I have discovered religion

[steve25805 126,023]

I have adopted new religious beliefs.

All manufactured objects are a deviation from the true path of nature and once in place require christening. There is nothing more natural than the human body, and for the purposes of keeping ying and yang in perfect harmony, and to harness the spiritual energy deriving from sexual arousal it is necessary for someone sexually attractive to the owner to perform the christening ceremony upon all new manufatured objects. Nudity is necessary to fully activate the sexual spiritual energy and achieve a state of bliss in harmony with the christening act itself. Mere water is useless, and an insult to God who made our sexual and urinatory organs one and the same. The act of christening new carpets, curtains, tables, beds, sofas and so on must be performed in the nude by another person who is sexually appealing to the owner. This symbolically restores the object back to nature, with the aid of spiritual and sexual arousal, ideally by both the owner and the one perforning the act of christening. And the one christening the object must use his or her own golden water as an essential part of the ceremony.

Here is an example of a christening ceremony being performed by a female for a new sofa bought by a male. Both are adherents to my faith, and such ceremonies are meant to be enjoyed as well as being spiritually uplifting and sexually arousing....

As you can see, this attractive young lady is christening the man's sofa and making it one with nature, in an act both beautiful and arousing. This is probably one of the most frequently necessary and important ceremonies in my religion. Nothing should exist in a true believer's home without being christened by the golden rain of an attractive person.

God is supreme in heaven and on earth and he created all we see and all we are. In the beginning, we were at one with nature, naked, but with sexual organs to reproduce and for pleasure which are also organs for peeing. It is therefore clear in the eyes of god who made us that peeing as a sexual act is inherent to the way god intended us to be, and that seperating the act of peeing from  sexual arousal and calling it disgusting is an abomination in the eyes of god. All true believers need to understand this and help others to see the truth. For truly the holiest of showers on this earth are truly golden.

We all must understand the central fact of creation that in the beginning god created man and woman, but he never created a toilet. This was created much later by unbelievers who have fallen from the true path of nature. To pee wherever you want as if you are outside in nature is natural and an honour to god. To take pleasure in doing so is God's purpose. Evil is he, and a false prophet, who tries to say it is wrong to pee on the carpet whenever you feel like it. Such unholy words of negative judgementalism truly are the words of the devil, ruler of hell. A place of eternal fire and damnation, where even an annual shag in the missionary position once a year with the lights out is considered obscene. We need to deny the devil and all his works by reinforcing the god-given link between peeing and sexual arousal in word and deed. We need to spit in the face of the devil by peeing in the face of someone else who likes it.

We must spread the word of god far and wide, helping as many others to see the light as possible. For when judgement day comes, the true believers will live in heaven for all eternity, peeing everywhere and anywhere, for god saw us doing this in life and he saw that it was good. The unrighteous whose eyes we have failed to open will be down in the fires of hell, lucky if they get a boring shag in the dark once a year, and farting like there is no tomorrow because there will be nothing to eat in hell except brussel sprouts.

And remember, god made us in his own image, genitalia being peeing organs and all. So it is an honour to him to pee everywhere and on anyone for pleasure because it is written, let he who is without sin be the first to get peed on, and let she who is without sin be the one doing the peeing. And in this way shall they become one with nature. And with god.

@Sophie, could I interest you in converting to my religion at all?

 

 

 

[Sophie 24,410]

Thanks but no thanks. You know I don't enjoy damaging property. 

[steve25805 126,023]

1 minute ago, Sophie said:

Thanks but no thanks. You know I don't enjoy damaging property. 

It's okay, was only having a laugh.

[thisguy20 937]

Now that's what I call a GOOD religion

[Sexismygod 1,782]

18 hours ago, Sophie said:

Thanks but no thanks. You know I don't enjoy damaging property. 

But you wouldn't be damaging anything ... just bringing an artificial object back to a more natural state.  If you peed on my sofa, I would not consider it damaged.  It would become a cherished possession.  Can I ask you to reconsider?  🤗

I think this religion thing could be fun after all.  😛