The extrovert and the introvert: Can they mix and be friends?

[Blackinksoul30 1,246]

Here's another blog post I wrote today...

I’d like to believe that yes, they can be friends. But it’s a struggle at times. Almost all of my friends are introverts.

Me as an extrovert: I love to talk.  I’ve always known that. I loved to talk when I was a kid. I had a habit of wanting to be the center of attention at family events. I tended to interrupt people when I was a kid. I loved the sound of my voice. If two family members were having a conversation, I’d walk over and start randomly talk about something, actually somewhat loudly.

Alone time can be boring at times. I don’t mind alone time but it probably bothers me quicker than say it would for an introvert.

I love to feel ‘included.’ And exclusion hurts like a bitch and a feeling I know very well. Exclusion has always bothered me.

I love people. I love talking to people. I’ve been known in the past to talk to my past best friends for hours. Literally hours. I can talk and talk and talk. And at the time, when I had these best friends… they also loved to talk when the friendship was going strong. I think deep down inside they were introverts but they at the time loved talking to me that they were okay with my extrovertedness… maybe.

Extroverts though, like introverts get a bad reputation….

People tend to say that extroverts only want to talk about themselves. That they are clingy. That they are annoying. That they are needy.

For an extrovert to try to befriend an introvert it’s like an uphill battle. One or the other is frequently feeling like one talks too much or barely at all. One is feeling that the other is expecting too much while the other is just being themselves. One love silence. The other it makes them uncomfortable and awkward. One avoids talking or doesn’t feel like they want to talk or need to talk to maintain a friendship the other is left feeling ignored without it.

It’s hard to be on the same page in a friendship when one is a extrovert- talkative and outgoing and their main joy in life is socializing. The other gets worn out just by working with coworkers for a few hours. It’s hard for each other to see eye to eye and understand each other.

There seems to be an uneasy shift in the world. The world seems to be made up of more introverts than extroverts. I’ve countered mostly people on social media that are introverts. That view my simple desire to communicate/talk as too much. Even wanting to talk once a week for a few minutes is way too much for the majority of people online.

I remember when I was a kid I’d talk to my stuffed animals. When my parents would be at work and I’d hide in my room away from my older brother. I’d sit my stuffed animals on my bed and have a full conversation with them.

One of the main things people say about me…to me…as me being an extrovert… ‘you only talk about yourself. You don’t ask about how other people are doing.’ Actually… that’s a lie… I know this because I do ask how people are doing. Peoples answers to me are usually brief. ‘I’ve been working’ ‘I went to the store’   I tend to try to give a follow up question about work… and they say something super brief about work… like… “yep I worked this many hours today.” They don’t tell me what they did at work. What was the best part of work? How were your co workers?  Elaborate so I have something to work with in regards to conversation. where as I…as an extroverted talkative person.. I’ll go into great detail about work or the store..what did I see? What did I buy? How did I feel shopping? How did I feel at work? I love to elaborate on my answers. Each question someone asks me turns into like a full speech from me. It’s hard to really bring this out of other people. I care… I want to know more. But the majority of the introverts in this world that I’ve been friends with… give such brief answers. When I try to probe to know more… I can’t really get much more information out of them. See as an extrovert myself… you don’t even need to ask me a question. I’ll just talk. I’ll just start blabbing about something. The majority of my friends I speak with… it takes a few questions to get them to talk more. They tend to not talk much unless I instigate it. Or they’ll say, “I don’t want to bother you with my problems.” “it’s not that important.” “I don’t really do much.” The majority of my social media friends.. are very quiet about themselves. That ends up making a friendship feel one sided and then I end up feeling like I’m coming across as ‘too intense’ or ‘too talkative’  but really what it comes down to is an extrovert trying to befriend an introvert.

People say they view me as too clingy, intense and annoying. I view them as like legit… how do you function on a daily basis if me talking a few minutes a week is too much… how do you speak to coworkers..how do you talk to family… if I’m too much for you… then what is ‘just enough’. What wouldn’t be ‘too intense’. What would be comfortable for you? Once a month communication? Once every two months? If I start to think about that.. I know the answer.. I know what happens when I leave the choice up to them when to communicate..they chose not to communicate with me at all.

Is it a sin really to keep socializing with friends? I know people say that I can’t make demands/rules in the friendship but how would the friendship look if I didn’t try? If I stopped messaging every few days? If I let people come to me… let’s see… so how many Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Tumblr friends talk to me? When I let people chose… when I distance myself… and I give them the ‘choice’  trust me..they chose not at all… they chose no communication with me… It’s not that my requests for friendship are too much.. it’s the reality in this day in age..if people have the choice between keeping any communication going..or not at all..they chose none at all. I’ve lost a LOT of best friends that way. I left it up to them and they eventually left me.

[speedy3471 10,655]

I guess I can be called an extrovert lol, I love to talk as well lol. I also know how and when to listen. 

[steve25805 126,023]

I am a total introvert.

I love being alone and never feel lonely. I enjoy my own company more than most other people's, most of the time.

I can be passionate about things I feel strongly about and am politically active, and can talk a lot when fired up about something. But more often than not am happier in silence. Small talk has never come easy to me.

I think extroverts and introverts can be friends but a little space and time apart is necessary I think. I don't think I could live under the same roof as an extrovert or share the same space with one permanently. I find extroverts emotionally exhausting.

They also tend to be much more into constant socialising, whereas I very much need lots of my own space.

[Gotah 2,382]

I am a massive introvert and all of my friends except one are extroverts, and I love them all very much, so yeah, introverts can easily be friends with extroverts.

And to be honest, for most of us this is the only way we make friends ... by being found and later "adopted" by extroverts.

[steve25805 126,023]

4 minutes ago, Gotah said:

And to be honest, for most of us this is the only way we make friends ... by being found and later "adopted" by extroverts.

As an introvert myself, I have found that whilst tapping away on a keyboard at home alone - as now - I come right out of my shell online and converse easily. Have made some great friends through the internet.

I guess online socialising combines - for an introvert - the benefits of having your own space in the real world with a whole load of social interaction via a keyboard and pixels on a screen. All of which can be turned off at a moment's notice when you want solitude.

In some ways, the internet - as a social medium - is tailor made for introverts, yet is equally accessible to extroverts.