon, o’er the chair, didn’y want’ae look, didn’y want’ae care.  At first a few draps fell in’tae the watter, “no bad I thought” and then came the spatter…. Ma stream had turn’d ta’ an almighty gush - too feert ta’ move but boay what a rush! 

The relief I felt was like nae ‘ther. Ma thighs were damp and my hair was a aw o’er.

When it came t’an en’ I wasn’y the same!

Whit a mess there was t’ be made!

In the distance I saw a wee moose come in, as I was pulling up ma troosers. 

“Hullo there wee beastie, ‘mon in, dinny min’ me, and watch ye don’t skite oan the flair” 

I bent doon, picked up my hawf bottle - tae a moose? i thought - nah! Tae a pish! T’is burns’ night ‘fter a’

🥃

Edited January 25, 2023 by Chrissy89

[Kupar 13,339]

Amazing @Chrissy89! You're wasted here ❤️ 

[gldenwetgoose 21,487]

Sláinte @Chrissy89 - a triumph.

[Alfresco 11,631]

Fantastic @Chrissy89.   Love it.

[Chrissy89 1,208]

Everyone here is far too kind! 🥰

[Carthoris 269]

Absolutely brilliant! Epic work!

[Carb0nBased 647]

Just saw this! Very well written, and authentic sounding!

Edited April 11, 2023 by Carb0nBased
Clarified I'd just found this now...