LadySilver

2 hours ago, Sophie said:

The ones who don't really enjoy teaching or aren't very good at it quickly get a reputation and are more likely to have pupils misbehave. 

Couldn't agree more. Most of the teachers I haven't liked created a negative environment by being rather negative towards students and even the subject they teach. 

There's quite a difference between a teacher that puts on a movie because they can't be bothered to put a lesson together and one who chooses one that they think actually will contribute to the student's learning. I've noticed that being a big indicator of whether a teacher is actually able to create a positive and productive learning environment. 

On 9/23/2020 at 6:04 PM, Sophie said:

The phrase "I can't do it" or variations of it, are banned. There's no such thing. You can do it, you just haven't worked out how yet.

I have a similar policy with myself and, while at some points it feels rather cheesy, it works! 

While sometimes I choose not to do things, I never say that I'm just not able to do them. Starting down the path of 'I can't do this and that' leads to stagnation and limiting my own potential - something not uncommon with other aspies I know, and something I learned about from a fellow aspie. 

As an educator, you might like this TED talk by Rita Pierson if you haven't seen it yet: https://www.ted.com/talks/rita_pierson_every_kid_needs_a_champion?language=en 

It always makes me smile, and reminds me of the many educators that have and continue to impact my development as a person. 

7 hours ago, EastCoast1997 said:

In fact, I'm surprised in this day and age that unusual fetishes would even be considered something to be treated

I'm also pretty shocked that the treatments they use are common practice. The most common interventions (Androgen Deprivation Therapies, SSRI treament in some cases and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) all have at their centre the belief that the removal of paraphilia is the best outcome. However, these are all only used in situations where a person is harming themselves or others or is under great distress (what would be defined as paraphilic disorder), like what you mentioned in your response. 

In my view (and this is the perspective I'm trying to put forth in my thesis) even if someone is causing harm, it is not the healthy thing to do to use a purely destructive approach. This 'every tool is a hammer' way of caring for people has some serious drawbacks including harsh physical side effects from drugs and what must be psychological trauma for many. The current therapeutic approach could really use the addition of positive modes of intervening in cases of paraphilic disorder (and there are some in there that could simply have greater emphasis) that don't just remove the harmful stuff but try to add good stuff. 

Thanks for responding! I'd be happy to speak to this topic and others at greater length, so feel not just free but encouraged to private message me or keep this thread growing 🙂

Thanks everyone for popping in and thanks, @steve25805, for tagging them 🙂

First of all, this idea, for now is pure speculation. If you haven't read through the whole thread (and I don't blame you haha) the main reason I'm throwing around these ideas is because I'm writing a bachelor's level (meaning I'm not even close to a professional) thesis on what we can do to come alongside people like us who are in dark places. There's a lot of talk about traditional therapy and even more extreme things like the use of psychopharmacological interventions but there's not much about other alternatives, particularly for people who wouldn't really trust a therapist in a traditional setting like many of you have expressed (myself included, mind you). People like us are rarely consulted, and I wanted to include more than just my experience and scholarly perspective in my paper. Even as a paraphiliac myself I'm learning a lot - I'm very grateful so many of you have reached out. 

If we were ever to welcome a professional onto the site - I think people are right that it would take a very long time for them to establish enough trust that people would want to talk to them about things like mental health and addiction (things I've heard a lot about in the conversations I've been having and have experienced plenty of myself). I think it could only work if the person was coming in either as an insider (having the same interest, or even having another separate fetish) or was doing so with a radically open mind. They'd be doing most of the learning for what could be months before people knew and trusted them. In other words, we'd have to find someone stellar and I'd have no idea even where to begin looking. 

I'd love to chat more about not therapy related stuff, by the way! My third chapter is all about how communities like this one can facilitate health (and how unhealthy ones can make things worse - think child porn rings and the like) and I'd love to hear about how this community came to be so rich and life-giving for so many (and some of the challenges in making that happen, of course). Shoot me a message or email me at [email protected] (it may take me a bit of time to put some questions together if you have interest, though - thanks for your patience!).

