Confessions of a piss vandal. Part 1. Beginnings

[steve25805 126,023]

Hi

My name is Sarah. I'm 45.  And - often in the company of my best friend and partner in crime, Barbara, who is also 45 - I like to vandalise, ruin, and destroy things, by pissing on shit!. As does Barbara. It's our thing! And we have never been caught! We are good at what we do and getting away with it. Occasionally, we go on fetish sites to share our confessions. Many love it. Others disapprove strongly. Some of you reading this might be thinking, "Come on girls, sexy ladies peeing all over the place is great but deliberately ruining other people's shit for fun isn't cool!" But hey! It is what it is, guys. I'm not going to sanitise it for you. Neither of us really worries too much about it from a moral viewpoint. That boat sailed out of sight years ago. We just kind of think of it as collateral damage for our fun and not our problem. Think that's bad? Well, let be tell you this. Go on the dark web, buddies, and take a look around! There are far worse things for a couple of ladies to be into, let me tell you! 

But how did it start? How did we get into doing this stuff? I guess for me the catalyst was the discovery of my parents secret stash of porn videos. And in those pre-internet days it really was actual video cassettes. Thing is - and parents out there take note - kids are often far more up to speed with parents' secret hiding places than they realise Now my parents were good parents. They never encouraged me to pee all over the place or anything like that, nor did they do random stuff like pee on the floor in my presence like it was normal. They raised me right and I "knew" that peeing somewhere other than the toilet was "wrong" and "dirty". Which later just added to the fun when I started doing it, lol. But my parents never encouraged me to be a piss vandal. So what I have become cannot be laid at their door. Well, apart from the fact that they maybe should have been more careful about where they stashed their porn! Lol

Because those vids really were an eye opener. There were about 8 of them altogether, and every one of them featured people - mostly women - peeing. So they hid it from me pretty well but apparently this was their thing. The vids were mostly German language, with people peeing on each other with obvious pleasure. And there were scenes featuring ladies peeing on carpets and tables and beds and all sorts which - to be frank - was turning me on. And this was something of an eye-opener for me, the first time I became aware that peeing where you shouldn't could be a turn on.

But one film was an amateur production. And clearly home made. And with my own parents' camcorder by the looks of it, haha. Because the first scene I came across was of two women in their 30s, naked, and squatting and pissing on the kitchen floor with obvious grins of pleasure. And I recognised the fucking kitchen as ours!!! In another scene - thankfully I didn't recognise the location - there was the sound of music and much chatter in the background. Obviously a party of some kind. But this scene featured a bedroom into which two women strode, both only wearing bikinis. Guess it must have been high summer. I recognised one of the women as one of the barmaids at the pub my parents sometimes drink in! And she and the other lady were joking about how much it would piss him off - no idea who "he" was - when he found that someone had pissed on his bed. And they both got up onto the bed after removing their bikini bottoms - and started pissing on it, laughing about how much fun it was to fuck his bed up and imagine him finding it later. And from behind the camera I heard mum's distinctive laugh. She was the one fucking filming it!! And it looked like those two women were deliberately pissing on someone's bed behind his back, and laughing at the idea of such deliberate vandalism.

This triggered a spark in my brain. The notion of pissing all over someone's stuff and wrecking it for sexual pleasure was something I was getting seriously turned on by. The piss vandal that I became was - if not born then, at least conceived at this moment as I watched this vid.  Then I fast forwarded and stumbled across a particularly disturbing scene. Because there was a VCR on the floor of someone's carpeted living room, and one of the two naked women who were stood over it and pissing on both it and the carpet was none other than my own mum! She was clearly loving it as well, which was difficult to get my head around. No idea to this day whose room, carpet, or VCR that was. I only watched that scene for a few seconds. No one wants to see their mum like that. It isn't natural. After that I quickly stashed the films, somewhat traumatised to have seen mum in that way. Yet at the same time the seed of my love for piss vandalism, and the awareness that it seriously floated my boat, was planted firmly in my brain.  

