Pee-theme poem parodies

[oliver2 4,422]

(@Pissingblonde is my muse)

Roses are red, violets are blue / The hot tub is yellow, and that’s ‘cos of you

[PissingBlonde 887]

(@oliver2 is one of my favourite mad artists  💛 )

It's Sunday and it is hard work being a muse, all that lying around naked drinking absinthe (or so I've heard)...

So I will just be lazy for this first poem and do a slightly altered version of the one I already sent:

 

Hell hath no pleasure like a woman pissed,

You aimed for her heart but sprayed on her tits.

[oliver2 4,422]

(apologies to Dorothy Parker, who is, in any case, thoroughly dead and unable to object)

Electric fences pain you;
Rivers are damp;
Wetting stains you;
High squats cause cramp.
In the street ain't lawful;
Earth closets are old;
On the carpet smells awful;
You might as well hold.

Edited July 19, 2020 by oliver2
Your line breaks are SO LARGE you momma can fall through the gaps, while sailing her aircraft carrier

[oliver2 4,422]

(After Eleanor Farjeon, who is at least equally dead)

Peefans piss anywhere, any table, any chair.
Out over the window-ledge, in the middle, on the edge.
Bathtub, shower, swimming pool, any good friend's lap will do.
Out at night by a parked car, in the plunge pool at the spa.
Anywhere! They don't care! Peefans piss anywhere.

[oliver2 4,422]

12 hours ago, PissingBlonde said:

It's Sunday and it is hard work being a muse, all that lying around naked drinking absinthe (or so I've heard)...

Yes, well. At least if your muse drinks absinthe they pass out before pee-pee dancing during what was supposed to be a static pose, then pissing all over the chaise longue. Again. (It's an antique, that!). And then somehow sneaking quietly up behind me with a strap-on while I was cleaning it... 😊

[PissingBlonde 887]

If this breaks any copyright or bad poetry laws, I will just tell them Oliver made me do it  🙃

 

Shall I come share pee on a summer's day?

Thou art more thirsty and dehydrated...

Strong streams do soak the nipple buds of May

And shower's length hath all too short a date.

Sometime too hot the wine of heaven shines

And often is his gold confection rimmed,

Every stream from lips sometimes descends

Bush shaved, or nature's Venus mound untrimmed...

So as long as men can whizz, or pussies pee

So long lives piss, and piss gives life to thee.

 

- Shakes Spear

  to get the last few drops off

 

  X

Edited July 22, 2020 by PissingBlonde

[Waesserchen 14]

I just came up with this (almost) limerick:

I know a girl from Bordeaux
who can pee her name in the snow.
And any who'd doubt,
she would show on the spot,
mind you, Dorothy called herself "Dot".

[Bacardi 10,135]

Where do I Pee?

A haiku by B.

....

I pee on the floors

I pee on all of the walls

The toilet bores me

🚽

[WateryMoose 358]

I am a male from France
When I need to pee I prance
Whipping out my meat
Spraying anything in front of it
Doing so my heart beats in a trance
 

How's that? XD

Edited December 10, 2023 by WateryMoose
Spelling issue

[Carb0nBased 647]

On 7/19/2020 at 11:12 AM, oliver2 said:

(apologies to Dorothy Parker, who is, in any case, thoroughly dead and unable to object)

Electric fences pain you;
Rivers are damp;
Wetting stains you;
High squats cause cramp.
In the street ain't lawful;
Earth closets are old;
On the carpet smells awful;
You might as well hold.

If you hadn't written the actual poets you were trying to emulate, I might have guessed that this and maybe even the next one were written by Dr. Seuss.

Speaking of which:

I don't like a naughty pee. Sam I am, it's not for me!
Would you, could you, in the dark? Would you, could you in a park?
Would you, could you, on the floor? On a shelf, or out the door?
Would you pee your pants in class? would you pee out on the grass?
Would you riding on the train? or would you, could you, in the rain?
Would you soak a fitting room? how 'bout peeing live on Zoom?
Would you soak the hotel sheets? Would you tinkle in a box of sweets? 
Would you squat in an elevator? or only find a restroom later?
 

Edited December 12, 2023 by Carb0nBased