21 hours ago, Sophie said:

Sorry @LadySilver, it's nothing personal. 

Totally no problem at all. I completely understand having boundaries here. 

Thanks again, 

HG

On 3/28/2020 at 8:25 PM, Brutus said:

There are a lot of variables to consider with this.

Both of the points you make here are pretty spot on, I think! I've really enjoyed your contributions. 

If there is need, but there may not be demand for a therapy (particularly for men), I guess there are two workarounds I can think of: Firstly, like I said before we could just have more practitioners educated in what I'm calling 'paraphilia informed care'* (trademark pending 😅) : basically allowing professionals to understand paraphilia as interrelated to anything else a person may come to see them for. 

*This is adapted from 'trauma informed care', something getting a lot more attention in recent years. Here's an article explaining some of the principles of it in the context of practicing medicine: https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/trauma-informed-care-what-it-is-and-why-its-important-2018101613562 (and it's not perfect, eh?) 

The second I spoke to a little more at length in my other thread, but what would it be like if a professional hung around a site like this? They'd come with permission, have a relationship with the staff and mods, be committed to confidentiality and not overstepping their bounds (for example, they wouldn't seek people out they'd only make themselves available to people who ask for help), they could do some research like I'm doing (not that I'm a professional by any stretch of the imagination)... I don't know, I think it could be great if the right kind of person took it on and the community was cool with giving it a try. 

On 3/28/2020 at 8:25 PM, Brutus said:

People often have no idea of their triggers or how certain aspects of their mental state affect others. Knowing your own tendencies is very important. I would consider overall self-perception as well.

Right with you on this too. It was only fairly recently I became aware of random things that contributed to my mental health (and the health of my sexuality by proxy) - friggin' revolutionary! And shame is a huge thing. I don't even know where to begin in unpacking it, but, from personal experience, I know that its roots go deep and effect almost everything in your psyche. 

@steve25805: It means a lot that you were willing to share that. Thank you. 

It really breaks my heart, honestly. I don't know how people could even imagine behaving like towards someone you swore to care for. 

You're right to say that this illuminates a huge problem in the therapeutic community. I'm sure you aren't the only one with a story like this. I sure hope unprofessional and hostile behaviour like that isn't the norm in the professional community anymore. I don't blame you for never going back, particularly if a site like this is doing for you what a professional should have done (and more!). 

I wish I had more to say other than this, but know I feel for ya! 

6 hours ago, Brutus said:

The problem with implementing a specific type of therapy for fetishists is low demand.

Well, there's low demand now, but do think that would change if it became a relatively normal things to do to see a therapist about issues like this? Most people I've spoken to about this have some sort probably could have benefited from talking to a professional. I don't think the need isn't there, just that we don't have professionals that many of us feel like we trust to actually help. 

6 hours ago, Brutus said:

it may be feasible to have a subset of sexual addiction counselors with additional training and education in fetishes in general, as well as a wide range of specific ones.

This could work, for sure. The education of the therapeutic community, I think, is key. If even your run-of-the-mill family counselor had access to good information they could learn the many aspects of why some of us run into issues and either provide care for something unrelated like anxiety or depression with an awareness of how our sexualities are involved or, at the very least, point people in the right direction (refer them to someone who, like you said, specializes in this sort of stuff). 

6 hours ago, Brutus said:

it may not be useful to say yes or no as a general rule.

Yup. I'm definitely a both/and not either/or kind of person. It certainly isn't a matter of nothing should change or everything should change, it's a 'what's the best way forward from here'? 

6 hours ago, Brutus said:

One question I would think needs addressed is whether those seeking help for fetish addiction need it focused on more than other mental ailments that may be causing them to feel that the fetish is the problem.

