So many questions

[Adyguy6970 877]

(This is a newly written story which I’ve shared elsewhere.  Jonah Falcon is an American actor, perhaps best known for owning the world’s biggest functioning penis.  Nine and a half inches long flaccid and thirteen and a half fully erect, with a girth of some eight inches, it is an impressive organ.  Since coming to public attention in a big way in 1999, Jonah has undertaken numerous radio, television and online magazine interviews.  Those interviews have, for entirely understandable reasons, focused in large measure on his sexual prowess and the challenges as well as opportunities which go with having a large penis in the bedroom.  To the best of my knowledge Jonah has shared little of the urological implications of having such a large penis.  That is his right and prerogative.  It has a flip side though to the extent that those who have an interest in the urological side will, in the absence of authoritative information, join up the dots in whatever way stacks up or makes sense to them.  In common with other stories I’ve written featuring Jonah this is a work of fiction, although it might be described by some as faction – as it contains some elements which have a basis in fact (no prizes for spotting them) a great deal of conjecture and a hot yellow splash or two of ‘make believe.’  At present I don’t know whether or not any sequels will follow, but I hope you enjoy it.)

 

It was one thirty in the afternoon.  Jenny knocked a little nervously on Jonah’s apartment door.  She’d undertaken some assignments before but going to interview the guy who supposedly had the world’s biggest penis was certainly something different to say the least.  A transatlantic flight from London to New York and a rather agreeable stay in a five-star hotel had been part of the bargain, not that she’d slept a wink since arriving, as she’d spent what should have been a night of beauty sleep masturbating.  Not surprisingly she felt a little sore down below.  She so wanted to meet this guy and go where other interviewers hadn’t dared go.  The door opened and she was greeted by a guy in a Yankees sweatshirt and a pair of spandex pants which were a couple of sizes too small.  It took her all the willpower she could muster to avert her gaze from the enormous bulge which was packed to the left-hand side.  His appearance left no doubt as to his identity.  She’d seen photos on the net but this was the real thing.   

 

“I’m looking for Jonah Falcon.  I’m guessing you’re he.”

 

“That correct.  Hello.  How can I help you?”

 

Jenny coughed. 

 

“Hi.  I’m Jenny from the Britlad Magazine.  I’m here for the interview if that’s okay.”

 

Jonah smiled

 

“Yes Jenny!  Please come in.  I’d not forgotten about the interview it’s just that my mind was on the script for a play which I’m currently working on.  Follow me.”

 

Jonah led her along a hallway and into what looked like a sitting room which had been doubled up to serve as a study.  There was a table with a laptop on it, a notepad, two pens and what looked like a novelty 2-pint mug.

 

“Make yourself at home in that easy chair, Jenny.  Can I get you a coffee by the way?”

 

“No thanks Jonah.”

 

“Well I hope you don’t mind if I do.  I’m ready for another shot of caffeine this time of day to get the brain fired up.”

 

“Of course.”

 

Jonah disappeared into what she took to be a kitchen, re-emerging a couple of minutes later with a refilled mug. 

 

“Are you ready Jenny?”

 

“Of course.”

 

“Fire away then.”

 

Jenny: “What’s it like to have the world’s biggest penis Jonah?  I mean it’s brought you a certain fame hasn’t it?”

 

Jonah: “You could say that but it’s not exactly made my fortune if you know what I mean?”

 

Jenny: “You mean you’ve not done porn or anything like that?  I’m surprised.”

 

Jonah: “No I haven’t.  I don’t do porn.  I’ve got a proper acting career and I don’t want to harm that.  Okay I’ve done some interviews of different sorts and I once modelled underpants for a lady who wanted me to do it – for her own pleasure – but that’s all.  I don’t want to be defined by it if you know what I mean.”

 

Jenny: “Okay Mr Big.  I get the feeling you’re going to be a tough nut to crack.”

 

Jonah: “Well that depends on where this goes and what you’re going to ask.”

 

Jenny: “Exactly how big is it?”

 

Jonah: “Well it has been measured and it comes it at thirteen and a half inches fully erect (not that gets there very often nowadays) and nine and a half flaccid, with a girth of around eight inches.”

 

Jenny: “Is it true you were once frisked at San Francisco airport because they didn’t know what the bulge in your pants was?”

 

Jonah: “Oh yes but that must be a good seven years or so ago at least.  I didn’t think it was very funny at the time but now when I think about it, I have a chuckle.  When life pranks you, one can either laugh or cry.  As a rule I’ve found it’s best to laugh on the whole.”

 

Jenny: “Jonah, do you masturbate?”

 

Jonah: “Well yes, of course.  Have you met a guy who doesn’t?”

