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Bad Jokes


wetmanjf

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A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.
After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split. 
The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?

"No," he replied, "Arthritis."  

 

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Before i went to work Me and my wife had been arguing for some time, when i got back there was a note on the TV, it read i'm sorry its not working, so im leaving..
But i switched the set on, its a perfect picture....

 

 

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The wife was having a go at me. "Life's just one big joke to you, isn't it."
"I don't know what you mean. Sit down, luv, and let's talk about it."

 

That's when I pulled her chair away.

 

Groan[1].png

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A boy overhears some conversation by some older boys in the playground that he doesn't understand, with a few particular words cropping up several times.

So he thinks about it for a while, then finally he decides to ask his dad what some of it means. So he approaches his dad and asks, "Daddy, what is a lady's hairy muff?"

His father ponders for a moment, then responds - "I don't know, son. But it was on the tip of my tongue last night!"

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A man in the cubicle of a public toilet suddenly hears a voice from the cubicle next door say "Hello!"

So he tentatively responds with "Hello"

Then the voice asks, "Where are you?"

"I'm in the cubicle next door"

Then the voice asks, "What are you doing?"

Somewhat indignantly the man responds with, "Same as you. What do you think I'm doing?"

Then the voice says, "Sorry love. I gotta hang up now. Some twat in the cubicle next door is answering all my questions!"

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Guest UnabashedUser

Lout on airplane sits next to extremely pretty girl. Plane takes off. Guy takes out porno magazine, unzips, jerks off, cums all over picture in the magazine. Then turns to girl who is horrified, and says :  "Do you mind if I smoke? "

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Guest UnabashedUser

Two rubes from the sticks are on a NY subway, sitting down.  Two nuns get on, have no place to sit. First rube says Hey Billy give  your seat to one of the sisters"  Billy says "Not gonna give my seat to any black crow"  His friend then turns to the horrified nuns and says:  "You got to excuse my friend Billy here. He was born in a barn in the woods and doesn't know how to talk to pussy. "

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Guest UnabashedUser

Doorbell rings at the whorehouse. Madam opens the door. Outside is a guy in a wheelchair, has NO arms or legs. Madam laughs, says "What the heck do you think you can do here?"  The guy says "Hey, I rang the doorbell, didn't I ? "

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