wetmanjf 2,786 Posted April 26, 2017 Author Share Posted April 26, 2017 I read a book last night called Great Expectations. It's not as good as I thought it would be. 4 Link to post
wetmanjf 2,786 Posted April 26, 2017 Author Share Posted April 26, 2017 I rang my wife last night. 'Hello luv, I've spent all my money'. 'Silly boy' she replied, 'what did you spend it on?' 'Well, you know that jewellery shop with the diamond necklace you really liked?' 'Yes!' she replied, getting all excited. 'In the pub next to that.' 2 Link to post
wetmanjf 2,786 Posted April 26, 2017 Author Share Posted April 26, 2017 History's top 10 times for appropriate use of the F-word 10th - "Scattered fucking showers, my ass!" - Noah, 4314 BC 9th - "How the fuck did you work that out?" - Pythagoras, 126 BC 8th - "You want WHAT on the fucking ceiling?" - Michelangelo, 1566 7th - "Where did all those fucking Indians come from?" - Custer, 1877 6th - "It does so fucking look like her!" - Picasso, 1926 5th - "Where the fuck are we?" - Amelia Earhart, 1937 4th - "Any fucking idiot could understand that." - Einstein, 1938 3rd - "What the fuck was that?" - Mayor Of Hiroshima, 1945 2nd - "I need this parade like I need a fucking hole in the head!" - JFK, 1963 1st - "Aw c'mon. Who the fuck is going to find out?" - Tiger Woods, 2009 1 Link to post
wetmanjf 2,786 Posted April 26, 2017 Author Share Posted April 26, 2017 Just seen 2 blind men fighting in the street. You should have seen them run when I said my moneys on the one with the knife... 3 Link to post
wetmanjf 2,786 Posted April 26, 2017 Author Share Posted April 26, 2017 I just read "100 things to do before you die" and was quite surprised to see that 'shout for help' wasn't in there. 3 Link to post
wetmanjf 2,786 Posted April 26, 2017 Author Share Posted April 26, 2017 "You need a job" said my wife "I got a job as a puppeteer !" I exclaimed "How did you do that?" asked my wife "I had to pull a few strings" I replied........ 3 Link to post
wetmanjf 2,786 Posted April 26, 2017 Author Share Posted April 26, 2017 The wife and I decided to have a clear-out and have put all our dogging gear on eBay. We haven't had any bids yet but there's thirty four people watching. 2 Link to post
Sophie 24,364 Posted April 27, 2017 Share Posted April 27, 2017 I'm laughing at these more than I want to admit. 1 Link to post
steve25805 125,663 Posted April 28, 2017 Share Posted April 28, 2017 I didn't know whether to shit or go blind. So I closed one eye and farted. 3 Link to post
steve25805 125,663 Posted April 28, 2017 Share Posted April 28, 2017 Not really a joke but I found this funny when I first read it:-.......... There was once a young woman from Rhyll. Used a dynamite stick for a thrill. They found her vagina.... in North Carolina, and one of her tits in Brazil. 1 Link to post
F.W 5,726 Posted April 28, 2017 Share Posted April 28, 2017 This Xmas,Tampax are printing Santa Claus on their products.For the Xmas period only. 2 Link to post
steve25805 125,663 Posted April 28, 2017 Share Posted April 28, 2017 Son to father: - Dad, I just can't get a job. No one wants to take me on. Father to son:- We all have our disappointments in life, son. And I'm speaking to mine right now! 1 Link to post
Guest UnabashedUser Posted April 28, 2017 Share Posted April 28, 2017 On 4/26/2017 at 11:21 AM, wetmanjf said: History's top 10 times for appropriate use of the F-word 10th - "Scattered fucking showers, my ass!" - Noah, 4314 BC 9th - "How the fuck did you work that out?" - Pythagoras, 126 BC 8th - "You want WHAT on the fucking ceiling?" - Michelangelo, 1566 7th - "Where did all those fucking Indians come from?" - Custer, 1877 6th - "It does so fucking look like her!" - Picasso, 1926 5th - "Where the fuck are we?" - Amelia Earhart, 1937 4th - "Any fucking idiot could understand that." - Einstein, 1938 3rd - "What the fuck was that?" - Mayor Of Hiroshima, 1945 2nd - "I need this parade like I need a fucking hole in the head!" - JFK, 1963 1st - "Aw c'mon. Who the fuck is going to find out?" - Tiger Woods, 2009 You and your fucking theater tickets -- Abe Lincoln Link to post
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now