 

Jenny: “Well I suppose not.  How old were you when you started, Jonah?”

 

Jonah: “I suppose like most boys far younger than I should, not that it’s done me any harm.  It’s natural for a boy to explore his body, especially if something’s bigger than average.  Put it this way, I’ve not gone bald, blind or mad.  Well not yet, anyway.  If you want to know I like long, slow, gentle sessions with plenty of edging.  I don’t do quickies.” 

 

Jenny: “When did you have your first sexual encounter?”

 

Jonah: “Well it was after I’d learned to cum but I was far too young at the time and was, in fact, pretty much tricked into it.  The girl was quite a bit older than me and let’s just say it’s not a happy memory.  It was a long time before I had sex again and then I was ready for it and it was on my terms.”

 

Jenny: “Have you had lots of sex over the years?”

 

Jonah: “Yes.  As a young man I slept about a fair bit.  Don’t ask how many partners because I can’t remember.  Things eventually went quiet on that front though and never picked up in a big way.”

 

Jenny: “So you’ve never had any long-term relationships then?”

 

Jonah: “Relationships, yes.  Long ones, no.  I’d say the longest was a year.”

 

Jenny: “All with women – or men as well?” 

 

Jonah: “Well I’ve slept with both, if that’s what you mean.”

 

Jenny: “So you’d describe yourself as bi then?”

 

Jonah: “You could say that.”

 

Jenny: “Do you prefer men or women, then?”

 

Jonah: “Well I once told another interviewer who asked a similar question that one pair of lips was pretty much the same as another, so that’s all I’m going to say about that.”

 

Jenny: “Do you find some people panic when they see the size of it?”

 

Jonah: “Yes, some do.  They’ve nothing to panic about though as I believe in loads of foreplay before the main act and I’m very gentle.  Mostly I only use about half of it because that’s as much as most people can take anyway.  My most extraordinary experience though was of a girl was up for taking my length but incredibly pee phobic.  She wouldn’t do it unless I’d been to the bathroom – or rather pretended to – until I was rumbled.  Odd really because I’d not come across anything like it before.”

 

Jenny: “Ah, it’s fortuitous you should mention that.  Moving on from sex do have any objection to discussing the pee side.”

 

Jonah: “Well I’ve never been asked about that before and maybe ten or fifteen years ago I’d have said let’s not go there, but fire away.”

 

Jenny: “What’s it like to pee with?  I mean you must get lots of attention at urinals and stuff like that.”

 

Jonah: “Well actually, no.  If I really have to use a public bathroom – and it’s rare – I always go in a cubicle and sit down to pee.  It’s much easier and gets the bladder empty far better.”

 

Jenny: “Did you wet the bed when you were younger?”

 

Jonah: “Yes and for far longer than most people would say was normal.  I was never punished or taken to the doctor for it or anything like that though.  I had a rather chaotic upbringing for all sorts of complicated reasons but nobody ever made an issue of that sort of thing.  In fact, I escaped the sort of toilet training many people have to put up with and I was allowed to choose if and when I went to the bathroom.” 

 

Jenny: “Was going to the bathroom ever an issue at school?”

 

Jonah: “When I was younger, yes.  There was a bit of bullying.  When I went up to High School it wasn’t a problem as I never went to the bathroom there.  I just held it in all day.”

 

Jenny:” You held it all day?”

 

Jonah: “Yes, more less.  I’d piss when I got up in the morning and again when I got home mid afternoon or maybe a little after.  Usually I’d piss again an hour – maybe two hours – before bed but never at bedtime.  That was about it.”

 

Jenny: “It sounds as though you had a pretty amazing bladder.” 

 

Jonah: “Yes up to a point.  You could say it was a case of necessity being the mother of invention.  When I left school and went to college, I got into a habit of holding for even longer.  I’d piss first thing in a morning, piss again about 12 hours later and that would be it.  I can’t do it now, but I’m usually still good for seven or eight hours.”

 

Jenny:” Did you ever find holding and needing to pee a sexual turn-on?  It may surprise you but some people do.”

 

Jonah: “I know they do but can’t understand why.  What they call ‘watersports’ has always passed me by.  No, it was never a sexual thing with me.  More a habit that grew out of not wanting to get my cock out of my pants – unless it was in my bedroom.  When I was younger, I was intensely pee shy.  Drama college eventually cured me of that though as I was picked to act in one or two scenes where I had to pee on cue and in a controlled way.”

 

Jenny: “That must have felt awful.”

 

Jonah: “Awful doesn’t even touch it but I managed to perform.”

 

Jenny: “Jonah, have you ever pissed your pants in adult life – I mean accidentally?”

