Response to some female members' recent complaints regarding men's questions/explanations

[Carb0nBased 647]

This is in regards to something that was discussed recently in the thread about instinctive female peeing positions, and also in a thread a month or so ago about thick vs. thin urine streams. Apparently, some female members have expressed irritation at male members trying to explain their own anatomy to them, asking lots of questions, or some combination of these. It's a shame that this has come up particularly in a discussion about how people would pee in a world without clothes and toilet training--a question we can only speculate about (given that the few remote tribes left that aren't exposed to these things have almost certainly never heard of the Internet either), and where anyone's guess is (or should be) welcome.

First I will say that I totally understand--and share--the male members' curiosity about female anatomy. Also, I'm someone who not only loves trying to figure out how things work, as a kind of prodigy kid whose role was from a very young age understanding things that others couldn't, I have a deeply rooted tendency to want to explain things to people. In fact, I doubt I could ever feel truly belonging and/or loved in a relationship unless my girlfriend/partner liked having me explain things to her--I feel fundamentally unneeded otherwise, like how some guys might feel if they aren't taller or stronger than their partners. I have this "explaining tendency" also to toward other males, though possibly to a slightly lesser tendency than toward women, and have actually gotten comments from guys before who found it irritating, so I'm trying to work on it.

Also, as someone in the sciences, and in fact the biological sciences, I do genuinely have some insight into how the human body works--both male and female--that the average person doesn't. Of course, both having my own male parts and understanding them scientifically means I am especially familiar with that. Though that doesn't stop me from still being curious about how other guys "work"--like I've spent lots of time comparing closely how other guys ejaculate from watching solo male videos online.

I also do understand how having your anatomy analyzed by others as a scientific curiosity could feel objectifying, and how infuriating it can be when others act like they know your own body better than you do in a way that discounts your own experience (like with a doctor who questions the validity of symptoms you have). I also am aware that historically men have claimed certain things about the female body that were so blatantly false that they would be hilarious if they weren't actually told to women as reasons they couldn't or shouldn't do perfectly normal things. I guess what we need is to find a way that curiosity and discussion of the more scientific aspects of the female body can coexist with women who want to share their own experiences from their own perspectives without interference.

First, I want to say that in no way do I (and hopefully the same holds for most of the other men here) think that women should change how they pee to conform to how I think their anatomy "should" work. In fact, one of the things I hate about a lot of pee porn is that the women seem to modify their peeing behavior from what they would do if I were actually a "fly on the wall" in their private bathrooms. Women should go on peeing however they feel most comfortable, or find the most enjoyable/fun to do it. 

It is also up to women if they want to try to satisfy our curiosity by explaining in detail how they pee, how the stream flows, how it feels, etc. Each female member is free to share as much or as little as she likes. But I don't think that women should get upset just because there is a thread where certain questions are asked. 

Finally, no woman (or female-bodied person) needs to accept an explanation for anything about her body given by a person who doesn't have such a body, if she doesn't want to. But again, I also don't think that it's good getting upset when someone else has speculated about how your body works, or that such should be taken as a lack of invitation to share your side of things.

[gldenwetgoose 21,487]

From me @Carb0nBased - a huge thank you and a hearty hug.    A thank you for taking the time and trouble to write, and perhaps to open up about parts of yourself you wouldn't normally be open to sharing.

One of the most amazing things about this forum, and I absolutely love it, is how human we all are but at the same time how respectful and caring we can be.   None of us are perfect (I'm certainly not) and we all have current behaviours and attitudes shaped by our past experiences.  What you've described is a thirst for understanding and a deep desire to help others - all great qualities.

 

Understanding the place for that sharing is key  - and I'm reading into your post that you do understand.  The issue is I think where a group of people get fascinated and carried away with their passionate discussions. It's so easily done.  But onwards and upwards - peefans together.   

[laughingbeast 414]

I think we need to distinguish whether some members are asking questions in general in threads with the corresponding title, or stalking a particular lady in all the threads where she appears, addressing questions directly to her and trying to lecture her on what she should and shouldn't do.

No one should be upset that people start threads with a topic they don't like, as long as that topic or content doesn't violate the rules, because everyone has the right to ignore threads with topics they don't like.

It's not possible to moderate a forum in a way that makes everyone happy, because such attempts would eventually make most people unhappy.
There will always be someone who will be upset about something, and this is not just a peefans forum issue, but such things happen on any forum with any topic.

That's why it's good if there are just some basic rules designed to keep the discussion civil with respect for other members, so that no one harasses other members, but we need to accept that there will always be something that someone doesn't like.
That's how the world works.

 

[Eliminature 5,209]

I will sound very nasty and unpleasant if I share my views on what I think of this, so I will say nothing.

[Carb0nBased 647]

On 9/5/2022 at 2:13 AM, laughingbeast said:

I think we need to distinguish whether some members are asking questions in general in threads with the corresponding title, or stalking a particular lady in all the threads where she appears, addressing questions directly to her and trying to lecture her on what she should and shouldn't do.

 

If that's the issue, then whoever complains should be clear about that, rather than coming across as complaining about men discussing women's anatomy in general.

I agree with everything else you said.

[gldenwetgoose 21,487]

If there was individual stalking of members going on, harassing them with questions and lecturing then you can be pretty sure there'd have been some site bans being issued pretty promptly.  And at this stage thankfully that's not the case.

 

 

[brucejedi 76]

I think one of the main issues here is that someone asks a question to female members, and then a bunch of male members respond. Or a couple ladies respond, and several men comment on their responses, often with posts several times the length of the original response. As I understand it, that’s the main thing gldenwetgoose has been trying to root out.

The problem is that when too many guys intercede in the questions directed to women, then the women get annoyed and the mere asking of the questions comes to be associated with the annoying behavior. I really like hearing the questions get asked and hearing answers from the intended respondents. If we guys can’t shut up when appropriate, step back, and let the ladies answer, then a time will come when the questions themselves aren’t welcome anymore, and that would be sad.