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"ARE YOU... [calmly] are you peeing in the garbage can?"

"Hell yes! Maybe don't have a single unisex bathroom in your tiny little terrible cafe."

"Look lady, I'm going to ask that you never return to eat here or even enter the shop."

"Fine by me. You're just damn lucky the trash was convenient; otherwise I'd be pissing in the soda machine."

Edited by hentaixt
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This 1 was so simple it's dumb:

He has not used a toilet in over a decade.

His urine is 3% alcoholic by volume.

He served as a replacement beer tap during Oktoberfest.

More people have seen his penis than the actually Mona Lisa.

He is... the The Most Micturious Man in The World.

"I don't always pee in a cup, but when I do it's usually because she can't swallow fast enough to drink directly."

Tres Equis

"Stay urinating, my friends."

(Yes, I totally created a new version of the word "Micturition" just for this silly thing.......)

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I am getting on a bit now but back in the early 70s I made a lot of money doing outrageous things as a high class call girl....

The most lucrative evening of my life was the evening I spent at this mansion, getting peed on for the pleasure of some rich men and their wives, girlfriends, and secretaries.

They all - men and women alike - found it most entertaining to pee all over me whenever they felt like it, It seemed to be a good laugh to them all. Some of the guys, and even a couple of the women, thought it most hilariously funny to pee in my face.

Still I had the last laugh when I walked away with thousands of pounds of their money in my pocket. 

It is even worth having another woman piss all over my face for the kind of money back then which was almost enough to buy my own home with. Getting repeatedly peed on for a few hours by a couple of dozen coked up, champagne swilling men and women is a small  price to pay for money like that.
 

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My wife and I and another colleague and his wife were enjoying a meal and a few drinks at a posh restaurant with our boss. His secretary was with him. They were known to be an item.

Well after a few too many drinks, the boss was sharing some anecdote about a co worker he knew years back who was allegedly into peeing on her boyfriends. We found this funny, but even more so when his secretary dropped him in it with this golden nugget of information - "That reminds me of the time you had me pee on you in the bath."

The boss has struggled to live down that little revelation ever since.

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I am a woman in my 30s and have been seeing this guy I met down the pub. And he likes to watch me piss on his bedroom carpet beside his bed. And it's his carpet so if he wants to let me do that, why not? Its more fun and less hassle than just boringly going to the bathroom. It is kind of liberating to be able to just piss on the floor without giving a shit.

I've never dated a guy who wanted me to piss on his carpet before, but there's a first time for everything I suppose. And like I said, not my carpet. So why not enjoy the naughty pleasure of doing it? It is after all rather good fun as a grown woman old enough to know better, to just squat and piss on some guy's carpet anyway

Mother would be so proud, lol.

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This was almost the same joke, but it occurred to me after the last 1 I'd:

When I said you could use the alley to pee, I meant "a-l-l-E-Y" not "a-l-l-I-E"... dude that's my Mom, with your dick in her mouth, while you piss down her throat.

Don't blame me, she agreed to do it!

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  • 4 weeks later...

Sorry this thread is so random. You get inspiration for these simple little things, write them down, and then it blanks out of your mind for a while until more pop up.

 

Walked out of a shop the other day and around the corner. There at the edge of the building I was surprised to see a man peeing. He was in full stream, was not concerned. I called out in a hushed tone, "Hey! Hey, Hey?" While I pointed at hip level with one hand and nodded up with my chin. He understood without issue, turned slowly keeping his feet planted, his dick came into view as profile, then he was facing towards me directly, still in the middle of his release so the flow was strong, prominent, and very visible. I watched for several seconds before bowing my head lightly and saying, "Thank you for this display." He took away one hand to wave as he slowly turned back to his original position. Hopefully I can do the same one of these days for someone else.

 

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"Thanks for the quarter, it was a real life saver."

"What're talking about?"

"Oh, Yeah... so I needed to pee. Which I did next to the jukebox. Just hitched up my skirt, shifted the ol' panties to one side, and then splashy splashy on the carpet in the corner next to the machine."

"You're Crazy! What song did you pick anyway?"
"Had to get something appropriate for the mood. Oh, there it goes-"
{Smoking in the Boys Room begins playing overhead}

"Ha! Of Course, that's so you."

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  • 4 weeks later...

I was caught short the other day. While teaching my English as a Second Language Class, I literally couldn't hold it. I am not averse to peeing in the classroom, as I have done it before, but that wasn't when students were present. Thankfully I was able to position myself behind the podium and from there I intentionally knocked my papers on the floor. I used this as a cover to bend down and pull up my knee-length skirt up my thighs as I stood. I sat the papers down and rearranged them, which gave me just enough time to covertly move my panties to the side. I composed myself, raised my voice a bit to mask the sound, and pissed hard into the wooden podium base. Unfortunately I didn't account for the cable hole at the back and as my stream flooded and pooled, it eventually escaped and spread across the floor. One of my students in the front row raised their hand and inquired about it. I confessed my actions, revealing that I was relieving myself actively as we spoke. The class started to chatter and then a conversation began on if this was an accepted custom and whether or not the others in the class could do the same. I explained this was not the case, however it was not uncommon to see people urinate at a secluded location in "public." We spoke of obscenity laws, exhibitionism, and other issues of decorum that might lead to legal problems if not observed. It all turned out very well in the end and was such a good learning experience for the students I'm thinking about making a part of my regular curriculum.

