The Lecture Theatre Nicknames

[Largewong 8]

For anyone from the UK, you may recognise this little short funny story, but I have adapted to it be slightly more appropriate to this website. I have changed the age of the subjects because it felt appropriate and rather than being in a classroom, it's in a university lecture. 

Our story begins, in a lecture theatre. As the new girl at the university having transferred, you are fascinated to see that there is not a single boy in your psychology lecture. There are however, three girls you have taken a keen interest in, there names are Penelope, Sarah and Pamela - better known by their nicknames - Pussy, Skirt and Piss. 

On your 3rd lecture you have become quite ingratiated by a small group of friends in your course and go immediately to sit with them when you attend your lecture. They have told you stories all about how the girls got their nicknames during Freshers week, often brazenly pissing in the streets while onlookers walked by. 

On this particular morning, Pussy, Skirt and Piss arrived later than everyone else but still before the lecturer. All of the girls in the auditorium could tell that Pussy, Skirt and Piss had been out the night before and were clearly still drunk. They were all wearing their shorts skirts and skimpy tops that they were known for on their nightly excursions into town. 

When they arrived, they were giggling and joking about where they had pissed the night before. These girls had become so notorious and their nicknames so well known that even the faculty staff used them rather than their real names. 

In their drunken stupor, the girls couldn't seem to find a seat in the auditorium that they found comfortable enough for their worn out, piss soaked arses. They kept getting up and moving around the hall, loudly shouting to each other about how badly they needed to visit the toilet. 

Skirt decided where she wanted to be throughout the lecture was on the gangway above the auditorium that was used so set up the projectors. Pussy thought she would find it funny to hide inside the cupboard behind the professor so that when she came up on stage she could jump out and scare her. Piss found the most difficulty, she was worried that nobody would know that she had arrived and was shouting at everyone to tell her where to sit. 

Finally the professor arrived and surveyed the situation. She could see Skirt loudly clamouring about above everyone's heads, she could see Pussy's handbag trapped between the cupboard doors. She saw Piss shouting to be told where she should sit to everyone else in the class. Given all this information, the professor decided that a loud and brief statement should clear up this situation, "SKIRT DOWN, PUSSY OUT, PISS IN THE CORNER" and with that all the girls in my class laughed and watched as the girls slinked from their spots to where they had been told to sit only for them all to get up five minutes later with piss dripping down their legs as they ran to the girls toilet, never to be seen in that class again. 

[BeneathMyWillow 840]

I'd forgotten about this classic. Where I came from I always heard it as Zip, Willy and Wee. Even as a boy I found it "interesting" more than perhaps the other kids did. 

Is this a UK specific phenomenon then, or did those in other countries have similar childhood jokes? 

[holyknight3 159]

I've not heard the original before.

[CON2H4 650]

1 hour ago, holyknight3 said:

I've not heard the original before.

Me neither.