Opinions on guys who don't get "hands-free" erections?

[peeenjoyr 2]

Hey, long time lurker and massive pee enjoyer in his mid-20's making an account to gather some non-pee advice/opinions. Don't have many places to turn to and this site seems to be pretty open and sex-positive. So basically... as lame as it is, despite my age I have laughably little romantic/sexual experience (close to none), the opportunity just never really arose. But to the point, there's one thing I've always been extremely insecure about when it comes to the prospect of getting into a potential proper sexual relationship.

I suspect it's because of the SSRI I've been taking for anxiety for years which are known to interfere with erections but basically, despite not causing a full-on ED/inability to orgasm like in others, they have made it so that in order to achieve erection, I always require actual physical/mechanical stimulation, not just mental arousal/visual stimuli etc. alone. Those are enough to cause me to get "mentally" turned on/horny and can bring a "semi" at times, but a full 100% erection needs some manual foreplay added into the mix as well. They maybe were enough in my peak hormonal teenage years but not so much now. Again no experience so don't know the general expectations around this thing but just from the general talk it does seem like guys are expected be able to get an erection completely hands-free and if not there's something wrong with them.

So my question here for the ladies who like guys (or even guys who like guys I guess?) is, what would your reaction to a partner like this be? Would you see it as a bother? Would it make you feel like something's wrong with you for not being attractive enough? Would it potentially be a dealbreaker for you? Sorry if too off-topic for this forum, feel free to remove ig.

Edited March 19 by peeenjoyr

[TMN_Femboi 1,074]

I hold this truth to be self-evident that all dicks are created equal.

 

In all honesty, I think its cute and it might even be pretty useful, since peeing with an erection is rather difficult - so if you can freely let it flow in certain situations where others might be hindered by a boner, thats actually a good thing.

And don't listen to 'general talk'. The average female expectation of a male in this day and age seems to be a horse who won the lottery multiple times, so it's best to just ignore them.

[Bacardi 10,135]

I wouldn't think anything would be wrong with that, nor would I consider my partner to be "broken." It's simply how they are, and who doesn't love a little extra hands on action haha. No reason to feel embarrassed, especially if it's from your medication. I'd prefer a partner who is able to take care of themselves mentally and be the best version of themselves hands down. If the outcome of that means more hand jobs and blow jobs, then that's a bonus haha. 

[mickymoist 3,515]

Definitely don't stress over it, not uncommon I wouldn't think. I certainly don't get full on hard hands free that often not since I was a teenager, and that could be quite embarrassing anyway getting a tent on holding hands or having a dance 😁

 

[peeenjoyr 2]

53 minutes ago, Bacardi said:

If the outcome of that means more hand jobs and blow jobs, then that's a bonus haha. 

Isn't that kind of action when non-erect a turnoff for many? Cus I'm pretty sure I've seen women talk about how they find it weird and off-putting before. I do find it a big turn on to be on the teceiving side tho.

[Bacardi 10,135]

2 minutes ago, peeenjoyr said:

Isn't that kind of action when non-erect a turnoff for many? Cus I'm pretty sure I've seen women talk about how they find it weird and off-putting before. I do find it a big turn on to be on the teceiving side tho.

I dont know. I've never heard another woman say that and, as I've stated before, I enjoy it lol.

[Carb0nBased 647]

I don't know what women do or do not expect regarding men's erections. However, let's make an analogy here.

There's a wide range of the level and type of stimuli different women need to get wet, as I know from a combination of experiences told online and personal experience. For some, their vaginas get damp just from daydreaming about a cute/hot guy, they're just "wired" like that. Others get wet while looking at a guy in front of them, others from making out or cuddling or having other parts of their body touched (e.g. breasts). Some women's parts are triggered by touch/pressure on their inner thighs, while still others need actual touching of the labia and/or clitoris. In my own very limited experience with women, it actually seems that women who get wet without any touch "below the belt" are in the minority--though admittedly that may be largely because of the skewed small sample of women I've been intimate enough with to know (all of them in some way "weird" and most not very "girly"). However, regardless of what it took to get them there, ALL got mighty slippery inside by the time any play started down there, and I suspect this is true for at least most non-elderly, reasonably healthy women.

Moreover, I've noticed no correlation between the level of stimulus required to cause wetness and the final level of wetness achieved--early wetters don't seem to get any wetter as a rule than later ones. While there is admittedly something fascinating about women who get wet enough to make their panties damp before anything is even off, the same way there's something fascinating about with women whose intimate parts show through their pants or with those who have unusually large boobs, it's not some kind of baseline I expect. And some of it is almost certainly conditioning--the first woman I touched there had never gotten herself off before she met me, and she needed direct touch--though not for long--to the bare area before her wetness started. All that really matters is that there's enough lubrication--for a woman's sake as well as mine, by the time I'd even think of trying to put anything inside her.

So applying that to your situation, I'd only really be worried if you can't get hard even with significant touch down there, or if you lose your erection so quickly that you couldn't please a woman in the time it takes you to go limp. Even if you're limp when you take your underwear off, as long as the tip brushing against her body makes it get hard it should be OK. And you didn't even specify if it requires direct skin to skin touch specifically to your dick, or if, say, grinding against someone clothed is enough. In the latter case, a woman doesn't even ever have to actually see your limp dick, if you're worried about it looking somehow "unmanly". When I briefly tried a SSRI, aside from tons of other side effects that were even worse, the worst sexual effect was that I couldn't reach orgasm. That would not only have made sex a drag for ME had I had a partner, it could have led a woman to feel like a failure, the way I would feel if I couldn't get a woman wet. Your problem is much less bad.

The only way I can imagine a woman reacting negatively you needing touch to get hard is NOT that it makes sex a drag, but if she thinks it reflects poorly on her own attractiveness. She might think that if every other guy she's been with had a tent in his pants the moment she pulled him close, and now suddenly she's with a guy who is limp even when the clothes come off. However, making that judgment is HER problem. Yes, for ONE individual guy across several encounters, how easily he gets hard has some correlation with how turned on he is by a particular woman (or possibly just the situation). But she is comparing across guys, without knowing how they react to anyone else, and that has a lot more to do with those guys' bodies than anything about HER. Even for a guy like myself who can get hard based on thoughts or even sometimes from consciously wanting to get hard, it doesn't happen every time. Sometimes my body just isn't in the mood and it won't happen, other times practically looking at the wall the right way can cause it to happen...

[peeenjoyr 2]

2 hours ago, Carb0nBased said:

So applying that to your situation, I'd only really be worried if you can't get hard even with significant touch down there, or if you lose your erection so quickly that you couldn't please a woman in the time it takes you to go limp. Even if you're limp when you take your underwear off, as long as the tip brushing against her body makes it get hard it should be OK. And you didn't even specify if it requires direct skin to skin touch specifically to your dick, or if, say, grinding against someone clothed is enough. In the latter case, a woman doesn't even ever have to actually see your limp dick, if you're worried about it looking somehow "unmanly". When I briefly tried a SSRI, aside from tons of other side effects that were even worse, the worst sexual effect was that I couldn't reach orgasm. That would not only have made sex a drag for ME had I had a partner, it could have led a woman to feel like a failure, the way I would feel if I couldn't get a woman wet. Your problem is much less bad.

Well fortunately I can orgasm just fine (unless still in refractory period obviously) if pleased the right way. And yeah, touching through clothes and stuff does bring me a hard on of sorts, but only to like 75%, the real 100% hardness does require actual skin to skin contact.