My real, unplanned accidents

[NotNowBob 52]

I promised a poster in another thread that I would share my story, so here we go. I have lived most of my life with OAB. I suspect that it's tied into my kink and it's something that I am ambivalent about to say the least. I have learned ways to keep it under control so that it doesn't impact my life that much, but it's still an annoying and embarrassing condition. Some here might think that it would be great to have legit bladder issues, but I can tell you that having the ability to separate your kink life fro your real life is something to celebrate.

But, it's confusing since I'm also turned on (after the fact) by the embarrassment.  As I said, that's very much an after the fact thing. During is terrible.

Anyway, this is what this has looked like for me over the years.

The first thing I need to stress is that this is not a full on incontinence issue. Full on accidents are rare. The biggest issue is frequency. I need to pee a lot more than most people and sometimes the urge to pee comes on fast and is quite intense. It's hard to explain to someone that has not experienced it, but OAB desperation feels different than when you have just held on for a long time. It's like being punched vs being squeezed.  It's much harder to hold it.

I usually can though. About 1-2 times a month I will have an incident where I will suddenly need to use the bathroom very badly and very quickly. When that happens I need to drop what I'm doing and get to a bathroom. It's a run don't walk situation. Since I always find where the toilets are immediately when going somewhere new and I know all the public places to go in my neighbourhood, it's usually fine. I can hold the urge for 15-20 min without issue. It's very rare you're that far away from a place to pee.

Ok, look: a couple times a year there is some damage before I get there. About a teaspoon usually. Rarely bad enough to even show. Sometimes it's been a little worse that that, but I know how to hide the damage and avoid being embarrassed too much. I don't consider these incidents as accidents. An accident is a full loss of control. Down the legs, puddle at your feet stuff.

That's happened to me three times as an adult. A few more before that. I suspect it will happen again. That fear has made it difficult for me to make romantic connections and is something I'm trying to come to grips with. 

So, the accidents. I'm not going to go into detail about the ones before I turned 18. The takeaways there is that having two accidents within 6 months when I was 12 was the impetus to getting diagnosed (and since one was on bus on a school trip, more than a little mortifying).

When I was 21 and at college I was walking home from a bar when I got hit with a massive urge. The walk was about 20 minutes, but the intensity of the urge made me very concerned about whether I would make it. So much so that I got off the main road where there was a lot of people around in case I had an accident. The walk was intense and I was viably desperate -- grabbing my crotch, bending, bouncing the whole nine yards. I actually did make it back to the house I shared with 6 other people. Got in the door. Ran to the downstairs bathroom. My roommate and his girlfriend were showering together. They weren't coming out anytime soon. This is bad. But, we had a bathroom upstairs too. So, I ran up the stairs. Since you're reading this now, you can guess what I found. Taken. Roommate was sick. I could not access either bathroom. In hindsight what I should have done is go outside to our yard. But, that's not what I did. Instead, I went to my room to try and wait this out. I was standing in the middle of my room when a massive wave hit. I bent down to try and hold it. I did, but it was bad. So, I thought that maybe it would be easier to hold it if I sat so I walked over to a chair I had. Sat. As I was sitting, I felt it come out. I had no control. I sat there with the warm pee pooling around my ass and down my legs. I had pissed my pants relatively recently, but I somehow thought that I wouldn't as an adult. Apparently not. No one found out, but I did admit to my roommates that it happened a few months later. 

The second time was three years later. This one is bad. I was working about two hours north of the city and was coming home for a weekend off with two co-workers. I had a Coke early in the dive, which I didn't think would be an issue. Then the traffic hit. There had been a car accident on the highway and we were not moving at all. That two hour drive was suddenly twice that. 30 min pass and I start to feel it. I had to pee. I tried to convince myself that it would be fine, but it was getting worse by the minute. 10 more minutes and I'm squirming in my seat. 10 more minutes after that and I am in full panic mode. I have peed my pants before, but it's been since grade 7 since I had done so with other people -- people I know -- around. This was bad. I can feel the pee about to come out. At this point I decided that if I was going to pee my pants that I at least needed to tell the girl that was beside me in the back seat that things were bad. I can still remember turning to Sarah and saying "I have to pee really badly." She saw the panic on my face, I think,  and tried to reassure me that it would be fine. I was quiet for a bit, staring out the window. I looked at her and said "No, Sarah, you don't understand. I seriously don't know how much longer I can hold it." She was great, to be honest. But, still didn't fully understand how bad things were. Having said this, it gave me permission to be obvious in my efforts to hold it. I was crunched up into a ball with my hands pushed into my crotch. It took about 3 minutes. I can remember the pressure pushing against the top of my penis and feeling that first dribble come out. I stopped it, briefly. Then a second wave, Nothing I did could stop it for a good 2-3 seconds. I looked at my pants and there was a wet spot about 3 inches and I could feel my ass wet too. Maybe that site told my body that there was no point, but I felt a bit more come out and I could not stop it. I looked at Sarah and said "I'm going to pee my pants." then just looked down at the floor. It just came out. All of it. I could feel it around my ass and running down my legs. Sarah, was very supportive. Good girl, she was. But, man. I totally pissed my pants in front of her and in another person's truck.

The third time was four years ago. This isn't the most interesting story, but it's why I'm convinced it will probably happen again. It had been several years and, although there were some close calls and leaks, I hadn't had a full on accident since the drive above. I was walking home and about 10 min from home a massive wave hit me. I ran to my house and got through my outside door. As I was trying to open my apartment door the most intense wave hit and I bent forward and squeezed as hard as I could but I just couldn't stop it. Fully peed my pants. No one saw -- and I only just told my roommates at the time it happened -- but it still underlined to me that I will never have full control of my bladder.          

[blaise 1]

Great stories! I’m sorry for your embarrassment but as you say, the embarrassment is also part of the turn on.

[NotNowBob 52]

On 8/19/2021 at 12:40 AM, blaise said:

Great stories! I’m sorry for your embarrassment but as you say, the embarrassment is also part of the turn on.

Thank you. You're right. It's very confusing and trying to understand this (which has never hurt my life in a way that I can't deal, but that has always been there -- truthfully, the frequency is more of an issue than the embarrassing issues I outlined. People are actually fairly understanding and reasonable about really embarrassing moments, but are less patient when you have to stop the car a second time on a 60 min drive...).

I denied my feelings for years. But, I'm not anymore. Looking for the balance. If I can share things that others enjoy while doing so, all the better....