Incontinence

[Doris 22]

I am Doris, 61 years old and an incontinent DL. I am probably an exception, because my impression is that there are always misunderstandings and disputes between DLS and incontinents. That's why I want to write down "my story", maybe she can contribute to a better understanding.

I have had a weak bladder for several years. At first I didn't think much when I often had to go to the toilet and said it was a bladder infection. However, it didn't get better, on the contrary. Often I suddenly had to go to the toilet. After all, there were situations where it was difficult for me to keep control. Sometimes a few drops went into the slip when I didn't get to the toilet quickly enough. I went on to constantly wear my pads to avoid embarrassing stains. I still didn't want to know anything about incontinence, I suppressed it. After all, it is nothing unusual for a woman to wear pads and some "problems with the bladder" can happen. Of course, the pads are not really a good solution and my consumption accepted enormous proportions because I had to go to the toilet all the time and more and more often had to change a completely soaked pad. A few times I harvested very strange looks in the drugstore when I got to the cash register with 15 packs of the thickest night pads. Everyone could think that I didn't need them because of my menstruation. After a long hesitation, I decided that it didn't work that way. I knew special incontinence pads from advertisements in magazines. The ads conveyed the feeling that a weak bladder was spread and not a real problem. You almost had the feeling that as a woman you have to need these deposits to feel comfortable. I found this encouraging and passed some pharmacies until I found one that had Tena Lady on the shelf. I thought this self -service was good, I would never have wanted to ask about it. I had no idea which variety it should be, and I didn't want to risk a long debate in public. I was relieved that nobody said anything when I brought a pack of a red head to the till. For a long time I got on well with the larger insoles. I noticed that the urge became more violent and I had the impression that I had to have a hurry to the toilet. Instead of occasional drops, I sometimes had a real gush. In my city I now knew all the toilets and often planned the way so that I always had one nearby. In doing so, I continued to talk to myself, it was almost normal and the insoles continued to consider the usual hygiene item. With the constant aggravation of my incontinence, it was actually clear how it had to come. Then it happened on a walk. I noticed that I had to. Of course, there was no toilet in the middle of the forest. While I was looking for a suitable bush, I felt that things have to go quickly. The next moment it happened, it ran out of me without I had a chance to do something about it. I stood there and felt that the insert was completely overwhelmed and the urine ran down my legs. Fortunately, there wasn't much to see with my long coat and it was slowly getting dark. I sneaked home and felt the dripping insert in the crotch and the cold wet on my legs every step. I was shocked and completely depressed, something like that had never happened to me. Unthinkable if it had happened elsewhere. I hoped it would not happen again, but I was already unsettled. Two days later I woke up with a strange feeling. I was used to having to go to the toilet at least once at night. This morning I couldn't believe it: I had wet the bed without realizing it. It was terribly humiliating to become a bed wet at the age of 38. In the following days it was not in the event of a nightly accident and a few times I made the way to the toilet in literally last second. My self -confidence was at zero. It was clear that things couldn't go on like this. I went to a medical supply store and waited until no other customers were there. I asked the saleswoman for diaper pants for adults in a documented voice. Since I had no idea what size and brand I wanted, a extremely embarrassing survey began, with the seller made no secret of her curiosity. Are the diapers for myself? Have I ever had diapers? Should the diapers be for at night or during the day? How much urine I would lose and how often that happens? Which aids did I use before? I would like to be sunk in the ground. Embarrassing enough for me to have to buy diapers, but also to tell strangers everything in detail? In addition she looked to my crotch. Did she hope to see a wet spot? In the meantime, I was not so sure whether the Tena Lady did not appear under the pants. Slowly I got nervous because I realized that I soon needed a toilet. After all, I got a pack of incontinence briefs and a number of samples of different pad and samples. While I paid for me, something went into the pad again, I just hoped to get home quickly enough before a bigger misfortune happened. At home I unpacked the diapers.  When I saw the oversized pampers, I could not believe it. The idea of wearing a real diaper was very uncomfortable. For me it made the feeling of becoming a toddler. I was also sure that you would see the diaper and I couldn't imagine walking on the street with a diaper. After a long hesitation I tried a diaper. The feeling was terrible. I heard the crinkling noise with every movement and had the feeling that my butt is bulky. A few days later I wanted to go shopping. I fought with myself. What was worse? To wear a diaper or take the risk of wetting. Finally I decided on the diaper. I tried all possible clothing variants in front of the mirror. I was convinced that the diaper remains visible, but found a solution that I found somewhat acceptable. Already on the way I thought everyone was looking at me. I could hardly concentrate on something and only thought that I could impossible walk around. But it turned out differently. As usual, the already usual urge to urinate attacked me. Time to find a toilet quickly. I hooked into a department store and looked for the information board. As usual, the toilets were on the top floor. I became increasingly nervous, I had the feeling that it tears me away. I could hardly move on the third floor. I went to the other side of the escalator and noticed that I became leaking. It was clear that I could no longer make it dry to the fifth floor. Then I only felt the warm wet feeling in the crotch that didn't want to end. In horror, I pressed myself between the clothes racks and could hardly believe that it had happened again. With uncertain steps I crept into the next changing room, buttoned up the coat and examined me in the mirror. Hard to believe, but there was nothing to be seen, the diaper had held. The desire for shopping had passed. At home I was close to tears when I was finally able to dispose of the wet diaper. The incontinence did not improve, on the contrary, it continued to get worse. The nightly accidents became more common, so I had to diapers for the night. But even during the day the urge to urinate became stronger and the time that I remained a toilet was shorter. In the meantime I would call myself a completely incontinent. With a response time of a minute, the chance of finding a toilet is extremely low. In principle, this means that everything goes out uncontrollably. So I have to wear diapers around the clock. It was very difficult for me at the beginning. It wasn't nice at all. On the one hand, there was a constant fear that someone will notice something. On the other hand, I first tried to get to the toilet if possible and just stop it until then. If I didn't make it, it always seemed like a personal defeat. You can hardly imagine it, I was ashamed and was somehow angry with myself. It was particularly exciting in the negative sense when it happened in the presence of other people. I couldn't imagine that I would make my diapers full and nobody realizes it. I got red and started to stutter. Of course everyone was surprised and wondered what was going on with me. It took some time until I had so much confidence that it doesn't matter to me anymore. In the meantime I am pretty sure that nobody notices anything and it is no longer a problem to just let go if my bladder reports.

Edited February 19 by Doris

[BlindListener 152]

Hello Doris,

I am a little confused. Are you writing about your self years ago or is your profile birth date different? Isn't there medical guidance/medication that might help reduce your incontinents challenges?

[Doris 22]

You are right, it an old text, but it hopefully explains the situation. I corrected my age.

I tried several things in the beginning, some gymastics and also medication, but it was useless or had sideeffects. Meanwhile I do not want any treatment.

[Jayargo 17]

It seems like you struggled a lot with your condition initially. What helped you gain confidence to accept your incontinence? 

[WetMart 1,135]

Hi Doris, welcome to the site, glad you have been able to share your experiences on here. I can understand your position as I have found as I have got older I need to urinate more especially at night and get the need to pee more in general.