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GoldHelix

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About GoldHelix

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  1. You've got potential, but you're grammatically inconsistent with repeated switching between third person and first person along with Julia being named, but the man isn't. You could also stand to use paragraphs, as the way I'm seeing it on my phone it's just a long block of text. Which brings me on to the most important point, timing. It feels incredibly rushed, both in writing and in plot, as if the characters spent less time in the house than I did writing this comment, you introduced a living room, kitchen and two bedrooms upstairs, yet the bedrooms were never explored. And what was the purpose of taking the food? Eating it? Stealing it? Using it in further vandalism? Like I said at the beginning, you've got potential, but you need to take things slower.
  2. Can't wait to hear the rest of this vacation. 👍

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