Making more links between childhood trauma, my fetish and sex life

[Raven726 369]

Ill start off by saying the few people on this site who know me such as @spywareonya and @nickie420wilson know a little bit about my fetish and trauma but for those who dont ill recap.

my favorite aspect of pee is women peeing on things then explaining the process of how their brain determined it an acceptable toilet substitute and if they felt guilty after.

ive also recently recovered some childhood trauma that directly caused me to be into pee. i grew up a late bloomer and also grew up disabled which caused my parents to make me have a baby sitter far longer than i needed. anyway in this recovered memory i was probably 12 or 13, my baby sitter 17 18. I had gotten up to get a drink of water. i found my baby sitter on our couch squatting over and peeing on one of the cushions she then proceeded to sit in her own puddle and masturbate. when she caught me watching her (mind i knew nothing of sex or masturbation at the time) she made me take off my cloths and sit in the puddle, she then peed on me a little, then shoved her pussy and ass in my face while touching me. i remember being terrified when i was cumming as i did not know what was happening or what the feeling was.

well i was recently talking to my best friend who happens to be the only girl outside of this site who found out about my fetish and wasn't grossed out. she also as it turns out, out of laziness has neglected a toilet most of her life so she would tell me of many things she use to pee on. we also became FWB (not so much at the moment cuz shes in a relationship though she still does tell me about things she pees on.)  anyway earlier today her and i were talking about my over all lack of sexual experience and how out of the 4 women ive slept with in my life she has been the ONLY one to make me cum.  not that the other 3 were not good i just couldnt for some reason. this is something that had puzzled me for years and the first time i slept with her and actually ejaculated i was like "wow so it is possible" then it hit me. 

maybe my inability to cum while having sex is a direct link to being so terrified the first time i came during the trauma, and maybe the reason she has been able to make me cum is because she is open with me about her peeing habits. if this is true it scares me because it puts a hinder on any future sexual partners or relationships i have, im already having a hard time finding girls who arent grossed out by the fetish. but now it almost becomes, "hello i have childhood trauma that caused a pee fetish and if you dont feed into it i wont be able to perform well sexually"

again not sure if this what it is im just putting the pieces together. it also explains why i often feel guilty about my fetish. wondering if anyone has any insight?

[2prnot2p 1,066]

I don't believe in "recovered memories" at all.  Besides, your story is totally implausible.  Me thinks you're trying to get attention, i.e., sympathy from girls who are into peeing.  That's my take.

[Raven726 369]

Not at all what I'm trying to do here. I'm not looking for sympathy or attention at all. I'm sorry if you or any one else feels that way.  I'm just dealing with something that has messed me up for a long Time. Something I can not discuss with most of my normal friends or family minus the one mentioned in this post. I simply thought this would be a good place to open up about what I've been struggling with. 

[Lilipee 673]

You should seek counciling.  A therapist can help you sort through all this.

[WantonLee 861]

On 2/4/2019 at 7:38 AM, 2prnot2p said:

I don't believe in "recovered memories" at all.  Besides, your story is totally implausible.  (...)

May I ask why you think Raven726's story is implausible?

Go into as much detail as you like.

 

And what is this "recovered memories" all about?

Maybe I am lost in translation, but I am not certain what is so unbelievable about remembering something that you were unable to remember for a long time (due to trauma, shock, or what ever reason).

I am aware that the brain is rather good at twisting up memories though, up to the point of altering very important parts of a memory. Is it that what you mean?

[Raven726 369]

I'm definitely willing to conseed that my brain very well could have twisted the memory. I have no way of knowing for sure. But either way it does explain a lot about my life issues. And @Lilipee yes. I plan on bringing this up in my therapy very soon. Its difficult for me to open up about life in general let alone something as personal as this. Opening up on here was step one. It'll definitely be brought up in therapy in my next few sessions once I work up the courage. 

[2prnot2p 1,066]

On 2/5/2019 at 5:24 PM, WantonLee said:

May I ask why you think Raven726's story is implausible?

Go into as much detail as you like.

 

And what is this "recovered memories" all about?

Maybe I am lost in translation, but I am not certain what is so unbelievable about remembering something that you were unable to remember for a long time (due to trauma, shock, or what ever reason).

I am aware that the brain is rather good at twisting up memories though, up to the point of altering very important parts of a memory. Is it that what you mean?

Here's why I don't believe someone can be sexually abused and not recall it until much later:

"No evidence exists for the repression and recovery of verified, severely traumatic events, and their role in symptom formation has yet to be proved. There is also striking absence in the literature of well-corroborated cases of such repressed memories recovered through psychotherapy. Given the prevalence of childhood sexual abuse, even if only a small proportion are repressed and only some of them are subsequently recovered, there should be a significant number of corroborated cases. In fact there are none."

To read more about False Memory Syndrome, click below:

False Memory Syndrome

Edited February 7, 2019 by 2prnot2p

[WantonLee 861]

On 2/7/2019 at 6:59 AM, 2prnot2p said:

Here's why I don't believe someone can be sexually abused and not recall it until much later:

"No evidence exists for the repression and recovery of verified, severely traumatic events, and their role in symptom formation has yet to be proved. There is also striking absence in the literature of well-corroborated cases of such repressed memories recovered through psychotherapy. Given the prevalence of childhood sexual abuse, even if only a small proportion are repressed and only some of them are subsequently recovered, there should be a significant number of corroborated cases. In fact there are none."

