Possessive about my pee

[Spendapenny444 49]

I found this site exploring a really unusual kink I have. Just curious to know whether anyone else on here can relate?

When I was a kid I had a fear of flushing the toilet. Not just because of the noise, but I’d look at the amber water in the pan and realise that it was part of me. I feared that by pulling the chain I’d flush a part of myself down the toilet – that I’d lose something important forever. This is very common apparently, but most kids grow out of it.

Not me.

So now I’m aroused by having my pee flushed away by others. I always leave it in the pan for my girlfriend to flush to “save water” (she’s okay with it). I’m not gay but I’m turned on by urinals, especially troughs with a single drain which are still quite common in these parts (Scotland). The feeling of abjection, the thought of our bodily fluids in which we invest much of our notions of privacy and personal identity, mixing with those of others. Knowing that we’re all going to have our pee flushed down the same toilet the next time the timed flush activates and that there’s nothing I can do about it.

Anyone get similar feelings of attachment?

[Carb0nBased 647]

That's a really interesting fixation you had as a kid--I never had that, nor have I heard anyone else who thought that way as a kid. There are a few reasons kids might be afraid of flushing toilets, especially unusually powerful flushers like the ones on airplanes (I've always found the sound of those a bit irritating myself), and also lots of reasons they might fear certain types of toilets in general, like porta potties that move when people bang on them. But the idea of losing their pee isn't one I've heard of, or would have thought of until you mentioned it.

[Takashi96 1,076]

7 hours ago, Spendapenny444 said:

I found this site exploring a really unusual kink I have. Just curious to know whether anyone else on here can relate?

When I was a kid I had a fear of flushing the toilet. Not just because of the noise, but I’d look at the amber water in the pan and realise that it was part of me. I feared that by pulling the chain I’d flush a part of myself down the toilet – that I’d lose something important forever. This is very common apparently, but most kids grow out of it.

Not me.

So now I’m aroused by having my pee flushed away by others. I always leave it in the pan for my girlfriend to flush to “save water” (she’s okay with it). I’m not gay but I’m turned on by urinals, especially troughs with a single drain which are still quite common in these parts (Scotland). The feeling of abjection, the thought of our bodily fluids in which we invest much of our notions of privacy and personal identity, mixing with those of others. Knowing that we’re all going to have our pee flushed down the same toilet the next time the timed flush activates and that there’s nothing I can do about it.

Anyone get similar feelings of attachment?

My friend's young son had this issue with flushing. And for the same reason. Her son's psychologist explained that it was quite common. That was the first time I'd ever heard of it.

[Spendapenny444 49]

2 hours ago, Takashi96 said:

My friend's young son had this issue with flushing. And for the same reason. Her son's psychologist explained that it was quite common. That was the first time I'd ever heard of it.

I actually borrowed some of my words from a parenting advice site as I thought it described the feeling perfectly.

It's a pretty weird fetish, and I've never seen anyone else mention it before which is why I brought it up. I have all the regular kinks too - letting my partner hold it, being pissed on, women pissing etc. but I've never understood drinking it or making a mess. The psychology interests me - guess we're all different.

[rojo92 12]

On 2/1/2023 at 6:24 PM, Spendapenny444 said:

I found this site exploring a really unusual kink I have. Just curious to know whether anyone else on here can relate?

When I was a kid I had a fear of flushing the toilet. Not just because of the noise, but I’d look at the amber water in the pan and realise that it was part of me. I feared that by pulling the chain I’d flush a part of myself down the toilet – that I’d lose something important forever. This is very common apparently, but most kids grow out of it.

Not me.

So now I’m aroused by having my pee flushed away by others. I always leave it in the pan for my girlfriend to flush to “save water” (she’s okay with it). I’m not gay but I’m turned on by urinals, especially troughs with a single drain which are still quite common in these parts (Scotland). The feeling of abjection, the thought of our bodily fluids in which we invest much of our notions of privacy and personal identity, mixing with those of others. Knowing that we’re all going to have our pee flushed down the same toilet the next time the timed flush activates and that there’s nothing I can do about it.

Anyone get similar feelings of attachment?

I used to feel that way to the extent that I would have a panic attack (I would get really scared without an apparent reason) when I was in my early 20's. I couldn't pee in a toilet and flush it and it would also terrify me if a cute girl was peeing in a toilet and flush. As you mentioned earlier, pee was something very important for me and the idea of flushing it "violently" freaked me out. I could pee anywhere else like the sink, shower or any other place that didn't require flushing it.

 

After trying so many counselors I finally found one who dug into my childhood traumas and we found out that the pee was my unconscious bond to my mother and all the great memories I had as a child. 

