PissFanOmega

3 hours ago, DurtyMunky said:

I've been on my own for more than 5 years now, but am ok with it. It would be nice to have someone to cook for, but at least I can have quiet when I need it

I used to feel that way too, but then five years turned into seven, seven to ten. I became severely depressed, stressed out, and ultimately I was unneeded by anyone. I would turn to personal projects just to pass the time, none of which went anywhere, and offered no satisfaction at all.

At that time, it was before I found my now ex-girlfriend, but when she finally came into my life, everything was just better. It was strictly long-distance, which was hard to deal with, but it lasted five years (ended last year).

Now I'm back to being alone all the time, and it just doesn't provide any satisfaction like it seems to in other people. Having lived with the option to do what I want most of the time, it doesn't hold the appeal for me that it does in others. It's really overrated, actually.

Some people are perfectly fine sitting at home, alone, with nothing but their thoughts, but then most people can hold a job, and the majority of their time is taken up. Me, sadly I'm disabled (neurological), so all my time is spent at home, with only my thoughts, with the knowledge that the only interaction I can get is online (can't do anything locally, and I can't travel).

Don't get me wrong, it's not bad 24/7, I have good days, and bad days like anyone. But sometimes, the reality is inescapable: I'm here alone, and It'll likely stay that way for quite some time, assuming it will ever change.

Unlike other people, I've never been able to take value in doing things strictly out of selfish desire. If what I'm doing isn't serving some kind of larger purpose, it just feels pointless to me. I have hobbies like most people, but when I finish something, I don't feel accomplished, I don't feel the sense of satisfaction that most people do, unless what I've done has somehow helped someone else, or enriched their lives. Most people can't understand that, and assume that it has to do with my needing other people, but it's not about that, it's about what I get out of spending time out of my life to do such things. It's like building a machine that serves no real purpose; sure, it was an interesting exercise, but what did it really accomplish?

I have a terrible feeling that this is how Leonardo da Vinci felt in his life. He once said "the noblest pleasure is the joy of understanding", but damned if I understand what my life is supposed to be about. Maybe that's why I'm generally unhappy.

42 minutes ago, Sweets said:

I’m the type of person to look at other reason. Even with my pee fetish. I would be very Hesitant to step outside my car and pee were she did in front of all these people.  I feel she had no other choice.  I can’t stand a bully. 

Same.

I had to bear the brunt of other people's intolerance firsthand, around 12-14 years ago, regarding my fetish, so I learned a long time ago how people would react to it. People are fucking stupid, and it doesn't matter what it is, if they're in a group, they'll act like other people in that group, and the most vocal asshole gets to be the leader of that group's opinion. If one person says "nasty" (with far more unacceptable language), then other people are going to say the same thing, just so they won't be the next target.

Sheep. All of them. That's how people act, that's their default; blend in at all costs, even if you become a jackass in doing so. See someone not falling in line? Why, make them feel like crap of course. All that, to not be scrutinized unfairly by the majority.

I for one refuse to do that, if I'm in a group of people, and they started berating someone else, regardless of the situation (because we don't have a clue), I'd tell the whole lot to shut their mouths, because it is so easy to judge someone else's actions in both hindsight, and outside the situation that led to it.

How many people in such groups has something to hide? Not zero, I guarantee it.

I'm with you, sweets. People's intolerant bullshit pisses me off.

2 hours ago, Peefreak99 said:

I really hope that you will find love 

Thanks, but let's be honest; nobody wants to date someone with my issues when there's perfectly normal people out there without them. Evidenced by the growing trend you spoke of.

Even though this is technically an old thread, with the OP gone, I might as well mention:

I'm also in the US. I won't say where specifically, but EST is a thing here.

Makes it harder to interact on site, to be honest, because a lot of people here are in a completely different area of the world.

11 minutes ago, Gotah said:

That's exactly what keeps me up at night. So many people had the same kind of "passion" I have now and ended up being nothing and I'm worried that I'll end up like one of them, which is honestly more than plausible.

I get it. Been there, done that. It's not a great situation.

In my case, I spent a good solid decade trying to do something I wanted to do, and it ended up never happening. Today, I regret actually having spent so much time on it, but it was something I really liked doing at the time. If I had known it would lead to the dead-end that it did, I would have done something else. I might have even stumbled onto what I do now, which was also a passion, but one I should have been doing a long time ago. I might have been better off if I'd focused on this, instead of that.

Of course, I'm not saying "give up on your passion" or anything like that, I'm just saying that you shouldn't expect it to pay off. Maybe it's something you can do in your spare time, or similar? If so, that might be a good idea.