And I know that this was something I was never meant to see, and that in all other obvious respects, my mum was an awesomely great parent. And yet...with the hindsight of years and a little pseudo-psychology....I have come to realise that the fact that my awesomely good mum was secretly ok with this sort of thing kind of subconsciously circumvented any moral qualms I might otherwise have had. If mum was ok with doing this it must be ok, right? So I began to nurture fantasies about peeing on this or that persons stuff and wrecking it for fun, and the notion of doing it for real never really troubled me morally all that much. After all, mum did it! Lol.

I began to nurture naughty ideas, like peeing on my own bedroom carpet on purpose. But though the idea "interested" me, it didn't quite hit the spot. After all, it's not really vandalism if you do it to your own stuff, is it? And the necessary cleaning up afterwards to make sure mum never found out was never part of the fantasy. So when it came to the carpet, it was really someone else's carpet I wanted to pee on, and then just leave it there with the naughty knowledge of what I'd done!

Well Barbara has been a lifelong friend. We shared the same class in school together and everything. And we shared everything sooner or later. My head was done in by the vids I'd seen, both eroticised and to some extent disturbed. After all, whilst watching people with no clothes on peeing all over the place for pleasure is fun to watch, no one wants to see their own mum doing it...haha. So eventually - when I was about 18 - I ended up confiding in Barbara, showing her the video evidence. My parents' video stash was still there, lol. Anyway, Barbara was amused, and somewhat shocked to see people she recognised - including my mum - pissing all over stuff for a thrill. She pretty much said "Wow", and "Oh my God", and laughed. A lot. 

I said that seeing my mum like that was a shock. "I'll bet!" she laughed. But I also said that in some way I envied how much fun they were having doing that stuff and admitted it turned me on. Barbara looked at me with a grin but seemed ok about it.

"Does that make me a perv?" I asked.

"Who cares?" she laughed. "Everyone has to piss so why not have fun with it? And what they were doing sure looks like a lot more fun than boringly sitting on the toilet for ages. I'd love to be able to just piss anywhere for a laugh. If some dude cheats on me? I'll just piss on his bed when he's not looking, hahaha!"

"So you're not bothered about it then?"

"Me? Nah, it was fun to watch! Your mum is way more cool than I realised."

We laughed at that before Barbara lowered her voice conspiratorially. "Wanna know a secret? Sometimes I pee on my own bedroom carpet on purpose, just because I like doing it!"

"Really?"

 "Yeah, done it quite a few times. You should try it sometime! It's fun!"

I told her I thought about doing it but it would be way more fun to do it on someone else's and not have to worry about cleaning up. 

"Why worry about cleaning up? I just leave it. Yeah, my bedroom smells a bit pissy at times but I'm not bothered, and my mum never goes in there anyway."

" I could never get away with that cos my mum does come in here."

"Would she be bothered? After all I've just seen her with no clothes on and pissing all over someone's VCR and carpet for fun."

"Well yeah, but you know my mum. She'd say that there was a time and a place and suchlike BS. Besides, it would be WAY too awkward."

"Yeah, I guess, haha."

Then I said that fucking up someone else's stuff - carpet, bed, furniture, electrical goods, whatever - would be a lot more fun cos for me the shear wrongness of peeing somewhere outrageously bad was only half the thrill. Wrecking someone's shit in the process and then just walking away was also a major part of the deal. And she agreed that peeing on someone else's stuff would be a whole lot naughtier and therefore sexier.

And so, the idea was born. We decided that we both wanted to piss all over someone else's stuff and just had to figure out a way to make it happen.

The plan we came up with was to hunt for a suitable victim in nightclubs, to drink little ourselves and find someone way ahead of us when it came to being boozed up, let him know he had a chance of getting lucky with us, get him to invite us back to his place for more drinks, then make sure he got so drunk that he crashed out into an unwakably deep sleep. Then the fun would REALLY begin!

Well we found some drunk asshole of a guy, making lewd comments, not to mention sexist and offensive ones, and being aggressive to others for no reason and generally being a dick. Any moral qualms we might have had, he pretty much killed by being such a knobhead, lol. 

