Confessions of a piss vandal. Part 2. Pub pissings

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After the fun we'd had pissing all around that asshole guy's house, the floodgates were well and truly opened for Barbara and I. And I do mean that kind of almost literally as well as metaphorically, lol. 

Next time we went out to the pub we decided it would be fun to just pee wherever we could get away with. But we have never been caught for a reason. We are careful. So we don't piss on our own doorstep! We never did it in our local pub where everyone knew us, but drank further afield when we  wanted to have fun. Over the years pissing in pubs on the floors or whatever has been a frequent pastime. We still do it. 

The first time we did this was only a few days after our little pissing session in that guy's house. We chose a place we knew several miles away in a posh part of town, with top quality upholstery and carpets, and a better off clientele. And we went prepared, dressed in skirts that came down to just above our knees - just long enough to hide the fact that we were wearing no panties, but short enough to easily hoist for ease of pissing. We each bought a pint of lager and went and sat at a table in a more secluded part of the lounge area. Good job we had our driving licenses on us because we were still young enough to be asked for ID, lol.  Which seemed kind of annoying at the time, though I wish I were young enough to have that worry today.  Still, that little annoyance made us feel even more gleeful about the intention of pissing all over the place in that pub.

Anyway, from where we were sat - because it was still early enough in the evening for it not to be too busy - there was no one around in a position where they could easily see what we were going to do. We'd already drank several coffees earlier and arrived needing to pee. Neither of us had wanted to waste a good piss in my toilet when we could hang onto it and fuck up someone's carpet, lol. Which is pretty much what happened now. We both hoisted our dresses and sat on the forward edge of the seat. And started pissing right there under the table onto the expensive pub carpet.  And because we'd barely yet started drinking our beer, and hadn't peed for hours, I noticed upon glancing under the table that our pee was a deep golden colour. A true golden shower all over the carpet, lol. And that was awesome because we knew that such strong pee would fuck up that plush carpet so much more. We fucking flooded it too. 

As we drank several pints of lager and became increasingly tipsy, we peed under the table another couple of times. The carpet there was well fucked!  We could see piss squelching around our shoes when we pressed our feet down onto it. 

After that, the pub got a bit too busy to risk more of the same. Other people had vantage points where they might have seen piss splashing down onto the carpet. So for our next piss we did actually pay our one and only visit of the evening to the ladies'. And we even went into one of the cubicles. Together, lol. But we didn't use the toilet, naturally. Well, Barbara kind of did but the lid was closed at the time with the spare loo roll on top of it, haha. And she stood there slowly swaying her hips from side to side as she sprayed that lid - and the toilet roll on top of it - as well as the floor on either side of the toilet. I meanwhile stood facing one of the sides of the cubicle, spraying the wall with piss,  and taking particular aim at the toilet roll on that wall.  The sound of us chuckling and our piss splashing everywhere would have been obvious to anyone in another cubicle. So having trashed ours we laughed as we high fived each other, then thought it best to exit the premises entirely.

We found another pub not too far away which had the welcome attraction of an empty table in a secluded corner. So we had another couple of drinks, then Barbara decided to hoist the back of her dress and pee right there into the fabric of her seat. She never announced in advance what she was about to do, but I could tell by the beaming grin on her face that she was pissing at that moment. When I looked I saw the back of her dress pulled up, and pee squelching around her naked ass as it slowly soaked into the fabric. Some was flowing off the front of the seat onto the carpet. I laughed, "Oh my God, Barbara! You must have a fucking wet ass!"

"Yeah I know. Feels kind of nice."

"Dirty bitch, hahaha."

"Says the girl who pissed in that guy's fridge!"

We both laughed at that.

I too needed to pee, and we'd decided that it was time to go home anyway..... back to my place together. I said that I would love to get up and piss on the table, but knew I'd be seen if I did something so blatant. So I said I had another idea. I grabbed my empty pint glass and held it under the table between my legs. Then I pissed in it, almost filling it by the time I was done. The glass felt very warm, full of my fresh hot pee. Then I lifted the glass up above the table....and slowly poured it's contents all over the surface, which Barbara found very amusing. Surface was covered, with pee dripping off the sides. Couple of people noticed me pouring it, but never knew it was pee so didn't say anything. By the time anyone found out, we were long gone. And of course never went back there.

Throughout all the years since then, pissing all over the place in pubs, bars and nightclubs has been a regular pleasure of ours. We travel for miles sometimes just to find some new venue we haven't trashed already. Sometimes afterwards we have gotten away with peeing in the back of taxis without the driver noticing, lol. And ruining the seats or flooding the floor with piss.

One time - we were in our mid-30s by then - we were in some pub with a secluded area out of sight of the bar, and the place was quiet so no one else was in sight of us. So when we wanted to pee, we just popped a squat right there and peed all over the carpet.  This time, though, this guy and his girlfriend walked around the corner and caught us in mid-flow. They both laughed and reversed course, but we thought it better to hastily finish our piss and leave. Never know who they might tell. So we walked out of the place and noticed them sitting at a table. When they saw us they exchanged words and laughed. I honestly think they just found it funny and never said anything to anyone....least not at the time anyway. But that is the only time we have ever been caught in the act of pissing all over the carpet in a pub.

One of the naughtiest pub pissings we ever did actually took place only a couple of years ago. By then we were already both 43 and surely old enough to know better. But fuck it! Wrecking stuff by pissing on it is just SO much fun. 

Anyway, we were in a pub which had a separate pool room with a top quality pool table in it. It was still fairly early in the evening and the place was quiet, with no one else in the pool room at all. So when we needed to pee and were about to pop a squat right there on the carpet, I suggested something much naughtier and grinned as I pointed towards the pool table. And you've probably guessed what happened next.

We both climbed up onto that expensive pool table and popped a squat.

And started pissing!

All over the green baize!

Totally flooded - and completely wrecked - that table. Our pee was even flowing down into some of the pockets before we were done, lol.

We exited the premises as soon as we'd finished pissing.

Next time someone came in for a game of pool they would have been in for a shock, lol.

Had they walked in on us actually pissing they'd have had a bigger one! Two respectable looking women in their 40s squatting and pissing on the pool table, hahaha.

Another time - a bit longer a go when we were about 35 - we fucked up one pub's fruit machine by standing there and pissing all over it. If any guy into ladies peeing all over the place had walked around the corner at just the right moment, he'd definitely have hit the jackpot! But we weren't spotted. 

A few times in pubs and nightclubs where we could get away with it unseen, we stood and peed against the walls. Usually, we did this if it was covered in expensive-looking wallpaper. We loved fucking that up. 

Carpets were the main target though most of the time, just because it was so easy to piss on the carpet under tables without being spotted. In the 25 years or so that Barbara and I have been doing this, we must have ruined literally over a thousand pub carpets. Some of them must have cost a fortune to replace! What an awesome thought, lol.

The last pub carpet we trashed we did only last night. Pub was a bit too full for us to get away with discretely peeing on the carpet, though. So instead we kept peeing in some beer glasses - then just kept pouring it all over the carpet anyway, hahaha.

Will tell you about some more of our adventures next time.

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