Only a select few people know about my fetish. My ex-fiancee has performed for me because I see it as a form of foreplay, but she didn't get anything out of it either. I don't know why people think it's gross. Sure it's odd and not your average fetish, but there are a LOT more fetishes that are 10x grosser. One thing that made me feel comfortable with it is something I hope everyone on the site can feel too and use to describe why you like it, if someone were to find out. "Every guy/girl likes a dirty guy/girl."