Women Initiating Pee Conversations with Men

[Dr.P 1,473]

Given the secrecy with which female urination is viewed, in the general population of Europe and America, so that even discussing the process has many taboos, especially for people of opposite genders, I have a question.

Question, primarily for you ladies, but men may have relevant experiences, also:

What MOTIVATES a woman to INITIATE a conversation about peeing (her own, his, or a third party) with a man?

1. Is she demonstrating HER interest, especially erotic interest, in peeing?

2. Is she trying to find out about HIS interest, especially erotic interest, in peeing?

3. Or is she actually FLIRTING with him, or TEASING him, to get his reaction to peeing, either hers, his, or that of a third party?

4. How much does her RELATIONSHIP with the man matter?

Two very short anecdotes from my own experiences illustrate the point of my question. The occurrence of these incidents has been relatively rare, for me.

"L," a Scandinavian lady, related an incident from her school days in Europe, when the boys in her class found their way under an outhouse, to watch the girls pee. She related this incident without any questioning or prompting from me. We were drinking, and flirting, in a low key manner, at the time, but we were by no means lovers, and we never became lovers. At that time, she expressed surprise at her own revelations to me, saying that she had never told this story to anyone else, before, so she must have felt very comfortable with me. We have remained Platonic friends, and coworkers, over several decades. She gives me the "going to the little girls room" routine, when we are together, and she needs to pee.

"Amy" is another lady friend from the gym (definitely NOT "Diane" from my recent fiction stories). She is very attractive, and enjoys flirting with the guys, although she says she is married. One day, she deliberately sought me out, to tell me a story. She said she had gotten together with an old girlfriend, for a reunion, and they had gone out drinking. She hadn't been drinking for some time, and had forgotten about some of the effects of alcohol on her body.

She said, "I had to go to the bathroom, when we were walking home from the bar, and I forgot how to do it, outside. So I fell over backwards, when I tried to do it, and I got all wet!" She laughed, as she told me the story..

"Lucky you didn't get hurt," I said, "I wish I had been there to help you."

"What would you have done?"

"I would have held you, to help you keep your balance."

"That would be really nice of you. I think most guys would just watch me, and laugh at me."

Unfortunately, I haven't seen "Amy" at the gym, in several years. Rumor has it that she has moved out of the area.

 

[oliver2 4,418]

How taboo pee and peeing are seem to vary a lot from person to person so it’s tricky to draw conclusions. Obviously if a woman knows, or suspects, you’re into pee and she’s talking to you about it, she may be flirting! It may just be the kind of slightly more intimate conversation with a friend (more “I have to pee”, less “I have to go to the bathroom”). People who aren’t into pee can still be quite open about pee with a partner or a close friend.

[gldenwetgoose 21,487]

I’m finding myself more and more pissing on people’s bonfires... and I do apologise....

I do tend to think that the way we think about pee, obviously a revered and awesome thing, is totally different from the rest of the world.

for us, a girl who shares her need to pee, or confesses to an anecdote - is she flirting, seeking our reaction, does she know how we feel, would she be open to mutual play....  

Alas probably no. People eat, people drink, people pee - we all do it. Some people treat it as taboo, others just as a natural function. 

Sorry to be a spoilsport but the chances are there’s not too much more to it than that...

[Dr.P 1,473]

oliver2 and gldnwetgoose,

Thanks for your replies. You both make valid points. The variation in attitudes from person to person is huge, even within our common culture. And those of us who pursue our common fetish probably attach more importance to peeing than the rest of the world does, as gldnwetgoose points out. I have even seen that in my own small world, among my small number of girlfriends, over the years. So it is very hard to know how to respond to a woman's verbal comments, or actual behavior. And as oliver2 points out, the conversations can be very nuanced, between “I have to pee”, versus “I have to go to the bathroom.”

I had one gf, "Ellie," who left the bathroom door half open, every time she peed, and another, "Michelle," who closed and locked the door, and ran tap water, to cover her sounds. "Michelle" obviously felt that peeing was a taboo subject of conversation, or activity. But to this day, I continue to wonder if "Ellie" was giving me an invitation, or was she just very relaxed about bodily functions, when she was with a close friend, and lover, which I was to her, at that time? When these things happened, I felt that she may have been very relaxed about bodily functions, and may not have attached any erotic significance to them, at all. So I was very apprehensive about pursuing them, on a sexual basis.