To read more about False Memory Syndrome, click below:

False Memory Syndrome

Thanks for sharing that article, quite interesting.

Curiously, there is a sentence in there I can no make hands or tail of, since it seems to contradict the idea that traumatic memories can not be recalled, which is: "The memory of early childhood abuse can be forgotten and remembered with more or less accuracy. "

But maybe I am just lost in translation again. 😕

 

Anyways: I have no reason to believe that Raven 726 is lying... other then the very general reason that this is "the internet", an so everything has to be taken with a pinch of salt (where "a pinch" can be an extremely variable amount).

While his story sounds unbelievable, stranger things have happened. So I am not going to reject it just based on it sounding unbelievable.

In fact, the only thing that I really find odd is the fact he remembers to be able to cum while at the same time being terrified. For me at least, those things are mutually exclusive.

So, at the moment I am filing this information in the "odd"-drawer of my mind, and am curious to hear more about this.

[spywareonya 37,961]

@WantonLee

The man you are talking to is quite famous for some strong adfirmations (which are not Always appreciated) but I have had chance to talk to him and he is not a bad boy.

 

If something he says is felt as exceedingly aggressive by you, simply ignore it, he isn't the way he appears.

 

@Raven726

That fella was too hard on you. I have no problems at all believing you, since my childhood had been a bit of a mess too, and I know memories can be buried under a sensation of psychological blur. It's hard to explain by words… it's like Time expanding and then all of a sudden fading into nothingness, yet without cohoperating with you in remembering. First you feel vertigo, then a huge black wall, but no memories. During my hardest sessions of explorations of the unconscious, I remembered so many things…

 

Maybe that user that attacked you meant to beware the syndrome of false memories, which actually constructs faked events and people suddenly believe they remembered something that in truth never happened AT ALL (that's also why I asked my grandparents  -only relatives I remained in contact with-  about some memories I recalled, and boy they were embarassed…)

 

From my part, beside apologizing for a late answer, I can tell you that I can actually understand how you feel. I mean, Witchcraft is all about making friendship with things we usually are scared of. But we got our eyes wide open about the fact that first contacts with some "energies" can be traumatic if done in an unproper way.

 Personally, I absolutely agree with our 5-star-soul @Lilipee (of which my esteem is higher -and wetter- for each day passing), about finding a good therapist. You need to face the thing from as many angles you can, so to bring it back to conscious, and face it with the strenght you now possess as an adult.

Fell free to tell us everything you want, and write in my club, as you know, people there face their demons. I cannot substitue a therapist because they can be reached with a phone call in case of troubles, while I am more or less facing my demons on my own so I can't be here all the time, but I have grown up among therapists and many relatives of Alex are, plus Witchcraft studies psychology extensively. A huge kiss.

 

@2prnot2p

Please, be kinder. Raven is a good friend of the forum, and I have spent months PMing with him: he doesn't lie. Indeed he seeks bonding, why not? Those who think they can live without, are the most fucked up. But he is not a crying sissy looking for pity. I can understand you could despise such a "man" (a man…?) but feel safe it's not the case with Raven

Edited February 11, 2019 by spywareonya

[Raven726 369]

I do not feel attacked. It honestly makes no difference to me whether he believes me or not. he was voicing his opinion which is 100% fine. And yes @spywareonya I'm currently in therapy and working up to the courage of talking about this. Posting hear and admitting I have issue was step one. You have been/will always be a great friend and help to me. 

[Daz 4]

On 2/5/2019 at 4:59 PM, Raven726 said:

Not at all what I'm trying to do here. I'm not looking for sympathy or attention at all. I'm sorry if you or any one else feels that way.  I'm just dealing with something that has messed me up for a long Time. Something I can not discuss with most of my normal friends or family minus the one mentioned in this post. I simply thought this would be a good place to open up about what I've been struggling with. 

I am sorry this happened to you. But on the up side your into pee, and a lovely person. :-))

[spywareonya 37,961]

9 hours ago, Raven726 said:

I do not feel attacked. It honestly makes no difference to me whether he believes me or not. he was voicing his opinion which is 100% fine. And yes @spywareonya I'm currently in therapy and working up to the courage of talking about this. Posting hear and admitting I have issue was step one. You have been/will always be a great friend and help to me. 

I sense (I am not cuddling you, you actually changed spiritual flavour) you are utterly different from the person I used to sense months ago. You were brave, but without a compass. Now you got a goal. It's marvellous. My love goes to you even when I'm offline. A huge hug my friend!!!

[spywareonya 37,961]

7 hours ago, Daz said:

I am sorry this happened to you. But on the up side your into pee, and a lovely person. :-))

It's the second time in a day that you show (first was with me) you know how to manly encourage somebody, and that you got a good heart. Good work boy, we need people like you. And I so fucking really mean it.