Advice Wanted!

[devb7 4]

Howdy everyone, somewhat new to this forum, but long time enjoyer of the kink. Long, vulnerable post up ahead hahaha.

I'm seeking advice from open-minded, patient, inclusive folks. 

I am a trans man, 25 years old. I've known I was queer since I was little, but I have had a rough, slow journey in making the life I deserve for myself. Although I had socially come out when I was 14, I live in a very inconsiderate and hateful part of the States. Although I have always wished I went through a masculine puberty, I started my hormone therapy September 2021 when I was 23. I have been on testosterone for about 1.5 years. My voice had dropped a bit and is still finding its place on the vocal range, and I have light facial hair on my chin. But what usually tells people that I'm not a cis man is that I am well endowed with a chest...for now. I have curves. I get a mixture of being called she and he to this day, but hopefully not for too much longer.

For these reasons I have still been using the women's restroom, as I'm probably safer from physical harm in there, and so far, no one has harassed me for just trying to take care of my business. But growing up using the ladies' restroom has taught me a different kind of etiquette than the gent's room!

Today, I used the men's room at work, but not because I was completely ready. I know that I would have to start using the men's room eventually, but it is still an intimidating thing. The women's restroom was actually completely out of toilet paper, and we had to wait for our manager to come back from the store with some. The men's room had one roll left, and I had to go #2. 

I entered the men's room nervously, reminding myself to just go in and get out, but I had totally forgotten one thing:

I'm really, really into piss. I like watching others go (consensually of course), especially when they really have to go, regardless of gender. I enjoy watching others desperate enough to sneak a pee in naughty places they shouldn't, pissing outdoors, and masturbating whilst pissing. I'm honestly not really into seeing it or watching it with toilets/urinals, wetting clothes, golden showers, urinating in the mouth, or the smell. I also get really flustered about this kink. I get an amount of guilt about it because of the general stigma that it's stinky, yucky, messy, and just usually undesirable. Which is why I make sure to have an enthusiastic and reassuring kind of consent every time I decide to partake in something in real life or when I'm consuming media online.

While I've known that there's different etiquette for either restroom, I still jumped nervously when I saw a gent standing at a urinal. I had a moment of panic before I told myself that I had to completely go in, don't be weird just standing at the door, don't be weird and back out in shock; it's a restroom. There will be people here. Duh. I gulped, kept my eyes to myself, and used the stall like I needed. Like I said, I'm not really sexually interested in playing in public restrooms, but the guilt was smacking me upside the head. The other gent finished and left within a moment. I got to mind my business in solitude. As I finished up in the restroom and washed my hands, someone else walked in and again, a slam of panic, but this time of them seeing me from behind, my curves and ass. I felt like they did hesitate when they saw me washing at the sink, but that could have been my imagination exaggerated by anxiety. I felt as if they started to go to the urinal, hesitated, then opted for the stall. I walked out anxiously.

So, after all of that, here I am to ask advice after work. 

- Other trans men and trans masc individuals: how did you mentally transition when you started to use the men's room, especially when you have a piss kink and some anxiety? Did you do anything specific to help you, or did you just gradually start to get more comfortable? What etiquette have you noticed that is different in the men's room?

- Trans women and trans fem individuals: do you have any key advice from when you used to navigate the men's room?

- Cis men: what sort of etiquette do you know of that's probably different from women's restroom? Obviously, Im aware that the women's restroom is a little bit friendlier, especially when a mother has to bring in a little one, or when someone needs a napkin/tampon. But how do you start to get used to the smell of the piss that isn't always contained at the urinal, or when some jerk left a bunch of piss to dry on the toilet seat? Lol. 

Don't be an asshole on my first post. 🤙

[Couple92 713]

Hey there, great post and questions!

Firstly, I wish you very well on your journey. 

Cis gay man here. I personally don’t give a rats who is in a restroom with me. I know men’s rooms can be quite a mess, so I always check the toilet seat before I sit down. Depending on my mood, I sometimes take some toilet paper and clean up, and sometimes I let my naughty side take over and sit in someone else’s piss. 

Ive always accepted that a smell of piss is what I’m going to get in the restroom, so it doesn’t bother me. In my city, most public restrooms are either well maintained, or well ventilated, so don’t get a really bad smell. 

Generally, men don’t engage in small talk in the restroom, just get to their business and get out. Unless you know a person you’re in there with (e.g. work or a social situation) in which case you might have a brief chat when washing your hands. Usually not at the urinal and definitely not in a stall! Some men will piss with a stall door open, so I guess just make sure to check the stall is definitely clear before walking in, or you may bump into a man’s back mid-stream haha. 