I think this is a question the therapeutic community is talking about a little. There have been a number of questions as to whether or not paraphilia makes sense to include even as paraphilic disorder in the DSM, as people question whether or not the 'disordered' aspects of paraphilic disorder are actually related to the sexual interest itself. It may make sense that instead of having paraphilic disorder specialists we have what you could call 'paraphilia informed care', a way of approaching counseling for other mental illness or issues with emotional regulation that, like I said, takes a non-normative sexuality into account. I'm all about holistic treatment. 

6 hours ago, Brutus said:

So with the question of should it be that way, that fetish addiction isn't treated until other issues overwhelm a person, paraphilia can be uncovered as assessment by a professional is conducted and if it is the root cause, then the person could be referred to a sexual addiction specialist, preferably one with paraphilia knowledge. 

Quite possibly! I think this is especially applicable if trying to remove the paraphilia is on the table. Taking a look at mental health issues unrelated to paraphilia and seeing if alleviating those makes a person less of a risk to themselves or others (in situations this serious) means that you can see how big of an issue the paraphilia itself really is (or isn't!). This is one of the reasons it's common practice to use SSRIs to 'treat' some cases of paraphilic disorder (particularly if there are noted mental health issues like OCD) before using more harsh psychopharmacological agents like anti-androgens. 

Treating the both of them as interrelated, though, (the shame about sexuality feeds the anxiety, say, and the sexual frustration feeds the anxiety, and the anxiety is coped with using porn for hours on end) means the person can come out of therapy feeling like a more whole person - they have an awareness of how their sexuality is connected to their emotional and mental health and vice versa (not to mention taking into account other aspects like what they're eating, their sleep schedule, work-life balance, social circle etc.). 

34 minutes ago, steve25805 said:

None of us want people to be disgusted by us and none of us wants to be laughed at.

Yup. This is, I think right now, a massive barrier in people like us reaching out professionally if we need it.

It's a bit easier to understand the stigma in speaking to the common person about paraphilia. I talk about it all the time to 'regular' people, but I benefit from being able to cloak it in academic language and can leave my personal experience out of it when I don't want to go there. I'm also lucky enough to be in an academic community that has never made me feel inferior or ashamed about my experience when I do bring it up - my thesis supervisor is amazing. Most people, though, are simply ignorant. BDSM is becoming a smidge more normalized (thanks, 50 shades?), but more niche (not that we're even super niche) interests are still almost unheard of. People react with disgust partially because they have to process the fact that people find something they find unsavoury attractive, and, often times, I don't really blame them. 

It almost stings more that professionals don't get it, and can be less 'live and let live' even than 'regular' people. It's a bit of a scary feeling that you could open up to professional about your experience, someone you trust to talk to about other mental health issues, and they could completely mischaracterize them and, even unintentionally, you as a person. If I can, I want to devote much of my career to trying to amend this disconnect between the reality of our experience and the perception of it by professionals. 

On 3/19/2020 at 11:50 AM, wjimmy said:

This thought may be a little off topic - in which case, my apologies

Not a huge issue at all. The ways in which I intend to use any or all of this information will be my problem in the fall haha - For now, I'm happy to talk about things outside the scope of my research because they're still super interesting! 

There are a few theories of where paraphilia comes from that I haven't had loads of time to research. Some people take a psychoanalytic perspective as you two have discussed. Others take a somatosensory conditioning lens (in short, paraphilia develops as people accidentally come to associate not typically sexual stimuli with sexual arousal forming an unusual neural pathway that connects the non-normative stimulus to the experience of sexuality). Others yet suggest childhood trauma could be involved and the resolution of that trauma could cause the paraphilia to fade. There are also some interesting developments in the neurobiology paraphilia (let me know if you want the article I'm using: it's fantastic!). 

Where I would fall on it, as someone who hasn't done enough research on the topic, is that every experience of paraphilia is a little different! I would imagine that for some different explanations have more explanatory power. Some have experienced trauma that developed their sexuality in a particular way, others haven't. Some by some accident came to associate something not typically sexual with a sexual response, others can't think of an experience that would indicate that happened. I would imagine it's a combination of a certain brain structure that leads to potential for a person's experience to form them in a particular way.