I was exposed to physical and psychological abuse as a child, we refer to it as "violence". We discovered that my unconscious fear of flushing my pee was related to see "the violence" of the water taking away something that I love. 

 

After understanding that, my fear went away very easily. My counselor asked me if I still want to keep the fetish and since we determined that's something that I love and does not affect me or anyone I decided to keep it. To this day I still have second thoughts when peeing and flushing a toilet but I don't feel any fear whatsoever. I love peeing in bags of diapers and I do it when possible just because I love the feeling!

[Spendapenny444 49]

On 2/23/2023 at 4:45 AM, rojo92 said:

I used to feel that way to the extent that I would have a panic attack (I would get really scared without an apparent reason) when I was in my early 20's. I couldn't pee in a toilet and flush it and it would also terrify me if a cute girl was peeing in a toilet and flush. As you mentioned earlier, pee was something very important for me and the idea of flushing it "violently" freaked me out. I could pee anywhere else like the sink, shower or any other place that didn't require flushing it.

After trying so many counselors I finally found one who dug into my childhood traumas and we found out that the pee was my unconscious bond to my mother and all the great memories I had as a child. 

I was exposed to physical and psychological abuse as a child, we refer to it as "violence". We discovered that my unconscious fear of flushing my pee was related to see "the violence" of the water taking away something that I love. 

After understanding that, my fear went away very easily. My counselor asked me if I still want to keep the fetish and since we determined that's something that I love and does not affect me or anyone I decided to keep it. To this day I still have second thoughts when peeing and flushing a toilet but I don't feel any fear whatsoever. I love peeing in bags of diapers and I do it when possible just because I love the feeling!

That's really interesting! Thanks so much for sharing, it means more than you'd imagine. I posted this topic to try and find out if there might be anyone else out there who gets these feelings, but with the lack of replies I'd kind of assumed that it's probably just me and the rest of you will think I'm a bit crazy. 😆

I never got the panic attacks, and I could flush the toilet as soon as I was old enough to rationalise that it wouldn't harm me. With me it has always been triggered by someone (or something) other than myself flushing MY pee for me. Interesting how you describe "the violence" of the water taking it away, as in a way it almost feels like having a violent act committed against me - like it's a bit degrading having a bit of me destroyed at the hands of someone else. For years I was incredibly anxious about using urinals because (and I know it's different in the U.S.) you don't get to flush your own pee - you just "let it mellow" and leave it to get flushed with everyone else's at some point later. 

Great that your counselor helped you to overcome the fear element, but that you can still enjoy having the fetish. Certainly for me attaching some level of value and importance to my own urine, even though only at some weird subconscious level I don't fully understand, has formed the basis for my being into pee generally.

On the plus side, there are people who have to ruin their furniture or their carpet to get off (I'm not judging, by the way). I only had to piss in three urinals today and I'm having so much pleasure imagining the moment each one got flushed away!

[rojo92 12]

1 hour ago, Spendapenny444 said:

That's really interesting! Thanks so much for sharing, it means more than you'd imagine. I posted this topic to try and find out if there might be anyone else out there who gets these feelings, but with the lack of replies I'd kind of assumed that it's probably just me and the rest of you will think I'm a bit crazy. 😆

I never got the panic attacks, and I could flush the toilet as soon as I was old enough to rationalise that it wouldn't harm me. With me it has always been triggered by someone (or something) other than myself flushing MY pee for me. Interesting how you describe "the violence" of the water taking it away, as in a way it almost feels like having a violent act committed against me - like it's a bit degrading having a bit of me destroyed at the hands of someone else. For years I was incredibly anxious about using urinals because (and I know it's different in the U.S.) you don't get to flush your own pee - you just "let it mellow" and leave it to get flushed with everyone else's at some point later. 

Great that your counselor helped you to overcome the fear element, but that you can still enjoy having the fetish. Certainly for me attaching some level of value and importance to my own urine, even though only at some weird subconscious level I don't fully understand, has formed the basis for my being into pee generally.

On the plus side, there are people who have to ruin their furniture or their carpet to get off (I'm not judging, by the way). I only had to piss in three urinals today and I'm having so much pleasure imagining the moment each one got flushed away!

Of course!

I used to feel the same way about judging myself and thinking that I was crazy. In fact that damaged my self esteem a lot because I couldn't separate the trauma from the fetish and I thought I was the only one out there. 

 

This is an aspect of my life that I'm happy about now. I love my pee and I came to accept that is something that turns me on and there's nothing wrong or any reason to feel ashamed of it!