23 hours ago, Peefreak99 said:

The second kind i actually feel sorry for he might be ugly or have some social problems. But he gets rejected because of his looks ( this guy showers and puts on nice clothes etc hes actually trying) or he gets rejected because of his lack of social skills but he still tries. But the difference with this incel is that he is actually good he tries but society is so shallow so he gets rejected anyway. But he dosen't hate all wommen for it and he dosen't encourage mass shooters etc. Yes there are bad wommen only caring about looks and status etc but they are exactly as bad as the first kind of incel that i wrote about. What are your thoughts on this?

I think it's extremely important to point out that the term "Incel", I feel, has a negative connotation, and it is definitely being used as a slur by society. The word should be stricken from vocabulary completely. I understand your usage doesn't imply that, but I thought I'd let you know.

I fall into this second category, personally. I'm sorry if this post is going to be very long, but there's a lot to cover.

I'm partly reluctant to share this publicly, because it might be able to be used to identify me, should any family of mine come here and I don't know it, but it's necessary to understand my situation, before you can understand my position on the matter.

I'm autistic - which instantly puts me in the undesirable section of society.

Autism makes it impossible for me (not for all autistic people, just me) to read social cues and body language. In other words, I don't see or perceive other people's interest in me. I have to be told by the interested person, that they're interested in me.

I cannot work, due to a number of issues not only related to my autism, but also some agoraphobia - which also instantly puts me in the undesirable section of society.

I cannot drive, due to issues related to my autism - again, automatically undesirable.

So, without my going into anything else, I already have three major things working against me. Any one of those gets me rejected, to say nothing of all three.

In my adult life, I've only had one serious relationship - again, automatically undesirable, because to society, that means "Something's wrong with me". Nobody stops to think that maybe I don't get a chance to date very often because of that mentality that society has. People just assume I'm not dating material.

The fact is, when I am in a relationship, I don't cheat, I'm very loving to my partner, I treat her like a queen, and actually enjoy doing most things that guys seem to be apprehensive about, like cuddling, for example. When I'm in a relationship, I stick around, and that person becomes everything to me.

Additionally, I actually have had two girlfriends in my whole adult life, the first one cheated on me 3 days into the relationship. 3 days. The second relationship lasted about 5 years, we were planning on getting married and starting a family, etc. Then suddenly she said she didn't feel that way about me anymore, and it was all over. That was last year.

I've been rejected about 99% of the time, when pursuing any form of relationship. Whether it's trying to make friends, or trying to find a girlfriend, the result is the same. People don't like me, not because I'm a bad person, but because they don't want to like me.

The last time I ever asked a girl if she wanted to hang out, I got laughed at. From that point on, I stopped asking, and will never ask a woman again. Unless she approaches me first, and asks me out, I'm going to assume she's not interested. The result of waiting on women to approach me first? Those two relationships I mentioned above.

I have some physical characteristics that make me unattractive - No getting around it, nothing can be done about it.

---

In addition to the few things I've listed above, I'm forced to put up with society's ignorance about my life struggles, situation, and more. That doesn't approach the fact that I've been accused of "hating women" for pointing out the fallacy of disregarding men over a certain age (one that I'm quickly approaching myself), been told that my sexuality (straight) is actually "a form of homophobia", or the fact that as a male, I have to deal with the very real possibility that I'll be accused of something I never did, and be hanged for it. Which by the way, is actually why movements like MGTOW (Men Go Their Own Way) exist today.

And of course, who can forget the term "Incel" (which is where I separate your usage from society's), which society uses as a slur to describe us men whom society readily labels, demonizes, and disregards (until it suits their sociopolitical agenda).

This is just the tip of a very large iceberg, as to why I have very little real hope for finding someone.

But of course, society says all of this is my fault.

23 hours ago, Peefreak99 said:

how do we help these people?. Because they are growing in numbers and partly it actually is societys fault.

As far as I'm concerned, there is no "partly" in this equation, not when it comes to the category that I fall into (and many other men). Society created this problem, and it actively makes it worse every single day.

But you can't help us because this is a societal problem. This isn't going to go away until society grows up and gets its own head out of its own ass. And let's face it, that's not going to happen anytime soon.

When people like me are demonized, ridiculed, disregarded, etc. it cannot come as any surprise when we can't find love, or even have sex for that matter. I had to get used to society pushing me away, long before adulthood, and it's something that continues to happen even now.

23 hours ago, Peefreak99 said:

society should also make sure that they make it IF they try. 