For some, perhaps, it makes sense to look into resolving childhood experiences to have a healthier experience of sexuality (whether the paraphilia fades or not, I don't think is the issue). For others, looking into someone's childhood really wouldn't solve much as far as issues of sexuality are concerned. I definitely don't think it helps to have as your starting point making radical changes to someone's experience of paraphilia - mental health and trauma issues are probably more important and if the paraphilia really is something that doesn't need to be there, working on those things will send that person in that direction without any direct effort at it. I'm in total agreement that the language of paraphilia as unnatural is totally ridiculous. 

As someone who had experienced my paraphilia from a super young age and has no memory of trauma or coming to associate urine with sexuality - the insistence that something must have gone wrong for my sexuality to end up this way is a little insulting. Why are there so many healthy adults with paraphilia if these theories are sufficient in explaining where paraphilia comes from? 

On 3/19/2020 at 11:50 AM, wjimmy said:

It is, of course. very nice to be able to discuss this kind of thing here, so thank you very much for this thread.

It's my pleasure. I'm a total nerd for this stuff and am thrilled there are others just as interested in it as me 🙂

Thank you two for keeping this going! 

On 3/18/2020 at 5:38 AM, wjimmy said:

I wonder, however, how married couples come to terms with a fetish - e.g. some aspect of pee - when one partner doesn't share that fetish and may, in fact, be repelled by it. That must present a significant challenge for couples at times. 

I'm not married, but I can speak to this experience a little bit. My partner is not into pee at all, though I don't know if he's repelled by the fact that I'm into it. It hasn't been a huge challenge for us. This is partially because we're not doing a lot sexually anyway (his mental health has been poor leaving him without enough energy), but it's also because I'm both able to enjoy sex without my fetish involved and feel like I can enjoy my fetish on my own in a healthy and gratifying way. 

If I had to guess, I would say the problems that would arise in couples would more be due to the things I just mentioned: one not being able to enjoy sex with the other unless the fetish is or isn't involved or because one person is has an imbalance in the way they're pursuing sexual gratification from their fetish (using porn when the other isn't okay with that, using porn or masturbating too much, etc.) Issues could also arise if the partner without the fetish is genuinely appalled by the other's fetish, in which case working on accepting each other would be the key thing. Just my not professional two cents. 

Thanks for your response, Jimmy! 

On 3/18/2020 at 3:07 AM, steve25805 said:

It is very easy for those who don't have a fetish themselves to take the moral high ground over those that do, including in the psychological profession.

Ain't that the truth! Boy is it easy to tell the scholarship on this subject is not written by people who experience paraphilia or, at the very least, do and somehow don't identify very much with the people they're trying to help. 

On 3/18/2020 at 3:07 AM, steve25805 said:

"Live and let live" should be what an enlightened and free society lives by.

I think that's a valid opinion, but I don't even think we need to believe that to prioritize the health of everyone's sexuality. You can still draw moral lines in the sand about sexuality, you just can't leave a person with task of removing a whole part of their sexuality from themselves or expecting them to modify not harmful behaviour. I'm not a professional... but I get the feeling there's no way that's healthy. 

On 3/18/2020 at 3:07 AM, steve25805 said:

we would always be likely to have the edge because our primary purpose is to non-judgmentally allow people to have fun.

You are probably right about this. 

On 3/18/2020 at 3:07 AM, steve25805 said:

Therapeutic benefits are a happy added benefit, but we do not exist primarily with that aim.

I wonder if people would have any interest in taking part in both kinds of community? Spending some time in one made for 'fun' and devoting some time to explicitly talking about their experiences, getting and giving advice, listening to professional perspectives and educating them... could be kinda cool, though it may be less practical than a site like this which seems to both really well (though I guess I can't speak for how good the 'fun' stuff is 'cause I'm staying away from porn haha). 

