Bad Jokes

[wetmanjf 2,787]

I read a book last night called Great Expectations.
It's not as good as I thought it would be.

 

 

[wetmanjf 2,787]

I rang my wife last night.
'Hello luv, I've spent all my money'.
'Silly boy' she replied, 'what did you spend it on?'
'Well, you know that jewellery shop with the diamond necklace you really liked?'
'Yes!' she replied, getting all excited.

'In the pub next to that.'  

[wetmanjf 2,787]

History's top 10 times for appropriate use of the F-word
10th - "Scattered fucking showers, my ass!" - Noah, 4314 BC
9th - "How the fuck did you work that out?" - Pythagoras, 126 BC
8th - "You want WHAT on the fucking ceiling?" - Michelangelo, 1566
7th - "Where did all those fucking Indians come from?" - Custer, 1877
6th - "It does so fucking look like her!" - Picasso, 1926
5th - "Where the fuck are we?" - Amelia Earhart, 1937
4th - "Any fucking idiot could understand that." - Einstein, 1938
3rd - "What the fuck was that?" - Mayor Of Hiroshima, 1945
2nd - "I need this parade like I need a fucking hole in the head!" - JFK, 1963
1st - "Aw c'mon. Who the fuck is going to find out?" - Tiger Woods, 2009

 

 

 

[wetmanjf 2,787]

Just seen 2 blind men fighting in the street.

You should have seen them run when I said my moneys on the one with the knife...

[wetmanjf 2,787]

I just read "100 things to do before you die" and was quite surprised to see that 'shout for help' wasn't in there.

 

 

[wetmanjf 2,787]

"You need a job" said my wife
"I got a job as a puppeteer !" I exclaimed
"How did you do that?" asked my wife

"I had to pull a few strings" I replied........

[wetmanjf 2,787]

The wife and I decided to have a clear-out and have put all our dogging gear on eBay.



We haven't had any bids yet but there's thirty four people watching.

 

 

[Sophie 24,412]

I'm laughing at these more than I want to admit. 

[steve25805 126,149]

I didn't know whether to shit or go blind.

So I closed one eye and farted.

[steve25805 126,149]

Not really a joke but I found this funny when I first read it:-..........

There was once a young woman from Rhyll.

Used a dynamite stick for a thrill.

They found her vagina....

in North Carolina,

and one of her tits in Brazil.

[F.W 5,734]

This Xmas,Tampax are printing Santa Claus on their products.For the Xmas period only.

[steve25805 126,149]

Son to father: - Dad, I just can't get a job. No one wants to take me on.

Father to son:- We all have our disappointments in life, son. And I'm speaking to mine right now! 

[Guest UnabashedUser]

On 4/26/2017 at 11:21 AM, wetmanjf said:

History's top 10 times for appropriate use of the F-word
10th - "Scattered fucking showers, my ass!" - Noah, 4314 BC
9th - "How the fuck did you work that out?" - Pythagoras, 126 BC
8th - "You want WHAT on the fucking ceiling?" - Michelangelo, 1566
7th - "Where did all those fucking Indians come from?" - Custer, 1877
6th - "It does so fucking look like her!" - Picasso, 1926
5th - "Where the fuck are we?" - Amelia Earhart, 1937
4th - "Any fucking idiot could understand that." - Einstein, 1938
3rd - "What the fuck was that?" - Mayor Of Hiroshima, 1945
2nd - "I need this parade like I need a fucking hole in the head!" - JFK, 1963
1st - "Aw c'mon. Who the fuck is going to find out?" - Tiger Woods, 2009

 

 

 

You and your fucking theater tickets -- Abe Lincoln