Interview With A Tour Manager

[gldenwetgoose 20,368]

A commissioned fictional story - contains discussion on female and male peeing and tones of vandalism.  Any resemblance to real celebrities is coincidental.  Maybe.

 

"Over the years City Hall have had more than their fair share of tough decisions to make.  Today is no different, with the debate of whether to grant the new pop sensation Maya a licence to perform at the city's premier venue.   As the debate goes on behind closed doors a crowd of Maya's fans are making their presence known outside.

In the studio I'm joined by Maya's manager John White, who also happens to be her father.   So John, welcome to XKXX talk radio, serving the city and suburbs.

You're on the third week of Maya's tour, promoting her latest release.   And I think it's fair to say Maya has attracted some 'mixed' publicity during this tour.   Now you're in this unprecedented situation of City Hall deciding whether Maya can actually perform tonight.  Can you tell us what's happening?"

 

"Well thank you Jodie. It's wonderful to be with you here.   And yes, exciting times for Maya.  In the last month her singles have shot up all the charts, her album is set to go platinum and on top of that she's number one hit on Tik Tok and X searches.  What a time to be alive".

 

"There's no doubt she and her dedicated fans are making a name for themselves, but I wouldn't say that all the publicity is positive - would you agree John?"

 

"Any publicity has to be good publicity, right?   You show me a global superstar who hasn't attracted their share of controversy.  It's how the business rocks and rolls".

 

"Indeed, and who can forget the heady days of sex, drugs, rock n roll.   TV sets flying out of hotel windows, Limos in swimming pools..."

 

"Let me stop you right there Jodie - rock n roll maybe, but of course Maya is completely anti-drugs. We have a zero tolerance policy. No excuses."

 

"That's interesting - because of course the many blame the 'incident' that started all of this tour controversy on the suspicion that Maya may have been high?   But John, you'd deny that?"

 

"We're talking the Miami Club right ?   No, what happened there was it was way-early in the tour, Maya had just flown in and was tired, time zones all messed up and a little nervous.  There were delays to show timings, she'd drunk a little more water than normal to keep her throat hydrated.  She felt really bad about keeping her fans waiting so it was her choice to skip the interval.  She cares so much about her fans.   And that's why she always puts them first."

 

"She put them first, even though she was in need of the bathroom.  In need to the point of peeing whilst on stage before a full house.  Is that what you're saying?"

 

"Erm right, but we're here today to..."

 

"Reports that came in from Miami, John, are that Maya did indeed pee on stage.  That her adoring fans were giving her a hard time - they'd been kept waiting, she was cutting the show short, she was getting a rough time from them.  Reports are that she didn't accidentally wet herself like Fergie.  She didn't pee in the wings like Taylor.  That it was no accident when she walked to the front of the stage, unzipped and pulled down her leather pants.  Exposed herself and urinated all over the front row at that auditorium.  That security removed her from stage, and that there was a near riot.

And since then, is it true that Maya has incorporated urinating on stage in her shows.  Is that what her song "Cut it loose" is actually about?   And now many of her audience also join in and pee on the floor, seats or even each other?"

 

"Well Jodie, you know these things get blown out of proportion.  And we're very excited to be here today to perform in your fine city.   Every tour has its highs and lows, and we're sure glad to be on a high point right now.   We're really hoping the show can go ahead, it's so exciting to be here.  Of course we fully respect the decision which City Hall arrive at."

 

"That's very good of you John.  No doubt you've got a sold out show's worth of ticket sales in the bank whatever happens.  From City Hall's perspective - if they let the show go ahead they run the risk of a theatre that's got to be closed for deep cleaning and repairs.  If they cancel the show they risk a riot and vandalism of public facilities.

But setting all that aside, tell me John as a parent for a moment - how do you feel about your daughter's career taking this unexpected direction?  About the exposure she's getting in this way.  Both literally exposing herself, and also performing such a private act of peeing in front of an audience?"

 

"Jodie, of course my little girl is an adult. She makes her own decisions and we're so proud of what she's achieved in her life.   We always brought her up not to be shy.   Can you imagine living your whole life in fear?   Always 'what if' and worried about what could happen.   No, we taught her from an early age - if she wants something she should do it.   And that her body is nothing to be ashamed of.    That said, we know there are some minors in the audience and for that reason Maya doesn't undress.

But think of it like this Jodie - When you're hungry - you eat, and when you're thirsty you take a drink, right?   So why is it, when you gotta pee that you're supposed to hold it, not show any signs of needing to go.  Be able to ignore the need and wait?   Like that full bursting bladder doesn't exist.   So we've always taught Maya, when you need to go just go.

Tell me Jodie, do you need a wee right now?"

 

"Well, erm, I suppose I...."

 

"See - you're embarrassed.  Why?   It's the most natural thing in the world.   It's mostly water, it's sterile when it leaves your body.  Hell, you know Madonna drinks it every day!   So, Maya is being a role model - her fans have queued for hours standing in line in the sun.  And when they get into the concert, society says they have to lose their place in the audience, risk losing track of their friends and missing part of the show so they can go and hide in a grubby germ filled room because they need to pee?  Is there anything more ridiculous?"

 

"You've got some good arguments John and I must confess it would be so liberating to just be able to wee when the need struck.   But I don't think society is ready for me peeing in the middle of the mall.  And clearly City Hall are concerned that society isn't ready for an audience peeing all over their auditorium.  Whether you talk about people exposing themselves in front of strangers to pee or about people urinating on themselves in their clothes, it seems society maybe just aren't quite ready to come out of the closet on that one.

Thank you John for coming in.  Thank you for putting Maya's case forwards so well - we wish her every success with the ongoing tour and we'll bring you the news from City Hall as soon as we hear anything.

Coming up next, our weekly phone in - and very topical, today's subject is whether our public urination laws are outdated.  Should we allow peeing in public places?   Are there enough bathrooms?   Is modesty outdated?   Let us know what you think.

But first this message from our sponsors".

 

  

 

 

 

 

"

[Kupar 12,584]

Excellent! Your creativity always surprises me - in a good way (and I am somewhat jealous!).

[Sophie 23,392]

Awesome story as always! Maya sounds *very* naughty!

[gldenwetgoose 20,368]

5 hours ago, Kupar said:

Excellent! Your creativity always surprises me - in a good way (and I am somewhat jealous!).

 

59 minutes ago, Sophie said:

Awesome story as always! Maya sounds *very* naughty!

Aww thank you both.    Take a little bit of every pop wild-child you can think of from Peaches Geldof to Britney, Miley, Taylor, Kelly Osbourne - and up turn the level to 11.

Mind you...  I get the impression Jodie has a few skeletons in her closet too.  

[MidoriLemonade85 1,974]

Wow, Goose, I love this. It all seemed like a normal radio interview til the bit about Maya peeing on her audience popped up. 
 

I think peeing would make a great addition to any music concert. And it would certainly make the audience members lives easier, avoiding the trek to the toilets while their favourite songs were on. 
 

Imagine how blissful it would be to just drink as much water or beer as you wanted, as a performer or an audience member and just pee whenever and whereever you wanted during the show. Magic.

Thank you, Goose. I want to live in your imagination. 💚