Radha’s journey to recovery

[Roleing 38]

Chapter One - AA Meeting

“I am Radha, and I am an alcoholic” introduced a nervous woman, while 15 people seated around her echoed “Hey Radha!” cheerfully. Convincing herself to share at a meeting felt extremely challenging. Plagued by intrusive thoughts - “Maybe the next meeting”, “No one will be interested to hear you”, “what if you stammer, and go blank”, played like a negative campaign in her mind, as she boiled in her own misery. But somehow Radha found that courage, a tiny ray of motivation that stopped the madness in her head, and drove things into action. 

A 35 year old woman, dressed in a beautiful black saree, straight long hair, was Radha. Someone who was about to share for the first time at an Alcohol Anonymous meeting. “Hey everyone, um.. I’ve been away from alcohol for 60 days now… and…” before she could continue further, people began to applaud.
 

Hearing this sudden uproar made Radha anxious. Her gaze that was fixated over the floor, slowly raised to meet the eyes of the other members briefly, who genuinely seemed happy. Her lips broke into a soft smile, acknowledging the men and women seated around her. “Thank you….” She uttered, and took a deep breath before she continued to say “The last few days haven’t been easy. The cravings have been intense. There were nights when I came very close to buying some beer” she said, pausing for a few seconds.
 

“But I don’t know why I didn’t. I really can’t say it was god who stopped me. I just can’t. It’s probably what I have experienced with alcohol, maybe it was the pain of staying drunk that stopped me from buying…” she said, almost like she was talking to herself, and making sense of how things shaped out. Her fingers interlocked each other, as Radha subconsciously calmed herself. 

“Nonetheless, the good thing is that I didn’t drink. It feels nice to be here. Among you all. I’ve never really had relationships with people who seemed genuinely happy for me. To be honest, I find it very strange” she lets out a soft chuckle. “It’s always like people needed something from me… you know… to be around me. So yeah, 60 days!” She said, forcing herself to be motivated,

“Thank you all for listening, you guys are awesome” concluded the nervous woman. The room erupted with applause and assuring nods.

As the cheering continued, Radha smiled, letting a sigh of relief. Feeling a lot lighter, from whatever she managed to share, Radha crossed her legs, muting the desperation to pee.
 

Ever since she’d quit alcohol, her obsessive personality had moved towards food and sex. She had no idea why hunger and lust had taken over at this intensity. Radha had started to order food 3 times a day, loading her cabinet with munchies, biscuits and chocolates. Apart from this, her meals were heavy, from biryani to pork ribs, pizzas to rolls, all she did during the day was scan places on her phone, and order in. 

Radha also touched herself far too many times a day. The sensations were too strong, almost like the time when she had first discovered the self pleasuring during her teens. To add on, her long lost fetish, the joy she’d experience leaking pee into her clothes had returned.
 

During the days of her drinking, not a day went by when Radha kept her panties dry. Either she’d delay her visit to the bathroom and leak, or she would be too drunk, and let nature flow into her clothes. However, the feeling wasn’t the same in sobriety. The decision to leak in her pantie was a conscious one. Which she was planning on experimenting soon.

Radha, cross legged, sat and heard a few more sharing, and just before the closing prayer, she excused herself and walked out of the meeting. Social anxiety got the best of her, “I’ve not only made it to a meeting, but also shared. Why am I running away now?” She thought to herself, and lit a smoke. “Maybe I could do a quick round of hellos, doesn’t seem all that difficult” she contemplated, standing outside the meeting, awaiting the members to step out. 

 

Edited September 8, 2023 by Roleing