Subsequent opinions from the few women that I have asked, was that "Ellie" was either testing my interest, or giving me an invitation, to which I failed to respond. So that was the same logic I used in my question about the meaning of verbal discussions, initiated by women. In both of the verbal cases to which I referred, I had never given either woman any clue to my erotic interest in peeing, to the best of my knowledge. So their choices of conversation subjects were probably more related to their own interests and cultural frames of reference, than to mine. Were they really kindred spirits, looking for an indication of mutual interest, from me?

That's why I asked the questions in the way that I did, in my attempt at a mini-survey. I feel that the taboos to our fetish, in our culture, make it very difficult to identify people with common interests. So I am simply trying to find some clues, to penetrate or circumvent these barriers to making connections, verbal, physical, or otherwise.

Dr.P

[oliver2 4,418]

1 hour ago, Dr.P said:

I had one gf, "Ellie," who left the bathroom door half open, every time she peed ... Subsequent opinions from the few women that I have asked, was that "Ellie" was either testing my interest, or giving me an invitation, to which I failed to respond.

Several of my exes were happy to leave the door open when peeing or go pee when I was in the bathroom. Peeing in front of your boyfriend was in a sex and the city episode... it’s not unusual, as far as I can tell. For me this includes an ex who was bewildered by the idea of peeing in the shower at all, let alone peeing while sharing the shower. It doesn’t sound to me like an invitation, but it is what you’d do if you were gently probing to see what your partner’s interest was.

 

[pwpj 462]

17 hours ago, gldenwetgoose said:

I’m finding myself more and more pissing on people’s bonfires... and I do apologise....

I do tend to think that the way we think about pee, obviously a revered and awesome thing, is totally different from the rest of the world.

for us, a girl who shares her need to pee, or confesses to an anecdote - is she flirting, seeking our reaction, does she know how we feel, would she be open to mutual play....  

Alas probably no. People eat, people drink, people pee - we all do it. Some people treat it as taboo, others just as a natural function. 

Sorry to be a spoilsport but the chances are there’s not too much more to it than that...

I agree entirely. Theres a lot of girls who might be happy to discuss it with a friend who's male, etc, but the proportion who are into it at all is tiny whatever we may hope...

But it is interesting to see the variety in attitudes, some girls will be very embarrassed at admitting they need to visit the bathroom, others will admit to having a massive wee in a bush after a night in the pub.

[Dr.P 1,473]

Oliver2 wrote,

"Several of my exes were happy to leave the door open when peeing or go pee when I was in the bathroom. Peeing in front of your boyfriend was in a sex and the city episode... it’s not unusual, as far as I can tell. For me this includes an ex who was bewildered by the idea of peeing in the shower at all, let alone peeing while sharing the shower. It doesn’t sound to me like an invitation, but it is what you'd do if you were gently probing to see what your partner’s interest was."

Oliver2, Apparently, you had some experiences which overlap with mine, to a certain extent. Yes, there were several episodes of "Sex and the City," in which peeing in the presence of your boyfriend played a role.

My experiences with "Ellie," the lady who left the door open, happened in the 1970's and early 1980's, well before that show aired. I had not dated in a long time, when I began dating her, and I wondered if leaving the door open was some new social custom, related to the extension of intimacy, in sexual relationships. I still don't know the answer to that, but I don't believe current attitudes support it. Please correct me if I am wrong. I only revealed my experiences with "Ellie" to a few women, and asked their opinions. They were about evenly divided between the probing of a partner's interest hypothesis, and the assertion that it was a definite invitation. She continued this identical behavior, over the ten or more years that we dated occasionally, off and on. I don't know if that is significant, one way or another.

My experiences with other gf's varied over a wide range. One of them, "Jeanie," allowed me to come into the bathroom and watch her pee, standing up(!), immediately after the very first time we had sex, and she continued to allow me to do this, for the year that we dated. She didn't seem at all surprised at my initial request to go with her to the bathroom. So she may have dealt with this request previously, in other relationships. I saw two others, sitting on the toilet, once each, one with her legs pressed tightly together, the other with her legs open. I had confessed my interest in peeing to one of them, and she said it was "a little kinky, but not too bad," in 1976. Two others, "Lisa," and "Michelle," started out closing and locking the bathroom door, but eventually allowed me "bathroom privileges" after times of months to more than a year, during which I tried to persuade them.

pwpj wrote,

"I agree entirely. There's a lot of girls who might be happy to discuss it with a friend who's male, etc, but the proportion who are into it at all is tiny whatever we may hope..."