Edited by hentaixt
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I had to hire a bed and breakfast away from home for the night. Now I am a lady that takes no shit. So when they fucked me about and ripped me off they had what was coming to them.

Turned out the lady who cooked the breakfasts was away, so all I was going to get was cheese sandwiches and a packet of crisps. No tea or coffee, just a glass of orange juice which meant no caffeine fix.  And the room with a view I was promised did indeed have a great view - of a fucking building site!!! And getting woken at 7am by the dulcet tones of a pneumatic drill really did not improve my mood. And their utter refusal the previous evening to countenance a partial refund was just compounded by that fucking rude awakening.

And anyone who knows me knows I am not a lady to be messed with. So I decided I was really going to piss them off, with the emphasis being on "piss".  So as I climbed out of bed with my usual full morning bladder, and before getting dressed, I squatted down right there beside the bed and thinking a massive "fuck you!" I deliberately pissed on their fucking carpet! I pissed loads and made a massive puddle but still had loads left when I stopped. Because I then get up onto the fucking bed and squatted in the middle of it, finishing my piss all over the sheets and hopefully ruining the mattress. 

When I left I collected their poxy cheese sandwiches, and walked out with a satisfied grin. Serves the fuckers right. Piss me off and l' will piss on your shit thinking "Fuck you!". They got what was coming to them.

 

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  • 5 weeks later...

I'm a Strong Black Female. I exude sexuality with over-sized tits and my firm bubbly ass. I can clap with no hands, BACK and FRONT!

So of course when I go, I like to make a Strong Black Spectacle. Loud Hiss, Yellow Piss, Long Arc, Spray Everywhere, Never Care.

I was out for a walk the other day, skirt barely covering my butt, under-boob bouncing so much it was like a strobe-light flashing every step. I got stuck at the cross walk, but instead of waiting, I made a dash for the median when the road cleared. I positioned myself parallel to the traffic, rolled up the skirt, hitched up and spread the v-jay, and started blasting the hose. Car coming through the intersections on either side got splash soaked with my urine, on-coming had to turn on the wipers to be able to see. I drenched several driver with their windows down, put out at least two cigs, and sent a rat dog careening about the interior while the driver panicked and tried to to swerve. I was done in about three minutes and by then the light changed. The cops would never get there in time unless they were already a block over. I dashed in a bodega, disappeared to the back and pretended to be looking at beer. I was actually drinking it (YES, I PAID! I may be nasty but I am still not a thief). I downed three fresh from the shelf, tossed the money and empty cans on the counter, flashed my ass at the check-out girl, and left. Further down the way, I felt the need build up, but wanted it to be a good one, so kept a good hold on things. I finally made it to the subway and caught my ride. I sat and teased the guy across from me, Licked my nipple, showed off my shaped bush (just a heart right now). When the next stop was announced, I took my position. I shot out hard across the car and splattered against the door, until it opened. People rushing in getting a shower of salty spray right in the face. I heard them yelling as I escaped out the back and on the platform as it pulled away. Still not quite empty, I found a hobo girl. Took her cup off the ground, dumped the money in my hand amidst expected protest. I DROWNED the cup, ruined it, paper so soaked the coating could not keep it from falling apart. Left a massive puddle right where she was sitting. When I finally finished a minute later, I reached out my hand, showing the money I still had. When she went to take it, I grabbed her hand and pulled her to standing. "Come along." She followed unsure if she was safe. I took her to a place nearby, paid for a shower and some new clothes (still used, I know they have to maintain an image). I then took her to get food and after that, some good loving the way only I can do it. I left her with $200 and a room for the night.

 

All said and done, a good deed and some good fun.

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Remember, Employees are only allowed to pee on the showroom floor BEFORE or AFTER store hours. The rest of the time you are responsible for assisting the customers with their own releases.

What if we are asked to join by the patron?

Radio the on shift supervisor and get permission first. Does that make sense?

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On 1/19/2024 at 1:42 AM, hentaixt said:

Remember, Employees are only allowed to pee on the showroom floor BEFORE or AFTER store hours. The rest of the time you are responsible for assisting the customers with their own releases.

What if we are asked to join by the patron?

Radio the on shift supervisor and get permission first. Does that make sense?

Ooh! What's the context? So intriguing. 

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9 hours ago, CON2H4 said:

Ooh! What's the context? So intriguing. 

I usually leave these intentionally vague, so you can apply it to whatever you like.

However since you asked, the ideahere was something like an amusement park or "paid admission" attraction. Could also be something like an event hall for social gatherings. Basically anything where the staff would be putting everything into the patrons 1st.

Edited by hentaixt
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  • 1 month later...

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