Society isn't interested in offering anyone a chance. Society is only interested in what you, the individual, has to offer. Society will never lift a finger to help you get there. Never.

As an autistic individual specifically, I'm expected to make 100% of the effort to understand other people, and be understood by them, despite the fact that my brain doesn't work that way (literally). It is physically impossible for me to do that, it has nothing to do with desire or effort. Society doesn't care.

In the dating life, society expects people to fall in line with this unrealistic vision of sexuality and attractiveness.

Just imagine for a moment, if all you readers out there, who are seeing this post, had to deal with even a fraction of this stuff. Imagine the emotional toll that would take on you. Can any of you honestly say that the results surprise you? In my case specifically, does is surprise literally any of you, why I don't have a lot of hope for the future?

---

So, my final take on the matter?

Nothing I can do about it. To be honest, with the societal crap and dating crap going on, the MGTOW movement might be the only option I have: To stop giving a shit about dating, and just live out the rest of my days miserable and alone - just like society wants.

On 2/1/2020 at 4:58 PM, Gotah said:

Do you guys think that having big dreams for your future as a young adult could be a risky thing?

I do have goals in my life that I want to reach but I feel like they might be to unrealistic and will lead to great dissapointment later in life if I won't be able to get what I wanted.

Is it better to step down a little and set yourself more realistic goals for your future to avoid potential delusions or does dreaming big get you far? What do you think?

I'm a realist with actual experience with this, and I'm not going to sugar-coat it for you like some people might, so here it is:

"Dreaming big" doesn't mean jack shit in the real world. Most people do not have their dream job. Most people end up at a dead-end job they hate, just to pay the bills. Do you think those people didn't have big dreams when they were younger?

Those who go to college end up getting a little piece of paper that says they're qualified to do a certain job, but it makes little difference if there are no openings for that job, or if you can't afford to relocate. The result in such cases are the same: Stuck at a dead-end job, paying bills, and additionally paying off that student loan.

So, dream big all you like, I'm not going to tell you what to do, just don't expect it to pay off; that's real life.

You need to set realistic goals, regardless of the situation, so if you recognize that you're not doing that, then you need to start doing so.

On 1/23/2020 at 5:46 AM, Yawyd said:

So my lady and I haven't had sex in 2 years. And it isn't for a lack of trying. How long have you gone unlucky?

I haven't had any sexual contact of any kind in 14 years.

Needless to say it's one of the many reasons I'm angry about the state of my dating life (which is nonexistent), but I don't see it changing any time soon. Truthfully, I've literally given up on the dream of having a normal sex life.

23 hours ago, Admin said:

I have set it so that if you dismiss the message once, it stays dismissed permanently. I will put my faith in people that enough users will be willing to view the ads (or upgrade to gold) to make the site sustainable. 

That, mixed with your assurances regarding the ads on site, will help me feel more comfortable turning off my adblocker for this site.

Thank you for addressing my concerns, I truly appreciate it, and I think many other users will as well.

21 hours ago, Admin said:

The upshot of all this is that the ads themselves are perfectly safe, and always will be.

Thank you for addressing that particular aspect to my post, that actually helps me make further decisions regarding adblock on site.

As far as I'm concerned, the second news hit that it went international, every effected area should have been quarantined, and all areas outside of it should have stopped all travel.

The very fact that this thing is still spreading, despite lockdown, tells me that it's already further along than those lockdowns, and drastic measures need to be taken to contain it.

If I were in charge: National State of Emergency. No travel, period. Not out of town, certainly not out of state. Officials want to stop this thing, they need to limit all contact, and keep it from moving from where it already is.

I'm sorry to hear about your foot, and the troubles you're having when you need to pee at work. Really sucks to have to go through extra steps to do basic stuff.

I apologize in advance for the length that this post may take.

Over the past year or so, I've had to do a lot of soul searching, following a break-up last year that left me broken and unsure about the future.

Today, I came to a conclusion that I think will eventually change me, and not necessarily for the better. To understand this a bit better, it's important for anyone reading this to know some things about me.

Quote

First, I've always been an outsider. I didn't choose that life, it was assigned to me by society, and by facts related to my neurology. Despite that fact, I refused to settle for anything less than acceptance. I never got it when I was in school, and largely, I haven't gotten it since that time either, with a few rare exceptions.

My experience with dating is limited. In fact, I've never had the opportunity to go on an actual date with anyone. I've had limited experience with relationships, mostly due to not only my social status, but also the fact that [when I was a teenager] my parents would freak out whenever I would get close to anyone willing to explore the concept with me. The same attitude did not apply for my siblings, however. It was impossible for me to really get close with anyone at that time, or have a healthy sex life, which frankly carried over into my adult life as well.