My only other suggestion is just be confident (easy for me to say of course!) you’re just there to get you’re business done, and nobody will be able to tell that you have a piss kink, so it makes no difference to anyone! 

Good luck, and keep us updated! 

[Takashi96 847]

7 hours ago, devb7 said:

Howdy everyone, somewhat new to this forum, but long time enjoyer of the kink. Long, vulnerable post up ahead hahaha.

I'm seeking advice from open-minded, patient, inclusive folks. 

I am a trans man, 25 years old. I've known I was queer since I was little, but I have had a rough, slow journey in making the life I deserve for myself. Although I had socially come out when I was 14, I live in a very inconsiderate and hateful part of the States. Although I have always wished I went through a masculine puberty, I started my hormone therapy September 2021 when I was 23. I have been on testosterone for about 1.5 years. My voice had dropped a bit and is still finding its place on the vocal range, and I have light facial hair on my chin. But what usually tells people that I'm not a cis man is that I am well endowed with a chest...for now. I have curves. I get a mixture of being called she and he to this day, but hopefully not for too much longer.

For these reasons I have still been using the women's restroom, as I'm probably safer from physical harm in there, and so far, no one has harassed me for just trying to take care of my business. But growing up using the ladies' restroom has taught me a different kind of etiquette than the gent's room!

Today, I used the men's room at work, but not because I was completely ready. I know that I would have to start using the men's room eventually, but it is still an intimidating thing. The women's restroom was actually completely out of toilet paper, and we had to wait for our manager to come back from the store with some. The men's room had one roll left, and I had to go #2. 

I entered the men's room nervously, reminding myself to just go in and get out, but I had totally forgotten one thing:

I'm really, really into piss. I like watching others go (consensually of course), especially when they really have to go, regardless of gender. I enjoy watching others desperate enough to sneak a pee in naughty places they shouldn't, pissing outdoors, and masturbating whilst pissing. I'm honestly not really into seeing it or watching it with toilets/urinals, wetting clothes, golden showers, urinating in the mouth, or the smell. I also get really flustered about this kink. I get an amount of guilt about it because of the general stigma that it's stinky, yucky, messy, and just usually undesirable. Which is why I make sure to have an enthusiastic and reassuring kind of consent every time I decide to partake in something in real life or when I'm consuming media online.

While I've known that there's different etiquette for either restroom, I still jumped nervously when I saw a gent standing at a urinal. I had a moment of panic before I told myself that I had to completely go in, don't be weird just standing at the door, don't be weird and back out in shock; it's a restroom. There will be people here. Duh. I gulped, kept my eyes to myself, and used the stall like I needed. Like I said, I'm not really sexually interested in playing in public restrooms, but the guilt was smacking me upside the head. The other gent finished and left within a moment. I got to mind my business in solitude. As I finished up in the restroom and washed my hands, someone else walked in and again, a slam of panic, but this time of them seeing me from behind, my curves and ass. I felt like they did hesitate when they saw me washing at the sink, but that could have been my imagination exaggerated by anxiety. I felt as if they started to go to the urinal, hesitated, then opted for the stall. I walked out anxiously.

So, after all of that, here I am to ask advice after work. 

- Other trans men and trans masc individuals: how did you mentally transition when you started to use the men's room, especially when you have a piss kink and some anxiety? Did you do anything specific to help you, or did you just gradually start to get more comfortable? What etiquette have you noticed that is different in the men's room?

- Trans women and trans fem individuals: do you have any key advice from when you used to navigate the men's room?

- Cis men: what sort of etiquette do you know of that's probably different from women's restroom? Obviously, Im aware that the women's restroom is a little bit friendlier, especially when a mother has to bring in a little one, or when someone needs a napkin/tampon. But how do you start to get used to the smell of the piss that isn't always contained at the urinal, or when some jerk left a bunch of piss to dry on the toilet seat? Lol. 

Don't be an asshole on my first post. 🤙

Men tend to be very wary of conversation in the restroom. So avoid that. And as someone from a fairly homophobic part of the US, it is custom to pee as far from the other person in the restroom as possible.

As someone really into pee, were you afraid the sound of someone pissing in the urinal was a turn on? I don't understand why you felt guilty? 

[FlyingthedreamUK 226]

First off I wish you all the best in taking the next steps in your journey @devb7

You’re certainly in the right place to ask anything. This community is like a family, we look out for each other and support each other when needed so you should only get helpful replies to your questions.

Sadly the real world is full of idiots though and I can see how this can make your transition a lot harder and I’m sure you’ll face several challenges along the way.

Like you pointed out, the etiquette in a men’s restroom is different to a women’s one. Mostly because of the stigma of being call gay or queer growing up and the bullying that follows if you even glanced in someone’s direction while they were at the urinal.

