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thedario

The hostel girl

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Nice one for a first try! 😉

There is some minor critique, or rather feedback, I'd like to give, though:

I think it would be better to use quotation marks to highlight when someone is talking, like this: "Hi there", Nina said.

instead of

Hi there Nina said.

I mean, yes, you can easily guess which part is the talking, but with quotation marks it just enhances the readability.

 

Another minor thing is the way you are telling the age of the characters. Maybe put it in like this for you and your friend: "Me and Jake were 21 at that time, and it was our first time (or "not our first time", depending on what you prefer) we stayed in a hostel." Something along those lines... .

Also, telling the age of Nina like "the 20 year old nina did this and that" kinda sounds odd, but maybe it's just me. I think it works better if the story is told by a neutral observer; if you tell the story from the perspective of one of the characters, it begs the question how he knows the age of Nina, without being told in the first place.

(However, I am not quite sure who to integrate Nina's age in a casual way, especially in a story as short as this one.)

 

Again, these are minor points of critique, and I am aware that you haven't asked for critique. English is not my native language, either, but I think my points are not very much language-related.

Anyways, I am looking forward to your next ty! 😄

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