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Pee-theme poem parodies


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(@oliver2 is one of my favourite mad artists  💛 )

It's Sunday and it is hard work being a muse, all that lying around naked drinking absinthe (or so I've heard)...

So I will just be lazy for this first poem and do a slightly altered version of the one I already sent:

 

Hell hath no pleasure like a woman pissed,

You aimed for her heart but sprayed on her tits.

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(apologies to Dorothy Parker, who is, in any case, thoroughly dead and unable to object)

Electric fences pain you;
Rivers are damp;
Wetting stains you;
High squats cause cramp.
In the street ain't lawful;
Earth closets are old;
On the carpet smells awful;
You might as well hold.

Edited by oliver2
Your line breaks are SO LARGE you momma can fall through the gaps, while sailing her aircraft carrier
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(After Eleanor Farjeon, who is at least equally dead)

Peefans piss anywhere, any table, any chair.
Out over the window-ledge, in the middle, on the edge.
Bathtub, shower, swimming pool, any good friend's lap will do.
Out at night by a parked car, in the plunge pool at the spa.
Anywhere! They don't care! Peefans piss anywhere.

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12 hours ago, PissingBlonde said:

It's Sunday and it is hard work being a muse, all that lying around naked drinking absinthe (or so I've heard)...

Yes, well. At least if your muse drinks absinthe they pass out before pee-pee dancing during what was supposed to be a static pose, then pissing all over the chaise longue. Again. (It's an antique, that!). And then somehow sneaking quietly up behind me with a strap-on while I was cleaning it... 😊

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  • 3 years later...
On 7/19/2020 at 11:12 AM, oliver2 said:

(apologies to Dorothy Parker, who is, in any case, thoroughly dead and unable to object)

Electric fences pain you;
Rivers are damp;
Wetting stains you;
High squats cause cramp.
In the street ain't lawful;
Earth closets are old;
On the carpet smells awful;
You might as well hold.

If you hadn't written the actual poets you were trying to emulate, I might have guessed that this and maybe even the next one were written by Dr. Seuss.

Speaking of which:

I don't like a naughty pee. Sam I am, it's not for me!
Would you, could you, in the dark? Would you, could you in a park?
Would you, could you, on the floor? On a shelf, or out the door?
Would you pee your pants in class? would you pee out on the grass?
Would you riding on the train? or would you, could you, in the rain?
Would you soak a fitting room? how 'bout peeing live on Zoom?
Would you soak the hotel sheets? Would you tinkle in a box of sweets? 
Would you squat in an elevator? or only find a restroom later?
 

Edited by Carb0nBased
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