Anyway, when we led him to believe that we both liked him in spite of all this - which he was stupid or drunk enough to believe - and suggested that back at his place he might get to have fun with both of us at the same time, he thought he'd died and gone to heaven! It was almost too easy. Back at his, we carried on drinking some more.....this time we started drinking too, mostly high fluid drinks like lager rather than spirits to increase our fun later. And we spiked his drinks with spirits. Poor sap never did get lucky, he just crashed out into drunken unconsciousness. And there was evidence in his home that he actually had a girlfriend who was away with relatives. So a wannabe cheat as well So I kind of feel he deserved what he had coming.

With him crashed on the sofa, Barbara - who was a trainee medical student at the time - got a couple of pills out and gave me one. She explained that they were diuretics, pills that make the body expel excess fluid. Basically they make you pee a lot. And what with the lager we'd been drinking - and were carrying on drinking - we were going to piss gallons, lol.

Right at the start, Barbara pointed out that it would be even more fun if we were naked. So we undressed completely then both adopted a semi squatting stance with our hands on our knees right there in his living room. And we started pissing right there on the carpet, swinging our hips with huge grins on our faces, gleefully spraying as much of his carpet as we could to maximise damage. It was stunningly erotic. Never had I had such sexual pleasure before, not even when I rubbed one out. The room was filled by the hissing sound of our relief - isn't it funny how girls make that sound but guys don't? - and the sound of our pee loudly splashing down onto the ever more sodden carpet. We'd totally fucked up his carpet. It was so fucking saturated with piss that you could hear it squelching when you stepped on it. 

Well, that was just the start. We knew this guy would be out of it for hours so we hung around for more fun. And the lager we were drinking combined with the effects of the pee pills was really doing it's job. Seemed like every 30 minutes or so we needed another massive piss. Which was awesome!

For our next extravaganza, we headed into his kitchen where Barbara grabbed his kettle with a smirk, which  - after removing the lid - she placed on the floor. 

She adopted another semi-squatting position over it, and laughed, "Hope he enjoys his first coffee in the morning!" And she started pissing right there in his kettle. Mind you, I should qualify that, because her aim was all over the place. Half the time she was missing completely and her pee was just loudly splashing down onto the floor tiles.  By the time she'd finished, the kettle stood in the centre of a very large puddle on the floor.

I myself then said, "You think that's bad? Watch this!" And I opened his fridge door - it was full of cans and food - and stood naked before it with my hips thrust forward. And yeah you've probably guessed it. I pissed in his fridge, Barbara laughing as I deliberately sprayed my hot piss all over everything inside it. Quite a lot flowed out of the bottom onto the floor in front - another large puddle of pee on his floor tiles. At least I was polite enough to close the door again when I was done, lol.

For our next bout of pissing fun some half an hour or so later, we decided to fuck up his bed. So we went upstairs into his bedroom where I paused us for a moment. I rummaged in his wardrobe where I found some expensive designer shirts. I threw them on the bed. Then I spotted a large portable radio/cassette player on a desk. So I grabbed that and placed it upon the carpeted floor in front of the bed. I laughingly suggested that Barbara get up on his bed and piss on his shirts, whilst I fucked up his ghetto blaster. Which is pretty much how it went down.

Barbara climbed up onto his bed and squatted in the middle of it right over his shirts, and started pissing. Within moments, I too was squatting over his ghetto blaster on the floor, my piss spraying all over it, though most of it ended up on the carpet. By the time I was done that shit was totally fucked. I'd peed loads and there was a massive wet patch on the carpet as well. But incredibly, Barbara was still going and continued for another ten seconds or so. Fuck knows how she managed to pee so much, or hold it in the first place. By the time she stepped off that bed, not only were his expensive shirts soaked in piss, but the mattress itself was totally soaked through and surely a write off. In fact, we heard the sounds of liquid dripping onto the floor and when we investigated the source, we saw pee had soaked through both the mattress and bed so completely that it was starting to drip onto the carpet underneath. "How'd you fucking pee so much!" I laughed.

It wasn't long before our bladders let us know it was time for our next pee adventure. Those diuretics are brilliant when combined with alcohol I must say that I have used them a lot over the years. Anyway, this time we decided to fuck up his dining room. We found a rather large glass table in the middle of it. Barbara said, "Glass table, nice touch. There's something especially kinky about pissing on a glass table!"

I laughed, "That's because there's usually some pervy guy underneath wanting a view from below without being peed on."