 

Jonah: “Yes it has happened from time to time but not often enough to be what you’d call a problem.  With a bulge like mine people often stare anyway although I have been caught short on the Metro and that wasn’t fun.”

 

Jenny:” Have you ever pissed yourself on stage or whilst being filmed?”

 

Jonah: “Not on stage, no.  I did piss myself a couple of years ago whilst filming for an energy drink advert but it was offstage.  At the time I’d drunk about two litres of the stuff on top of my morning Starbucks and the director kept refusing me bathroom breaks, despite knowing how badly I needed one.  Okay, so I can be really bursting and still hold on longer than most people, but even I have a point where I’ve got to get to a bathroom quick or I’ll piss myself.” 

 

Jenny: “Have you ever needed to piss during an interview or a talk show?”

 

Jonah: “I don’t do interviews on an empty bladder.  I discovered long before your old Prime Minister – Tony Blair I think it was – that it aids concentration and clear thinking.  Also it does mean that I can prove my dick’s a real working penis if proof is absolutely demanded.”

 

Jenny: “So you’ve peed during interviews then?” 

 

Jonah: “Once or twice – strictly on request.  Most times I’ve not even been allowed to get my cock out, never mind anything else.  Usually I’ve just been glad of a bathroom straight afterwards.  In my younger days I would do a transatlantic flight and go straight to some studio for an interview without using the bathroom.  You’ve got to really hate public bathrooms – and plane bathrooms – as I do in order to pull that off.”

 

Jenny: “Well you’re at home but would it be a fair guess you need to pee now?”

 

Jonah: “It would be a pretty fair guess.  Put it this way, I’ve not been since seven this morning and knocked back a fair few coffees since then.”

 

Jenny: “Would you be happy to pee for me?”

 

Jonah: “Yes, but I’m sure you’d like a good look at my cock first.”

 

Jenny: “Yes.  Purely in in the interests of research of course.”

 

Jonah: “Purely.”

 

Jonah stood up, eased down his spandex pants and his enormous cock sprang out.  Jenny recoiled, putting a hand to her mouth.  She’d had one or two boyfriends in her time but she’d never seen anything like it. 

 

Jenny: “Oh my!”      

 

Jonah “That’s pretty much how all the girls react.”

 

Jenny: “I’d love to see you pee.  You must be bursting.”

 

Jonah: “Okay.”

 

Jonah sat on his chair, pants round his ankles, and retrieved from under his desk something which resembled an empty metal waste paper bin. 

 

Jonah: “I keep this handy when I’m working from home, just in case.  Time spent in the bathroom is time out of my life if you know what I mean.”

 

Jenny: “Oh I do.”

 

Sitting upright, Jonah pointed his enormous penis at the metal waste paper bin and began peeing.  At first it was a steady stream, noisily hitting the metal of the bin, but within twenty seconds or so, the torrent of pee pouring out of his enormous cock resembled the output of a fully charged fire extinguisher.  Jenny was transfixed.    This guy really could wee for New York.  As the bin filled with hot, steaming, bubbly pee, Jonah’s pee stream gradually subsided to a trickle before finally stopping.  Jenny looked in the bin and it was almost full.  Another half inch or so it and it would have overflowed. 

 

Jonah: “I’d say there was a good two litres in there.  Much of it began its life as coffee.”

 

Jenny: “I don’t know how you do it.  Most guys would have a bladder sticking out like a football to piss that much.”

 

Jonah: “Ah well, I’m lucky that way.  I can have a really full bladder and it not show that much – unlike some body parts!”

 

With that he gave his cock a good shake, stood up and pulled his pants back up, deftly tucking his cock to the left.  Jenny sensed a wetness between her own legs but it wasn’t pee, just womanly excitement at what she’d seen. 

 

Jenny: “Jonah.  Thanks for that and your time.  I think that concludes the ‘formalities’ if you know what I mean.  However, I did wonder if you’d care to join me for dinner this evening.  I’ll give you the details of my hotel.  It’s near Times Square.”

 

Jonah: “Well I’m flattered and I suppose I’ve nothing else much on.  I’d be delighted.”

 

Jenny: “Excellent.  Bring your toothbrush and razor with you.  My room’s got a king size bed in it and I don’t plan on spending another night on my own in it, not after what I’ve seen.”

 

Jonah: “Do you mean what I think you mean?”

 

Jenny: “Of course.  Purely in the interests of research, of course.  I’m sure Britlad Magazine expects their researchers to be thorough.  My guess is it’s time you had another coffee.  See you later, big boy!”

 

With that she kissed him on the lips and made her way to the door.