"But it is interesting to see the variety in attitudes, some girls will be very embarrassed at admitting they need to visit the bathroom, others will admit to having a massive wee in a bush after a night in the pub."

pwpj,

I totally agree with you, which is the reason I posed this question, in the first place, hoping to draw out some opinions from the ladies, here, which has not yet happened. I agree with you that it appears that the proportion of women who are actually into peeing, in a sexual context, is very small, but the variety in expressed attitudes is huge. I have initiated very intimate, revealing conversations with women in bars, and got them to describe their peeing styles, in both public and private facilities, their use of urinals, and their wetting accidents, by simply asking questions, when they had consumed a couple of drinks. And on the other hand, I have known many who are embarrassed to admit that they need to use a bathroom, even when they have been drinking, in a bar.

 

[Riley 13,064]

On 6/26/2019 at 1:29 PM, Dr.P said:

Given the secrecy with which female urination is viewed, in the general population of Europe and America, so that even discussing the process has many taboos, especially for people of opposite genders, I have a question.

Question, primarily for you ladies, but men may have relevant experiences, also:

What MOTIVATES a woman to INITIATE a conversation about peeing (her own, his, or a third party) with a man?

1. Is she demonstrating HER interest, especially erotic interest, in peeing?

2. Is she trying to find out about HIS interest, especially erotic interest, in peeing?

3. Or is she actually FLIRTING with him, or TEASING him, to get his reaction to peeing, either hers, his, or that of a third party?

4. How much does her RELATIONSHIP with the man matter?

 

I thought I would try and answer these from my point of few i guess. Every person has different motivations and interests becuase were all very different but here are my answers.

1)  For me, a little. If i bring up pee in a conversation its usually in a subtle way to gauge how ok the person is with that topic of conversation. At least in most scenarios anyway.

2) Also yes. A lot of times ill subtly talk a little about it to see if it interests, disinterests, basically to see the other persons reaction. I would never involve a third party into the conversation though because it would be kind of weird to just randomly talk about another person like that in my opinion.

3) That is absolutely not a guarantee. I have subtly brought pee up in conversations to friends i am not romantically attracted too. I have also brought it up to someone i'm attracted too but its way more subtle and way more awkward and I usually steer away from it because I don't want to mess up if that makes any sense. If i know the other person may be into it however I will be much more inclined to talk. 

4) Its kind of a bell curve for me. If i don't know the person i'm not going to bring it up like ever pretty much. If i'm friends with the person that is when im most likely to say something. If I have a romantic interest in that person i'm not likely to bring it up in fear of grossing them out. This changes though if I suspect they might be into it. Then i still wont say anything to someone i wont know usually but with friends im much more inclined to subtly elude to it and the chance is about the same with someone i'm interested in. 

I hope this helped!!

[spywareonya 37,961]

1 hour ago, Riley said:

hope this helped!!

It saved me from writing more or less the same, so yes, it helped!!!

[Dr.P 1,473]

Riley,

Thank you very, very much for your reply!! To the best of my knowledge, you are the first lady to reply to my questions! Congratulations!

As I complete this reply, I see that spywareonya has joined this discussion. Thanks to her, also.

And yes, your reply helped a lot with my understanding of this whole matter. Your replies elucidate a number of the subtleties and nuances of these situations, and what they may mean, in reality.

Your answer to question 3, on flirting or teasing, is particularly enlightening to me. I am aware that men often make seriously mistaken assumptions of sexual or romantic interest, on the part of women, from casual conversations, on a variety of subjects. As a guy, I would assume that pee might be a prime indicator of romantic or sexual interest, especially if it is initiated by a woman. But you point out that that is not a guarantee, because of the emotional subtleties involved, and  the possible awkwardness, which can result.

I almost always go through very similar internal debates, to those you describe, before inserting pee into conversations with women, especially those to whom I am attracted. Will my interest gross her out? Or indicate that I am a "pervert?" Or offend her concept of personal privacy? The list goes on. My decisions almost always go in the conservative direction, in which I say nothing, which means that I probably miss out on some very exciting and rewarding relationships. (My recent fictional story about "Diane" is one possible example.)

But you do point out that there is one key factor, which mitigates all of this. You say, " If i know the other person may be into it however I will be much more inclined to talk." So communication of that interest becomes the critical item. And of course, that communication is the most difficult part, given social taboos, etc. I sincerely hope we can initiate more discussion around this issue, on this board.

Thanks again, for your very enlightening discussion. You did help a lot. Hugs.

Dr.P