My neurology makes it extremely hard for me to see subtle signs of interest in others. Non-verbal communication is impossible for me. I won't go into why, because it doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is that this is an issue I will always have.

In my adult life, I've only had one serious relationship; long-distance, which ended last year, suddenly. It led to an existential crisis that quite honestly has no resolution. It's about as dire as it gets, in that regard.

That, I suppose, is the best place to start the point I wish to make.

That existential crisis I mentioned? It made me realize something: Nothing truly matters. We're born, we suffer through life, we die. Only a rare few can claim the prize of having made a meaningful difference, and the rest of us are forgotten. The most we can hope for is that we're not miserable for the whole of our existence, however brief it may be. But the fact still remains that for the vast majority of us, nothing we do in life will mean anything.

So, what's the point of that?

Let me approach each of these topics with this concept in mind, and illustrate the realization I had today.

Goals

For my entire life, I've only wanted one thing: Companionship.

Not temporary companionship, but a life partner. Someone I could share life with, and grow with. Up until now, my goals have been aligned with making that possible.

But, it's too late for that now. At 34, I find myself single, and most people my own age have already done the things that I want to do for the first time with other people. There's no mutual growth there, in any capacity. Hell, most of the people I went to highschool with had kids by the time we were all in our early to mid-twenties. It's frustrating to see everyone around you get married and have a family of their own, while being stuck in the single life.

The thing is, the single life has never held any appeal to me at all, and it still doesn't. Having been alone and secluded for most of my life, it's unrealistic for people to assume I could be happy as such. If I could be fulfilled being alone and secluded, this would not be a conversation, to say nothing of a problem.

But I was left with a choice: I can either pursue the very thing I always have, and have been denied, or I can finally give up hope, and find new goals.

This may sound simple to many of you, but I'm an all-or-nothing kind of guy, there is no viable middle ground when it comes to finding love, not for me. I've tried living that life, where I search for my own success while being open to finding someone, and it has led me down the same path I find myself at the end of, right now.

To put it simply: The loss incurred from such an endeavor, outweighs the gain.

This led to the revelation I had today: Being single isn't the only thing making me unhappy. The repeated failures I've experienced, the rejections, the lost relationships, and everything that comes with those things... those are what is making me unhappy. The constant search yielding nothing time and again; that's what makes me unhappy. Because no matter how many times I try to find evidence to the contrary, I'm constantly confronted with the idea that I'm looking for the proverbial mermaid.

The irony in that is I'm not picky. Never have been. It's just that the issues I have to deal with, quite honestly, make it impossible for me to actually obtain what I want.

My experiences in life have hammered me down into a state where I feel I can do nothing but accept that this is the best it's going to get for me; stuck at low-income, in a studio apartment that's not as valuable as what I have to pay for it, being forced to depend on other people to get me from point A to B when I need to run errands, and having no social life outside of the internet, with no hope of that aspect ever changing, due to my lack of independent mobility, and the lack of safe social gathering locations in town.

Happiness

So, what the hell is happiness, anyway?

Self-delusion? Possible. Given the evidence, I would consider this a likely contender in 99% of life's scenarios.

Contentment? Being okay with yourself, and being okay with your situation are both great, but that isn't happiness. There's a reason we have different words for it, and those words carry different degrees of emotional attachment. Truthfully, "content" may be the closest I ever get to happiness again. Being happy is a nice thought, but if I had to, I could settle for simply not being unhappy anymore.

I wish I had an answer, but I don't. The only happiness I've felt in my life, was with the woman that left me last year, and with the childish pursuits of my youth (such as video games, and not having to care about money). The rest of it has been spent in unhappiness, depression, and worse.

Life

And finally, with all things considered, including that most of us will never make a real difference in the world, what is the point to life?

What do any of us get out of it?

What purpose does it actually serve?

Most people will never travel the world, or experience something surreal. Most will never even leave their home state/province, depending where they are in the world. You need money to do these things, and most people struggle to stay above the debt line.

Most people accept that they will never do those things.

Me? I know I'll never travel the world. That's real life. I also know I may never marry, or have a family of my own. That's also real life. I've come to learn that wishing for such is a waste of time; if only I'd learned that lesson sooner. If only I had been taught the reality of dating/relationships, that it's a rarity, rather than a normal part of life.

It may be that the closest thing I ever get to what I want[ed] is sitting at home, in my studio apartment, watching porn, and fantasizing about having a meaningful connection with someone else. And people seem to think that I should be perfectly okay with that.