On 3/18/2020 at 3:07 AM, steve25805 said:

There is a danger that any forum that does will appear way too clinical to gain wide acceptance.

This is definitely also a concern. Even I, someone who has a lot of respect for therapists and other practitioners, would be a little reluctant to begin talking about my experience with a therapist simply because they're an outsider and they might not get it. Integrating these two things would have an inevitable messy transition period for that reason. 

On 3/18/2020 at 3:07 AM, steve25805 said:

But somewhere where people can go where trained psychologists also exist, where they can speak about any issues would be valuable.

This was a little more my vision. Something like inviting a therapist or two to be a part of and serve the community's needs. They'd maybe have a little corner of the site where they share resources, have the benefit of doing research like I'm doing to better understand paraphilia and the people that experience it and make themselves available to people to talk about things like mental health or even to help mods and staff through difficult periods. If it worked, I think this would be awesome. 

Thanks, as usual, Steve, for your insights! 

On 3/15/2020 at 3:59 PM, steve25805 said:

Some have had to be banned from the chatroom.

Fair enough. I wonder, though, what happens for these people after they have to leave. Care to speculate? 

On 3/15/2020 at 3:59 PM, steve25805 said:

Surely if a person is doing no harm or causing no threat, whether or not he or she requires treatment should be down to them. It is nobody else's business.

I totally see what you're saying here and agree. I think things get especially fuzzy when you have people who believe they have the moral high ground as far as what their definition of health or flourishing is. For me, part of being healthy is to have a sexuality integrated into your whole being, to have a deep reverence for yourself and others both in and out of a sexual encounter. None of those things require an interest in 'normative' sexual practice. Other people's definitions are different, and because they appear to be in the majority this has informed a lot of practice as far caring for people experiencing paraphilic disorder. Part of my thesis is asking the question: is that the best way? 

Another big question I'll be looking at, in part with the help of this research, is the use of communities like this one on a larger scale to help people. Like you say, and in my own experience as well, being able to talk about your experience with people that get it reduces one's sense of shame immensely (not that I can prove it, but that's what I've seen across the board in my conversations). What if we could get the word out about these spaces to more people that need them? What if we could combine the benefits of a therapeutic approach and a community approach? Would that make it less likely that people end up in a dark place? 

Thanks again for sharing your experience. It has been very helpful. Sorry for the late reply! 

HG

@Paulypeeps the site is saying you can't receive messages? Feel free to shoot me an email at [email protected].

2 hours ago, Paulypeeps said:

Perhaps some people do not want to answer on an open forum, perhaps if private messaging was possible it might help, or perhaps if e-mail was possible?

Private message is absolutely an option! If that isn't working for you I can make email work 🙂

12 hours ago, steve25805 said:

No response, eh? Perhaps there is such a thing as sharing too much information?

Am I too open about myself? Honest opinions from anyone welcome.

Not at all, Steve! I've just been a little short on time. I hope to read and respond to you this morning yet once I have my ducks in a row. 

6 hours ago, Sweets said:

I watch a lot of tv with criminal investigation. CSI, NCSI, criminal minds

Oh man, I used to love Criminal Minds and things like it (NBC's Hannibal is fantastic). Still good stuff, I just rarely find the time to watch it these days. 

10 hours ago, FatYoda said:

I think it's the ambiguity of whether or not urine is disgusting. Feces is obviously gross and disease ridden but urine is only subjectively gross.

Well, like I mentioned in a few other comments, I think there's a difference between trying to remove your fetish from your experience entirely (something most of us would have no reason to do because, as you say, urine itself really isn't something that ought to garner a lot of anxiety about getting pleasure from) and wanting help for fetish related issues like porn addiction or relationship problems that arise because of your fetish. 

Issues like that might require the input of a professional (particularly if someone is harming themselves or others, which is almost unheard of for a urine fetish) even though they have little to do with exactly whether or not urine is disgusting. 

