Bad Jokes

[wetmanjf 2,787]

Prostitute, new to the game was told by her pimp "No sex for the 1st 7days, just wanks".
She asks, "Why only wanks?"
Pimp says "Union rules, you gotta work a week in hand"

 

[wetmanjf 2,787]

NOW ON SALE AT IKEA * lesbian beds * 
No nuts or screwing involved. It's all tongue and groove.

 

[wetmanjf 2,787]

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.
After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split. 
The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?

"No," he replied, "Arthritis."  

 

[wetmanjf 2,787]

i went to the Doctors, he said "can you stand over by that window please and stick your tongue out?" 
I said "why doc?" 
He said " I don't like the man over the road".

 

[wetmanjf 2,787]

I bought a book on eBay called, 'How to scam idiots on eBay'.

That was 3 months ago, and it's still not arrived yet!

 

[wetmanjf 2,787]

Before i went to work Me and my wife had been arguing for some time, when i got back there was a note on the TV, it read i'm sorry its not working, so im leaving..
But i switched the set on, its a perfect picture....

 

 

[wetmanjf 2,787]

My neighbour has a really bad case of Tourettes...

I found this out when I was playing my trumpet at 3 o'clock this morning..

[wetmanjf 2,787]

The wife was having a go at me. "Life's just one big joke to you, isn't it."
"I don't know what you mean. Sit down, luv, and let's talk about it."
 

That's when I pulled her chair away.

 

[lameduck58 321]

really like the new thread but we need a groan button for some of these. 

[wetmanjf 2,787]

There you go. Push away LOL

[steve25805 126,116]

A boy overhears some conversation by some older boys in the playground that he doesn't understand, with a few particular words cropping up several times.

So he thinks about it for a while, then finally he decides to ask his dad what some of it means. So he approaches his dad and asks, "Daddy, what is a lady's hairy muff?"

His father ponders for a moment, then responds - "I don't know, son. But it was on the tip of my tongue last night!"

[steve25805 126,116]

I know this gorgeous, super hot, young nudist lady with a "W" tattooed on each of her cheeks.

When she bends over - WOW!!! 

[steve25805 126,116]

A woman walked into a fancy cocktail bar and asked the barman for a Double Entendre.

So he gave her one!!

[steve25805 126,116]

A man in the cubicle of a public toilet suddenly hears a voice from the cubicle next door say "Hello!"

So he tentatively responds with "Hello"

Then the voice asks, "Where are you?"

"I'm in the cubicle next door"

Then the voice asks, "What are you doing?"

Somewhat indignantly the man responds with, "Same as you. What do you think I'm doing?"

Then the voice says, "Sorry love. I gotta hang up now. Some twat in the cubicle next door is answering all my questions!"

[Scot_Lover 1,877]

A man was admitted to hospital with 12 plastic horses stuck up his bum.

Dr's describe his condition as stable ........

 

[lameduck58 321]

18 hours ago, steve25805 said:

I know this gorgeous, super hot, young nudist lady with a "W" tattooed on each of her cheeks.

When she bends over - WOW!!! 

If she turns over it's MOM. 

[Guest UnabashedUser]

Woman has a sea shell tattooe'd on her inner thigh -- if you put your ear to the shell, you can SMELL the ocean.

[Guest UnabashedUser]

Sign over a urinal:  Don't look here for a joke -- it's in your hand

[Guest UnabashedUser]

My girl says "Kiss me where it stinks" -=- so, I drove her to New Jersey

[Guest UnabashedUser]

Didja hear the one about the fly in the urinal? He was pissed off...

[Guest UnabashedUser]

Lout on airplane sits next to extremely pretty girl. Plane takes off. Guy takes out porno magazine, unzips, jerks off, cums all over picture in the magazine. Then turns to girl who is horrified, and says :  "Do you mind if I smoke? "

[Guest UnabashedUser]

Two rubes from the sticks are on a NY subway, sitting down.  Two nuns get on, have no place to sit. First rube says Hey Billy give  your seat to one of the sisters"  Billy says "Not gonna give my seat to any black crow"  His friend then turns to the horrified nuns and says:  "You got to excuse my friend Billy here. He was born in a barn in the woods and doesn't know how to talk to pussy. "

[Guest UnabashedUser]

Doorbell rings at the whorehouse. Madam opens the door. Outside is a guy in a wheelchair, has NO arms or legs. Madam laughs, says "What the heck do you think you can do here?"  The guy says "Hey, I rang the doorbell, didn't I ? "

[wetmanjf 2,787]

They say one in every seven friends have a gambling addiction.

My money's on Dave

 

[wetmanjf 2,787]

My wife said, "You've never hold the door open for me."
I said, "What about the time you threatened to leave."