"Haha, you can always get underneath and watch while I piss on it if you want to, Sarah."

"It's ok, the view from here will be just fine." This amused us both.

Then she got up onto that table and crouched down into a squat in the middle of it. And with obvious glee she stared pissing there! And she peed loads again, the puddle upon the glass surface soon enveloping her feet as it expanded. It was still forcefully splashing down when her piss was flowing off the edge of the table in several places to patter down onto the carpeted floor. She climbed off when she was eventually done, with pissy wet feet and a broad grin as she took in the sight and sound of her piss  still flowing off the edge of the table to splash down onto the carpet.

I'd been happy to enjoy the spectacle and delaying my own relief until she was done. You see, I enjoy watching her - or any other good looking girl - peeing. Think she's the same which is part of the dynamic between us.

Anyway, I'd noticed the wallpaper in the room which looked expensive. But didn't look waterproof. And therefore not piss proof either, lol. Which is all the inspiration I needed. I told Barbara I was going to piss against the wall and fuck up his wallpaper. 

She thought this quite funny. "You actually going to just stand there and piss against the wall like a guy?"

"Why the fuck not? Hahaha. Guys do it all the time!"

"Yeah, but not in people's dining rooms!" 

"Bet my dad would if mum had a camcorder!"

"Yeah probably, haha."

"Mind you, bet my mum would too actually!"

We both laughed at that. By which time I was already standing facing the wall, legs apart and hips thrust forward. A moment later I was doing it, my piss spraying against the wallpaper, soaking into it and clearly ruining it. I swung my hips slowly from side to side to spray - and ruin - as much of that wallpaper as possible. My pee flowed down the wall, soaking into and damaging even more of the wallpaper as it did so. Most of it ended up on the carpet at the base of the wall. By the time I was done a large area of the wallpaper was damaged irreparably and would clearly need repapering. And Barbara's pee was STILL dripping off the edge of the table onto the carpet as we left the room, lol..

Sleeping beauty, meanwhile, was still giving out zeds on the sofa, wholly oblivious to what was going on. Barbara joked about pissing on HIM next time. But we thought we'd better not go that far. We might inadvertently wake him up!

By the time we needed our next pee it was  gone 4am and sooner or later this dude was going to wake up. We realised it would be better for us if we weren't around when he did. So we decided to have one last pissing adventure in his house before leaving. I rummaged in a cabinet in his living room and found what looked to be important business documents. So I placed them on his coffee table just in front of where he was sleeping, and stood facing it with my legs apart. Then I started pissing all over the table, soaking all those documents in the process. The table wasn't large so pretty soon my pee was flowing off it onto the carpet. But I just carried on pissing there anyway until I was done.

Barbara unplugged his VCR, and placed it on the floor in the middle of the already soaked living room carpet, then grabbed his collection of video cassettes and placed them in a heap upon and around it. Then she stood over it all and peed, completely ruining the VCR and fucking up all his videos - and saturating his carpet with piss even more.

After that, we high fived each other and got dressed, then swiftly departed to crash out at my place. I'd love to have been a fly on the wall when he woke up and found all this.

We'd stopped drinking now of course but could not entirely switch off the effects of the pee pills. So as we walked the two mile or so walk to mine we had to pee en route. So we found a public telephone box and laughingly took turns in holding the receiver between each others' legs as first she - and then I - peed all over it.

And that, guys, is how my piss vandalism began, a generation ago now. But I - and Barbara too - have had a lot more fun with it over the coming years. I'll tell you some more about that next time.

 

 

[pobox9847 51]

What a fantastic story Steve.  I love this idea and can't wit to read the next instalment.  I wonder if they are equal opportunity piss vandals. Maybe a woman will do something to annoy them next time and it will be her stuff being targeted?  Regardless, i can't wait to read it. 

 

 

[rann 686]

This is incredible, steve! ...and I bet based on my own stories you probably aren't surprised that I liked this one so much hehe

I really love their malice... can't wait to read part 2!

[steve25805 126,023]

4 hours ago, rann said:

This is incredible, steve! ...and I bet based on my own stories you probably aren't surprised that I liked this one so much hehe

I really love their malice... can't wait to read part 2!

Well to be honest, your great stories and their popularity were my inspiration.