So yeah, I think people like us are less likely to get help because we associate that with really serious issues like sexual abuse that rarely affect us. I don't know whether or not that means that we don't actually need any attention for less serious things, though, that any of us can experience. 

18 hours ago, steve25805 said:

One stand out book for me was Helter Skelter about the Manson clan

Sounds very interesting - maybe for when I have some spare time haha 

18 hours ago, steve25805 said:

I also love the true crime documentary series, Killer Couples.

I feel like I've seen a few episodes of both this and Killer Women? They're pretty cool, though my personal favourite is Netflix's 'I am a Killer' 🙂

12 hours ago, Sweets said:

I Find the story of the zodiac kill interest.

Have you seen the film they made about it? Not true crime per se but really well done. It's just called 'Zodiac'. 

13 minutes ago, steve25805 said:

Thank you. I promise I will respond to your follow on questions, just not right now as it is 10.22pm already here and I must sleep soon for work in the morning. Probably tomorrow evening.

Sounds good to me! I'm calling it a night schoolwork-wise anyway 🙂 

Look forward to hearing from you!

HG

Steve! This is wonderful. Thanks for responding. I have some follow-up questions you're welcome to answer or completely disregard. 

1 hour ago, steve25805 said:

You may have noticed that I also participate by being a forum mod.

What does that role entail for you? What do you see your responsibility to the community as? 

1 hour ago, steve25805 said:

the best of us genuinely care about each other.

If someone is perceived as not caring about others, how do others in the community react? 

1 hour ago, steve25805 said:

That has value.

Amen to that! (Can you tell I grew up in the church? haha) 

1 hour ago, steve25805 said:

I met someone who has become a real life friend whom I meet up with regularly.

What is it like to have a deep friendship with someone who has the same sexual interest? Is it something you think is important in developing as a person with a unique sexual interest? 

1 hour ago, steve25805 said:

except in the sense that it uses up some of my spare time that might - in the opinion of some - be more fruitfully spent doing housework or other stuff. I definitely find less time to read books now.

Does the amount you visit the site ever feel out of your control? In other words, is the fact that you read less now simply a new phase of life in which you're choosing to prioritize the community, or do some other things you do ever feel consumed by how much time you spend on the sight? (I understand that this would be a delicate issue for me, so don't touch it unless you'd like to go there) 

1 hour ago, steve25805 said:

I have been this way all my life and at the age of 54 accept this and have no real desire to change.

First of all: I think that's completely fair. 

It's stated pretty widely in the scholarship on non-normative sexuality that if a person can only be sexually aroused by their non-normative interest than that is objectively pathological and should be treated. I am skeptical of this claim as, and you've put it well, some people are content with their experience and aren't doing any harm to themselves or others. Is there anything you might add in response to this claim? 

All of this was very helpful. Thanks again for sharing your experience. 

HG

On 3/11/2020 at 12:03 AM, Brutus said:

there is no consensus on where the border is between unusual desires and paraphilia

Haha this depends on what you're reading. Unfortunately the lingo isn't so clear cut (trust me, I've been doing a lot of reading on this). The definitions I'm using state paraphilia is simply an 'unusual desire', able to be expressed in a completely healthy way and paraphilic disorder (as it is define in the DSM V which is not without its problems) as an expression of paraphilia that harms the self or others. 

On 3/11/2020 at 12:03 AM, Brutus said:

that huge gray area provides a lot of wiggle room for avoidance of treatment

You're telling me! This also provides a lot of wiggle room for people that might need help (even for less serious things like porn addiction or trauma) not having anything available to them in the realm of 'treatment' (not crazy about that word as I don't really think all expressions of paraphilia can or even should be eliminated from a person's experience). 

On 3/11/2020 at 12:03 AM, Brutus said:

I suspect for many if not most fetishists, it is simply a part of yourself that you keep hidden. Since it doesn't usually affect functional people in their everyday lives, it's easy to not see reason to seek treatment.