Life is fucked up.

So, thoughts? Comments? Personal stories?

This isn't a pity party (despite the depressing nature of my life), so let it all loose.

Maybe someone here has some thoughts I had not considered, or maybe the answers to some of my tough questions.

In any case, happy conversing.

13 hours ago, gldenwetgoose said:

You mention there being nowhere locally where you can safely socialise - is there any possibility of moving location, different town, new start - that sort of thing?

No.

My only support system is in/near the town I'm in, and without that support system, I couldn't even go anywhere to pay rent, or buy groceries. I'm stuck where I'm at.

13 hours ago, gldenwetgoose said:

I guess what I'm saying is that the first rule of fight club is that we don't talk about fight club and in the same way, the first rule of being lonely is not to appear lonely.  If you can portray an air of someone positive and happy with themselves then you maximise the chance of other people wanting to share your happiness.

Sure. And I've had to wear that mask for most of my life. It's no better than lying about who I am, or what I do. Eventually, everyone finds out the truth, and 99% of them have something to say about it. Most people assume I can do things just fine, because the few times I do socialize, I look normal.

I may be able to look happy to other people, but eventually, when I can't maintain the charade anymore, they all see the truth.

Unfortunately, as far as editing goes, you might just have to find a fellow writer (or editor), willing and able to edit your stories, given that you're stuck with the two least-recommended devices I can think of for writing.

Normally, I would recommend using OpenOffice Writer with the LanguageTool add-on installed, as that would check not only your spelling, but also your grammar. But to my knowledge, you have to have to a computer for the setup, because there isn't an app for LanguageTool that I've seen, and OpenOffice is a whole suite of tools; it's basically an open-source/free alternative to microsoft office.

It should be noted that you can save OpenOffice Writer files with a password (when you go to save, check the box that says something like 'save with password' and it will prompt you to enter one).

If scrivener has an app, as indicated, then I'd go with that as a first step, because a lot of writers use scrivener for pc.

33 minutes ago, gldenwetgoose said:

People in and out of relationships seem to perhaps have a more 'take me or leave me' attitude which perhaps makes them more 'marketable'.

Pretty much an attitude I had to adopt early on, because of some things I have't mentioned. Hasn't helped.

34 minutes ago, gldenwetgoose said:

Do you engage in anything social that puts you in contact with ladies - in a normal everyday context where you can develop a friendship?

Unfortunately, where I'm at, there isn't anywhere I could do that. I have neurological issues that prevent me from working (which doesn't help), and there are no local stops where I could safely encounter people.

46 minutes ago, gldenwetgoose said:

There's a lot of members here who are in relationships but aren't able to share their fetish - if you were looking for a partner to share with then you are filtering the results down unrealistically.

I haven't been picky for literally years. I can't afford to be picky if I want to find somebody, but the problem is, the more time passes, the harder it is going to be for me to actually find someone.

Seriously, I hate it. I've never liked being single, yet ironically, I've been single more often than not throughout my life.

In fact, in my whole adult life (I'm 34), I've only had one meaningful relationship, out of two girlfriends (the first one cheated on me within three days). In fact, I can't recall a single moment in my life when I've actually gotten to experience actual dating life, mixed with the sex, the dinners, the meeting the parents, etc. I haven't even had a healthy sex life. I had a single one-night-stand when I was like 21 - nothing since then, nothing before. That meaningful relationship I mentioned a minute ago? Long-distance. She broke it off when we thought we would actually meet, after five years of skype, texting, and calls.

I can't even tell you the negative toll on my self-image, that my lack of experience has had on me. It's a fucking embarrassment, and worst than that is, I can't even talk to people about it, because my experiences (in all aspects of my life) are not typical ones. It doesn't help that I live in "Mayberry", in a state where people do nothing but gossip and talk shit about each other.

There are other things that contribute to my being single, but nothing of real consequence.

So, anyone else single and hating every second of it?

Anyone else had a dry spell longer than mine? (13 years and counting)

Actually, this year, I've probably only masturbated twice.

Yeah, you're not imagining that; two times the whole year.

I haven't had a very good year - some of you know why.

On 12/22/2019 at 12:09 PM, spywareonya said:

Wow!

Absolutely beautiful.

12 hours ago, Sunshine108 said:

What kind of stuff do you write?

Science fiction, but I'm committed to keeping that part of my life separate from the forum here, since this fetish has been used as a means to demonize me before. As a writer, it would be even worse.

I also write erotic fiction, some of which will be put up on this site sooner or later. I'm actually working on a pee-related story right now; part of an anthology, actually.