As a result men generally don’t engage with anyone, unless, like @Couple92 said, you know the other person. We also tend not to make eye contact, meaning instead you look at your phone, or at the floor etc while you’re waiting for a stall to become free.

Stall’s in public restrooms, especially in the UK, don’t tend to have locks on them, or at least ones that work, and are mostly used if the urinals are full or if you’re a little shy. Rarely I’d say they get used for anything more than peeing in. Hence why you’ll find them covered in pee, the floor soaked and the toilet seat broken or missing. Consequently this may present a challenge. My suggestion would be to buy a Shewee or something similar so that you could stand to pee.

Until your transition is complete, I guess you’ll have quite a few guys who will spot your curves etc and may feel uncomfortable as a result. I would say most wouldn’t be bothered.. women often use the men’s restrooms in bars/clubs when there’s a line for the women’s.

Most importantly be safe. Try to find clean, well kept bathrooms and maybe ones that aren’t too busy but still have plenty of people coming and going.

Good luck and welcome to the community 

[SnakeFace 234]

In Australia, I've seen a few places where bathrooms have been changed to be gender neutral instead of male and female. It makes me happy to see, and I hope more places do it, to be more accepting of trans. Funniest one I have seen had signs saying 'unisex toilets' and then 'unisex toilets with urinal' on another door. If I ever see someone who seems to be the opposite gender for the bathroom they are in, I just decide not to question it. From my perspective, the world is becoming much more accepting of trans. I remember trans being looked down upon and being seen as stupid while I was a kid, but now I see it be accepted a lot. I can't speak for everywhere in the world though, this is only for what I have seen.

[gldenwetgoose 20,266]

As a CIS guy in the UK, I'm not sure 100% how useful my advice would be - but hopefully it'll encourage if nothing else.

- It's great that you've taken that step of using the guy's restroom at work, even if it was because of a physical need.   I'm guessing the workplace has at least some standards for respect between coworkers, compared to say a mall or bar bathroom where you could meet some proper neanderthal types.   I'm also guessing your colleagues are aware of your journey and perhaps(?) are supportive.   Perhaps now you've broken the barrier as it were, it's time to forsake the ladies' bathroom.   You are currently a trans MAN and your future is as a man so that's the direction to go.

- Once you're more used to using the men's room in the workplace that should make it easier to use other public facilities too.

- The idea of a pee funnel has been mentioned above, and that sounds a good idea.  As said, many guys go into the stall just to pee (maybe with that phobia of standing next to another guy).  As I understand it, a lot of stall doors in the USA don't really block anyone glimpsing inside.  So if you're stood facing the toilet and pissing into it, it means you don't have to sit or hover over a filthy seat, but more than that - it's pretty normal as what guys would expect to see (and hear).

- The other thing that applies to every one of use with this pee kink - remember that for the vast, vast majority of people - peeing is just a thing.   They drink, they pee, it's just a routine.  What that means is they probably expect everyone to be as mundane as they are.  When they're peeing it would never in a million years occur to them that anyone was aroused by them peeing.   I'm not saying it's wrong that we are of course.  What I'm saying is that if we don't give an outward reaction then suspicion of our arousal would never occur.   So that whole 'homophobic' thing of personal space and not glancing at their tackle - you can be doing all sorts of mental gymnastics but they're not mind readers - so there's no need to fear they know what you're thinking.

- Final suggestion, when pushing out your pee in the men's room - don't be afraid to burp and fart.  Maybe less so in the office bathroom, but definitely elsewhere. 

[darkhedonist 146]

Not sure if it will be of any help, but here are my two cents on this topic. I’m a cis man and I’ve been in female bathrooms only a couple of times in nightclubs to snort coke lol.  the biggest difference I’ve noticed is that they are significantly cleaner than mens. Regarding etiquette in mens bathrooms, I really don’t think there is any. You go in do your number 1 or 2, wash your hands and leave. Anything more than that would appear odd to me. 

[MaxWasTaken 514]

Im not from the states so i might be missing some cultural context. I truly sympathize with your worries but i think you are making this a bigger deal than it is. Its just a toilet. You don't have to follow any specific guidelines. Leave a urinal in between you and another guy if possible, don't stare at other peoples dicks and thats it. Don't be weirded out by older men who grunt or groan when they take a piss xD. Im not sure why this is so common.

When i was on vacation in France i accidentally visited the ladies bathroom for a full week because i didn't find the mens bathroom and i thought they had unisex toilets. 

Its also quite common (here in Germany) that cleaning ladies visit the mens bathroom while it is in use. Having women in the mens bathroom is nothing to worry about. Treat it like any other rest room.