Totally! This both can put vulnerable people in harm's way (a paedophile, say, not letting anyone else know they are at risk of abusing a child) and prevent people who aren't at risk of harming people from feeling like they can talk about things like shame or sexual issues. 

On 3/11/2020 at 12:03 AM, Brutus said:

So I guess if you go deep enough into the psychology behind it, you return to basics, it's simply human nature to want what we are told to stay away from.

Good observation. No doubt feeling like I shouldn't indulge in my fetish made it simultaneously shame-inducing and special at the same time. I do wonder if that is part of the root among a lot of complicated mechanics we don't understand. Unfortunately not to much the scope of my research at the moment, so I don't have a ton to add. 

On 3/11/2020 at 12:03 AM, Brutus said:

how much is crossing that line into feeling help is needed? Two hours per month, per week, per day?

Very good question. I really wish there was good research (that includes talking to the people affected like you and me) could speak to it. The problem is that this is almost unheard of in the discourse on paraphilia (at least from what I'm look into, and trust me I'm looking deep). 

On 3/11/2020 at 12:03 AM, Brutus said:

I could have benefited from outside help, we all can to varying degrees about one thing or another, but it was in my power to reign it in myself and my guess is that most people like that take a similar approach.

This was my experience as well in managing my addiction to pee porn when I was in my teens. It worked for me, but my question is: should there be more options for people to get help from? Would that take the form of a new branch of the therapeutic community or should it be something else entirely (peer networks like this one or irl, organizations like COSA [very cool, look them up if you don't know what they do - but only for sex offenders] or even AA [also some interesting versions of this for 'sexaholics' but would a fetish specific group be different or even better?])? Especially if you're a young person, feeling vulnerable and ashamed I am deeply worried about the fact that it is difficult to find something to turn to before things could become harder. 

On 3/11/2020 at 12:03 AM, Brutus said:

Those who received professional help were likely too far gone to control it at that point, and may have been suffering from other mental ailments as well.

Yup. Probably. But again, should it be that way? Maybe. But I suppose I'm asking the question anyway. 

On 3/11/2020 at 12:03 AM, Brutus said:

Hope this was helpful

Found it super interesting. Thanks so much! 

HG

Will do! Thanks, Steve. 

1 hour ago, steve25805 said:

I do not recognise any assumption that urophiliac interests are in any way harmful if they involve consenting adults. They are just another harmless sexual preference, another harmless way for those who swing that way to be having fun.

I completely agree! There are, however, issues that us urophiliacs can run into that have nothing to do with these potential problems. Examples include things like porn addiction,shame and lack of self-esteem, relational issues (with a partner, family, etc.), feeling like urophilia is the only way a person can be sexually satisfied, any trauma that feels connected to a person's experience of urophilia (ex. a childhood experience of humiliation)... 

These things you could talk to a counselor, therapist, or even a religious figure or mentor about, or, even, you could find help in a community like this one. These are some of the things I'd like to look into further, because we talk a lot about sex offenders (as we probably should, mind you) but we're not talking about how any of the things I listed above could lead to behaviour that would require more intense care. We're also not talking about what a good outcome would be for someone recovering from being a sex offender so that they avoid some of the things I listed above. 

I hope that clarified my approach. Thanks for responding! 

HG

On 3/11/2020 at 12:55 AM, FatYoda said:

And to save you some time, a very small percentage of people will.

I think you're right (especially for this type of kink). Twas more of a 'just in case someone has a story they're willing to share' type thing. 

Though, I would ask, why do you think that is? Lack of severity of any issues? Mistrust of institutions/practitioners? Fear of talking about their sexuality? Fear of what would be suggested or even imposed? 

On 3/12/2020 at 12:04 AM, Loverofwetness said:

I too love true crime and welcome to the site

Good shit, eh? Have any favourite cases? 

Thanks!

4 hours ago, speedy3471 said:

The province thats easy to draw hahahahahahaha

Iam from Saskatchewan. What part of the country are you from?

Originally from Ontario, but currently living in New Brunswick.